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A huge career, the greatest CUW World Champ, even though he is currently caught up by James Taylor.

I suggest you to see pictures of the highlights of his career.

He starts at the PPV Hell In A Cell (October 9, 2016) where he destroys Wild Crusher & Mattev with his teammate Tony St Michel, the name of their team is Duo2Choc.




























































































if you want the rest of his career at the CUW tell me

#1 - Tattoos the names of every person he seeks vengeance upon onto his torso as a permanent reminder and display of devotion for his redemption and to Onryo.

 #2 - Though born out of wedlock, Ares considers himself heir to the Vendetta Dynasty as the eldest of Robbie V's three known children: himself, Athena Vendetta, and Apollo Vendetta. Athena being the only three born in wedlock.

 #3 - After his birth, Ares' mother, Kendra Shamez, traveled and lived with Robbie V during his time training in Japan. After their eventual falling out, Kendra remained in Japan for the sake of Ares as he had already become accustomed to living there while Robbie traveled as a professional wrestler and visited Ares when he could. Ares would eventually take to training in the toughest dojos he could find in Japan. The training was excruciating and Ares suffered various broken bones, torn tendons, and more, but was continued to be given training so long as he kept coming back.

 #4 - As with many wrestlers in Japan, Ares took an excursion to the United States in the Extreme Answers Wrestling Federation, specifically to enact revenge on those who have wronged the Vendetta Family. However, since then, it has been revealed this was no excursion, but more of a banishment after Ares took it upon himself to mercilessly torture an opponent before striking them with a punt kick using a steel-toed boot. The victim of the attack was put in a coma for several weeks and has never wrestled again. Ares considered it "experimenting".

 #5 - Typically a cold and callous individual, Ares seems to only show mercy upon his own family. as he recruited his cousin, Victor Vendetta, after a malicious war that featured Victor attacking Kendra and Ares alike. Ares defeated Victor cleanly at Road To Redemption, humiliated Victor by having him cut off his own hair as a showing of humility, and would bring him in to join House Vendetta not long after.

 #6 - Ares recruited Norman Hellion into House Vendetta not only by promises of grandeur and revenge, but by revealing to him a distant relation between the Vendettas and the Hellions. Therefore, excluding Scott Diamond as House Vendetta's "insurance policy" and the Agents of Extreme as anonymous followers of Ares/Onryo, House Vendetta is made up of the family of Ares Vendetta.

 #7 - Supposedly, Ares became the way he is not long after discovering a somewhat forgotten God in Japan named "Onryo". Ares desired vengeance after discovering all that had been done to his family, and soon discovered Onryo and his ways of achieving precisely that. Ares became more cold, more calculating, and more violent than ever before. He took his years of training and used them to maim others for pleasure.

 #8 - Ares has been known to be a "womanizer" of sorts.

 #9 - Donned the persona "Crimson Mask" prior to revealing his true identity. The "Crimson" of the character spawning from his worshiping of Onryo as followers of the religion commonly use a red right hand; as well as the religion's use of blood.

 #10 - Despite living in the same country as his half-brother, Apollo, Ares never contacted him or even knew of him until he was informed of his father's other children as an adult. Ares grew nothing but resentment for the other two children of Robbie V and considers them born of adultery.

 #11 - Has unusual, yet natural blonde and black-colored hair.

#12 - Defeated then-World Heavyweight Champion, Mr. DEDEDE, in his EAW Debut as Ares Vendetta; also killed Methuselah.

 #13 - Enjoys whistling. Ares specifically whistles to the tune of "A-Hunting We Will Go" when feeling especially violent.

 #14 - Ended the career of Cleopatra.

 #15 - Despite specifically targeting the EAW Pure Championship and his father's now-inactive World Heavyweight Championship Crown, Ares believes every piece of gold belongs to him as the self-proclaimed heir to this father's Throne. Believes that by right, EAW is his Kingdom, and everything within it is his possession, and intends to come to claim each treasure if need-be.

  #16 - Enjoys calling those he considers lower than him (everyone) "mongrels". 

 #17 - Prefers Hotpockets over Pizza Rolls.

 #18 - Became known as "The Black Vulture" after his brutal assault on an opponent that led to his "excursion". Became known as "The New Don" as the son to Robbie V and self-proclaimed leader of the Vendetta Family; a family that has been infamous for its dirty dealings, such as the eradication of competing families to the point of being known as "The mafia of professional wrestling (the nickname "The New Don" also being a play on the term "New Dawn"). Was given the nickname "The Kamikaze Prince" due to his dangerous method of wrestling in which he punishes his own body to harm his opponent.

“Roommates!”
EPISODE 1x03 | Spinebuster

MAIN CAST
King Lannister as...King Lannister
Cerci as...Cerci
Devan Dubian as...Devan Dubian
Xavier Williams as...Xavier Williams
Jacob Senn as...Jacob Senn
Tarah Nova as...Tarah Nova
Cameron Ella Ava as...Cameron Ella Ava

GUEST CAST
Tim Tebow as...Himself
John C. McGinley as...Coach Grimble
Gordon Ramsay as...Himself
Coldplay as...Themselves
Joe Rogan as...The Doctor

***


COLD OPEN
HARBOR GYM


We see a panorama of a wrestling gym in all it's glory when suddenly we see both Jacob and Xavier enter. They are both wearing robes that read “CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY” on the front whilst they are both carrying a book that has the words “BOOK OF SCIENTOLOGY” on it.

Senn: That was a great sermon today!

Xavier: Yeah it was!


Suddenly they throw off their robes revealing their wrestling gear underneath before they slide into the ring.

Senn: Alright training time!

Xavier: Yep let's do it!

“Training Montage (Rocky IV)” by Vince DiCola begins to play as the two circle around the ring focusing in on each other before they quickly lock up. Xavier catches Senn in a headlock as they continue talking.

Xavier: So how've you been man!

Senn: Pretty good, pretty good.

Xavier: Dating wise?

Then Senn suddenly counters into a hammerlock, twisting back Xav's arm.

Senn: Yeah alright, went on a date a few nights ago.

Xavier: Nice man! How did it go!

Senn: It went great! Fantastic! Awesome!

Senn tries to increase the hold's pressure but Xavier quickly rolls through, kips up and then now locks the hold onto Senn.

Xavier: Well that's good to hear man!

Senn: Yeah...um. What's the word that's opposite to great, fantastic and awesome?

Xavier: Uhh...terrible?

Senn: Yeah that's it. It was terrible.

Senn twists out of the hold before quickly rolling up Xav.


Xavier: Sorry to hear about that man.

