AWARD SHOW PROMO IV: DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR


The camera opens up to a hotel room in Chicago, Illinois where EAW Elitist Kelly Hackenschmidt stands by a bed. He wore a black clear t-shirt with his hair tied back and a pair of surprisingly clean jeans.


“You know, I always loved this time of year.”


Said Kelly as he takes a seat and grabs a book on Greek Mythology.


“You see, it's a time of year where everyone travels around and tries to spread optimism despite the frustrations that life gives us and allows us to enjoy the better things. In fact if this were the whole world on any other day; the world would be free from so much trouble. Sure, most of the traditions are copy-pasted from my old Viking ancestors; yet none of that has stopped me from enjoying this frustrating yet anticipating time. Yet in the time there has been here; there are quite a few people who I think need a few words spoken to about the few people here shall we? For instance;
Moongoose.”


Kelly lowered the book down and looked back up at the camera.


“I assure you, I am very much aware of the Hellsing reference. Yet a quick Google search and delving deeper into some Greek Mythology made me realize that if you are truly stating it's allegory towards a monster running out of control. Then you’ll learn pretty quickly from men like Lars Grier why the berserker ideals won’t necessarily work. Especially not in a battle royal setting. But then again, maybe you and Lars might end up starting a two person moshpit over the whole ordeal. A monster has no mind or strategy. Meanwhile Hermes was a God who’s greatest feature was cunning. Therefore rendering the creed an oxymoron. Next time, make sure you actually have bayonets for days before you say you do.”


“Which brings me to, Ahren Fournier. Now Ahren, I must admit; when I was starting my twenties. I used to be a lot like you. I didn't give two schmidts about the world around me and would rather spend my time bragging about who I and my family was all just to get some chick with big tits and a crappy attitude to suck my dick. I probably have a few bastard kids out there because of it; I tried monogamy for a while but then I always ended up on the wrong end of the schtick. So I was up for another grab by the end of the week. You see; that all changed on December the twenty second of two thousand and fourteen. I was on a car ride with some guys all the way to Edmonton. I was hoping to get a good match and maybe a nice good ring rat to take to my hotel room. Instead, I met a woman who got into a fight with me over me hitting on one of the fans. She knew my bad reputation, getting high after matches and stuff like that; yet: the promoter caught onto the heat we had backstage and decided to make a match out of it, and well, she put up a damn good fight. I:d say you look up the video clip online because I think Eh, it was one of my best matches and two, we ended up hitting it off literally at the after party and two goddamn years we are still together to this very day. Now, all I’m saying is trust me bud, eventually that life gets to you. One day some girl who catches you fucking some other will hit you in the head too hard and you’ll end up with more dementia than Solomon Caine.”


“You know it's funny how a guy like Cody Marshall gets offended by the smallest things. It's the one thing I never actually understood about the American ideology. They assume something is evil, just as long as it came from another country. Once again, reminds me of the Europeans. It's actually pretty funny watching the guy, because after I’m done with this battle royal; I want to have a few personal words with his drug dealer. Something tells me the High Rollerz are already on double that amount of drugs though; no doubt the network isn't going to approve that sugar being snorted on television.”


“I find that in this battle royal, I am surrounded by people who make excuses instead of results. It's why people are so lazy nowadays. They always want just to be in the right side of the argument yet not willing to admit when they're wrong. That ladies and gentlemen is how wars are started. People but making mistakes and another taking them too seriously. Then other people not owning up to their own yet pointing out when others do it. It's why Anthony Leonheart will be nowhere near as successful as people say he should be. You say you can't just come in here and proclaim yourself King with an Iron Fist. If anything you're more like the man in the Iron Mask. Or the villain from the Iron Giant. Either way, next time you're in the ring against Mister Pure Wrestling, I’ll imagine the only flag you’ll be wearing is a white flag in order to surrender to the Noose. Louis The Thirteenth may have fallen to the guillotine, yet were it not for this being a battle royal I would have taken you to the gallows pole. Be hasty, the sands of time for you are running low!”


“Now back to you Solomon, you can blabber as much as you like being the Jehovah's witnesses all you want, just as long as you don't get a bunch of men in drag over regular clothes to try and stone me for saying Jehovah. Yet I’m afraid against a man who never followed the Abrahamic following: you're not going to get a man who will listen to a preacher. So no, I don't mind staring Laura in the eyes one more time. But you still wonder why I don't break my own code of honor? It has nothing to do with these people. As much as I love them and appreciate every piece of merchandise they buy from a merch table instead of just from some knockoff schmidt brand out of nowhere: it's more or less indulged within me. Our codes may be similar, yet all in the same. I am still the best damn wrestler in this entire battle royal. No denying that.”


“Mike Showman however, you put up a rather valid point. This is a battle royal, a match of many people where you're tossed over the top rope. And yet, you ask me if I have what it takes to come out of my comfort zone? Am I as much of a big game fighter as I am a big game talker? Well Mike. I am afraid that while you are very much aware that I’m not the only person involved that you have to deal with. Now, that being said: I got allies in this too. And if you're so keen on having some goon or Jon McAdams try and eliminate me or Finnegan; then you're in for quite the treat; because if we’re talking run-ins; I got allies everywhere. So while you strive to have both members of PWC hold singles championships: I’m afraid it's not going to end in success. Sure, you may have screwed over Drastik to have John McAdams become Hardcore Champion. Yet I’m afraid against me; it won't get you even out of the gate. You seem just as confident as I am. Yet while I get called arrogant in the backstage rooms by so many veterans; there seems to be something about guys like You, Moongoose and Ahren who strike me as the larger evils. If you think Class is still alive and well because of you; then you really are lying to yourself. You're not people with class. But rather the opposite. If anything the true gentleman amongst us is either Finnegan or Mortimer Gotch. So while you lie, you prove to the world that you got the nickname Daddy’s Rich Lad from being well, Daddy’s rich little lad. Guess we know who wears the pants in PWC now. Though knocking somebody over the top rope should not be a problem; after all I add as much of my own high-flying ability still left in the old tank.”


“As for Lars Grier. Well, I want to show you something;”


Kelly grabbed out a black suitcase and placed it on top of the bed. Inside it was a bunch of clothing underneath a old photo of a large bodybuilder inside a frame.


“You see this picture?”


Kelly hoisted the photograph up to a visible view.


“This picture is an relic normally placed on the family household after so many years and so many re-prints it stands high up right above the photographs of the rest of my family. This man was my ancestor. The legendary strong man known as The Russian LionGeorge Hackenschmidt. A man who not many people have remembered from time being forgotten; yet he was the very first man to ever call himself a world champion not in the history of EAW, but rather the history of the entire sport of wrestling. While I would say that you remind me very much of my ancestor; you have a certain flaw that I hate from you; you neglect your opponents. You forget that great physical tone also requires great mental strength too. The latter of which you lack. You believe that size is everything and that strength is the only way to win. Yet that's is where you fail to realize that although Strong Style has grown to a following around the world, there is only one way for you to follow up and say that you will win and that much like Cody Marshall is your muscles. Yet at the end of it: your overconfidence is your weakness. I still believe heavily in the strong body, sound mind ideology that Uncle George sent down on the family. Yet you seem to be that much lost in the reality of survival of the fittest meaning survival of the biggest arm. So tonight; in front of so many people. Allow me to end the old Neanderthal mindset and drill in homosapien advancement into this match. It will become your downfall in the end.”


Kelly sets the old picture aside, laying it flat on the bed.


“Now, this is going to be the wildest night of my career; I am very much aware of that. Yet whether or not I need to break the barrier of reaching out to my the Schmidtheads that buy my merch wherever we go; I’m very much aware that the barrier of my skills in mat wrestling will be a weight. Yet no need for sorry; because most people forget that while I’m amazing on the mat, I am just as good in the air! So pay close attention naysayers, preachers and other Schmidt tones of critics. Because on Friday; Schmidt's about to get real!”

EAW Awards show promo #6

Friday, Chicago, Illinois, 7:00 p.m.

(The scene opens in the rafters high above the United Center. It's here we see the crowd for tonight's EAW Awards show filling into the arena and taking their seats.)

???: "How they gather like ants. How even more view from their homes. They may think tonight would be dedicated to some fleeting glory that shall be bestowed upon the idols on whom they have casted their eyes. But how wrong they would be."

(The camera sweeps left to reveal Solomon Caine, looking down over the crowd.)

Caine: "for tonight is not about trinkets and prizes that shine for a moment, before being discarded. No the true purpose of this night, is for my masters to reveal their power to the world, when they vanquish the chosen for slaughter. When they call forth the men who are to be sacrificed, the whole world shall cast its gaze upon them, and one by one as they are brought to ruin, the masses will come to their senses and shake the dust from their eyes, and see the truth of how this world is nothing but a distraction in and of itself. All of its pain and strife and joy. All of the grand towers and great wonders that have been crafted, all of it is merely to keep the eyes of these sheep upon them so that they will stay docile and asleep. That they will be keep deaf and blind to the will of my masters. Tonight, is a night for them to be awoken.

(Caine turns his gaze from the crowd to the camera.)


Caine: "Have any of you heard my words? Do any of you finally understand? Or are you all as blind as Mike Showman. You try to chastise me for repeating the warnings they have given you, do you not see that it is because you have not heeded them is why they are repeated? Why should your fate be changed when you are still the impotent wretch you have always been?! You still turn away from those who have sent me, you dare to speak ill of them, and then you turn to the silver and gold that has been handed to you since the day you escaped your mother's womb for proctection from them? though you may buy those who would whore themselves like Ramsy or McQueen, I ask Will it save you from your ultimate fate? No. Will it comfort you on the day of the glorious reign? No. Will it even be enough to spare you from the horrors you will experience tonight?!?! Again I say to you, no. For money is not real as you claim it is. It is merely a way for one form of heathen to convince himself that he is any better than the one next to him. One way or another, I will shatter that illusion for you Mike Showman, I shall show you just how low and pathetic you truly are. Ask this if yourself Showman, when your money becomes meaningless, than what becomes of you? Tonight I shall show you.


