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Carlos Rosso

Grand Rampage Message

“I have no chance. Really, just ask the competition.”

The wrestling world was treated to a bizarre press conference earlier today as Carlos Rosso, one of the members of the Elite Answers Wrestling promotion, took to the podium in Los Angeles for a press conference promoting the Grand Rampage event in Pasadena this weekend and a dojo that he was planning to oversee personally on a part time basis for aspiring wrestlers. When asked about his chances of winning the show’s namesake event, Carlos went on a bizarre rant complete with crying, awkward pauses and confusing jokes.

“I haven’t the slightest chance of winning the Grand Rampage. Just ask the competition involved. I mean, everyone has such valid points when they talk about my career. Think about it. My time in EAW has been, to wit, a flop. Theron knows it, Amari knows it, Jamie knows it, Dedede knows it, everyone involved knows that I have underachieved to the expectations that I gave myself and that many in the wrestling world have. I mean, everyone will be trying so hard to be victorious! Arselex or whatever his name is one of the biggest men ever to compete in the match. There are so many young, hungry, talented men involved that an old, broken down obsolete mule like myself should just drift away and let someone else take the glory, I shouldn’t even try.”

The press conference took an even more bizarre turn when asked about whom he feared the most going into the match. The answer wasn’t the usual Carlos Rosso bold proclamations or a thoughtful calculated analysis of someone like Jamie O’Hara or Mstislav, two of his long-time nemesis. The answer given left a few reporters baffled.

The Woogieman. He has brought tremendous credibility to the Big Bhris Bhrampionship. He’s an amazing competitor and I look forward to meeting him face to face finally. Seriously, that kid has a hell of a future in this sport…. DONT YOU PEOPLE IN THE BACK-ROW LAUGH AT ME!

At this point an irritated Rosso, either in fits of insanity or an incredible display of performance art, pounded the podium with his fist as he continued with his tirade.

The Woogieman is one of the greatest young athletes in our great sport today! You look me in the eyes and tell me he doesn’t belong in the same vein as Dedede or Jamie O’Hara! The Woogieman Is one of my picks to win this whole thing, he’s that talented!

Reporters on hand insisted on him answering comments of his opposition but Carlos continued to opine on his own career and on some of his shortcomings in the EAW main event scene. Until someone brought up his time in Japan.

…. No. (When asked about if he and GI Styles had a sexual relationship.) Hell no. (Is asked further about comments made by Dedede). THIS IS WHY I WON’T WIN THE GRAND RAMPAGE! I GET INFURIATED BY STUPID CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS AND LOSE FOCUS ON MY TRAINING! I went to a very honorable, very prestigious Dojo, and if Dedede got fucked by the trainer, that’s more sexual activity than what I saw there. I was dedicated to my craft, not some old perverts. He lives in the past, MY past as it were. He can make a mockery of my career, hell everyone does. That’s fine. But the final straw is that he keeps insisting that I am gay or that “gay life” or whatever he is trying to promote will get me to the top! I am a proud heterosexual man, I like VAGINA! DOES DDD HAVE A VAGINA!? HE DOES NOT! So, no…he can continue this weird trip he’s on, but my focus is on preparing for the Grand Rampage. It may be my last one at my old age and my best to win a title that will validate my career. I’m trying my hardest to focus on it, but he keeps bringing up my sexuality and his. It doesn’t matter in the end.

The outbursts continued when asked about his relationship with Keelan and if the dynamics of their battle plan had changed since the match had been announced for the Answers World Heavyweight Championship.

No! The plans that we have are still the same as before. I trust Keelan and he trusts me. Everything is fine…. I SAID EVERYTHING IS FINE! We are best friends now. You want to know how I know? I made him chicken for lunch. YES, CHICKEN. I went to the market…. I BOUGHT IT! ME! I BOUGHT THE CHICKEN, I PREPARED IT…. I FRIED IT! And then I realized that he preferred baked chicken and I felt bad, BUT I MADE HIM CHICKEN! DO YOU KNOW HOW SIGNIFICANT THAT IS FOR A BLACK PERSON TO MAKE CHICKEN FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN’T BLACK AND THEY DON’T WORK IN FAST FOOD! REAL HOMEMADE CHICKEN IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL! I trust him all the way, no doubt about it. He may be quiet, but I have the utmost confidence that in the ring his actions will speak for themselves. I may not leave World Champion, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he does. Because that’s what friends do. We look out for one another. And make chicken.

The press conference seemed to go on as normal for a little while, the person directing it allowing a few more questions that didn’t seem to inspire anything more than a few generic responses form the former Interwire and Tag Team Champion. Then…. Ryan Wilson was mentioned.

Fuck him. Fuck the Revenant too. All those people are trying to make life for the Zaibatsu hard on Voltage. Nathan Fiora too. You can cast them all into that lot. There are so many people now trying to mock us, put us down. That’s fine, because at the Grand Rampage, I’ll show what I can still do. I may not be good enough to win the Rampage anymore, I mean, just ask the locker room, I have no chance of winning whatsoever. I’m a non-issue. But one thing that is going to happen, I’m going to get my hands-on Ryan Wilson. I hate that Young Boy so much. I’m going to make it a mission of my day to make sure he is eliminated and then injured. He cost me a title, you know? I was going to have an EAW record. I was going to be the Dollar General version of #7Reignz! I was going to be a three-time Interwire Champion, a feat unprecedented in the annals of Elite Answers Wrestling. But that little loser took it from me. So, since I’ve already taken his blood, I’m going to take his mask, his integrity, his manhood and whatever’s left! Because in the end…Carlos Rosso ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN…. wait…. that sounds kind of gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, I have gay friends and a gay chairman that I respect when he’s not accusing me of getting fucked or fucking old Japanese dudes to advance my career. Anyway, I’ll just say I have more than enough in my skillset to destroy him and any of his allies.

The press conference ended with an almost wistful bit of rambling from the former CWF Chairman and World champion as he contemplated his chances.

Well, they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, repeating it, and expecting different results. This will be my sixth time in the Rampage, and yet somehow…. I’m hoping for a different result. Is it insanity? Is it me just being silly? I don’t know. I do know that I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to have a chance. There are so many good, good wrestlers in this match. Man…. I really don’t have a chance, do I? Do you think that I have a good chance? (The reporter responds with a “Yes”) You do? Then you’re crazier than I am. I mean, look at all these people saying it can’t be done! All these guys who have been World Champion, King of Elite…hell one guy who hasn’t done shit is saying that I can’t do it! But…. I’m going to try anyway, I guess. What do I have to lose? Honestly. What do I have to lose at this point? People already think I’m not threatening. People already say my career is overrated. People already think I’m a joke. What is it going to hurt to give it one more try to prove them wrong, huh?

I know I can win this match. I know that honestly, I really need to. If I don’t, I’m going to be stuck in another one of those ridiculous mutliman matches that the General Manager of Voltage apparently jacks off to because he is a lazy booker who doesn’t want to set up a clear, concise path to challenging for a World Title. I don’t dare want to try to compete at the Cash in the Vault match again. And the 24/7 Battle Royal with 50 people in them with random bitches coming out and cutting promos mid-match is out of the question.

Nah, I’m going to put my full effort into this match. I know that there are a lot of my peers who think that the task is impossible, but if I told you a year ago that Moongoose McQueen would be a champion, Chris Elite would be a WORLD Champion and that Heart Break Gal would hold a belt originally designated for men, you would have laughed me out of the room, right? Strange shit happens. This is EAW. I’m well aware of the task at hand, but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for it.

II.

“Consuela, just tap out.”