Senn: Well you know what they say, plenty of fish in the sea.

And Xavier kicks out at 2 before we see...

SUBTITLE: 45 MINUTES LATER

Back in the ring now. We see a pan of several rings around them and the wrestlers in all of those rings are exhausted and completely tired out with no energy left. However we see Xavier and Jacob still in their ring, with no signs of exhaustion in the sweat seen in the two of them. We see Xavier has Jacob set up for a suplex position.

Xavier: So that's why I told her she's way too skinny!

Senn: But dude you can't say that! She was obese and when you said that she was suffering from anorexia!

Xavier: Hey I call them like I see 'em man. I call them like I see them.


Xavier lifts Senn up into the suplex version before...

Senn: Wait! Wait! I think I'm about to sneeze!

Xavier: Okay it's all good I got you man! I got you!

Senn: AHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! AHCH!!!

Then Senn stops trying to sneeze and stands right there.

Xavier: Are you okay Senn?

Senn: Yep don't need to sneeze! I'm all good!

Xavier: Alright!

Senn: SHYEAH!

Both Senn and Xav give each other a quick fist bump whilst Senn is still mid-air in the suplex position.

Xavier: Alright here we go!

And just as Xavier is learning over Senn...

Senn: AH-CHOO!

And Xavier screams as he drops Senn down freaked out by the sneeze with Senn landing HARD on his ass leading him to begin to cry out.

Senn: GAHHHHH!!!!

Xavier: Senn are you oka-

Senn: DAMMNNN ITTT!!

Xavier: Medic! We need a medic!

And as Senn is in the canvas in pain we--


CUT TO
OPENING CREDITS


The song, “Big Lost” by Diplo plays during the opening credits.

END OPENING CREDITS

FADE IN TO
TRAINER'S ROOM

We see in the gym where Senn is propped up against a bed whilst Xavier is sitting there looking concerned. Tarah and Cameron suddenly burst in through the door.

Tarah: We arrived as soon as we got your text what happened?

Cameron: Is Jacob okay?

Xavier just sits there and giggles to himself.

Xavier: Just wait for it.

Tarah: Are you serious? I mean this is an injury here, this isn't funny.

Cameron: Yeah I mean he could be seriously hurt.

Xavier: Wait for it...

The three of them look at Senn on the bed as the doctor is talking to him.

Doctor: So basically when you landed on the canvas, that's when your injury occurred.

Senn: So I'm sorry doctor, but what's my injury again?

Doctor: You received a broken tailbone.

Senn: A broken tailbone!?


Doctor: The impact of your landing was so severe that it broke your tailbone right at the very bottom of it...so in hindsight you...how can I put this. You...you...you broke your ass.

Senn looks absolutely shocked at this whilst Xavier is laughing softly under his breath and Tarah and Cameron can barely suppress their laughing before they crack up and just laugh uncontrollably losing it.

Senn: Hey! This is serious I broke the bottom part of my tailbone!

Cameron: Which means you broke your ass!

Cameron, Tarah and Xav begin to laugh again as Senn pouts before the girls hop up and leave.

Tarah: I thought you called us in here because there was a serious situation going on but this...this was totally worth skipping a meeting with management for.

Cameron: This was definitely worth walking out on my date for!

Xavier: I know right!? Anyway see you two back at the apartment?

Tarah: Yeah definitely. See you Xav. Hope your ass gets better Jacob!

The two girls laugh and walk out as Jacob isn't happy.

Jacob: I broke the bottom of my tailbone!

Xavier: No you definitely broke your ass.

Xavier gets up and prepares to leave.

Jacob: Wait where are you going?

Xavier: Spreading this all over social media.

Jacob: Dude are you serious!?

Xavier: Yeah! Your hometown of Chicago, Illinois have even made next Wednesday “Broke Your Ass Day” in honor of you!

And at that point Xav pulls out his phone and we clearly see a picture on it that reads, “Chicago Announces BROKE YOUR ASS DAY in honor of local hometown hero, Jacob Senn.”

Xavier: Anyway later man, see you back at the apartment!

Xavier leaves as Jacob turns back to the doctor.

Jacob: So how bad is it doctor?

Doctor: A little bit troublesome, but you'll be fine after you take a bit of time off.

Jacob: A bit of time off!?

Doctor: Well I mean you're a professional athlete, so injuries are bound to happen, and especially as a professional wrestler the amount of impact and bumps your body takes night in and night out...it adds pressure and eventually that wear and tear will just lead to the slightest action in causing an injury.

Jacob: Well how long do I have to be out for?

Doctor: Around about eight weeks.

Jacob: Around about eight weeks!?

Doctor: Thankfully it won't take overly long too heal as all you have is just a mild fracture.

Jacob: A mild fracture!?


Doctor: But all in all there's nothing to be too concerned about as you're going to be just fine.

Jacob: Going to be just fine!?

Doctor: Mr. Senn could you please stop repeating the last part of each of my sentences.

Jacob: Could you please stop repeating the las-!? Sorry. I'll stop.

The Doctor smiles before he moves over to his bench.

Doctor: I understand you want to stay on the road and you want to keep competing but you need to think about your health first.

Jacob: Think about my healt-!?

The Doctor stares at him before Jacob sighs.

Jacob: Sorry Doc. You're totally right.

The Doctor smiles before he begins making plaster.

Jacob: Wait what are you doing?

Doctor: Oh nothing much just making a cast to keep your tailbone intact whilst it's recovering. Don't want something disastrous to happen

Jacob: So you're making me a tailbone cast?

Doctor: Correct.

CUT TO
INSIDE APARTMENT 16

Jacob is eating a bag of chips not too enthused watching the TV whilst Dubian, Lannister and Cerci are all laughing around him.

Lannister: So let me get this straight! You broke your ass after sneezing.

Senn: Shut up.

Lannister: Then...the doctor tells you that have to spend two months to heal your ass.

Senn: Shut up.

Lannister: Then! To top it all off...the doctor made you an ASS CAST!

Senn: IT'S A TAILBONE CAST!

Dubian: So ass cast.

Lannister and Dub are still laughing whilst Cerci doesn't look impressed and Senn just looks pissed off.

Senn: Many people every day suffer from breaking their own tailbone.

Lannister: Okay so what I heard was this...many people every day...suffer...from breaking their ass.

Lannister and Dub are now going crazy with laughter whilst Cerci walks up – having enough – and smacks both of them at the back of their heads.

Lannister: Ow!

Dubian: Ow...

Cerci: Seriously you two, stop it. Dub, one more word out of you and no chips for a month.