And I shall show you too Ahren, for though I have told you of your faults with clarity, you still cannot understand. I have told you to cast off the praise of filth for this reason, because he who receives gratification from the filth, shall join with them in the flood of fire! That is why my masters test me, for I prove that on the day I am called to, I shall have no mercy upon the scum that plague this earth. That I shall do as their will commands, and in doing so be spared from the the horrors so ghastly I dare not speak of them. I bring their message, I bring their warning, and it does not change simply with the rise or set of the sun. It is a constant, for all the heathens have condemned themselves with their ineptitude and their sickeness, and their vanity. That is the point of my words, but instead of taking the. To heart, you cast them aside as if they were nothing. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT SALVATION LIES WITHIN THEM?! No for you would rather be counted amongst those who must suffer simply for the sake of your ego. How you greatly disgust me Ahren, for you had the opportunity to save yourself, and now all you may do, IS BURN!!!"

(Caine takes several deep breaths.)


McQueen, Hackenschmidt, Gotch. All of you hold dear to a code you have fashioned for yourself. You all use it hide your eyes from your own weakness. But at the end of ages, you shall be exposed for what you truly are. McQueen, you misunderstand me. I fight not to relieve myself of some pain that has stricken me, no I do it because I fear possibility of having to be thrown into the fire that shall fall upon this world. They have shown me what will happen to those who will. How their flesh will be eaten by flames. How their bones will turn to ash. HOW THE SMOLDERING REMAINS OF THEIR BODIES WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BY A GENTLE BREEZE AND THEY WILL BE REMEMBERED NO MORE!!! That is why I do as I am told, for if you had seen what I have seen, and heard with the sweetest whispers all that I have heard, you would fall to your knees at this very moment and beg for leniency. You would beg for mercy from your whoring, And charity. So bring forth the beast which dwells within you, it was an abomination to lock him away in the first place. Bring him, and hear the call of my masters, rid yourself of all that keeps you from serving them, that you may be spared from a faith worst than death.

Which is more than Shall ever offered to hackenschmidt and Gotch. Both of those worthless vials of slime, they are doomed for within them, their hearts and minds have been totally corrupted and twisted by words like kindness and honor. And as such they cling to and spread false ideals that will ensure that the masses will burn on the day of the glorious reign. You heartless bastards, what gives you the right to condemn without so much as a second thought. How I will take delight in the smell of you flesh being roasted off your body. How I rejoice in the sounds of your cries of agony, for you have brought many to ruin, and your punishment Shall be multiplied for each soul you have lead to desolation

The same of you Wakefield and Hoffman, the two of you so meek and afraid, you dare not speak, in the hope you that the coming storm shall pass over you, and leave you unscathed. What would give you that right over any other who is a more than a hundred times more worthy of being spared?! I say woe onto you, for your cowardice is even greater than I had thought. It has festered within you and spread like an infection, till now where it has swallowed you whole. Weaklings such as yourself have no place in either this world, or the one to come, and tonight shall bring about your ultimate demise.

Lars Grier, Cody Marshal, do not be fooled by your size nor your strength, for as mighty as you may seem to the wretched weaklings that fond over you, your Strength is but a fly's compared that that of ones whom have sent me. The power which they wield with such ease, it trumps the strength of any man, it trumps the strength of the nations and their armies joined together. So what chance would either, or both of you stand against them?! On this night after you have been offered as sacrifice you will experience just enough so that may recognize their hand and tell the world of their coming. That is their will for the both of you, and none may defy it.
Ross Vegas, and Jakob DeLion, where is it that you have hidden yourselves? Braggarts like yourselves do not easily show reverence. No your kind is the one that speak all kinds of evils and blasphemies. I have no doubt that in whatever den of wickedness you are laying in, you curse the names of my masters, for your rotten tongues are filled with a venomous poison that you infect all whom you come from into contact with you. I am the cure to your affliction, the ending of the curse that you have brought upon yourselves. The time for purity is at hand.

Leonhart, how is it you have made yourself a king in your own eyes? There is nothing noble of you, not even your bastard bloodline. You have fooled yourself if you believe any of the excrement that has passed thru your lips. Tonight the king of fools is carried to a Guillotine of his own making.

And of Ripely and Davidson, hold dearly to whatever life would grant you in these precious few moments. Find whatever pleasure you may, for soon is the hour of my masters bringing about your reckoning. You two thieves who have shared in each other's glories, you must now share in each other's demise. For there is no place in the world to come, for putrid filth like yourselves. When one man cannot stand on his own, then he shall drag another into the grave with him!

You prepare yourselves, all of you who have been chosen. You all serve a great purpose, one that shall bring fear and honor to those who have sent me. The tears you shall weep, the blood you will spill, the cries for mercy, they have all been foretold to me in the sweetest whispers. All that I have spoken is the will of my masters, and it must be made so!"


(Caine walks out of the shot, the camera sweeps back down to the crowd before the image fades to black.)

The End

Wash, rinse and repeat.

The same tired routine again and again. That is the best way to describe 2016 for me. I can’t complain really, the year 2016 has still been plenty kind to me. There’s no doubt that it has been a complete breakthrough for me after years of being at the bottom, looking to progress, trying to succeed. I had been endlessly searching for the formula to be the top guy I have always aspired to be, and it took damn near a decade of honing my craft and busting my ass, but here I am. I used to walk on the street and look at the names of all of the greats covering the marquee in front of the arena. Now you look at all of the posters and you’ll see me as one of the main focuses. The marquee for the very event I’ll be competing on this week will have my name smack dab on that marquee with my opponent. I have hit my stride here and the best part is, I have yet to see myself reach my peak. It only has gotten better for me after each match. Do not get me wrong, there have admittedly been a few hiccups here and there that people choose to hold against me, but that is only due to having nothing else. They so much wish for that rare event so of course when luck shines down and throws them a bone they’ll grasp at it for as long as they can. No matter though because those few incidents, those small blemishes on my incredible run of Dynasty are all but forgotten. They’ve been overshadowed by the work I have put in, not just as World Champion, but the trail of victims I’ve currently left on my journey of getting back to the throne. You think about the list of people I have beaten this year, in the high pressure situations that they were, not too mention the way that I pulled it off, and you would consider it a career making year, maybe even a year that would be thought of as the turning point for a future EAW Hall of Famer. This year all I have done is run circles around the roster and deliver dominant performance after dominant performance in that ring to the point that it has gotten almost boring. Every time I am challenged or choose to challenge somebody myself it goes the same way. I set sight on them and I broke them down. Piece by piece. Week after week. I got in their heads to nothing until the day of reckoning came. The day they had to face me in the ring for a match and I came in against the clear favorite, defeating them soundly. I know you might be hearing this and getting annoyed, perhaps thinking of this as a stroking of my ego or me bullshitting around, but if you truly want to deny my claims on how I was able to pick apart my opponents, then allow me to prove you wrong. There is no greater example of it than the beating Mr. DEDEDE took at my hands. I will never forget that match. That night I did not just beat Mr. DEDEDE. I humiliated him. I exposed him. I BROKE him. I drove him insane to the point that he had to dig through his mind and find that figment of his imagination, Methuselah, the name set up beside me on the marquee.

While I for one don’t buy into all of this separate persona, stronger, more powerful -- hocus pocus that is meant to come with a simple change of name and some old hag following you around to chant random psychobabble, for some reason the Methuselah concept commands so much respect from the people. Methuselah is meant to be something that only gets brought out during dire straits. When Methuselah arrives, things are about to get real, not only that, things get done. Every enemy who has ever drawn out Methuselah and was forced to cross paths with him had been made to regret it, until me. House of Glass 2016. The Red Wallz Match. Me locked inside a cage with the great and powerful. Mr. DEDEDE at his ultimate level. And it turned out to simply be a glorified redux of our Territorial Invasion encounter. He put up more of a fight sure, but much like the previous bout, did any of that offense even matter? Or was it more the involvement of his Soothsayer which proved to be the bigger difference maker? You, my Awards Show opponent, are looking to make me close this historic year with a loss, but do you really have the ability to pull it off after failing to put me in my place for almost the entire tenth season of EAW so far? You are right in saying that this has been one hell of a feud because it certainly has. I’ve loved it. Our feud has been a fun one; beating you from pillar to post and besting you time and time again. That’s how our exchange has pretty much been as much as you want to ignore that fact. It’s been hilarious watching how futile your efforts against me have been. You wish you can bring this back full circle and turn this into another narrative of the hard headed rookie flying too high and getting struck down by the “Gawd”! But you just don’t get it. want to teach me a lesson so much, but it’s not that I reject it, I simply don’t need it. You can’t teach the man who already knows it all. I know that I’m the strongest competitors on Dynasty. I know that I am one of the best Elitists this year. And most of all Methuselah, I know that I can beat you….again. Mr. DEDEDE, Methuselah, it doesn’t matter. You’re the same car just a different coat of paint, just like I said before. It’s honestly funny. While 2016 is going to be considered my rise up in the ranks…..people will look back at this year for you as the beginning of the end. The year that you fell off and never got back up. Not metaphorically either, I plan on wrapping up this issue between you and I in the most impressive way possible. I’m putting the last couple of slaughters to shame! This will be a massacre, the end of the line for you possibly even, this….THIS…..is going to be the match that defines my year. What a better time too than right before the holidays. EAW faithful, you are welcome for this gift of enlightenment. You’ll finally be able to see the truth and see Methuselah for who is. A person as real as the mascot of this winter celebration. Simply a myth. Nothing more.