Isn’t that April Song in a nutshell this week? It’s not like what comes out of her mouth requires any effort to respond to. I’ve basically proven what I needed to prove against her with what I said the last time because there’s nothing knew that she will bring to the table besides her 7,000 submission moves that she likes to brag about more than Impact and his #7reignz and Sheridan Muller with her “German Efficiency”. Like gee, should I be concerned one bit about which submission move April will use on me? She brags about 7,000 submission moves, but she will most likely use only three of them the entire match. Even then, I will either reverse or get to the bottom rope after a struggle or two. That will basically be what impact those submission moves will have on me. I’m not saying this as discouragement, but I am saying this because I’m a realist and I am here to prove that April Song’s submission arsenal is nothing more than tactics of intimidation. April should know all about tactics coming from a military-esque background. She is a woman who should be good with switching from the mentality and preparation of facing one opponent in Aria Jaxon and to an entirely different one in Consuela Rose Ava. I mean, did she really expect to face me out of all females on Empire? April thought that she can sigh and relax when she thought she along with The ~~Coven~~ Crowe’s Nest thought that they had gotten rid of the Women’s World Champion from Empire! The look of the adults' faces of shock and horror. The tears of the small little girls decked in merch just with tears around their eyes! Nicole Fyre and Andrea Valentine trying to come to the aid of their friend and have it not be enough! Just a riveting thing to watch unfold as I recovered in the trainer’s room. What a bunch of fucking cowards you and your Hot Topic stable are. You can call me a “fucking idiot”, but you’re fucking basura.

Like, what happened to the “fighting” April Song? Did she die the moment you gave your balls to Chelsea Crowe? Is she going to treat you any more than what she treats that lost puppy dog that followers her around now? I mean, that’s all the Crowe’s Nest is perceived by EAW. I mean, that’s what perceived The Sanatorium as and we all know what happened to them in the end. Go ahead and call yourselves above The Coven, but everyone knows that statement is laughable! I mean, I was laughing about the entire thing! The Board of Directors are laughing about the statement in their cushy couches at the moment. I am sorry that my sarcasm gets under your skin, but that is how I handle myself going against a joke of an opponent like yourself. Like, I am still baffled at what made you so worthy of having a title match in the very first place? What did YOU out EVERYONE do to deserve it? What defense did you go to Flannery McCoy about getting a shot at the Women’s World Championship?

(Consuela puts on a long black hair wig like April’s.)

“Excuse me, Flannery. I know, I haven’t done jack shit in 2018 to deserve a shot at Aria Jaxon, but my trash of a stable leader got tapped the fuck out in a match that she should have won it, but look at me! I am a former Specialists Champion with one of the least memorable title runs in EAW History, but I am WAY more than deserving of a shot at Aria! I believe I have improved and gotten better! Just give me a chance to prove it!”

(Consuela takes the wig off and places a blonde wig like Flannery’s hair, touching the side of her head like she doesn’t want to talk to April at the moment.)

“Alright, April. Just stop fucking talking and as long as Aria says yes, the match is on.”

(Consuela switches the blonde wig to the black wig again as a wave of happiness rushes through her.)

“THANK YOU, FLANNERY! I COULD CRY, BUT IT WILL MAKE MY SMALL EYES LOOK PUFFY AS HELL.”

(Consuela takes off the black wig and goes back to normal.)

Yeah, that’s how I envision that conversation going. You weren’t given that title shot like you were any fucking good. Everyone knows how trash you are. Not only as a wrestling, but you’re a trash of a human being as well. I mean, it must have answered your prayers to have it be announced me as Aria’s replacement against you. Sure, it would have been the sweet satisfaction to dethrone the Face of Empire, but now, you get an opportunity to take this championship away from me once again. How great will that do for your giant ass ego again? I mean, this whole situation started with your giant ego. It didn’t have too, but Jobber Song was feeling a little too fucking comfortable a week after getting that Specialists Championship and had to rub it in my face. I mean, forget Consuela being a fantastic sport. It was about you being on a high and proving EVERYONE who ever called you a glorified enhancement talent wrong! Normally, I never had an issue with you. Your attitude made me have an issue with you. Basically, people had an issue with you like they had an issue with Sheridan Muller. It’s all about your attitudes. However, I see hope for you to get that stick out of your ass and humble yourself. I do believe April Song has redeeming qualities even though, she’s a cocky, arrogant puppet. Perhaps, you will see the light eventually. Perhaps, you taking this loss to me again will be the wake-up call you need in order to change yourself for the better. The stakes are pretty high for you at the moment, April. I mean, did Chelsea tell you to step it up after the Iconic Cup? Can you imagine how pissed she will be if you lost AGAIN? I wouldn’t be shocked if Chelsea tosses you to the side like yesterday’s garbage. Honestly, it would teach her not to take charity cases into her stable and try to mold them into something, not shit. At the end of the day, it’s still shit. That’s all you will be after Grand Rampage.

Submission match or not, it doesn’t matter to me at this point. I’ve tapped out women before in the past. People in your loser stable have been tapped out before. It’s not like this match is going to make you immune from losing. Losing is something that you should be quite used too. It should almost be second nature to you. Winning and rising to the occasions? That is something I have always been breaded for. It is bleeding through my veins and I’ve been waiting to get my first shot at the Women’s World Championship for a long time now. Did I manage to become Specialists Champion in my first shot at the title? Yes. Will it be the same thing at Grand Rampage? By the looks of things, it will be. I wasn’t supposed to be in this position. I was supposed to be delivering this message to Megan Raine, Chelsea Crowe or any other unfortunate soul that gets to cross my path.I was supposed to be a workhorse in the Specialists Rampage match. This Women’s Championship match is a fucking blessing to me. You could have placed a Daisy, Andrea, Azumi or any other girl in my position, but would they have been able to get the job done? Would they have come so close, but yet, so far from winning the gold? I mean, the chances of The Crowe’s Nest walking out with the title have increased with Aria Jaxon out of the way. I am Empire’s only hope for that title to stay from your clutches. There’s a lot of pressure on me not to have this title slip from my grasps. There is a lot of people who are behind me not to let the power of the Women’s Championship shift on Empire. The pressure has not been any more on than it is right now and I have been ready for this shot for a long time now. I am preparing for the pain and torture you’re going to deliver to me. I have been aware that what happened to Aria can happen to me. That’s always going to be the thought going into the match. There is no way I am going to let it change my game plan approaching the match. I am going to match up to your level of pain and torture. Hell, I might exceed it because I have always been about exceeding expectations. You’re not my queen, April. You’re nothing more than the royal fool to me. At Grand Rampage, I think it’s time for this Maiden to take her rightful place on the throne as Women’s World Champion.

I.