Dubian: Aww but I like the chips.

Cerci: Lannister, my king? One more word out of you and no kinky shit for a month.

Lannister: Aww but I like the kinky shit...

Lannister and Dubian stand there quite stoic as Cerci sits on the couch with Senn.

Senn: Thank you Cerci.

Cerci: It's fine, don't worry about it. Anyway honestly, how are you feeling?

Senn: I'm honestly okay. It's just the fact that I have to wait two months...that's what's killing me right now.

Cerci: Well at least you're getting paid while you're at home from EAW. And besides that's eight weeks are going to fly by just like that. The first week will be the longest but after that before you know it, you'll be fully healed and you'll be back on the road.

Senn: You sure?

Cerci: I'm sure.

Senn smiles to himself on the couch as we--

CUT TO BLACK
SUBTITLE: 8 WEEKS LATER

FADE BACK IN

Senn sitting on the couch blank eyed as he's now sporting a long massive beard.

Lannister: (off-stage) Jacob are you okay?

SMASH CUT TO

Jacob sitting on the couch looking normal and extremely happy as the other six are in the apartment.

Senn: Yeah I'm feeling great! My cast was removed a few days ago and I'm pretty much ready to go! Just looking at this photo I took about a year ago when I tried to join ZZ Top.

Tarah: Yeah don't remind us of that...that was...a hard time for all of us.

Senn ignores Tarah's comment and puts his photo down before he moves over to the kitchen where the others are.

Senn: But this injury...this broken tailbone--

Xavier: Broken ass.

Senn: --I've been considering my ummm... future in professional wrestling.

Suddenly the six of them look at him in shock.

Dubian: Wait what?

Senn: I don't want to risk any more serious injuries taking a hold of me. I mean after this incident when I've been out of action for 8 weeks...it was driving me insane. Being at home, not doing anything. I don't think I'll be able to handle like several months out of action.

Cerci: But Jacob! You just only broke your tailbone. Some wrestlers broke their neck and had to wait for over a year to get back into the ring.

Senn: Exactly and if I had to do that...I don't know what I would do...

There's a silence between everybody in the group as Senn pulls out his phone and targets the screen towards himself.

Cameron: Jacob wait what are you--

Senn: (to phone) Good morning social media! Jacob Senn! Former EAW World Heavyweight Champion here...as well as former EAW roster member...that is right! As of today I am officially announcing my retirement from the world of professional wrestling! That's right following an incident two months during training when I broke my tailbone--

Tarah: Broke your ass...

Senn: --I am no longer a professional wrestler and I'm pulling a CM Punk and walking out on my EAW contract to pursue my lifelong dream in becoming a chef. Thank you!

Lannister: He had an ass cast!

Jacob turns off his phone before hitting a few buttons.

Cameron: Senn listen to me. What ever you do don't send that vid--

Senn: Sent!

Cameron: Damn it.

Then suddenly at that point everybody's phone (except for Senn's) buzzes at pretty much the same time as the other six check it. Messages are going all over the place as their phones are buzzing like crazy.

Xavier: Shit these phones are going nuts!

Lannister: My Facebook is going off...texts...Twitter...

The buzzes are still going insane as the group look at their phones.

Cameron: There's only way to stop this madness.

Dubian: Indeed.

CUT TO


“Birth Of A Hero” by Two Steps From Hell plays as the group staring at a rubbish bag before they start throwing all of their phones in. They tie the bag up and all stand around it in a circle giving a salute to it.

Lannister: Alas...poor Yurick...

Senn is holding a baseball bat in his hand and Dubian nods as he lifts up the sledgehammer.

DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION!

We see the bat smash into the bag of phones as Senn is smashing away. The first hit fires off as we see Cameron sigh and lower her head. The second hit connects as we see Xavier comforting Tarah who's nearly in tears. The third and final hit connects as Lannister, Dub and Cerci stand looking at it with their hands behind their back without saying a word.

END SLOW MOTION

Senn: The deed is done.

Senn opens up the bag.

Senn: Every single phone is crushed and destroyed. Except for yours Xav not sure why.

Senn pulls out an old school Nokia brick phone.

Senn: Nokia...ah that explains it.

Senn tosses Xav his phone as he catches before the group of seven stand there looking at each other.

Cameron: So that was a big waste of time.

Dubian: 60 seconds and a Samsung Galaxy I'm not ever getting back.

Xavier: Anyway moving on. You said you wanted to become a chef Senn?

Senn: Yeah! I mean I've always had passion for cooking and I've always had a love for food, so being a chef is a dream that I've always had you know?

Tarah: Wait that's perfect!

Senn: What do you mean?

Tarah picks up a magazine off of the table and shows it to Jacob.

Senn: “Cooking Masterclass In Seattle taught by none other than internationally renown chef Gordon Ramsay!”

Tarah: It's perfect! You impress Gordon, you'll definitely achieve your dreams of becoming a head chef!

Senn: You think?

Dubian: I know so! He's the head chef at one of my restaurants “21” in New York and we need a new seafood specialist.

Senn: I can be a specialist and I like seafood!

Dubian: There you go! Let's get you signed up!

And Senn smiles as the group walk off as we--


CUT TO
HIGH END KITCHEN | SEATTLE

We see what appears to be a kitchen done in the style of the US Masterchef Studio. 8 different stations all equipped with cooking areas, stoves, ovens and the like. Each station has a different person wearing full chef's attire preparing all of their food items and their stove whilst we see the one at the very front we see Jacob Senn standing there looking like he has no idea what to do as the other six smile and stand with him.


Dubian: Today is the big day man are you ready?

Senn: Ready! So ready! This is my element, this is my zone!

Cameron: That's great Jacob! Quick question what level is your cooking experience.

Senn: Bottom experience. Zero experience. No experience level at all.

Dubian: It's alright I guessed that. Me and Gordon go way back so I put a good word in for you. Don't worry about it. He says even you don't know entirely what you're doing, he'll help you out.

Senn: That's great man! But uhh...doesn't he have a temper or something?

Dubian: Temper? Haha that's just for TV shows and the cameras. He's a chill guy really. Don't worry about it.

Senn smiles at his group of friends.

Senn: Okay here I go!

The group smile and all pat him on the shoulder before they all stand off to the sidelines.

Senn: You know what? Dub is right. This is going to be just fine.

Suddenly we hear some people speaking from outside the room.

???: Mr. Ramsay, I'm afraid your five plates of fresh pineapple won't be ready for your morning tea but you'll have four plates ready by then and you can snack on your fifth plate after the workshop is over.