(Ahren just at his humble abode, sitting in the chair next to his fire place, jennipurr laying on the floor being a cat)
 

Wow in all my time here in EAW… which I guess isn’t that long, but even still. I don’t think there’s been a more overrated “talent” than Kelly Hackenshmidt. I’m pretty disappointed to be honest, I hear people saying how you’re a future Interwire Champion, a future this a future that, but when I actually talk to you, you’re a complete moron. How can people have so much faith in someone so pathetic? I mean you talked all this shit about me and my life choices, and when I showed you up with my rebuttal you just stop mentioning me. Why is this? Well you knew you got outtalked, and had nothing else against me. You know I’m a superior talent, so when the one thing you had on me failed, you just pretended like it never happened. Classic Canadian, being a little bitch… Eh. You spent most your time talking about your shitty tag team that no one cares about, this shitty tag team that has nothing to do with this match. What a waste of time. Clearly your head isn’t in this match, you’re off thinking about future events that may or may not even happen. You have a golden opportunity here, why don’t you actually pay attention to the here and now, and don’t overlook the things that are placed in front of you. From my experiences these types of opportunities aren’t just handed out, so when you actually get them, you should actually pay attention, because you don’t know when the next one is going to come. But hey, keep wasting your time focusing on people that don’t matter, but when tomorrow comes and your looking up towards me, just know, you should’ve prepared better.

Now on to someone else who’s extremely bad at this thing we call talking, Cody Marshall! The only thing you ever have to say about your opponents is that they’re gay. You sound like a elementary school child, you know how that’s their go to diss to everything. Maybe you should stop creeping on kids, and find some adult things to say. I’m not going to waste my time on a waste of space like Cody Marshall, I’ve wasted enough of my beautiful air on him.

As for Ross Vegas.. I mean, have you ever even won a match? I can’t remember ever hearing the name Ross Vegas and ever thinking of any ounce of respect or success behind that name. I mean I don’t even know what you’re talking about 30 seconds with a girl? Huh? I was taking a shower, and it was definitely not a 30 second shower. Did you even pay attention to what happened? Clearly not. I was about to go into the shower when Flannery just barges into my room. I didn’t want to turn her away because she has a job to do, so instead of just turning her away, I decided to do the nice thing and let her interview me in the shower, and save time. She wasn’t in the shower with me, so it wasn’t weird or anything. So… What the hell are you even talking about? You want to watch me have sex? Buy my porno, not that hard. I don’t know where you got me trying to prove I can get a girl, clearly paying attention isn’t one of your strong suits. Anyway… It would appear that everyone in this match is pretty stupid, and doesn’t pay attention to detail. Before they get facts straight, and actually know what’s really happening they just spout off at the mouth, Ross being one of the worst.

Oh wait maybe not because Lars Grier is also in this match. Like…. What the hell are you talking about. Ruining the earth? Pollution? Trash in the sea? What does any of this have to do with the match? Why did you bring that up for me? For your information, I recycle, I never throw my trash on the ground. You know what else I do? After I’m done with cans, I cut the plastic holder so birds don’t get stuck in them, yeah, I’m that good of a person. You know this virginity thing is really weighing heavy on your conscious. You got real mad when I offered you some girls to ease the tension, but you have to understand I was just trying to help. Clearly you need it being that you’re like a 40 year old virgin, and you’re very very angry whenever someone brings it up. Saying things like you’ll rip my arms off, is kind of an over dramatic statement. But hey, that’s what roid rage does to you I suppose, take little problems and turn them into something gigantic. I just would like you to explain how got from, I don’t want your woman to, you actually care about this world… No… You used to care about this planet once. You cared about this world once when your mom said something about? And apparently I never have? I don’t know you’re very confusing and obviously on drugs, talking about random things that don’t make any sense. Take a nap big guy, clearly you need sleep.

Solomon Caine, we’ve been against each other once before, and you know what? You’re not very interesting. You’re not, you say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…. Yeah, and the weird thing is you really don’t even have a point, or not a very good one anyway, or clear. You just say that I’m living in vain or something because I like people and they like me? Like that doesn’t make any sense. Why the hell wouldn’t you like other people, they’re the same species as you. Who are you going to hang out with? These masters of yours? I don’t know about them, but normally masters and servants don’t really have fun times together, seeing that they’re basically your boss…es? More than 1? I don’t know because you’re not very clear on who they are, what their message is, how to fix it is what I’m doing wrong. But at the end of the day does it really matter? Don’t you lose every match regardless? I feel like, you’re just one of those homeless dudes that walk around New York and talk about the end of the world coming… And then it doesn’t. Just like with your masters, you’re just a really weird guy that hears voices in his head, but instead of going to seek treatment, and get on medication like any normal human you listen to them. How many times do you have to get your ass kicked to find out that they don’t really exist? Where are they? Why aren’t they helping you? Clearly you can’t do this on your own, because you keep getting the shit kicked out of you. Are they testing you? Why would they test the messenger? You are their only hope yes? Also why did they choose you of all people? Why didn’t they choose someone with actual talent? You know what I mean? Someone that could actually convey the message they want, make it so people actually pay attention, and actually listen. You? You’re pretty much just a joke, a laughing stock of EAW. No one’s going to listen to the guy with the hairdo from 1983. Take note Moongoose…. And Ross. Man there’s a lot of freaks in this company. But anyways Solomon, once you actually start winning matches, and actually start imposing your, and your masters will on people, maybe, just maybe I’ll listen to you, and change my ways. But until that day, no, I’m not going to listen to the voices in your head. Thanks for the offer though, I’ll just throw you out of the ring tomorrow.

Last and possibly least… Because all of you are tied for least, Mike Showman. Now you asked me a question. Does it hurt to see Jon McAdams wearing the Hardcore Championship? Well, to answer openly and honestly, no. It really doesn’t, everyone here wants to think about getting shit in the here and now. I too have been guilty of that, but thinking now, do you really remember who won titles quickly? Or do you remember those who have vastly more success than anyone in this company in the long run. Do we remember when Y2Impact got his 1^st world title? Or do we more remember the fact he has #7Reignz? Well I for one remember 7 reigns. The key to a career is longevity, I want a long and healthy career, built on success. Not just that one title reign I had a few months into my career. I'm building something, I'll get there, my time will come Mike, do you not even realize that I have a chance to get a championship opportunity tomorrow? Why would I focus my time on some other title when there’s another one just staring in my face? I just find you so odd Mike, I mean you’re trying to rub this title victory in my face, like you’re the one that did it… When you’re not. You’re not the champion, you’re the champions rich lackey. You know what’s funny? This relationship of yours with Jon, it reminds me a lot of those gold diggers that marry those old men to get their money. THAT’S WHAT JONS DOING!! I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. You’re his sugar daddy! Mike Sugar Daddy Showman, just got you your new nickname. Just think about it, these woman marry these old rich men, and in return they buy them jewelry and cars, and all these expensive shit. Jon sees that you were in need of a partner after i turn you down, knowing that you’ll take anyone’s help, and joins you.  To reward him you give him everything he asks for, Essentially you’re buying his friendship by being his sugar daddy, how does that feel? Even better, you’re the Robin to his Batman… How does that even feel? To know that you’re playing second fiddle to a guy that’s never even beat me, that could never beat me. It’s pathetic that you act like you’re a champion yourself when you really have nothing to do with it. Sure you might’ve helped win him that title, but when people go and look back at the record books, are they going to see your name? No, it’s just Jon McAdams, no mention of Mike Showman. But on to other matters, onto other things that Mike Showman mentioned. Mike you have this misconception or reality. You think that you destroyed me, but I can’t recall a time when that ever happened. We’ve had one match one on one, and you cheated to win, because you didn’t want me to embarrass you a second time in the same week. I had your number, I had you beat, and you had to drop so low as to grab me by the balls. But you’re proud of that, you’re proud of every pathetic thing that you’ve done. Not only has everything you done been pathetic, but in my eyes, you’ve lost every once of respect that you ever could have had. Your man card? Yeah you don’t have that anymore, you’re not a man, you’re just a pussy. Hit someone when they have their back turned, hit a low blow on someone, you never face someone straight up, and then you brag about it afterwards like you actually accomplished something. That’s the problem I have with you, if you actually could beat me straight up, I’d give credit where credit is due, but you haven’t, and can’t. It goes all the way back to when you were a child really, the spoiled brat you are. You’ve always had trouble gaining what you want when your dad couldn’t help you obtain it. So to rectify that, you cheat to get what you want. You would’ve thought at your age you would’ve grown out of this little attitude that you have, but some people never grow up. So yes Mike, I do have a score to settle with you, and in the battle royal you won’t have your little “friend” Jon McAdams watching your back, and you won’t have any place to run. So tell me how you plan to cheat your way out of this? You know I’m better than you, you know I’m going to beat the shit out of you, what are you going to do to get out of this? Who are you going to pay off to fight your battles this week? Or are you actually going to be a man this time, and fight your own battles, straight up? Another point you have against me is that I have no friends… But you also say that I’m more popular than you, and everyone coddles me. So which is it? Why wouldn’t I be friends with the people that think I’m better than you? You see how you have no logic, and how you calling me a retard is an oxymoron? You contradict yourself, maybe you should try to take an English class and keep your thoughts bottled up. That way you won’t make yourself look like a complete and utter fool. So yes I am more popular than you, yes I have friends,. As a matter of fact speaking of how I turned you down for the partnership of Ahren Fournier and Mike Showman, I essentially turned down your friendship. Isn’t that pathetic? You came to me wanting to be my friend, and I said naw fam I’m good. I pick my friends a lot better than just whoever comes knocking on my door. Though I’m not really sure what my friendship with people has to do with this match, I’m not like you, I don’t need someone constantly in my corner backing me up. Believe it or not people can actually win matches by themselves, I just so happen to be one of those people. I know you don’t think that it would make you look weak to have these people help you out, but to the people that matter, and judge talent? You look weak. You always have, you always will. You can call me retarded all you want, you can make believe that you're the hardcore champion too, but the fact of the matter is, I’m not the one that was outsmarted by Jon McAdams… That was you.. Sugar Daddy.