I don’t like bring up comments from the past, but there was somethings Azumi Goto had said last week which irked and made my stomach churn. Not in a good way. Almost like if I were to eaten day old sushi which had been left out to rot in the kitchen. Azumi likes to pretend that she’s God’s gift to wrestling. I find it quite hysterical that she wants to call me…trash in the ring? Excuse me? Has she not looked at herself wrestling? Has she not paid attention to the negativity people have been saying behind her back? Or does Haruna do a good job of shielding the ugly comments so you don’t get your feelings hurt? You’ve been here for about a year now and you FAIL to understand who you’re talking too. You’re talking to one of the pioneers of the Womens Division. You are talking to the woman who build the bridge between Womens and Mens Wrestling. This is no Amy-Jayne you are talking too. You’re talking to the Best Womens Wrestler in the planet. I get it. You have a hard time getting past my beautiful face and my Regina George complex. You have a hard time getting past the fact that I’m an OG and I actually mean something to Empire. Without me, where would your motivation to be as good as me go? Where would everyone’s fantasizes of getting that one giant victory over me run off too? Every purpose to be the best would disappear? Who would you want to be better than? Haruna? It would be inspirational if Haruna has actually done shit to consider herself in the league of The OGs, but she hasn’t even drawn the spark to ignite her pathetic career. You see, Azumi. I place you in the league of the Amy-Jayne and April Song—oh wait, you got defeated by APRIL out of all people. You let some stupid Asian get in your way. The woman who defeated the woman who was once of the Greatest Womens Wrestlers of All Time got her ass handed to her by a rookie who won’t even be here any longer. Speaking of Cleopatra, you like to say that it took you once defeat her? News flash, you didn’t defeat Cleopatra in her prime. You didn’t defeat the Cleopatra who once ruled the Womens Division with every ounce of her body. You didn’t defeat the Cleopatra who was worthy of being a Hall of Famer. Nah, you defeated the Cleopatra who shouldn’t consider herself worthy of showing her face on Empire every week. That Cleopatra is a joke. That Cleopatra is not the Cleopatra I once knew. But, whatever raises your poor ego, Azumi. It’s not like you’re going to pay attention to anything I say. You’ll have the message come through one ear and come out the other. You won’t take my words with a grain of salt. You should take my words like gospel. Everything I say has truth and meaning no matter how much you try to deny it. “I’M JUST THAT DAMN GOOD” you boasted last week; however, you get your ass beat ninety-eight percent of the time on Empire. Hell, you couldn’t even defeat your old tag team partner, Erica Ford. She kicked your ass in a steel cage match. ERICA FORD DEFEATED YOU. Erica Ford exposed you. Erica Ford exposed you like idubbz exposed Tana Mongeau! Before you ask what you got exposed on, let me explain to you. Erica exposed you to being a self-conceited asshole with has no purpose in a wrestling ring. “I’M JUST THAT DAMN GOOD”—you’re good at getting your ass beat every week. “I’M JUST THAT DAMN GOOD”—you’re good at making false statements and not backing it up in the ring. “I’M JUST THAT DAMN GOOD”—you’re good at pulling shit from your ass. “I’M IN THE HISTORY BOOKS”—for what exactly? Control in the Vault? I thought I rebuked that statement. Why the fuck are you bring up Control in the Vault? I told you that it wasn’t important. I told you that it has as much significance as the first winner of the Vixens Cup. No one gives a damn about that stupid briefcase. No one gives a damn about a match that went overlooked by Y2Impact and his #7reignz. “Azumi Goto is the name of the best wrestler on the roster.” Nah, that’s me and Kendra, honey. Nice try with poisoning the minds of the EAW Universe. They may be idiots, but they are not THAT much of an idiot…I hope.

As we move on to this week, you can thank me for the reason why you’re even close to a main event spot. Without me, you’d be facing April Song in the pre-show. The “shell” I used to be. Is that all you got, Azumi? This isn’t Sabina you’re talking too. I’m as much of an active wrestler as you. I am still taking the bumps most girls would dare dream of taking. I’m not a broken woman? I’m NOT breaking down. Does it look like I’m breaking down? Ask Kendra if it looks like I’m breaking down. Go call up the Heart Break Gal at her beach house and ask her if I’m breaking down. Go ask Consuela at her penthouse if I’m breaking down. They will all agree that I’m not breaking down one bit. I’m strong—stronger than ever. You’re the top woman of the company. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If wrestling does not work out for you, you should try in being a comedienne because that’s one joke that got me laughing. How about you tell EAW Management that and see if they keep a straight face. There is no other woman who has done more for the sake of the woman than me. I’m the poster girl for Empire. I’m the woman doing talk shows, interviews, appearances. I’m the girl who can be mostly relied on to represent the woman while doing Interbrand matches, Cash in the Vaults, Grand Rampages. Hell, I’ve held championships meant to be only held by male Elitists. You’re going to tell me that you’ve done as much as me to be considered the top woman in EAW. Azumi, you walked into this company and lost your first four matches at your first month. Meanwhile, I’ve dominate the moment I step foot inside those ropes. It seems like those things haven’t changed. You aren’t going to silence me. I will make my voice heard and I am sure as hell going to enjoy beating you up and proving to everyone that The OGs should not be fucked with.

Y2Impact wrote:: Would you fuck a dude if it meant you could then fuck any female of your choice afterward?

I'd fuck a dude if it meant I'd fuck Imp afterwards. #7Reignz

(Ahren just at his humble abode, sitting in the chair next to his fire place, jennipurr laying on the floor being a cat)

Wow in all my time here in EAW… which I guess isn’t that long, but even still. I don’t think there’s been a more overrated “talent” than Kelly Hackenshmidt. I’m pretty disappointed to be honest, I hear people saying how you’re a future Interwire Champion, a future this a future that, but when I actually talk to you, you’re a complete moron. How can people have so much faith in someone so pathetic? I mean you talked all this shit about me and my life choices, and when I showed you up with my rebuttal you just stop mentioning me. Why is this? Well you knew you got outtalked, and had nothing else against me. You know I’m a superior talent, so when the one thing you had on me failed, you just pretended like it never happened. Classic Canadian, being a little bitch… Eh. You spent most your time talking about your shitty tag team that no one cares about, this shitty tag team that has nothing to do with this match. What a waste of time. Clearly your head isn’t in this match, you’re off thinking about future events that may or may not even happen. You have a golden opportunity here, why don’t you actually pay attention to the here and now, and don’t overlook the things that are placed in front of you. From my experiences these types of opportunities aren’t just handed out, so when you actually get them, you should actually pay attention, because you don’t know when the next one is going to come. But hey, keep wasting your time focusing on people that don’t matter, but when tomorrow comes and your looking up towards me, just know, you should’ve prepared better.

Now on to someone else who’s extremely bad at this thing we call talking, Cody Marshall! The only thing you ever have to say about your opponents is that they’re gay. You sound like a elementary school child, you know how that’s their go to diss to everything. Maybe you should stop creeping on kids, and find some adult things to say. I’m not going to waste my time on a waste of space like Cody Marshall, I’ve wasted enough of my beautiful air on him.

As for Ross Vegas.. I mean, have you ever even won a match? I can’t remember ever hearing the name Ross Vegas and ever thinking of any ounce of respect or success behind that name. I mean I don’t even know what you’re talking about 30 seconds with a girl? Huh? I was taking a shower, and it was definitely not a 30 second shower. Did you even pay attention to what happened? Clearly not. I was about to go into the shower when Flannery just barges into my room. I didn’t want to turn her away because she has a job to do, so instead of just turning her away, I decided to do the nice thing and let her interview me in the shower, and save time. She wasn’t in the shower with me, so it wasn’t weird or anything. So… What the hell are you even talking about? You want to watch me have sex? Buy my porno, not that hard. I don’t know where you got me trying to prove I can get a girl, clearly paying attention isn’t one of your strong suits. Anyway… It would appear that everyone in this match is pretty stupid, and doesn’t pay attention to detail. Before they get facts straight, and actually know what’s really happening they just spout off at the mouth, Ross being one of the worst.

Oh wait maybe not because Lars Grier is also in this match. Like…. What the hell are you talking about. Ruining the earth? Pollution? Trash in the sea? What does any of this have to do with the match? Why did you bring that up for me? For your information, I recycle, I never throw my trash on the ground. You know what else I do? After I’m done with cans, I cut the plastic holder so birds don’t get stuck in them, yeah, I’m that good of a person. You know this virginity thing is really weighing heavy on your conscious. You got real mad when I offered you some girls to ease the tension, but you have to understand I was just trying to help. Clearly you need it being that you’re like a 40 year old virgin, and you’re very very angry whenever someone brings it up. Saying things like you’ll rip my arms off, is kind of an over dramatic statement. But hey, that’s what roid rage does to you I suppose, take little problems and turn them into something gigantic. I just would like you to explain how got from, I don’t want your woman to, you actually care about this world… No… You used to care about this planet once. You cared about this world once when your mom said something about? And apparently I never have? I don’t know you’re very confusing and obviously on drugs, talking about random things that don’t make any sense. Take a nap big guy, clearly you need sleep.