Ramsay: Until the fucking workshop is fucking over!? I WANTED FIVE FUCKING PLATES OF FRESH PINEAPPLE NOW YOU YANKEE FUCK!

Suddenly we see Ramsay slam through the doors absolutely pissed off. The others look shocked.

Lannister: Is Ramsay pissed?

Dub just nods.

Dubian: Ramsay pissed...

Ramsay stands in front of the counters.

Ramsay: Alright! I'm Gordon Fucking Ramsay! Best fucking chef in the whole world! Today all of you fuckers are going to make me a basic fucking ham and fucking egg omelette! Now fucking cook!

All (Except Senn): Yes chef!

Senn: Yes Mr. Ramsay sir! I mean Gordon! I mean yes...chef!

Ramsay: Fucking cook!

Senn: Yes chef!

Ramsay prepares his station and begins to start his cooking.

Ramsay: One fucking egg! Crack that fucker into your pan!

All chefs except for Senn quickly do so as Senn picks up an egg, not knowing how to crack just throws it at the pan and it cracks in the pan itself with shell going everywhere as the focus is back on Ramsay.

Ramsay: Now get some fucking salt and some fucking pepper! Season the fuck out of it!

The chefs quickly season their omelette whilst Senn picks up the salt shaker, smashes the lid of it and pours all the salt everywhere over the omelette.

Ramsay: Al-fucking-right! Get your fucking ham, and chop the fucking thing up!

The chefs grab their ham and begin to chop it up whilst Senn picks up his slices of ham. Not sure what to do, he grabs the meat cleaver, smacks the absolute living shit out of the ham and just dumps it all in the pan.

Ramsay: Cheese! Grate the fucking thing up!

The other chefs start grating a block of cheese whilst Senn stares at his block. He looks over Dub.

Dubian: ...Use the bag.

Senn nods and throws the cheese away before he opens up his bag on the bottom, revealing a BAG OF MOZZERELLA. He opens up the bag and DUMPS EVERYTHING INTO THE PAN before he dumps and throws the bag away.

Ramsay: Finishing fucking touch! Go ahead and flip the fucker!

The other chefs perform a very expert flip whilst Senn just stares at his pan and attempts to flip but the OMELETTE JUST FUCKING FLIES UP IN THE AIR AND LANDS ON THE STOVE IN PIECES! Senn just stares at his messed omelette whilst the other six just stare at it in shock.

Ramsay: Finally you fucking serve on a fucking plate! I'm tasting those egg shits and Ramsay is fucking hungry!

The chefs quickly serve absolutely perfect omelettes whilst Senn desperately grabs a fork and just scraps sections off and puts it on his plate.

Ramsay: Time is fucking up! Here I fucking go!

Ramsay goes to the very end of the stations and goes one by one throwing them all into the trash as each chef leaves sadly.

Ramsay: Shit! Terrible! Fuck off! Piss!

Eventually he ends up...at Jacob's station and he stares at the omelette.

Ramsay: What the bloody fuck is that?

Senn: Ahhh...a...a...a ham and cheese omelette.

Ramsay picks up the fork and grabs a bit out of the omelette. He's balancing it in his mouth before he swallows it.

Ramsay: That...is a dreadful over-salted piece of shit.

Senn: Sorry sir.

Ramsay: However...

Ramsay turns to Dub and nods as Dub nods back at him before he turns to Jacob Senn.

Ramsay: Dubian says you have a lot of fucking potential. And I fucking take his fucking word for all it's fucking worth. So I'll send you to fucking Paris. You will train at the legendary “Cordon Le Bleu” school of fucking cooking.


Senn: Holy shit that is incredible!


Ramsay: OI! Don't sware! That's fucking rude!

Senn just looks at Ramsay blankly.

Ramsay: So welcome to my fucking cooking team.

Ramsay extends his hand to Jacob.

Senn: My dream...it's going to happen. I'm going to be a chef!

Senn shakes Ramsay's hand.

Ramsay: Provided you don't break your fucking arse again.

Ramsay laughes to himself as Senn eye begins to twitch slightly.

Senn: I...I broke my tailbone.

Ramsay: Doesn't matter to me mate. Sounds like you broke your arse.

Senn: Tailbone...

Ramsay: You broke your fucking arse Senn.

Senn: IT WAS MY TAILBONE!!!

And “Caught In A Mosh” by Anthrax suddenly starts playing (right where the riff kicks in) and Senn PUNCHES Ramsay square in the face. Ramsay gets up and attempts to run away but Ramsay catches him at HITS A GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO HIM. Finally as Ramsay is crawling along the ground Senn climbs on top of a stove.

Senn: MY. TAILBONNNNEEEE!!!

And Senn leaps off of the table as he connects with the HARMONIC DIVERGENCE onto Ramsay who is now completely out of breath. Senn gets up and his group just stares at him in total shock.

Lannister: We should probably get out of here.

Cerci: Go, go, go!

The seven of them race out of the way as we--

CUT TO
APARTMENT #12

Jacob is sitting on the couch looking unhappy whilst the other six are there trying to cheer him up.

Xavier: Hey man, it's not as bad as you think it is.

Senn: I've ruined all hopes of becoming a chef.

Tarah: No you haven't. There are more chefs than Gordon Ramsay.

Senn: Yeah but he's like friends with every single one of them!

Lannister: Listen Jacob. You just have to look at the positives here. Maybe this is a sign that being a chef isn't for you at all. I mean think about it, there are other things available for you. Maybe one of those can be what you do?

Jacob: Yeah...maybe you're right.

Jacob smiles as Lannister pats him on the shoulder before he turns on the TV, directly to a newscast.

Newsreader: Welcome to Channel 6 News. In breaking news tonight, LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING! Former professional wrestler and now aspiring professional chef Jacob Senn reportedly went ballistic during a masterclass held by international celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay after Ramsay was reportedly found nearly unconscious in the chef hall. However when Ramsay was asked whether or not he would sue he said quote, “Jacob Senn has a bigger pair of balls than any other fucker I ever knew. I wouldn't sue him, and I will countersue anyone else that attempts to.” In other news, #AssCast is trending worldwide!

Lannister quickly turns the TV off as Senn just stares at it, a bit confused.


Lannister: Ahhh...just ignore that. Anyway...is there any other hidden talents you have? Something that you can do?

Senn: Well I know how to play the guitar.

The other six are looking at him a bit surprised.

Cameron: You know how to play guitar?

Senn: Yeah. I actually played guitar for Coldplay for three months whilst they were having an argument with their current guitarist?