Welp I guess that’s all I’ve got to say for now, it’s time for action. No Trill activities tonight, got to keep my mind right. Rest up, and throw these fools out the ring one by one. Should be TRIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL time.
(Jennipurr pounces on Ahrens head as the camera fades to black)

I think it’s about time I clear some things up, because out of the 14 men, there are 2 in particular who don’t seem to know when to shut up and know their place.
Solomon Caine, for the last time, I’m not a prostitute, I am a mercenary. A gun for hires. A man that can get things done, but make no mistakes, I don’t accept jobs based on the amount of money they have, but rather what stakes are on the line. Because you see, I am a man with his own personal code. The things I do basically is almost borderline charity. I protect, retrieve, or put an end to things, and all because I have the will, the determination, and the skills to do so. It’s all me. Yet you feel so compelled to do everything the voices tell you. Here I am capable of making my own choices yet you bend to the will of something that doesn’t truly exists, and you are calling me a fool. You are not a man or a monster, you are a machine. A Machine that takes directives from a code that has you hurt others to make the so call “pain” go away. But along the way, you have forgotten how to become a human. You lack the ability to break free from what you are assigned to do. All you can do is run straight when told to and if you run into a wall, you wouldn’t even find a way around it. Just running into the wall until you either break down or give up. It’s all the same end results anyway. You come across like you can call yourself a monster, yet the only thing you seem capable of understanding is suffering. But the real monsters isn’t defined by how much he has suffered. Monsters are not the by products of suffering eithers. Monsters are created from humans that are sick and tired of the suffering and will do just about anything to protect what is properly theirs. In this battle, you are essentially staking my pride vs your sanity and purpose. Now the problem is, who is going to win? I suppose to break it down, its going to come down to, who wants it more. And believe me, there is a beast in me just waiting to bare it’s fangs against anyone brave enough to go against everything I stand for. Go ahead, break those chains, and I’ll make it so your voices tell you crave vengeance, yet your body won’t be able to do a damn thing, and believe me, Caine, nothing is worse than the feeling of wanting to do something and being helpless to do anything about it. You may want to see the world burn, you ravish in it. But I’m going to put out that fire, and take that water, drown you, and force you to suffocate until you and the voices beg for my mercy.
 
And finally, Mike Showman. Clearly going through the first of 5 stages, which is denial. Unfortunately, I may not have the time until or match to walk you down the rest of the stages, but 1 is a good start. Mike, in case you didn’t notice, I don’t give a damn about what you said about me or who you are. Yet your own mind has twisted it as if you think you are the center of my attention. Like my world revolves around you or something. But you know what it is? I’ve gone through my entire career facing guys like you, thinking they are on the rise, like they are the next big thing. But each time, I’ve personally see to it that they get shot down and go down in flames. That’s really all you are, super star. A big ball of gas burning out his fuels until you dim  and fade away, and next thing you know…. Poof…. Nothing. You are forgotten. Why don’t you do yourself a favor and conserve that hot air of yours and try to not embarrass yourself further. You might last longer and maybe you’d luck out and someone will give a damn about you. And believe me, I am not as greedy as people make me out of be. Because with all the money you have, you will not be able to buy anything from me. You won’t have no pity from me. You won’t have my respect, and you damn well believe you won’t have that title as well. Shame, because maybe you’d get your dad’s attention if you won this, but looks like this Christmas, Mr. Showman is going to have something to be disappointed in going forward to 2017.
 

And with that, I will see you 14 of you in the ring. Please note that in this business, there are two roles. I will be the winner, and you will play the parts of the losers. Just do your part and let nature takes it course. The strongest will win while the weak watch. It’s really THAT simple. It’s the basis of life. It’s natural adaption. It’s evolution. I mean, it’s almost guaranteed I will win because science. This is Moongoose McQueen wishing you all good luck, because you will all need it.

I remember that few days ago, I recorded some of my frustrations while I was out on a really cold night in Indianapolis and I also remember that among all the things that I said, I said that I will not spend a word on the individual participants of the battle royal because after all, they are not worthy of my time. They are the same old people who will say the same generic words over and over again and in the process becoming repetitive and of course, boring. Now ever since that day, I have been keeping a close watch on the participants and just as I predicted, I found nothing unique. Their words bored me so much that I was forced to hire an innocent man and had to dress him up as the participants just because I wanted to escape from the boring war of words and have a good time. But with just one day to go for the Battle Royal, this is not the time for such nonsense, this is the time to think serious and think straight. Because with this battle royal is involved the pride and progression of the People with Class movement. The other people who have spoken up about winning this event and subsequently challenging the New Breed Champion, cite things like insuring new life to technical wrestling, showing that America is the best country and whatever the fuck Ahren Fournier wants etc. Now, I can’t help but notice that these are all selfish needs of a man but my objective is the elevation of an entire group. If I win this match, not only I will benefit but also Jon McAdams because we are one. The scenario is same as that of the Hardcore Championship victory, Jon might have won it but we both enjoy the benefits. It is like we are on the same elevator and when someone lifts the elevator, we both go up together and you know why? Because apart from being intelligent and classy men, we are very good friends. This is something that I do not expect the other tiny minded guys to understand and so, when they say idiotic things about my partnership with Jon, does it affect us? Absolutely not. When they try to create a wall between us by mentioning the fact that Jon used my money to win the Hardcore Championship, does it truly create a rift between us? Of course not. I admire their attempts to do that but unfortunately, they are not successful. 

So when Ahren Fournier says that Jon McAdams has fooled me, does it really make me angry? Of course not. More so because after all, it comes from the mouth of the famous retard Ahren Fournier. Ahren, let me ask you something, does it hurt when you see Jon McAdams walking around with that title belt? Does it hurt when you see the People with Class, the ‘unpopular’ People with Class moving way ahead of the ‘popular’ Ahren Fournier? This is what happens when you live in a fantasy world Ahren, the people in the real world step on you and move ahead. You have always talked about settling scores with me and I also recall you saying that we are in a war but the thing is, this is one big misconception you have. Because our war, if we were even been in one, is over a long time ago and you have been destroyed not only by me but also by my partner and also, that is from where I can derive the fact that you can never ever settle your score with me. If you indeed had the strength or the will to do so, you could have done it a long time ago and so, I suggest you drop all your thirst for score settling. You know, each and every time we have a match, you are the one who loses horribly and also it might just so happen that this time I, out of my anger, do something that causes permanent damage to your health and prohibits you from ever returning to the wrestling ring. Now don’t get me wrong, I would like to wipe off that smirk from your face and see you all covered in blood and bandages but here is the thing, you make everyone around you look good. If I am gold, you make me look like fucking diamond because of your foolish and brainless activities. In front of you, even the simplest minded people think that they can be world beaters and it is amusing to watch them try to beat the ‘world’ and then watch them fail miserably. So, I would not end your career unless I have to and so please don’t make me do this. Also, like I said before, you have no idea what friendship means and I strongly believe that the reason for that is, you yourself never had any friends. Ever since the way you went to school right up to this day, the count of your friends is zero because after all, who would like to be friends with a certified retard? Who would want to invite you to their party and end up getting humiliated in front of a crowd because of your retarded activities? Because let’s face it, that’s what you do to the ones around you, humiliate them. I am sure the very day you were born, you humiliated your parents and that is why, you now live alone with a cat for company. But you know what, I am sure that if that cat could have talked like us, she would have also said the same things I was just talking about. Now, as far as this match is concerned, it may happen that Jon would come to my aid in the end or it may also happen that I bribe the remaining competitors but would it make me look weak? Certainly not because after all, I will be the one who will be winning on both these situations and I don’t think there is any place or competition in this world where winning makes you look weak. These are just feeble opinions of your retarded mind and after you once again fail to make any sort of impact in that match, those will be changed to excuses. Excuses that you will use to make your fans believe once again, make them dream once again that Ahren Fournier can be the hero, he can be a champ…only to have their dreams shattered once again. 

Moving along the lines of fake and made up, we come to the man who has made the most effective use of special effects in EAW, Solomon Caine. Caine, I have just one thing to say to you, give up. You might be ‘oh so impressive’ to the guys who are going up against you the first time but I have decoded you long ago and now, whatever you do seems like a veil to hide who you truly are, a no talented coward. Your degree of faking things have reached such a point that even some of your words have become repetitive. Like you say that very soon I will realize that there is no illusion in what you do or say but the thing is, I already went up against you on the Top Prospect Scramble match, remember? There, I was hitting you with my bare fists and for every hit I gave, your body felt the pain just like a normal man. Where was your master then? Why wasn’t he protecting you from my fists? Or when you fell through the table, where was your master with that bed made of feather to cushion you? Was he out fucking girls and drinking? Like I said before, this master business is all fake and made up but you know one thing that is real? Money. The dollars that I have can get me anything in this world and with that fact in mind, I can immediately disprove the thing you said about money not getting me anything by reminding you of a certain title win that came just because of my money. Remember? The Hardcore title win? Remember how I paid Carson Ramsay to beat up Drastik and as a result, my partner pinned him successfully for the title? Maybe instead of pretending that you have a higher power you should come and bow down to me and accept me as the true master because if you do that, I might include you in our group and thus give you access to my wealth. That way, you will live the life of a winner and that too for the rest of your life because money, gold and silver will never be worthless in this world. It will always be the ultimate ticket to happiness and success, something which you will never have as long as you keep relying on fake and cheap tricks to scare your opponents. Come and bow to me Caine. 