Solomon Caine, we’ve been against each other once before, and you know what? You’re not very interesting. You’re not, you say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…. Yeah, and the weird thing is you really don’t even have a point, or not a very good one anyway, or clear. You just say that I’m living in vain or something because I like people and they like me? Like that doesn’t make any sense. Why the hell wouldn’t you like other people, they’re the same species as you. Who are you going to hang out with? These masters of yours? I don’t know about them, but normally masters and servants don’t really have fun times together, seeing that they’re basically your boss…es? More than 1? I don’t know because you’re not very clear on who they are, what their message is, how to fix it is what I’m doing wrong. But at the end of the day does it really matter? Don’t you lose every match regardless? I feel like, you’re just one of those homeless dudes that walk around New York and talk about the end of the world coming… And then it doesn’t. Just like with your masters, you’re just a really weird guy that hears voices in his head, but instead of going to seek treatment, and get on medication like any normal human you listen to them. How many times do you have to get your ass kicked to find out that they don’t really exist? Where are they? Why aren’t they helping you? Clearly you can’t do this on your own, because you keep getting the shit kicked out of you. Are they testing you? Why would they test the messenger? You are their only hope yes? Also why did they choose you of all people? Why didn’t they choose someone with actual talent? You know what I mean? Someone that could actually convey the message they want, make it so people actually pay attention, and actually listen. You? You’re pretty much just a joke, a laughing stock of EAW. No one’s going to listen to the guy with the hairdo from 1983. Take note Moongoose…. And Ross. Man there’s a lot of freaks in this company. But anyways Solomon, once you actually start winning matches, and actually start imposing your, and your masters will on people, maybe, just maybe I’ll listen to you, and change my ways. But until that day, no, I’m not going to listen to the voices in your head. Thanks for the offer though, I’ll just throw you out of the ring tomorrow.

Last and possibly least… Because all of you are tied for least, Mike Showman. Now you asked me a question. Does it hurt to see Jon McAdams wearing the Hardcore Championship? Well, to answer openly and honestly, no. It really doesn’t, everyone here wants to think about getting shit in the here and now. I too have been guilty of that, but thinking now, do you really remember who won titles quickly? Or do you remember those who have vastly more success than anyone in this company in the long run. Do we remember when Y2Impact got his 1^st world title? Or do we more remember the fact he has #7Reignz? Well I for one remember 7 reigns. The key to a career is longevity, I want a long and healthy career, built on success. Not just that one title reign I had a few months into my career. I'm building something, I'll get there, my time will come Mike, do you not even realize that I have a chance to get a championship opportunity tomorrow? Why would I focus my time on some other title when there’s another one just staring in my face? I just find you so odd Mike, I mean you’re trying to rub this title victory in my face, like you’re the one that did it… When you’re not. You’re not the champion, you’re the champions rich lackey. You know what’s funny? This relationship of yours with Jon, it reminds me a lot of those gold diggers that marry those old men to get their money. THAT’S WHAT JONS DOING!! I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. You’re his sugar daddy! Mike Sugar Daddy Showman, just got you your new nickname. Just think about it, these woman marry these old rich men, and in return they buy them jewelry and cars, and all these expensive shit. Jon sees that you were in need of a partner after i turn you down, knowing that you’ll take anyone’s help, and joins you. To reward him you give him everything he asks for, Essentially you’re buying his friendship by being his sugar daddy, how does that feel? Even better, you’re the Robin to his Batman… How does that even feel? To know that you’re playing second fiddle to a guy that’s never even beat me, that could never beat me. It’s pathetic that you act like you’re a champion yourself when you really have nothing to do with it. Sure you might’ve helped win him that title, but when people go and look back at the record books, are they going to see your name? No, it’s just Jon McAdams, no mention of Mike Showman. But on to other matters, onto other things that Mike Showman mentioned. Mike you have this misconception or reality. You think that you destroyed me, but I can’t recall a time when that ever happened. We’ve had one match one on one, and you cheated to win, because you didn’t want me to embarrass you a second time in the same week. I had your number, I had you beat, and you had to drop so low as to grab me by the balls. But you’re proud of that, you’re proud of every pathetic thing that you’ve done. Not only has everything you done been pathetic, but in my eyes, you’ve lost every once of respect that you ever could have had. Your man card? Yeah you don’t have that anymore, you’re not a man, you’re just a pussy. Hit someone when they have their back turned, hit a low blow on someone, you never face someone straight up, and then you brag about it afterwards like you actually accomplished something. That’s the problem I have with you, if you actually could beat me straight up, I’d give credit where credit is due, but you haven’t, and can’t. It goes all the way back to when you were a child really, the spoiled brat you are. You’ve always had trouble gaining what you want when your dad couldn’t help you obtain it. So to rectify that, you cheat to get what you want. You would’ve thought at your age you would’ve grown out of this little attitude that you have, but some people never grow up. So yes Mike, I do have a score to settle with you, and in the battle royal you won’t have your little “friend” Jon McAdams watching your back, and you won’t have any place to run. So tell me how you plan to cheat your way out of this? You know I’m better than you, you know I’m going to beat the shit out of you, what are you going to do to get out of this? Who are you going to pay off to fight your battles this week? Or are you actually going to be a man this time, and fight your own battles, straight up? Another point you have against me is that I have no friends… But you also say that I’m more popular than you, and everyone coddles me. So which is it? Why wouldn’t I be friends with the people that think I’m better than you? You see how you have no logic, and how you calling me a retard is an oxymoron? You contradict yourself, maybe you should try to take an English class and keep your thoughts bottled up. That way you won’t make yourself look like a complete and utter fool. So yes I am more popular than you, yes I have friends,. As a matter of fact speaking of how I turned you down for the partnership of Ahren Fournier and Mike Showman, I essentially turned down your friendship. Isn’t that pathetic? You came to me wanting to be my friend, and I said naw fam I’m good. I pick my friends a lot better than just whoever comes knocking on my door. Though I’m not really sure what my friendship with people has to do with this match, I’m not like you, I don’t need someone constantly in my corner backing me up. Believe it or not people can actually win matches by themselves, I just so happen to be one of those people. I know you don’t think that it would make you look weak to have these people help you out, but to the people that matter, and judge talent? You look weak. You always have, you always will. You can call me retarded all you want, you can make believe that you're the hardcore champion too, but the fact of the matter is, I’m not the one that was outsmarted by Jon McAdams… That was you.. Sugar Daddy.

Welp I guess that’s all I’ve got to say for now, it’s time for action. No Trill activities tonight, got to keep my mind right. Rest up, and throw these fools out the ring one by one. Should be TRIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL time.
(Jennipurr pounces on Ahrens head as the camera fades to black)

YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS WE WANTED #7REIGNZ

Favorite Match: Aside from my match, The EAW Championship chamber. I would say mine, but I loved the match. It had me on my toes. I missed a bit, but honestly what an ending to the match! Nas legit didn't tap out, he didn't submit, his day is coming.

Favorite Moment: My dildo, I have to be biased on that.

Most Shocking Moment/Result: Ryan Marx! I wasn't expecting him to win, but he proves, hard work, dedication, nothing can stand in your way.

Who Had the Best/Worst Night: Best night I would say is IMP. He hung on to his gold, he had tough opponents, but he literally proved why he earned his #7reignz

Who Stole the Show: La Diva. Let's not even front right now. But Nas. He really fucking held his own tonight, and I am super proud of him. He a bitch nigga, but he really come through tonight.

Rating/General Comments: Shout out to the writers. You guys never fail to impress me. So well written, had me shook. Literally my heart was pounding out of chest. Night one was lit, but I know night two won't be any less legendary.

#2Reignz

More serious note, I don't care how I get to it, I just want it to be...better than the last and I hate saying that as it makes me sound ungrateful. For what I was putting up since late 2014, less than three months with one title defense off the back of failing to cash in CITV simply makes it a forgettable reign. I don't want three, four, five, six, #7Reignz but I want one that's memorable and whatever it takes to achieve that reign, I'll do it. I won't end 2017 without a second reign under my belt and that won't be a "blink and you'll miss it run" like the first time.

Nastradamus wrote:

\"Damaged" Zack Crash wrote:: Really a dream feud for me is one i want to see but can't really be apart of. I REALLY wanna see a vixen (any vixen) challenge for one of EAWs World Titles. How epic and ground breaking would that be?

Don't worry Crash, I'm gonna politic for one of my gurls to end #7Reignz
:dave:

Nichole Fyre vs Y2Impact confirmed?

\"Damaged" Zack Crash wrote:: Really a dream feud for me is one i want to see but can't really be apart of. I REALLY wanna see a vixen (any vixen) challenge for one of EAWs World Titles. How epic and ground breaking would that be?