Tarah: Oh yeah? How did that turn out?

We see Senn thinking to himself as we--

FLASHBACK TO:
SUBTITLE: LONDON, ENGLAND

We see the band Coldplay in the middle of a rehearsal with Jacob playing with them. They're playing the song “Clocks” as before they hit the chorus Jacob stops it.

Senn: Wait guys, stop, stop, stop!

The band stops as they look at him.

Chris Martin: What is it Jacob?

Senn: I have an idea for the band!

Chris Martin: What is it?

Senn: Okay how about the next few songs we write...

Will Champion: Yeah...

Senn: Have lyrics...

Guy Berryman: Yeah...

Senn: That are not about us bitching about emotional, depressing bullshit!

Senn smiles goofily and puts his thumb up as the other three members of the band death stare him.


END FLASHBACK
BACK TO PRESENT

Jacob stands there before turning back to the group.

Senn: Didn't go exactly well...

Xavier: Right, well are there other things you can do? Besides playing guitar?

Senn: Well...I did play college football.

Xavier: College ball?

Senn: Yeah! I was the starting quarterback at Miami U for two years!

Tarah: Well you see? There you go! You can become a pro football player!

Senn: That's perfect guys! Jacob Senn! Former champion of EAW, now champion of the NFL!

The group all look at him a little bit uneasy saying things like “Maybe”, “Yeah?” and “Uhh...”

Senn: Ummm...Jacob Senn! Former champion of EAW, now champion of the CFL!

The group all react in the same way as before.

Senn: Seriously? You guys don't think I'm cut out for the Canadian Football League?

The group all stare at him before they say...

Xavier: Yeah, no.

Tarah: Not in the slightest.

Lannister: You'll be cut in a week.

Senn just looks slightly shocked but doesn't let it phase him.

Senn: Umm...Jacob Senn! Former champion of EAW, now champion of the Arena Football League?

Then the group of six cheer and applaud.

Lannister: There you go!

Cameron: You can do it Senn!

Xavier: Jacob Senn! Five time ArenaBowl Champion, two time ArenaBowl MVP!

Senn: Yeah! I'm ready for this!

Dubian: This is perfect too because the Spokane Shock are just nearby and they have try-outs this weekend!

Senn: How do you know if they have try-outs?

Tarah: What are you talking about, it's the Arena Football League. They're always going to have try-outs every weekend.

Senn: ...True.

Dubian: And if you want to train up to become a professional footballer, a good friend of mine is a former NFL quarterback and I can contact him to help you train up!

Senn: That would be amazing man!

Dubian: Alright, let's get it sorted!

CUT TO
STAR POINT CITY PARK | MORNING

We see Jacob and Dub standing in the park getting ready. Jacob is wearing a Spokane Shock T-Shirt whilst wearing a pair of jeans, whilst Dub is smiling there wearing a suit.

Dubian: He'll be here very shortly.

Senn: So what's to know about this guy?

Dubian: Well this guy is a former NFL quarterback.

Senn: Yeah...

Dubian: He was a first round pick in the NFL draft.

Senn: Hell yeah!

Dubian: And since retiring he's become a commentator.

Senn: ALRIGHT! HELL YEAH! I'm going to be trained by Troy Aikman!

Dubian: Ummm...close. Oh look he's here right now!

Senn and Dubian both look up when they see a blue Ford Focus pull up. There's a sticker on the car that reads “GO WITH GOD!”

Senn: Oh no...

We then see the back of the car and there's another sticker that reads. “If a NFL team needs a quarterback, call me!”

Senn: Oh dear god...

The car door opens and there is...TIM TEBOW!

Tebow: Hey guys!

Senn: OH FUCK NO! (To Dub) This is a trap Dub! You tricked me!

Tim Tebow walks closer to the group of them and smiles.

Tebow: Hi nice to meet you Jacob! I'm Tim Tebow! Former Broncos, Jets and Patriots quarterback and current ESPN analyst!

Senn: HELL NO! HELL NO! I'm not getting trained by some terrible ass of a quarterback who's probably still a virgin!

Tebow: HEY! (pause) I am NOT a TERRIBLE ASS of a quarterback. Anyway, speaking of asses weren't you the guy who broke his?

Senn: It was my tailbone.

Tebow: It was your ass man.

Senn: IT WAS MY TAILBONE YOU VIRGIN!

Senn RACES straight towards Tebow when suddenly he MATRIXES by ducking down with Senn diving straight on top of him before he kips back up. Jacob just looks confused.

Senn: Woah...

Tebow: The art of the quarterback. Mr. Asscast.

Senn: TAILBONE CAST YOU VIRGIN!

Senn races back the other way as Tebow suddenly disappears then REAPPEARS behind Senn.

Senn: Woah...

Tebow smiles before holding up a football.

Tebow: Ready to train?

Senn grabs his football off of the ground. His football has the word “FOOTBALL” drawn on it in very poor black marker.

Senn: Ready!

CUE MONTAGE


“Push It To The Limit” by Paul Engemann begins to play as we see a montage of Tebow and Senn playing football. These include the two practicing their throws, Senn having to train his speed but not getting faster, so Dubian brings out Tarah holding a plate of bacon. She begins to run backwards with it, leading for Senn to run very quickly to get to the bacon.

Other tests include Senn having to practice throwing blindfolded, going through a meditation session with Tebow, and practicing learning how to take tackles and hits. Eventually as Tebow and Senn are talking, Tebow smiles and pulls out a couple of The Bible and smiles whilst pointing to it. Senn ends up staring at Tebow unimpressed before throwing his football at him and walking off.

END MONTAGE

The song begins to fade out as we see Senn with football in hand preparing to throw.

Tebow: THROW!

Senn immediately launches a pass that spirals nearly 60 yards before it perfectly lands in a rubbish bin nearby.

Tebow: You nailed it! Okay looks like you're ready for your try-out man.

Senn: Thanks Tim, couldn't have done it without you man. This Saturday is going to be great!

Tebow: No worries anytime man. Anyway I best be off.

Tebow approaches his car as Senn prepares to leave before Tebow turns back.

Tebow: Hey if you get in to the Shock umm...is it possible if I could become your back up?

Senn: Uhhh...I'll think about it. Anyway thanks man see you later!

Senn leaves the field as Tebow calls out to him.

Tebow: Okay! Well Go With God!

Senn: No thank you, virgin man!

Tebow looks at Senn a little bit upset before he hops back in his car.