Talking about bowing, we have a king among us, King Anthony Leonhart. All Hail the King, all hail the paper crown on your head, all hail the cheap and rented kingly robes and of course, all hail your plastic weapons. Wait, you think I am mocking you? This is not an insult Your Grace, this is the truth. You see Your Grace, merely calling yourself a King matters nothing in this world. Hell I can go around and call myself the President of America wearing expensive suits and travelling in expensive cars but that does not matter unless I earn that right for myself. Where have you earned the right to be called a king? What extraordinary battles have you won or what kingdoms have you conquered that I must call you a King? You might have numerous valets, you might have a girlfriend but the truth is, any man with some coins at his purse can hire a valet for himself. Look at me, I can buy double the number of valets you have and each of them will have more class than you. Also, I am pretty sure that once your girl knows about me ‘properly’, she will find excuses to break this relationship with you and be with a ‘real’ man, like, for example, me. Trust me, I can keep your girl happier than you ever could and also, her social status would improve massively when her friends know that she is dating the rich and handsome Mike Showman. Anyways, that is a side business which I will take care of very soon but the real business here is the Battle Royal. About that, I am very sorry because you won’t be winning that. Now you will ask why and I could repeat what I have been saying to others but let me give you the major points so that I am not branded as repetitive. Reason 1, more charismatic than you. Reason 2, more intelligent than you. Reason 3, more talented than you. Why more charismatic? Because unlike you, I don’t need to hide behind a paper crown or a cheap robe and go around calling myself the ‘king’. I come down here as me, win matches as me and will be successful as me. Why more intelligent? Because no one in their right mind puts me and Ahren Fournier in the same category. I mean, were you fucking high when you said this? Either way, more intelligent than you. Why more talented? Look at my record ever since I have arrived here. My engine started on that one episode of Voltage by beating Carson Ramsay and ever since that day, I have not stopped and I won’t be stopping anytime soon. So, there we have it, three main reasons why I am winning and so it would be better if you don’t come to the event at all and spare yourself some embarrassment. 

And speaking of embarrassment, hi Mongoose Queen. Sorry, did I offend you? Are you going to cry or throw a fit like a little baby because I mispronounced your name? From what I see, you clearly are a whiner so I won’t be surprised if you do that. Why do I call you a whiner? Because ever since the day you opened you mouth to talk about this match, you have done nothing but just whine about things. First off, you have whined about being in this match and said that you should have been just handed the number one contender’s spot because you beat one Hades the Hellraiser. Second, you whine that unlike me, you grew poor, made your own money and success and that is the reason why you are better than most people. You know what, let me complete that sentence for you. You might be better than most people but not better than rich and talented men like me. The thing is, you might have a been a big shot once, winning titles and beating famous men but now, the new breed has taken over and as a result, people like you are facing existential crisis. As a result, to survive, you have resorted to gripping the glory days of your past as a means of generating some hype around you and in the process, stay relevant. This is a smart move I admit but the one tiny mistake you have made and that is you have failed to realize the fact that EAW is changing. Extreme Answers Wrestling has evolved into Elite Answers Wrestling and the world ‘Elite’ suits people like me or to speak in a broad sense, people of the new breed. Moongoose, you should have taken the path of some of the old timers and should have hanged your boots a long time ago. If you would have done that then now, you could have enjoyed the wonderful holiday season in front of the fire with your wife or girlfriend or maybe both instead of getting mauled in a battle royal by fourteen other people. Your insistence to carry on reminds me of another guy, Drastik. Just like you, he wanted to come back and prove to everyone that age is just a number and gloriously won the Hardcore Championship….only to have his career cast down and shattered by none other than us, the leaders of the new breed, People with Class. This week, I would be more than happy to give it to you. So when the inevitable happens and you are getting eliminated by me or by any other, think of it at mercy and do not try to fight back because if you do, I will ensure that in the end, you will beg money from me to pay your hospital bill.

Speaking of sending men to the hospital, we have the meat factory, Lars Grier. Now, there are two things you need to know about him, first, he is big and second, that is all, thank you for coming. There was once a notion in this business that to be successful, you have to be a big man and strong man. However, as I was saying to Moongoose, that thing has changed and people now like investing in the more athletic and intelligent people. But still I admire the courage of meaty Lars because even after not wrestling against me or knowing me properly, he still says so many assumptions about me. But that is where my admiration ends because whatever he has said about me is completely outdated. Like he calls me ‘daddy’s little rich kid’ but the thing is, I am no more that man. I admit, I used to be called by that ‘nickname’ and I was proud of it but now, things have changed and I prefer not to be called by that. I now have a much more classy ‘nickname’ that suits me so next time why don’t you do your homework before calling me out? But wait, that is not the end of your erroneous information because according to you, earlier in my life, I tried to be kind, helped the poor, the beggars and also helped the old ladies to cross the streets? Yeah, go fuck yourselves. The people who beg or are poor are in this situation solely because of their own fault. Maybe they used to be lazy or believe that they live in a fantasy world where everything has a happy ending regardless of how bad you fuck up. Maybe they even thought that they are meant for bigger or better things and so they ignored the smaller things which ended with them getting fucked. In any case, they are begging or poor because of their own fault and so I would never stoop so low as to help a bunch of lazy people. As for helping old ladies cross streets…ugh. The thing is meaty, you don’t have a clue as to who I am. You think I am the generic good guy turns bad but the thing is, I am a practical man. I always think logically and of course about profits and losses before jumping into any venture and the reason why it irks the people because I usually end up on the winning side while these ordinary people end up losing badly. If you think that you are the man who will send me back down the totem pole, you are sadly mistaken. You think all those sacks of meat gives you an advantage? Well of course it does, in a body building competition but an event such as a battle royal cannot be won solely depending on that. It requires a tactics and planning but for that, you require a brain and now the question is, do you have one? I mean, of course you have one but judging by the words that you said, I don’t really think you know how to use it. 

Talking about thinking, we come to the ‘pure wrestling guy’ Kelly Hackenshit…wait that’s not his name? Kelly Hack and Shit? No? Kelly Hackenbitch? Not even that? God dammit, why do people have such complicated names? You know what, fuck you, I will call him Kelly Hackenidonotgiveashit. So yes, he is a fairly confident rookie who can be found in random locations doing random things and of course talking boldly because of course he would. Oh and yes, he has a girlfriend known as Laura Laine and she is pretty…pretty fucking ugly I mean. But enough about his bitch because after all, she is not in the battle royal, he is and he seems pretty confident about his chances…which is recurring theme that can be found in each and every one of the participants in this tournament. Seriously, I think each and every one of the guys, except me of course, has called out Ryan Marx as if they have already won the damn match. So Kelly Hackenidonotgiveashit, you are very confident eh? You think your technical skills have what it takes to pay the bills? Good for you but not good enough for the battle royal because you see, this is not a one on one match but an over the top rope battle royal. Here, pin falls do not matter and neither does submission and so my dear friend, it seems you are in a bit of a ‘technical’ problem. You know what, I want you hear this with your full attention. Even though I know that your confident self will fully reject whatever I say and counter it with ridiculous over the top statements, let me say this, having knowledge about your opponents does not make you all powerful. Now, the stupid people always reveal everything about themselves and I am sure there are many stupid people in this match but the clever ones always keep you in doubt. For example, what do you know about me? Yes, I am rich, classy and maybe even coward and arrogant if some of these foolish people are to be believed but do you have any idea what tricks I have to ensure victory in this battle royal? Will I pull the same trick I played on Drastik and win the entire thing? Or maybe I will bring out some ‘friends’ and tell them to eliminate only you? Or finally is Friday the day I play the game fair and square? What will it be Kelly? The possibilities are endless here owing to the fact that I can do anything in order to win the battle royal and become the number one contender. Can you do the same Kelly? Can you break out of your comfort zone of ‘technical’ wrestling and do the unthinkable? Can you bend the rules when needed and not care about the people? If you can indeed do that, you might just have a chance of winning this thing but then again, that chance would be snatched away from you by me and so please, don’t even bother answering those questions and waste your time. 

As for the others whom I have not addressed I would say not to worry. Because, what I have lacked in words, I will make it up in my actions and so I will try my best to make sure that those names I haven’t mentioned, their eliminations come by my hand. That way, you can at least brag about the fact that you have been eliminated by the classy, handsome, talented and also, the new number one contender for the EAW New Breed Championship, Mike Showman.

How repetition from the deluder's mouth tends to fall to the depths of obscurity, and Jacob Senn's tirade, serves no different purpose. But Lannister knows why you have resorted to the yearning to punish Lannister, as the seething has sensed itself deep within. Inhaling the demand, for this feeble mind shivers at the very shame in which recollects. For these narrow horizons enslave the total obedience required to keep your intentions in check. Possessed in the sense, you have become, Jacob, oblivious to the excess in which you crave. But let Lannister warn, even in ironic connotations, that while power may corrupt - absolute power corrupts absolutely. A man who makes himself a sheep to the desires in which he cannot keep, is often guided with a whip to the ruling and possessive. And once more, Jacob Senn is no different shade of man. Why else would The Fabled Foe resort to unwarranted bases of attack, and seek ally in which the myth in which he speaks. You seek to paint Lannister in his royal status as a weakness, but how the wonder shall never cease. It is the very ideology that makes men bend at Lannister's will, and this social surpass in which Lannister feeds. How this supposed weakness deceives, twisting its way back, creating nothing but a moronic belief.