Don't worry Crash, I'm gonna politic for one of my gurls to end #7Reignz
:dave:

Favorite match: My match and Eclipse vs. Crash.

Favorite Moment: Winning #7Reignz.

Most Shocking Moment/Result: Drastik winning the Hardcore Championship. Maero winning.

Who had the best/worst night: Best would have to go to me. Just being real. Worst, probably Carlos.

Who stole the show: The Sanatorium. They were everywhere. Maero, Solomon, and Eclipse all did great.

Rating/Comments: 8.5/10. Honestly, while some people didn't promo for their matches, I think that's being exaggerated a lil bit. It was like two or three matches. I know Aaron and I both promoed real hard. The placement of the C/Nas match just needs to be changed on the final posted script. Really no big flaws.

Welp by that title you can already assume what this thread entails. As some people already know, I'm taking a break from fedding for a bit. College is rough, man. I've found it hard for me to juggle between my obligations for College (getting in homework, etc.), all my outside shit, and fedding. With it being as cluttered as it's been and champion here, I thought long and hard and said to myself, y'all deserve better.

Y'all don't deserve a person who barely could work on a promo in his free time, let alone have the same person just have no idea if he could get one up. So I just decided to take a break and come back when I feel my schedule is less hectic, because I enjoy fedding and doing what we do.

So I take my leave, but I gotta say congrats to Impact on finally getting #7Reignz, hope all works out for you. I gotta say thanks to Scott, DDD, and the others for believing in me enough to be the EAW Champion it means a lot to me.

So this is a goodbye for now, and I look forward to coming back better than ever.

Heaven Forbid the fabled Y2Impact tries to get the last word in on everything. Heaven Forbid that the leech Matt Miles tries to insinuate even the smallest of things. Most of all though, heaven forbid that I don’t join in all the fun. Shock Value, the end is coming, and out of all the things that should happen will. I’ll keep my title, I’ll keep my pride, and I’ll end the fools who thought that they could’ve been a better being than I. But here’s the fucking twist. By doing so I must be something that I’ve never been until now. I must be cold, and I must be hardened, as this feat is bigger than anything. Because let us look at the past shall we. Last Shock Value I came in as the Pure Champion and lost to JD Damon, because of a eye rake that should have gotten him disqualified but didn’t. I lost to a man that still hasn’t proven he’s better than me, but had only proven that he has to sink so low to pass me. And now look at me, and look at him. I am the EAW Champion, one of the greatest, one of the most revered Champions on this fucking roster. Some might even say I am THE Champion of EAW because not only do I embody the ideals of EAW, but I also fight anyone who thinks they have a chance at this. And that’s what makes me different from Jacob Senn, who thinks he is the one above all, and Ares Vendetta, who basically thinks himself a God. Aren Mstislav is the Champ that everyone should aspire to be. That’s what a year does to you. You know what happened to JD. He’s not the bitch of our dear GM, Carlos Rosso, who I retired by the way, with his “Elite” guard. Two different spectrums of the same destiny. Damon thought he could get far with cheating, and look at him dwell in the sub regions of Voltage, while I am high and lofty with the gold.

Now what does this have to do with anything. I’m not facing Damon, no I’m facing Impact and Miles. If you want two opposite ends of the spectrum look no further than those two. Matt Miles is, and I’ll admit it, a hard worker, worked his whole life and is now being commended for it with a chance at MY title. And Y2Impact, let’s all be honest here and say that not only is he using his prestige, but he’s using his leverage over Carlos to be in the match. I know he is tired of hearing that, but it is true. Impact used Carlos’s vendetta against me to insert himself in this match because in Rosso’s mind he is the best, the ONE man that can defeat me. But au contraire that is a lie. Because there is NO MAN who can beat me. While it seems to be something of a brag it’s not totally a lie. Nasir Capitani, the people’s voice, fell to me. Jamie O’Hara to ceiling breaker and up start, fell to me. Kenny and Carson, the two warring spirits of Voltage, fell to me. Hell even Impact, the mafioso of the once nourished Hexa-Gun, fell to me. The only one in this match I have yet to face one on one is Matt Miles, but I did face him before. And it ended up with both of us losing. What I am trying to say from all of this is that Impact and Miles are so different from each other, that when they clash, their ideals, their struggles will keep them busy. But me. I’m the absolute of the spectrum. I am the one that defines the spectrum. I was a hard worker until I finally attained what I really wanted. And I am also the man who used to use his influence to do whatever the hell he wanted. The Absolute, the Main Man, The Reason, I am all of those and Imp and Matt, they’re going to have to compete with this.

Most people are calling this my downfall, that I am no longer going to be champ at the end of this, and to that I say wait and see. Because being the Absolute means one thing, and that is you’ll never know what I have in store for my fucking future. I could lose, but you know what, that means I’ll just take it back the next time I meet the man that took my title. But I also could win, which means that I am showing you all, why I am not to be trifled with. Because look at my title reign and look at what I promised in the beginning. I promised that I would elevate this title because after that mess with Xavier and Jamie fighting and mishandling the title, and after the pitiful reign of Vic, I put it on myself to make this title prestigious. And that meant taking on ANYONE. I took on Nasir, my brother, and I broke him. I took on Kenny and Carson, and they both failed because they thought they’re petty feud was above this title. And now I face Impact and Matt Miles, because well why the hell not. Impact has been vying for the fabled 7Reigns but all he is doing is deluding himself of the fact that he’ll never reach that pinnacle. And Matt Miles. The fool came back from the land of the dead and is now more than ready to take this title as his, and show why he doesn’t need a stable or anyone to fall back on to become a champ. However this man I called comrade is nothing more but thinking too far in the past to be sure on whether or not this future is going to become reality.

And to even cement my further point let us look at the men themselves. Impact had a lot to say about me and Miles, but most importantly he spoke about me. He spoke about me like he knew what to say to get under my skin, or tried to form words that made it sound like he was capable of doing harm with it. But in reality all he showed was that he has broken down. This Machine he’s called himself had a glitch, and was breaking down. The well-oiled mental health and stability of what we knew as Impact was deteriorating, and he let us all know that by coming out here like he did. He says that Carlos didn’t want him to be champ so he made this a triple threat match, but oh that’s far from it Imp. Do you not see the way the man looks at me and the title whenever I stand in front of him or show up in his business. He has that look of resentment, that look of tired desperation and that vendetta of me retiring his sorry ass. He didn’t make this match to stop you from becoming champ, he made it so I could lose my title. But the damn man didn’t think this through, he didn’t think of the psychological function of you, Impact. Because you are not the calm composed man you were a long time ago. No the fact that the glory faded from you, years ago and that your many attempts to reach it again have failed time and time again, has deteriorated your mindset. And for that I pity you but also love to relish in the fact that this is the man that people feared for most of their careers. From the men who came to wrestle to those who wanted a job, they all feared you because they knew you could get in their head. But now that title goes to me, because without having to say anything, without having to DO anything, you’ve already gotten into the mindset that you could lose. And to that I applaud you, Impact, because not only did you play yourself, but you are a fool for think that anyone was against you from the very beginning. Everyone wants me to lose, everyone wants me to become titleless while everyone is cheering for you to take it. Because you know what they did when you threw me off the stage, they cheered for you. You know what they did when they found out you’d be in the title match, they cheered for my downfall. No one is against you, they’re all too busy being against me, and that my friend is why I am going to disappoint them. That’s all I do anyway is disappoint the fans, just so I could get the job done, no matter what. And that means taking you down, and showing them why it was a fool’s errand to try and think that someone like you would take a title from someone like me. Because news flash Imp, whether you want to believe it or not, I would’ve beaten you one on one like I did before. No worry, no hesitation, just me dominating you yet again. The only time you got the upper hand was when you threw me off the stage. So unless that’s what you do at the very beginning, then I see you losing you’re chance at “#7Reignz”.