CUT TO
SPOKANE SHOCK | TRYOUT FACILITY

We see a small arena packed with football players in there as we cut to the main entrance of the arena. Our group of seven storm in with Senn looking very focused, Dub snacking on a bag of pork crackles whilst the other five just have very blank expressions on their face.

Senn storms directly to the table in front of him where there is a middle aged man wearing a Spokane Shock cap.

Senn: I'm here to tryout for the team?

Man: 50 dollars.

Senn slams the bill on the table as the man picks it up, inspects it, then puts it away.

Man: You're going for quarterback?

Senn: Yes sir.

Man: Alright get into your gear, you'll be required in about 10 minutes.

Senn nods and leaves as the group of six sit on the sidelines.

Xavier: A football game!

Lannister: This isn't a football game Xav, this is just football tryouts.

Xavier: Are you serious?

Tarah: Yeah, just tryouts.

Xavier: Awww...

We see Xavier is decked out in Spokane Shock jersey, wearing a Spokane Shock cap and is waving a flag that reads “GO SPORTS!” on it as he puts the cap and flag away.

Announcer: Can all quarterback tryouts please get ready!

Then the group of six look down and see Jacob Senn running out in his football jersey and helmet all business as he joins about 25 other people all assumingly trying out for quarterback. We then see Coach Grimble run out (the man at the table beforehand).

Grimble: Alright! Listen to me you football junkies. There are 25 of you trying out for the position of quarterback, but only one of will join my time and my question to you all is honestly if you don't have the athletic prowess that football players need today then what in “God's Name, It's Me Margaret” do you think you're doing here? Each of you will go one by one running the drill. Try not to get tackled. Who ever I believe has that “it factor” will join my team am I making myself clear?

All Players (except Senn): Yes coach!

Senn: Yes Mister Coach sir! I mean coach! I mean yes crystal clear coach!

Grimble stares at Senn before he walks up to him.

Grimble: I got my eye on you...

Senn does an exaggerated gulp.

Grimble: PLAYERS! PLACES!

All of the players disperse as Senn stands then breathing in and out to himself.

Senn: Everything's going to be fine...

A player runs past him.

Player #1: You're gonna get hurt today.

Senn: Everything will be mostly fine...

Another player runs past.

Player #2: Man you're going to get fucked up.

Senn: Yeah I'm going to fucked up.

CUT TO
ON THE FIELD

Senn is the last quarterback in line as we see a series of quarterbacks get destroyed and annihilated by defending players smashing and knocking them over. The final quarterback before Senn prepares to go and the second the whistle blows a massive lineman just charges and flattens him.

We see that player be carried off of the field as Senn looks over in Shock before...

Grimble: Kid! You're up!

Senn looks out to the field and races on as he gets ready to start the play. He looks out to everyone else on the field, looks out to his friends as they look tense. Lannister and Cerci hold each other's hands as they stare outwards, Dubian looks closely as he finishes his food, Cameron puts her hands in a praying style position whilst Xavier and Tarah look closely on to the field as Xavier puts his hand on top of hers before she goes...

Tarah: (gritted teeth) Xav...get your hand off my hand...

Xavier: Sure.

Xavier moves his hand to Tarah's knee as she sighs as we go back to the field.

Senn: BLUE 22!

SUDDEN FLASHBACK

Senn coming down the ramp.

Ring Announcer: From Chicago, Illinois weighing in at 225 pounds...JACCCOOOBB SENNN!

END FLASHBACK

Senn tries to regain his focus.

Senn: BLUE 22! SCATTER! SCATTER!

However as Senn tries to think we--

SUDDEN FLASHBACK

Senn holding the EAW Championship

Ring Announcer: Your winner and NNEEEWWW EAW CHAMPION JACCCOOBBB SEENNNN!!!

END FLASHBACK

Senn immediately realises something.

Senn: This isn't right.

Grimble: Senn, start the play!

Senn: I shouldn't be playing football...

Senn rips his helmet off and throws it the ground.

Grimble: Senn! What the hell are you doing?

Senn throws his jersey off.

Senn: I'm not a football player!

And Senn rips off his pads.

Senn: I AM A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER!

Grimble: HEY! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON MISTER ASSCAST!

Then Senn looks up and stares at Grimble.

Senn: BROKEN! TAILBONE!

Then suddenly “X Gon Give It To Ya” by DMX begins to play as Senn just CHARGES through the field knocking out and taking down every player in his sight hitting a series of suplex's, DDT's and other things before the entire field of players is gone and all that remains is Coach Grimble.

Grimble: Oh shit...

The coach runs but Senn catches up to him and hits a massive spinebuster before he climbs the goalpost, balances on it and hits the HARMONIC DIVERGENCE onto Coach Grimble off the top of the goalpost. Senn smiles, completely out of breath.

Senn: I'm a wrestler!

However Senn notices the scene of carnage in front of him, players everywhere knocked out. He looks up to his group of friends...

Senn: Guys should we get out of here?

...But notices that they're already running out of the arena.

Xavier: Way ahead of you buddy!

Senn shrugs before running off after them.

CUT TO
APARTMENT 8 | LIVING ROOM

Back at Jacob and Xavier's apartment now as the TV is going on showing the news.

Newsreader: Tonight's top story! LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING AGAIN! When former professional wrestler, former aspiring professional chef, and current aspiring professional arena football player Jacob Senn went ballistic at a tryout session for Arena Football team Spokane Shock knocking out every player and their Head Coach, Coach Grimble. However when the team threatened to sue, once again Gordon Ramsay stated that “Senn’s got balls” and he would sue the Spokane Shock in return, therefore the team has dropped all of their accusations. More details at 11.

Cameron switches the TV off as the group sit there.

Lannister: So...what now?

Jacob just smiles as “Times We Had” by The Mother Hips begins to play.

Senn: I've been thinking about it a lot and realised...professional wrestling is where I want to be. Professional wrestling is my passion, and it's what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Therefore I hereby announce my return to professional wrestling and the end of my retirement!

The group cheer at Senn's announcement before they realise something.

Tarah: Wait do you think EAW will welcome you back with open arms?

Senn: Yeah, I mean I'm sure there's no hard feelings.

CUT TO
BACKSTAGE OF DYNASTY

We see Xav and Jacob waiting backstage.

Ring Announcer: And his opponent from Chicago, Illinois via way of Miami, Florida JACCCCOOOBBBB “MISTER ASS CAST” SEENNNNNNN!!!

Xavier: Really? No hard feelings?

We pan down to see Jacob wearing a very large fake cast covering his ass.

Senn: Eh, it could be worse.

And as Senn walks out to make his entrance to the ring we--

BLACK OUT
CLOSING CREDITS

The song, “Big Lost” by Diplo plays during the closing sequence.