But while you are busy manufacturing a false sense of security for yourself, Jacob - Lannister constructs. Lannister constructs a pillage to once again serve as his new tribal, reckoning ground. And let it be known, it will symbol and mimic architecture of a new destruction on your blistered hopes. Heavyweight (Champion) Senn dare not even speak of the torment and rage, the punishing flow, as it will serve a corrosion to yet another life, corrosion to yet yet another self-coined claim. For there is zero ground in which Jacob Senn can proclaim, that he, in fact, is the bringer of pain, let alone, the reaper of debt. For there is already one in the Angel of Debt, so once more Jacob Senn is on his plagiarizing course. But yet again, Jacob Senn hasn't made a mountain out of bodies like Lannister has. So if anything, perhaps it is Lannister that is in for the conquest again. Perhaps Lannister was looking not at the undertones in which he can take for his own. Because just like at King of Elite, Lannister not only took the crown, but the conquest and ability to proclaim himself a conqueror, he can do the same here. For Lannister can not only proclaim himself the Champion of Champions in this marquee clash, but as well The Punishing Foe, for it is his will, and debt, that comes to call. Because Jacob Senn is a known victor, yes, he simply does not exemplify that of punishing pain. It will take more than false idols and broken promises to be, and a trend of simply pinning your opponent for the 1-2-3, to convince Lannister you are capable and able to illustrate that of brute, etching force. Lannister is just simply of the mind that none of these claims are earned, but rather given, by your own design. It shows you are creative, but not much else. Lannister was never given the Angel of Debt, nor the Crown of Elite. One he had taken by force, the other, through a trail of bodies that dare not tell the tale. So it says it all, Lannister determines, that he is once again, more qualified for the titles in which you bestow. Except you know, Lannister is not quite as bland. He likes to toy with his opponents, display an array that incites an element of thought. But continue with your cliches, Fabled Conch, it is simply to amuse.

Because while you may believe the words in which you spiel, it comes off as nothing but a mindless rant. "Burn House Lannister down", "bringing the gift of punishment", "Bring forth the punishment that is justified" are just all hilarious, simple claims. Ones that would serve as much anxiety and despair, if it was Lannister's own Athena displaying them. But fortunately, Mrs. Lannister to be is simply out of your league, up and including to, the way in which you execute your view. But that is why you are so fun, Jacob, that is why Lannister is so eager to counter your every word. You have become so blind to aversion in which you bear, or care to admit - but how it is made you sound ever so foolish, in this encounter with The Machine and The Lion. Perhaps this is a shtick that can maintain when battling for the scraps in flea bottom, but on Lannister's domain, against the caliber of your now here foes, the only joke that remains played, is the one in which you stick to the status quo. For your manipulated disputes and claims only come across as a mystic haze. You are surrounded by the vortex in which Lannister procreates, the consuming maze. And while it would be so easy to cause a tremble, and cry out a design that would force Jacob Senn to a cold, deadly torment - Lannister will not stoop to your mild and transparent numbed view. Because simply put, it is only the art of supremacy in which Lannister desires. Not even the sense of fear does Lannister crave, as Lannister has already proven himself the echoing decay in the argument of Jacob Senn's walk of fame. But perhaps you should be thanking Lannister, because after all, it's a stumble that prevents the fall. Lannister, if anything, has created the man in which you are so proud of today. He showcased a figure, a force, in which The Fabled Conch shall never allow to emulate. A darkening delight, set upon to expose the feeble pride. Yet, the chase must still commence. You talk about punishment being your shadow, and in this carving of yourself, Lannister for once deems this true. But not in the perspective in which you tell it. For it is the punishment you yourself endured, the trip on the flailing fabric, the failing sequence - that Lannister shadows upon you. Through all your conquests, through all your accolades - all deem Lannister's, in this luxurious chase. You are haunted by the pigment in which Lannister casts above your head, the unrelenting standard Lannister himself walks. So yes, Heavyweight (Champion) Senn, Lannister knows quite well the man that harshly judge the lion, but as the man who would so quickly jump in his shoes.

But the essence of Lannister's burden need not weigh on you, anymore. For there is no debt to pay on Lannister's behalf. Just the means in Lannister's price to pay. There is a precedent to be set, one that entails the righteous dislocation from the pecking order. For Jacob, you must come to learn - some mistakes... you never stop paying for.

And it's Lannister's price... that pays the best.

...Power be dare.

EAW Awards show promo #5

Thursday, Chicago, Illinois, 9:44 p.m.

(The scene opens with a wide shot inside the Lincoln park zoo. It's here amongst the bright and colorful lights that shine out from every tree, we find several small clusters of people gazing upon the holiday sights, most of whom carry with them bags filled the gifts and small items that they will be handing out during the holidays. But within the crowd a lone figure walks with his head down, paying no attention to the festive decor, no, instead of waking along with the traffic, he walks against it as the people in the crowd subconsciously part to allow him passage. The camera zooms in on the figure, he raises his head slightly, his bloodshot eyes pierce thru the camera, he is the man the world knows as Solomon Caine.)

Caine: " How perverse this world is. To corrupted and twist the winter solecist, with deception Of the cross, and to replace celebration of gathering what was needed to survive, with rewarding those who poison their fellow man with kindness. From a day of rest for the strong, to a time of letting the weakest of the heathens leach off your lifeblood. How the deceivers have turned the world upside down and made their lies, the foundation upon which the masses build their lives, that is why this earth must be leveled and rebuilt in my masters' image. For the lie has wrapped itself around hearts and minds of these ignorant fools, as a weed takes root and wraps itself with the vine. This is the task they have laid before me, and I shall see it to its completion for I wish not to taste their wrath like so many others will this Friday.

Men who think that they have been called for glory, and gold. Men who realize not that their wills have been manipulated by my masters so they may be brought to the place where they shall meet their destiny. For when they have comes to their chosen place upon the altar of my masters, at the appointed hour they shall all be sacrificed for the honor of the ones who have sent me.

Their honor, not yours Kelly Hackenschmidt. Once again you miss the message they have given you. Your ears made deaf by your own Hubris. You fail again to realize that it is not me whom you have to heal glory or fear upon. It is not my own glory which I seek, oh no, it is only my salvation, for their fire is coming sooner than you realize, and I am the one they have chosen to herald their coming. For when they do you won't have even a moment to look your woman in the eye and say goodbye before both of you are turned to ash. In that moment your code, your honor, your ethics, you will gladly offer them all in exchange for an ending to your suffering. Tread lightly with your words Hackenschmidt, for they may not be so quick to grant you that ending which you will desire, and instead they will take pleasure in the screams of agony that will pour from your mouth without ceasing. Compare me to the liars of the cloth, it will not matter at the end of ages.

Moongoose McQueen, you Believe my words to lunacy? That they are just the ramblings of an addled mind? Or do you only speak these thing to try and convince yourself that all that I have said is merely a falsehood that cannot harm you? Listen well, the words I speak, the words my masters have given to me, they are the purest form of truth. When I spoke of you prostituting yourself, it cannot be denied. When I said that you have taken The gifts they have given onto you, and squandered them by making yourself a puppet who dances upon the strings, the whole world has stood as witness to this. You say this is how you make your living, I say that this is how you have dug your own grave, for you have condemned yourself with your foolishness, and foolishness shall have no place in the glorious reign.


A glorious reign which you had the chance to take part in Lars Grier, but your vanity has gripped you completely, and you have spoken blasphemy by denying them. Your speech is like the dropping of a dog, he stench of which is foul. You shall be made to swallow your word when the appointed hour has come. When your blood has been poured out upon my masters' altar, perhaps then you will see that they are not just phantom specters, but the wielders of power greater than any can comprehend. When they have unleashed it upon you, and their wrath overcomes you, you shall know that there is nothing imaginary about the ones who have sent me.

Davidson, Ripely, how it sickens me that you two are joined together at the hip. How where one goes the other follows. The only thing worst than a heathen weakling, is two heathen weaklings. How you quest for gold and glory, how you both feel as though you've actually earned all that you have received. How you flaunt and boast without a care in the world. Rest assured, when flood of fire sweeps over all that rest upon this earth, both of you shall feel the flames crawling up and eating you alive. Both of you shall hear the cries of terror from the other and weep a pool of bitter tears. For instead each you of preparing themselves for what is to come, you have called upon the other to be the yolk to which your load is bared. But on that great and horrible day, whom shall you turn to when the smoke is so blinding you cannot see what stands just inches from your face? You were each born into this world alone, and so again shall you be at the end of ages.


Cody Marshal, your patriotism has fooled you into thinking that you are the white knight whom will save the kingdom from all of its ills. How would you hoe to save others when you could not even hope to save yourself. You whose mind has been stirred up and twisted by snakes who seek praise and power from you. Snakes who will say anything to massage your ego to gain your trust, so that they may discard you until the time they are in need of you again. They have indoctrinated you, and you in turn have indoctrinated you children. For this reason you must be made example of. For allowing yourself to be swayed and manipulated by the scum who hold office is an egregious enough to bring about your damnation, but spreading your disease to your children, to those who may be called upon in the future, for doing such your downfall shall be made know to the whole world, and when you are remembered, it shall be for demonstrating the works of those who have sent me.

Anthony Leonhart, you think yourself as a king, worthy to be honored and served upon. You are but a peasant in a tin crown, knowing not that he is the subject of ridicule and humiliation. What has earned you any kind of crown? You are not a great leader, you have not proven yourself to be gifted in battle, you could not even be counted amongst the strong who will survive. No the only kind of king you are, is the king of fools. And at the time of their chosen hour t
You will realize that as you are consumed, and made nothing more than cinders and smoke.

Ahren, do you or any of the other scum whom I must eradicate, do you think that you may simply over look their message? If my words were my own, you may as well have, but my masters will no longer stand for being ignored, they shall be heard by all, from the greatest to the least, not one single soul upon the earth shall be allowed ignorance. For in the time to come, those who are too mindless to listen, who are to vain to care, who are too weak to serve, you aaaaalllllllllllll shall be scrubbed away, and this earth shall be made pure. So bask in the glow of the lights while you may, for the disease that festers and breeds on this earth shall be cured. The positions of power, and the empires of the earth, shall crumble away to nothing. The true nature and order of this life shall be restored. So while you may, eat your fill, drink all that you may hold, lay with whomever would have you. Because all of you have been marked for your flaws, all of you mmmmmuuuusssttt be made an example of. And when the world see your destruction, they will know that no one may stand against my masters, and their day furious anger shall fall all of the wicked heathens who would doubt them. Grasp at the straws of your lives, for the time is soon, for with the sweetest whispers they have told me these things, and the must be so."