And Now for the Belle of the Ball, Matt Miles. Matty, you and I, we used to be friends. That was until Lannister decided that his crown was better than your health. But even then I stood up for you by leaving RAGNAROK as soon as I saw Lannister do that. But even then after that I moved on. I knew we weren’t going to see the last of you, and we didn’t. In fact you came back, and blamed Lannister for everything. Oh wait. You also blamed ME. You blamed me for not coming out there to help you, even when I couldn’t do anything being on a another continent and all. You still blamed me because no matter what happened, you heard of my success. But you know that didn’t last long. Because after all that talk, Lannister dumped you harder than anything else in the world. He left you bloodied, unable to continue. If anything it was almost like watching Negan smash in Glenn’s head over and over again. It was a sight that wasn’t suited for anyone, but yet the morbid curiosity kept people watching. And as we watched the last light of Miles fade away we thought that was the end. But no. No it wasn’t in fact until recently we found out that we were wrong all along. Judas, the man that took the world by storm, and showed how callous he could be came in and became a National Elite Champ, in a snap of a finger. Judas was the name synonymous with a great rise, but then faltered. I’ll say Matt you impress me. Not by the fact that you were able to hide this from us so well, but by the fact that you think this elevated anything. Because Matt, Matt when you lifted that veil all the accomplishments of Judas became that of Matt. And the month rise that you say was greater than what I did in years, all it did was show that all Matt Miles needed to do was hide in the shadows, hide himself in his creation to show himself that he could actually get shit done. But what is funny from all of this, is the fact that now you got an expectation to live up to. Matt Miles is Judas, but Judas became someone bigger than Matt Miles. Which means not only does Matt Miles have to take on Y2Impact and Voin, but he has to deal with that fact that if he doesn’t then Judas will just be better than Matt Miles. The real fucking kicker from this all is the fact that you created your own fucking shadow that you’re living in right now. And that if you don’t take my title, all you’ll be remembered for is the guy who when he took of the mask everything became nothing. His fame, his tenacity, his callousness, it all became nothing. Because the man they could put all of that together with died when the mask came off. Because now should you go back to being Judas, you’ll not be remembered for your Grand Rampage performance. You’ll be remembered for your death at the hands of Ares Vendetta. You’ll not be remembered for taking the title off of Pizza Boy, but you’ll be remembered for being beaten to a pulp by Lannister. Judas will be remember as Matt Miles, and that’s it. But what’s even funnier is the fact that you think Voin is shaken by all of this. Because Voin and Aren, co-exist. Everyone knows Voin and Aren play differently. Everyone knows Aren won this title, everyone knows Voin curb stomped Carlos’s head against a fucking turnbuckle. Everyone knows Aren was the one who won the National Elite and Pure Championships. Everyone knows Voin was the monster that no one could stop. Your revel was nothing more than mere child’s play Matt. But I applaud you Matt. It takes balls to throw away the one thing that made you relevant. Because after Shock Value, you’ll want to go back to being Judas, but you can’t because everyone will know that it’s Matt Miles under that mask. And everyone already makes Matt Miles synonymous with failure.

Tribulation. Trials. Victory. Shock Value is coming. And with it comes the end.

#7REIGNZ

:y2j:

Team Dynasty is full of egotistical individuals. How on Earth will Team Dynasty thrive will all of these men that are only in this for the world title match at the finish line? How will Devan Dubian and Alex Wilder be able to work together? Diamond Cage and Jacob Senn co-exist? How will TLA be able to perform with all of this commotion? Let me give all of you comfort in knowing that it won’t pose a problem. You want to know why? These men are smart, they know what’s at the end of the tunnel, and they will know that they must set aside their petty squabbles until Team Voltage is eliminated if they want to have a chance at being a future contender at a world championship. Diamond Cage wants that title shot to get redemption from what Sebastian Monroe did to him, Devan Dubian desires to be world champion again after being defeated by Mr. DEDEDE last year in the Elimination Chamber, Alex Wilder wants to win his first world championship to show that there’s more to him that people give him credit for, and TLA wants to move himself away from the midcard and wants to claim his spot on the top of the mountain. Me? I want the World Heavyweight Championship because it’s been a goal of mine ever since I stepped foot in this company. Back when I was on Showdown, all I wanted was the World Heavyweight Champion. I watched Tyler win it, Brian win it, Robbie V win it, everyone take their turn at that title and most of them did great with it. However, Jacob Senn never got that opportunity. Now, I intend to correct it. I crave and hunger for the chance to hold the richest prize in the entire industry! I desire the World Heavyweight Championship and if I have to cast my indignation of Diamond Cage away to be able to have that chance, I will do just that. All of these Voltage people want to tell me about how this will be definitive victory for them because they get along and EVERYTHING ON VOLTAGE IS ALL SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS, RIGHT? Deep inside all of you, there’s something eating away at you. It’s gnawing at the bits, scratching and clawing against your skin while teething on your bones to try and escape, and you feel it there. You can feel it begin to take over you with every passing moment and that feeling… that burning… it’s treachery. It’s the mind telling you that you need to betray your partners at the end of the night to be able to have that championship opportunity. Team Dynasty knows that, that’s why we’re not fooling anyone into believing that we have one another’s back. We don’t look after one another, we are all there to fight and make our way to greater goal of becoming world champion. We accept and tame the beast that inside of us, the notion of betrayal, while you cage it away and let it sit in your stomach because you can’t stand the thought of someone possibly blaming you for what could happen. It’s all part of the game, but Team Dynasty is going to be victorious in it. We see the home stretch of this race and what’s bound to happen, so it won’t shock us like it will you when your partner is sitting in that corner and just letting you take whatever comes your way. I will let some of them fall, or I will insert myself into the mix just because I feel like dropping some of you with no hesitation, you never know. Dynasty is my home, it’s the thing that I choose to defend for the greater good and getting that title shot fuels me, and all of you have spat on my home. All of you, in one way or another, have desecrated and disrespected Dynasty and why? Because you feel that when you’re on a brand that’s it has to be the best brand? How many of you on Team Voltage have even stuck with Voltage for the majority of your career? How many of you have even cared about Voltage or showed your pride for the brand? I’ve been on Dynasty for almost two years in succession now, haven’t been traded or even been drafted in a random lottery. You want to know why? It’s because I’ve made Dynasty my home and have shown that I will defend it to the end. I’ve made sure that Dynasty has been the pinnacle of EAW, the crown jewel that stands above the rest, and I demand that it be seen as such. It hasn’t been an easy road, but it’s been the road I chose. Not everyone can defend Dynasty like I have, but most of you are too wrapped up in your own ego bubbles to realize that. Right, Matt Miles?

You’ve had it the most difficult, huh? Your road was the hardest road to travel? Why is that? Because you got yourself hurt? You had moments to where you couldn’t wrestle and need to take a step back? Well, let me ask you this question, Matt. Have you ever been buried under six feet of broken glass? No? Let me tell you, it’s not fun. That’s the most hellacious thing I’ve endured in my entire career and you want to say that because you had a minor injury here and there THAT YOUR FUCKING ROAD WAS THE MOST LABORIOUS OUT OF ALL OF THE ROADS IN EAW? MINE INCLUDED? YOU CAN SIT THERE AND ATTEMPT TO FUCKING PATRONIZE ME AND TRY TO DEMEAN MY HARD WORK IN THIS FUCKING COMPANY, BUT YOU’RE STILL JUST A FUCKING CHILD IN THIS SPORT! YOU MAY HAVE FUCKING BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE, BUT AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, YOU HAVEN’T MATURED A DAMN BIT IN THIS INDUSTRY! You want to sit there and cry about some damn little moments where you fucked yourself in the ring WHEN PEOPLE HAVE FALLEN OFF DAMN TITANTRONS AND BURIED UNDER BROKEN GLASS IN THEIR PATH TO BEING A SUCCESS! SO DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOUR ROAD WAS THE MOST ARDUOUS OF THEM ALL BECAUSE IF ANYTHING, YOUR ROAD DOESN’T COMPARE! Maybe that’s why nobody likes me, huh, Matt? Maybe that brutal honesty that I just gave you is why people don’t like Jacob Senn, because he doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t keep his damn mouth shut when ungrateful bastards like you want to try to make it out like you’re the only one around here putting their nose to the grindstone and doing the hard work to get where they are. It wasn’t easy for anyone to get where they were and out of respect, there are men on your team that got where they were for taking a difficult path. To be honest, however, I don’t care if people like me or not. People are fickle, Matt. They will change their opinion about you the minute you do something they don’t like. One moment, you’re a hero. You fought off a great evil that has caused much pain and suffering unto you and those around you. However, the next moment, you’re the evil. You are the thing that you fought in their eyes, you are the dark villain that has turned against them. It takes a lot to regain that admiration back from them, but it doesn’t matter what you do. They won’t care, they won’t treat you any better, they just see you and wait until you do something wrong so then they can feast on you. Fuck them, fuck everything about them, because I only care about Dynasty and myself. Being the team leader isn’t about being liked, your leader should know about that more than anything, it’s about doing what you need to do to get a victory at the end of the night. It’s being able to strategize and formulate a plan to where you can get what you want and leave that ring with all the other men left in the dust. So, let that sink in for you and maybe… just MAYBE… you could find yourself with a bit more success than you previously had. For that’s a team leader, not a team mascot.