END OF EPISODE 3

***
#AssCast

“Roommates!”
EPISODE 1x02 | Sweet Chin Music


MAIN CAST
King Lannister as...King Lannister
Cerci as...Cerci
Devan Dubian as...Devan Dubian
Xavier Williams as...Xavier Williams
Jacob Senn as...Jacob Senn
Tarah Nova as...Tarah Nova
Cameron Ella Ava as...Cameron Ella Ava

GUEST CAST
Joel McHale as...Tristan The Manager
Hayden Panettiere as...Supermarket Checkout Girl

***

COLD OPEN
INSIDE APARTMENT #12

We see Cameron Ella Ava's room. A nice room that features a very nice bed, paintings all along the walls and overall a very nice, purple theme. We then pan across to see her still in bed when suddenly her alarm clock goes off. She reaches her hand out and smacks it to stop it.

She slowly rises out of bed when “Latch” by Disclosure begins to play.

CUT TO

We see her in the bathroom cleaning her teeth and getting herself ready for the day as the music kicks in a bit.

CUT TO

The kitchen as she's making breakfast for herself and her roommate Tarah by preparing some cereal and making some toast. Tarah wakes up as she walks down the corridor into the kitchen.

Tarah: Are you making breakfast?


Cameron: Sure am! Just got some cereal and toast here.

Tarah: Great!

And the vocals are building up and up in the song before the beat is about to drop.

Tarah: Oh my god! This is like totally my song!

Cameron: Uhhh...

Tarah: When that beat drops I'm singing out loud and you're singing it with me!

Cameron: Uhhh...

The beat builds and builds and builds...and then it drops as Tarah sings—sorry not sings but SCREAMS out the chorus quite out of tune, and very poorly as well.

“NOW I'VE GOT YOU IN MY SPACE!!!!
I WON'T LET GO OF YYOUUUU!!!
GOT YOU SHACKLEEDD IN MMY EMMBRRAACCEEE!!!
SOMETHING SOMETHING LATCHING TO YOU!!!”

And as Tarah proceeds to keep singing we see Cameron's expression of face turn from worry...to annoyance...to anger...when suddenly in an impulse when Tarah yells out “SOMETHING ALL OVER ACROSS MY FACE!” she SMACKS the radio and it goes FLYING off the counter and smashes and breaks on the floor as Tarah just stares at it.

Tarah: You...you broke the radio.

Cameron: Just a...just a nervous reflex.

Tarah stares at Cameron for a little bit before...

Tarah: You probably should get that checked out.

Tarah gets up and walks away as she says under her breath.

Tarah: Some people...

CUT TO
OPENING CREDITS

The song “Big Lost” by Diplo plays during the opening credits.

END CREDITS
CUT TO
APARTMENT 12 | INSIDE

Breakfast is all over and Cameron and Tarah are both dressed up for the day. Cameron's sitting on the couch watching TV whilst Tarah's getting ready to leave.

Cameron: Where are you going? Because you remember we're all heading out to lunch later.

Tarah: Oh, not far. Dub's driving me to the supermarket to get a couple of things, then we'll meet you all at the Mexican place.

Cameron: Oh okay then.

There's a knock on the door all of a sudden as Tarah walks up to it and opens it and low and behold, it's Dub!

Tarah: DUB!

Dubian: TARAH!


Tarah: Dub!

Dubian: Tarah!

Tarah: Dub...

Dubian: Tarah...

There's a pause between the two before...

Tarah: DUB!

Dubian: TARAH!

The two quickly hug before letting go.

Dubian: We ready to go to the supermarket?

Tarah: Yeah! What supermarket are we going to?

Dubian: You'll...you'll find out.

Tarah just looks at Dub, a little confused before the two leave.

APARTMENT COMPLEX | GARAGE

The garage is seen in full view as Tarah and Dub approach where there are nothing but cars everywhere.

Tarah: A lot of fancy cars here. I mean I know this is a luxury apartment complex but still.

Dubian: All these cars are mine.

Tarah: What?

Dubian: Yeah...except this stupid Bentley Continental GT piece of shit!

We see Dub gesturing to the aforementioned white luxury car looking pissed off.

Dubian: I hate Bentleys. Everyone knows I do and yet they still give them to me...do you want it?

Tarah: Wait what.

Dubian: Do you want it?

Tarah: Want...the car?

Dubian: Yeah it's a piece of shit.

Dubian just tosses the keys to her and she grabs them.

Dubian: Take it. You're driving, I'll just direct you on the way.

Tarah grabs onto the keys and smiles before...

CUT TO
INT. TARAH'S BENTLEY

Tarah is driving whilst Dub is sitting in the front seat.

Dubian: Alright so after this left you want to make a right.

Tarah: Okay.

A silence falls between the two as Tarah is focusing on driving.

Dubian: So umm...this...weather we're having.

Tarah: It's shit.

Dubian: Yeah it is...and you're wrestling?

Tarah: It's good.

Dubian: Of course it is...

A silence falls over again awkwardly between the two before Dubian has an idea.

Dubian: Hey you know what would be good to pass the time?

Tarah: What?

Dubian: If we play some music.

Tarah: Oh my god! Best idea! I love listening to music!

Dubian: Alright.

Dubian hits the radio when “More Than This” by Roxy Music begins to play.

Tarah: DUB! THIS IS MY JAM!

Dubian: You're jam!? Well turn it up then!

Dub turns the radio up as Tarah begins to sing off key again...and loudly too.

“I COULD FEEEELLL AT THE TIMMME
THERE WASS NNOOO WAYY OF KNOWING
FALLEN...PIECES...AND SHIT!
ASSES CONSTANTLY BURNING!”

And when it comes obvious that Tarah is actually making up the words and seeing out of key Dubian gets so angry that he SMASHES the radio before destroying it to absolute pieces. We see smoke rising out of the radio as Tarah just stares at the radio in shock.

Tarah: You broke my radio...

Dubian: I'll buy you a new one.

Tarah just stares at the radio in disbelief..

CUT TO
OUTSIDE SUPERMARKET


The Bentley pulls up WITH FUCKING DINTS AND SCRATCHES ALL OVER IT as both Tarah and Dub get out.

Tarah: Sorry for trashing the car...

Dubian: Tarah you don't just drive around and hit other cars!


Tarah: The cars were blocking away and they were too slow!

Dubian: They had a right to be slow, it was a funeral procession!

Tarah: A funeral procession?

Dubian: Yeah! Their grandfather died!

Tarah: WELL I WANT FOOD!