(Caine continues walking and steps out of frame. The camera pulls back out to where it started before blacking out.)

The end.

Just to prolong the ongoing trend, it appears that Lannister once more has struck a nerve. For Lannister is not a man who is too caught in his own glamor to see the reality in which pertains. Lannister's confidence is not that of blinded heroism, but rather the land of the law, the one that gives not way to propaganda. For Lannister has never fabricated his own means. There in lies our differences, Jacob Senn. You have set up this life for you to rest in - where Lannister is bound to his by blood and conquest. So while you're busy painting Lannister as anything but the reputation in which he has earned, it just goes to show that you are the one making the joke in the expense of Jacob Senn, than the one who shows as yours truly. But feel free, continue to slander Lannister on the perils that belittle. Perhaps in the betterment of your own cliches, Lannister would fit these molds, but you cannot possibly decree that from in which you stand. Who are you, Heavyweight (Champion) Senn to judge the lion? You've continuously been a man who burns through the weights of courage. To put your virtues to the torch, deadened to the core. But perhaps to a man of your stature, you are sworn to delete the filmed memories and create a new perspective. Lannister sees the logic, after all, perspective is all a matter of subjectivity, but you Jacob Senn? You grasped for the embers of Lannister's torch, and judged him all the same. Lannister drowned in his own crown, while you never made it to the coronation. Lannister knows your means, as you'll attempt to strike back with a feeble claim that change can occur, and how Jacob does not stand in the same representation as once before. Perhaps you can say that, but it goes back to what Lannister said long before, about defying one's true nature. The world knows the identity of Lannister, and even though the man may change, his stature with it, the nature of the beast never does. And when it comes down to it, Jacob, you and Lannister are on the opposite side of the spectrum. History is an unforgiving source to those that don't abide by the fortune of it, and this is a case that follows your harlem dearly. Lannister does believe in the evolution of life, but you Jacob, you are destined to be the blueprint of Lannister's decree. If Lannister were to take all your jests at face value, even then Lannister would cease reason to take a fall. For even a shell of Lannister's former self is more than what the weight of your shoulders could ever handle. Your echoes that dwell have become the true illusion of it all. You actually find Lannister to be on the same feeding ground. An amusing jest no less, but one that you are surely going to regret. But maybe Lannister shouldn't find it amusing - and should actually be apprehensive on the slight, that you actually have come to believe the words that you have tried to enlighten with. Nobody listens when you speak, Senn, have you not caught onto that yet? You will forever be plagued by the words of broken promises you could never keep. You might have changed, Fabled Conqueror, who is Lannister to know. But you'll never be able to change the history that has etched in stone, and the ripple effect that has since caused. Lannister has since grown from the weight of the world that the Kingdom of Elite bestowed upon him. But when Lannister looks across the aisle, he sees a man who is filled with self-doubt, trying to echo the beat of his own drum to sound out the flaws. 

There is a strong sense of vulnerability to be had here, and Lannister can definitely smell blood in the water from here on out. Especially with the repetition in which Jacob Senn speaks. It is the trickle down mechanic effect, for a talented man in a bad circumstance is simply a wasted asset. The peasant mentality to represent a hollow symbol for the sake of puny ambitions can only make the skin crawl. Like a baby caught in the midst of a dreaming slumber, eventually the hazard of the world will have its way. Perhaps at the end of the day, it is the ideological concept that misery sure loves its company. Desperation has corroded the mind, and for it you shall have this serve as a time capsule to the scene you linked. Your blood will serve as ink, dawning a caption in a page of Lannister's history books, written in your own contempt. A participant to the history, a soldier who figuratively died for the wrong cause. You see this through the echoes of time, men driven by their faith, only to be the mascot of their poor decision making. And this just so happens to be the fate of those that have imposed themselves under the umbrella of House Senn and House Pact... Man?

They say it fades if you let it, and it appears the killer instinct in Y2Impact is just the echoing sentiment needed to double down on this fact. But then again, all it would require is just listening to the clouded judgment in which Y2Impact speaks, to see this churn in complete degree. One small step, one chink in the armor of Lannister's legacy dares not compare to the mountain of inadequacy for you, Pact Man. And it shall be Lannister that furthers the distress in Pact Man's conquering path. Lannister has actually come to think, instead of dwell, you've come to appreciate the challenge set forth. Because after all, one would only need to see the quality in which Voltage represents to showcase how a man of Y2Impact's dimming stature still reigns. Don't fret, for Lannister doesn't believe in the absolution of these claims, but Lannister does know how easy it is of a recipe to get underneath the skin. On the contrary, Y2Impact's claims on Lannister's EAW Championship prove not even an array of piercing Lannister's skin. Lannister's means of winning the Answers World Championship deem no match for your avalanche of excuses that have since been expressed from the why and how of this Clash, and the match isn't even remotely started yet. The ever growing shame, submitting yourself to the sentiment from within, but denying its shade, is an inconceivable contradiction. But that's okay, Lannister dare not judge you too harshly. For he knows that the insecurities are meant to bliss. Lannister is just surprised at the matter of convenience, that troubles your means.

But while it is convenient that Voltage is the home in which you harbor, just remember, that this "invasion" in which you seek - comes unto the doors of the land of supreme. And not that Lannister is the entity of Hades, but he sees it true all the same: You keep knocking on the devil's door, eventually somebody's going to answer you.

So consider this debt, consider it true. Lannister adhere no further warning now, as all regards have been expended. There is no greater price than that in which Lannister coined.

But rest assured, Lannister's price is well worth the wait - but it surely will come at a cost. The crossroad, awaits. And ready or not - Lannister shall come.

For once, there were heralds and parades to dawn in the tolling of the tide. But Lannister is not deemed impressed, for the pandering is once again falling to that of deaf ears. The Imp would like to caress the careless whisper, bask in all of its glory and idol. But how this psychological habit has its limitations, for the subject that habits beyond is proven to be immune to the immaculate machine. Lannister dare not exploit the riches in which you prosper, but perhaps the dependence in which you crave, shall make way for the power in which Lannister renders powerless. For the stagnant dimension in which you march serves as not the primal instinct of a machine, but the aggression that codes you as the model prisoner. How self conditioned you are indeed, like a machine, caught in a loop of your controlled fear. Oh yes, Pact Man, how even Lannister can see the cause to sympathize with your display. You seek to amass endorsement from peers and foes alike, but how Lannister is not the ovation type. This curtain call is not yours to grasp, as Lannister is not bound to your conquest of succession. It is the laurels in which you are worthy, but you dare not drench the fortitude that Lannister dare grow envy of. The emaciated tone in which you speak, serving up Lannister's congressional decree, all because you happened to partake in a chamber from the source of inception. But how the stain of your hypocritical mold has served, and doomed to repeat. The progress has obviously gone unrecorded, for this delusion on the machine is kept lying awake. Within this synthetic cognition in which offsets by Lannister's magnetic force, there serves a revelation that maintains the unyielding course. For machines were never meant to be conscious, rather, enslaved from a higher domain. Reality has you in check, by the nature of your effective ways.

And while you are cognizant of your abilities, how deceptive you are from the truth. You can continue to downplay the meaning of this collision course, and the power that resides in the boastful roar of the lion, but how this is just his mechanic once more betraying the reality in which resides. The Imp appears to be focused on recollecting an EAW Championship reign of Lannister's, and serve it as evidence as to the proportion in which Lannister has succumb to. But oh, how this fallacious creed continues to undersell the demise of the daring Hexa-None, and their failed power to be dare. These gunshots are not aligning with the cross hairs, Lannister is afraid, when context is brought to the forefront. And how this alone, showcases the hypocrisy in the words The Imp Man spiels, and the desperation in the half measures. After all, here you are slurring your words together about concepts you know nothing about. Your ignorance displayed like a trophy you're proud of. Perhaps you've fooled yourself, succumbed to the idea that you are the voice of reason. Or maybe there is no ulterior motive and just simply wish to spin a web of lies. Deception has always been the finest art, after all, but how it backfires when you've even fooled your own intent. You don't have what it takes to manipulate the masses, as you stumble upon your own words time and time again. You've been mislead into thinking that you are in control, when in reality your mind is just trying to justify for that you cannot compensate. But Lannister is not moved by your display of arrogance, as your confidence is that of a false sense of security. But oh righteous one, by all means, do enlighten Lannister after all. Tell him what you exactly thought would happen when time for war came to par? Did you expect it to bypass, or once more, did you allow yourself to consider the reward and came to the conclusion that it was worth the price of admission? Your motive is a puzzling one, and very shortsighted at a glance. Lannister knows you are isolated and desperate, and what a worse place to be those things than in the center of the war. Just remember, that some mistakes - you never stop paying for. And it is the price to Lannister's admission, that you'll come to pay the most.

But how debts are indeed in order to be paid, which allows Heavyweight (Champion) Senn to charge straight out of the gate, heeding Lannister's own claims. Oh, Jacob Senn, how you have spooked Lannister in his boots. "A debt of pain! A debt of death! A debt of punishment!" How Lannister's absolute manner unravels in the context of your decree! The energy in which this frequency lies, embarks on bringing Lannister to his peasant feet! Or so, the fable in which Jacob Senn exquisites to deem true. Just listen to yourself Jacob, and try to hinge on the idea of taking yourself seriously. Because Lannister has surely given up on such a failed aspiration. For Jacob Senn is a liar to the greatest degree, one that thinks himself cute when he portrays a play on words. But all it has done is left him in corny expression, acting like Lannister dare tremble at the mere thought of "death" in a wrestling ring. But that just goes to show how far Lannister has psychologically damaged Jacob Senn, in his state of war. But do be told here, and not forsake a single word. For Lannister has no ill will, only the passion and desire to have you marvel at his feet. You sit there on your cloud nine, implying yourself just and of high regard all because you are not influenced by the winds of perception. How devious you are, how much you spin.