For your team mascot is none other than the man that wants to mark me as a man that has to play a sycophant like him to get what he wants in the world, Y2Impact. He’s not alone in that ideal, but right now, I want to put the pressure on him. Y2Impact isn’t a leader, because if he was, he would actually be leading the charge instead of letting his teammates do that for him. If he was a leader, he would represent the ideals of Voltage and have pride in that brand. However, Impact hasn’t been a man that’s been proud about the direction that Voltage has taken. Hell, he wanted to undermine the authority to make it where he would run Voltage with Hexa-Gun to get what he wanted out of Voltage. Knowing him like I do, I would expect that he would want to have #7Reignz to his name if he did what he wanted in the world. He came close too, didn’t he? Winning the Grand Rampage and all, which was a tremendous effort on his part, but he came oh so close! He was met with a better individual named Ares Vendetta that made sure he couldn’t get that championship, or was there a conspiracy laced around that situation just like there is when I step into the ring with you? Not that Y2Impact has been out for pasture for quite some time now, having good old Tyler Parker try to keep him relevant as much as he can, but it has to be something that has been manufactured against him. This match for him isn’t about representing Voltage, it’s about getting a title shot. He may want to talk about getting the best team he can, but it’s for his own personal goal. Don’t let the shit-eating grin fool you, he’s in it for himself. Give Y2Impact just one moment to be able to do it, he’ll drop you on his knee and let you be eaten alive by the vultures. It’s always about the needs of Y2Impact and I don’t disagree with him. You need to see the prize and what’s at stake, but don’t wear a mask and hide that fact. In fact, the whole team you have shouldn’t! It should be noted that every single one of the people that collectively create Team Voltage would stab one another in the back with a rusty knife and dig the blade DEEP IN YOUR SPINE… just for that one title opportunity. The only person Y2Impact wouldn’t do that for would be his love in the world, but she lets him take something else in the back, if you catch my drift. This is all for a chance to be a future contender at the world championship of the respective brand that tops the other and do you think that Impact would not do whatever it took to get that, including screwing you out of your shot? If you don’t believe that, then you’re just a fool. You’re a moron like Y2Impact is because he’s done it before and will do it again if it means he comes out ahead, but that won’t happen. No, when it matters the most, Y2Impact just isn’t good enough to topple his greatest foe in Jacob Senn. He may have someone eliminate me in a battle royal he’s been in or there might be some extenuating circumstance like a certain “X” to be thrown, but he’s never pinned or submitted me. He’s never put me down on that canvas, laid me on my back, and counted the three or has never locked me in that IMPRESSIVE Walls of Impact he likes to use. If you think your mascot is going to get one over me now, don’t fool yourself. You have more of a chance to see The Mighty DO Kneel get this title shot than him!

They honestly should change their name to that because last time I’ve checked, Xavier Williams and Jamie O’Hara have been doing quite a bit of kneeling over these last few months. I mean, let’s take a look back at Pain for Pride 9, when Xavier Williams was kneeling before Mr. DEDEDE… “The Gawd” himself! I mean, when Dark Demon left the company like a little whiny bitch because he couldn’t handle not going to Pain for Pride in a world title match, he had to kneel for someone right? I mean, how else would Xavier Williams be able to survive in EAW? Maybe try and go backstage to talk to management about giving him what he wants? Talk about if he doesn’t have this, he walks from the company? Back to the subject where furthermore, Xavier Williams and his NEW BEST FRIEND, Jamie O’Hara, knelt to Brian Daniels himself in their Hellfire No Way Out Match and got their heads kicked in by him. Now granted, they did kneel so they could get those tag team titles around their waist and be able to walk around and talk about how great of a tag team they are, but the reality is just the opposite. Xavier is just a man that wants to talk and echo about how he “scratched and clawed” to get where he is today. He wants to talk about how he struggled and fought for everything he has, how he went through roadblock after roadblock to earn everything he has, and it’s cute to watch him go through his little speech about why you should give a shit about what he has to say. However, the only thing he was scratching and clawing at was that headboard for how much he let guys like Dark Demon and Mr. DEDEDE rail him to get where he wanted to be. As for that partner of his, I never got to have my redemption for what he cost me two years ago. If Jamie O’Hara didn’t want to make a name for himself at my expense, I just maybe could’ve walked out of Road to Redemption that year as EAW Champion and who knows how my career would’ve turned out? Maybe I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE LONGEST-REIGNING EAW WORLD CHAMPION IN HISTORY IF THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN? But no, some rookie wanted to make themselves a star by pinning the EAW Champion, thus making me lose my title and have Crash kick me off of Voltage in the first place. I don’t know whether to stomp your head in or stun you in the ring, but know that I will get my hands on you for ruining my moment in the sun. I was on a path to being the greatest champion this sport ever seen, but you weren’t going to let that happen. You thought that I didn’t deserve to the world champion and you did… YOU? SOME ROOKIE WHO WAS JUST MAKING A NAME FOR HIMSELF AS NEW BREED CHAMPION DESERVED TO TAKE THE EAW CHAMPIONSHIP AWAY FROM ME? You may not be a rookie now, BUT I’M GOING EMBARRASS YOU AT TERRITORIAL INVASION LIKE YOU ARE ONE! So when I see the both of you, I’ll make you both do what you’re used to doing when met with better men, kneeling before them and taking it.

Team Dynasty is made up of exceptional individuals, who have grasps the top brass and know what it takes to get their or either are on the cusp of being there, and you want to know what Team Dynasty is made up of? Sure, you all might go to Y2Impact’s house and have fun time where everyone can feel wonderful about themselves before jerking one another off, but you all are just individuals playing a game with one another until the real fight begins. You can all pretend that it won’t happen, but you will be stabbed in the back. Unlike you, Team Dynasty expects it. We see it coming a mile away and aren’t shy enough to admit that we will do it to one of our own, because we’re ruthless. We don’t care about teamwork, alliances, and making everyone happy to serve our own needs, but we’re just here to win. Dynasty is here to win and Dynasty will do just that. So once the pep rally is over and all, reality will sink in and you will recognize that you came into the wrong fight.

For joining Team Voltage was not the first mistake you’ve made against me, but it certainly will be the last.

Complete and utter freakin legend. I hope you get more then #7reignz before you retire. Maybe even #10reignz

“If you told me”

If you told me the phrase of the night. Let’s start it off with the man behind the phrase. Nick Angel. If you told me a couple of months ago Nick Angel would whine his way into Cash in the Vault because he doesn’t like his spot in the company I’d follow up with the question. Well who fired him? However instead I’m asking who allowed that to happen. Who allowed this man to whine and complain and get what he wants. I mean I’d understand if it was someone good however no one good should be complaining about stuff like that. If you are so good there should be no reason you don’t like the position you’re in the company. If you’re so good you should be going out there and proving it and getting yourself in a better position. Nick you asked if you can envision me as a world champion so my response is can we envision you to be entertaining? I don’t think we can and as it crazy as it might sound to you more people probably have a better chance envisioning me as champion then trying to envision you as entertaining. You talk and talk for minutes and sometimes hours and fail to say one thing that catches the ear of me or anyone else. You are boring in every single way possible and like I said last time you want to cry? Well at Pain for Pride I’m going to give you and the world something to cry about. Other than me you might be the next person who is the least predicted to win this match. However I and you aren’t predicted to win for two completely different reasons. See I’m not predicted because people hate to see me succeed they wish I was the same nerdy punk-ass Chris Elite or Suicide Kid from years ago but instead I’ve passed that. You aren’t predicted to win well how about you just look in the mirror for 5 minutes and then you should get the answer on why you’re least predicted to win. After Pain for Pride the only thing you can do when it comes to your career and it being successful is envision it.

If you told me a year ago today that little Johnny Ventura would be just like his brother bland and not talented I’d believe you. A matter of fact I believe someone a year ago did tell me that and well that person was right. The man is so bland he tried to hire some old dude who’s just as bland to speak for him. Bland must run in that little family tree and I just can’t wait to see what family member we see debut next when they realize this Ventura sucks just as much as the other one. If you told me a month ago Rhaegar doesn’t deserve to be in this match I’d agree and so does everyone else. Matter of fact let’s add this man on the list of least predicted to win this match as well for the same exact reasons as Nick Angel. The same two I singled out last time I spoke.   How can you be taken serious after you’ve been demolished on Dynasty since winning the match that got you at Pain for Pride? It’s embarrassing not only to me and the others in this match but to other men that have been in this match before us.   I didn’t really listen to what you or that guy that speaks for you had to say. I just know it probably would of put me to sleep but I assume it’s just him telling everyone how you will win. Matter of fact how much do you have to pay this man to tell such a lie? It must be your whole paycheck and I don’t even think that is enough for me to get on camera and lie for you the way that man does.   I knew you’d be shit since you did that weak ass power bomb to your brother and maybe it’s time to end the world of bland, bland man and make him suffer the same fate his brother at Pain for Pride Eight.

If you told me Angelo would be an annoying piece of shit who ran his mouth on the internet but didn’t do too well backing up in the ring. Well I don’t think I’d have another other choice to believe you. Guys like me especially don’t belong in the ring with you Angelo? I’m glad you actually said something that we can agree on. I don’t deserve to be in the ring with you I deserve better than this. I don’t deserve to be in a ring with a 16 year old girl stuck in a man’s body.   From using glass selfie sticks to becoming this year’s new twitter fingers? Yeah I defiantly don’t deserve to be in the ring with you Angelo so I’m glad you pointed that out. Hopefully all that shit you talk online about how good you are means something post Pain for Pride when that’s the only thing you’ll have to brag about. Angelo continue to talk about how you’ll win this match with ease and how you’ll be new Mr Cash in The Vault. I just can’t wait to hear what you have to say when you walk out of Miami with nothing.

Now if you told me a year ago that I would be in Cash in The Vault I’d believe it. If you told me a year ago today that I put all my haters to rest about me not being able to last 4 months here in EAW by lasting a whole year. I’d believe that too. If you told me a year ago today that Chris Elite is the real reason everyone is tuning into Pain for Pride in the Cash in the Vault ladder match I’d also believe that. I mean who else are they going to watch that match for? Nick Angel? Lioncross? Yeah I doubt it. A year ago I told everyone I’d be in the same position I am now and a year ago today you fools laughed at me you mocked me now look. Sure some of you still do it. You still laugh and mock me but soon enough there’s going to be nothing to laugh at. How do you laugh at a man who is pretty much guaranteed a world championship? You don’t, after Pain for Pride you’ll have no choice but to respect me. As much that will pain some of you bastards you’ll have to do it. Because at any given time I can cash in on your favorite champion. If fan favorite Lucian Black finally wins a big match then guess what? I can ruin that and snatch that moment a way from him. If that old hag Carlos finally wins a world championship that matters in this company and not some shit one guess what? I’ll take that moment right from underneath him. If Impact makes history and becomes #7reignz guess what? Well I don’t think you need to guess anymore I think you the point now loud and clear.   Every time you hear my name during or after a world championship match you have no choice but to stay stuck in fear knowing that I’m going to do something no one ever thought I would and that’s hold a world championship. That’s why I want this briefcase so much. I want you guys to fear me even more then you do now. Every time a world champ hears my theme he rolls up in a ball of fear praying something happens that I don’t get to cash in. If I tell you now that I’ll have that much power over people you’ll probably laugh. If I told you now that I’m going to be able to say I told you so in a couple of months I’d believe it and in those couple of months you’ll wish you believed me too.

My predictions:

Carlos Rosso will finally win his first World Championship in EAW

Drastik will join the #6reignz club in the latter half of this year

Tyler Parker will win his third World Championship

A bunch of people will whine and gripe about their promos for the Grand Rampage "not counting" after they don't win

The EAW Championship will be passed around through a stream of writers after Ken eventually loses it

I'll be the first in the #7reignz club

Three Vixens Champions will be crowned throughout the remainder of the year

There will be another Hall of Fame with like 2-3 people who should be there and another 2-3 who shouldn't

Mexican Samurai will pull a Robbie V and craftily force his way onto another brand after claiming he has Sickle-cell disease and his Make-A-Wish request is to go to Dynasty or Voltage

Tiberius Jones will win a World Title

One of the brands will have their writing team supplanted after receiving three strikes for being repeatedly unable to deliver punctual shows

The awards will be decided by a committee the Chairman deems qualified to judge (different from past years in that it will include certain members, not just writers)

Quintessential Champion vs Quintessential Successor Pt. II (Imp vs Tyler) -- this time for a World Championship (the last time it was for National Extreme. Here, whoever is holding the world title loses to the other. Eitherway, #7reignz)

Devan Dubian will return.

A Vixen becomes 2-time Vixens Champion (might be Tarah, Maddie, or ofcourse my bby Eris LeCava)

Lucian Black and Ares Vendetta will become World Champion. They'll be the ultimate babyfaces where they'll fucking struggle in order to keep their titles.

Hexa-gun won't feud but they might part sometime and go off on separate careers.

Chris Elite wins National Elite Championship (It's only fitting)

Mr. DEDEDE will face someone he hasn't faced at Pain For Pride 9, one on one, no Championships involved, and Mr. DEDEDE will win.

Lioncross or Tiberius Jones wins the Cash in the Vault. They cash in successfully when they do.

Haruna Sakazaki or Sheridan Muller will become Empress of Elite 2016 (if we have any?)

Aria Jaxon will become Specialist Champion in the near future. (She then will marry Dark Demon in script because of how madly in love they are).

Anything involving HBG/my character? Trying for more Championships cause I'm not satisfied with what life has to offer. (un) Ha.

I also predict there will be more than 5 rage quits this year. And at least 3 writers will be fired.

For Imp:

What made you want to team up with HBG and who's idea was it to call yourselves The Mercenaries?

What served as motivation for you to come back? Was it something you may have heard regarding you and what you've done? Or is it because of something else?

#7Reignz?

What are your thoughts on the EAW Awards? Is there anything that you feel should be changed? Or should nothing be changed?

What award or awards would you like to win this year? Who do you have winning some of the other awards?

One thing you love about Tyler Parker? In e-feds and out of e-feds.

For HBG:

What has been, in your opinion, your biggest accomplishment in your career? Is it being the first inter-gender Tag Team Champions in EAW history with Imp? Or is it being a three-time Vixens Champion?

What do you like most about being in the Tag Team division? What do you dislike the most?

Would you ever be the Vixens Champion for a fourth time? If so, when do you see yourself getting a title shot? And if not, why?

Who's your favorite vixen in EAW other than yourself? Name an all-time favorite and a current favorite.

Is there something you'd like to tell us that none of us know about yourself? Could be anything.

Are you going to thank me for saving you from Hades on Dynasty?

#7reignz