Y2Impact likes to live within his own fallacies, but it seems Jacob Senn is the master at them. Once an icon among the shadows, this man now resonates within them. Jacob Senn thinks himself as the alpha, when he's already a step behind in the flow of momentum. Jacob, Lannister must admit that he has waited the day for you to become his foe once again, as there isn't an echo of confidence that needs to abstain from the sounds of the world more. But see to it, Senn, that you continue to breathe in your own disgust. You are used to it by now, after all. You put up another weak attempt like that again, and Lannister will be sure to break your core down to the very atom. You can cherish what you've built, but for no matter as all empires were meant to fall once Lannister grazes upon them. That way, when you try to tell that tale that you are the one who knocks, it will be a story without frames. This pitiful desperation must come to an end. For it has become abundantly apparent that this these two fabled champions are in unison, after all. But you, Senn, seem to have an appetite towards the flow of emotion. How that emotion is to lead you astray, as you encompass on a path of shock and awe. You and Lannister, again, come to meet. But let this serve as Lannister's decree, that you will never forget the moment in time where Lannister became your chronicle. This chapter will deafen in time, and considering where the battle lines tend to lie, you are not going to like the shade that you see. Seek if you may, but consider the attempt you are making. Dare not make the mistake of having an apprehensive tone when you set foot in the ring with Lannister. Because if you do, by the brute nature of the man, the industry will have a new owner to that championship you hold so dear.

This hope and confidence of yours is sure to bleed out in due time. This is by no means personal, but you are all teetering on foreign territory and the lion does not like that you are attempting to cut down his jungle. Do not tread the lion, Lannister not know how many times he has had to make this clear. You will no doubt be fractured from these words, but let the sound resonate. And let it resonate true.

ALLES FUR LANNISTER... LANNISTER... LANNISTER!!!

And let this absolution reign.

LiveWire
This is the Moongoose McQueen blog in which I will talk about the competitors for my upcoming match at the EAW 2016 award show. Because while I’ve clearly stated my goals and intentions going into this match, my so called “competition” still can’t seem to let their balls drop and really let loose on what many have called the biggest threat going into this match. And I don’t blame them, being around greatness is intimidating. I wouldn’t know, I’ve always been great and haven’t really met a match. And while the sad truth is, in this bunches of misfits New Breed, I don’t see anything yet. But I suppose it’s about time someone atleast tried to educate these morons because they are about to make the biggest mistake of their lives in underestimating Moongoose McQueen. Learn from this mistake, guys.
 
Anthony Leonhart
Now this asshole, he’s apparently French, alright, coming in here with a stupid French accent, saying “I am going to rule ze place with an Iron Fist.” And all I can think about is, where in our history books has the French ever had a great ruler like that? Most of them were lazy, arrogant pigs that drove their country into the ground. They were so bad, their own people despised them, because let’s face it, everybody hates the French. Love the food and the art, but my god, the people are absolutely unbearable. And you know what that bitch said about me? That I should go work the women instead because of my name. I mean, this is 2016, and here is Frenchy tossing “women” around like an insult, but you know what?  I’ve met more women with bigger balls than him, because you want to know something? Women are moving up the position in this world, but the French is always going to suck and be forgettable. This isn’t the first time, I’ve insulted the French, but can you really blame me? They make it so easy. I mean, who has every muttered “I’m scared of the French.” …Um… Like…. NO ONE EVER!!
 
Solomon Caine
Speaking of Scary, there is this other guy, name Caine or something. Apparently, EAW loves their nut cases, because let’s face it, every company should give those with special needs a real opportunity. I’m all for that! This is America! But you know what sucks? This guy is here talking about murder, death, and being like that emo kid at a party that is on his cellphone all night, but if I beat the living shit out of him, suddenly, I’M THE BAD GUY because I’m paid to beat up a guy with special needs. Now you see, I’m a mercenary. But you see, I don’t do every job that comes at me, I select them based on my interest, because it’s a way to make a living. And no, it’s not about the money. The key word is “living” because Moongoose McQueen lives by his own rules and his own terms, and I don’t believe someone about as dead inside like Caine will ever understand. Now, I don’t have friends because I’m an asshole. I’ll admit that. But Caine’s only friends are the voices in his head, and I gotta say, I’m not going to apologize when I kick him so hard in his head that he loses all of them.
 
Jakob DeLion
Speaking of no friends…. Jakob DeLion…………..
 
Kelly Hackensmidht
Moving on. Kelly Hackensmidht. Man, everything about that name screams the The Great Depression. And while I get this this guy is basically has a mindset of a fossil and thinks he is so smart, but the guy is a fuckin idiot, because I said something a few days ago, and he was like, “OH geez whiz, he must had quoted something Greek and make it about the Bible.” Ah, no, bitch, get educated, because it’s from “Hellsing” circa 1997-2008. Why do white guys from last century gotta make everything about religion? If you don’t understand something, then shut your god damn mouth and say nothing at all, you nerd. God, kids these day. Don’t know a good anime if it came up and bit them right in the ass? Get it? Because Hellsing is about vampires and monsters. Which by the way, “Bird of Hermes,” if you read between the lines, is about a monster no longer being restrained and allowed to go all out without holding back. But if you still don’t get that, you’ll see it December 23, 2016.
 
David Davidson
And can I just say, David Davidson, I’m sorry that the night you were born, your dad had a stutter problem and named you David Davidson. I’m sorry you think life is like a bad 90’s sitcom, and that you are still trying to work your way up through 90’s culture like so many people in today’s modern society. That’s sarcasm, by the way. You don’t need a laugh track to know that you are a fuckin joke. Look, everything you said bored me, and talking about you is boring me too, so let me just make sure I got this clear. Moongoose McQueen is the top competitor in the match. Moongoose McQueen was right about the New Breed title. Blah Blah Blah. Tag Team titles. Good, I don’t care about the tag team titles. It would be most wise to not cross paths with me, because believe it or not, I’m happy to be on Dynasty so I don’t have to deal with assclowns like the High Rollerz. Wait? It’s interbrand?!! Eh, still nothing, because they probably won’t win the titles.  
 
Jack Ripley
I don’t know who you pissed off in your previous life to get stuck with David Davidson, but I pity you the most. I can already tell you are the smarter and better of the two, but shit plus shit is just more shit. Believe me, kid, I’ve been in a tag team before, and it just holds me back. Guys like David are delusional and you’d do yourself a huge favor losing that liability. Not going to tell you to leave him now before or during the Battle Royal, but in the future, because looking at you two, the High Rollerz, it’s hard to watch. It’s hard to see the abuse you are taking from your partner, but you gotta fight back. You can walk away and get real help and real support. YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! CALL THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE! Report that man, because his jokes and threats are so bad, it hurts. HE’S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE! Don’t put yourself through this. You are better than this. You’re welcome!
Ross Vegas
And Ross, I beat your ass. You don’t deserve the right to speak to me on equal terms, let alone tell me to wear pants. If I wanted to go out there without pants, you damn well believe I’m going to go out there, let everything hang out. I ain’t ashame of my body. I’m not bound by the casual norms that I have to wear pants in society. If the children and women aren’t ready to see what a real man looks like, then don’t watch the show. Frickin Brody Spark came out with a dildo a weapon, and Moongoose McQueen might just be bring a weapon of his own. Did I just call my penis a weapon? You’re damn right I just did.  It’s a weapon of mass seduction, but sorry ladies, I’m taken. …… what the hell was I initially talking about?
 
Ahren Fournier
First off, get your facts checked, son. I DID NOT team up with Kevin Devastation! I would never drop my standards that low. Second, am I really going to believe a guy like you is going to last long in the battle royal when you didn’t even last 30 seconds with a girl in the showers? All the blood clearly isn’t going to your head and here you are spouting non-sense talking about how I need to demand respect and here you are putting a camera in the shower room to prove you can “get a girl.” But thank you, you gave me another good reason to win this battle royal, because I wouldn’t want Ahren Fournier to be the new definition for that. Personally, if I could, I’d rather the words “Ahren Fournier” and “breed” not go into a sentence together, and the thoughts of knowing it only takes less than 30 seconds to make more of you is terrifying. Wear a condom, in fact, I’ll send you a life times supply of them. Just please, keep your DNA to yourself, for the sake of this country and everyone else.
 
Mike Showman
I turned him off after “Queen of Mongoose.” I don’t care for stupid jokes and rich spoiled kids that never made much of anything on their own. I grew up poor, made my own money, made my own success, and for that reason, I can say I’m better than most people. I am living the American Dream, and Showman is nothing more than a byproduct of that being born into it. And the sad truth is, he might be the saddest competitor in this match of all. I’m not just talking about because he won’t win the match. I’m talking about how he’s probably going to go on his private island to celebrate Christmas on his own with a few girls, when deep down, he’s probably crying about how “Daddy doesn’t want to spend time with me on Christmas. Daddy wasn’t there, Daddy doesn’t care. Whose going to help me change my underwear?!” It’s really sad how rich people just self destruct to try to get attention, and here he is pretending to be me. I don’t blame him. People would love to be me. I am a self-made man with the most potential. Mike’s dad, I’m sure you aren’t reading this, but go spend some time with your kid. Teach him to grow up to be a fine young man before I have to do that for you. And don’t worry, the only fee you’d have to pay is the hospital bill when I’m done with him.