Dubian: Relative. Dead.


Tarah: ME. FOOD!

Dubian: You called his son a waste of life!

Tarah: It was because he was stopping me from getting to food! Anybody who stops me from getting food is a waste of life in my book!

Dubian sighs as he gives up whilst the two walk up to the supermarket before Tarah notices something...

Tarah: Wait a second...what is this place?

Tarah looks up at the building and there we see a very big sign that reads “DUBMART”.

Dubian: Yep, this is my own supermarket. One of twenty-three suitable convenient locations throughout the country!

Then suddenly Dubian looks directly into the camera and smiles, whilst giving the thumbs up.

Dubian: Dub-Mart! We give a LOW BLOW to other supermarket prices!


The fourth wall break ends as Dub shows Tarah into the supermarket.

CUT TO
DUBMART | INTERIOR

Both Dub and Tarah enter the Dubmart as suddenly...

All: HELLO MISTER DUBIAN!

Dub just waves out to everyone as a man wearing a dress shirt and a tie runs up to him.

Man: Mr. Dubian!

Dubian: Tristan! My Washington manager! How are you?

Tristan: Very well thank you! Is this your new lady friend Mr. Dubian?

Dubian's eyes suddenly go wild before he turns to Tarah who quickly goes...

Tarah: Nope.

Dubian turns back to Tristan.

Dubian: Nope not my lady friend. She's just a friend...for now.

Tarah: Nope.

Dubian: Maybe at some point down the line?

Tarah: Nope.

Dubian turns to Tarah directly at this point.

Dubian: Not ever?

Tarah: Not ever.

Dubian awkwardly turns back to Tristan whilst Tristan puts on an awkward smile.

Tristan: Umm...that's wonderful Mr. Dubian. Enjoy yourself around here.

He walks off as Dubian looks at Tarah.

Dubian: Seriously? Not even a remote chance?

Tarah: Nope, nope, nope, no, no, no, no, no. Nope.

Tarah grabs a grocery basket and walks off whilst Dubian looks after her.

Dubian: Four nopes and five no's? Seriously? Have I lost it? Have I lost my charm? Wait no. Nope. I'm awesome. I'm amazing, I'll never lose my charm.

Dubian shakes off his worry and turns it into confidence as he strides off into the store.

CUT TO
DUBMART | AISLES

Tarah is walking through the entire store with her basket looking confused at all the other products on display.

Tarah: What the fuck is this...

Tarah picks up a can of tomato paste. It has a picture of Dub posing whilst the label reads “Dub's Tomato Paste – NOTHING IS AS AMAZING AS THIS!” Tarah puts a couple of cans into her basket as she keeps walking in the aisle whilst she views her eyes on other products. One of these is “AROMA – By Dub” - a perfume bottle that has a picture of Dubian posing in a suit on it as well as “Dubby-O's!” A brand new cereal line that has Dub posing with a very goofy smile giving the thumbs up as it reads “AMAZING CEREAL. AMAZING TASTE. SIMPLY. AMAZING CHOCOLATE AND HONEY FLAVOURING!”

Tarah: You've put your face on every single one of these products?

Dubian: Yeah of course I did! I mean think of it this way, every time one of those shoppers walk out of here with my products, I get 15% of that stuff.

Tarah: Wait...is the reason you brought me here was so...I have to spend money on you!?

Dubian: And also enjoy the brand new Dubbo's Tub Of Milk!

Dub holds up a large bottle of milk that reads “Dubbo's NEW AND IMPROVED (after the cyanide incident of 2013) TUB OF MILK! Now available in Cheese and Bacon Flavor! WARNING: If one experiences death during this product, you can not sue Mr. Dubian). Tarah KNOCKS the tub of milk out of Dub's hands as the milk spills everywhere!

Tarah: 15% of 60 dollars is...9 dollars...

Tarah pulls the money out of her wallet and shoves it straight into Dub.

Tarah: See you back at the car.

Tarah walks off with her groceries and proceeds to the check-out whilst Dubian stands back there.

Dubian: (sarcastically) Yeah that's how you get the ladies Devan...show her your bacon and cheese milk.

Dub turns back to where the milk hit the ground where we can see that THE LIQUID HAS EATEN THROUGH THE FLOOR WITH THAT PART OF THE SUPERMARKET AISLE DISSOLVING. Dub just stares at in shock before he runs over, grabs a piece of cloth and covers it up.

Dubian: No one has to see that...

Dub whistles to himself when a young boy (Jimmy) and his mother walk up behind him.

Jimmy: Can I get some “Dubilicious Choc Chip Cookies” mom?

Mother: Anything you want sweetie!

Jimmy excitedly runs through before OH SHIT! THERE'S THE TARP! Not knowing where he's going the boy trips AND FALLS THROUGH THE FUCKING HOLE! His Mother screams out and cries...

Mother: JIMMY!!!! NO!!!!!

But it's too late the boy has disappeared into the hole...a crowd forms around them when Tristan runs by.

Tristan: What happened here!? Mr. Dubian!? What happened?

Dub just looks at Tristan blankly before he says...

Dubian: Umm...Tristan! This is all your fault!

Tristan: All my fault?

Dubian: Yeah it is! The infrastructure of this store has caused that little boy to die!

Mother: My little Jimmy is dead?

The mother now collapses on the ground and begins to break down majorly into tears.

Dubian: TRISTANNNN YOU'RE FIRED!

Tristan: What!?

Dubian: YOU'RRREEEEEEE FFFIIIRRREEEDDD!!!

Tristan: But what do I tell my wife Kate and our four kids?

Dubian stares at Tristan.

Dubian: I...I banged your wife.

Dubian runs off to--

DUBMART | CHECK OUT

Tarah's putting her groceries through the check out as the check out girl is doing her job and processing things through. Dub runs up and catches up to her as he's sweating and silghtly out of breath.

Tarah: Woah Dub are you okay?

Dubian: Yeah I'm fine...fine...burnt a hole through the ground, some kid died and I fired the manager. No biggie.

Tarah just stares at him weirdly before nodding.

Tarah: Okay...

Tarah picks up her bags and prepares to pay before the check-out girl sees...

Check-Out Girl: Mr. Dubian!

Dubian: Hey Kelly.

Kelly: What are you doing here?

Dubian: Just here with my lad-

Tarah death stares.

Dubian: Just friend. Here with my friend Miss Tarah Nova.

Tarah: Nice to meet you.

Dubian: I owe her a favor so I'll pay for her food.

Tarah immediately looks back at Dub.

Tarah: You'll pay for my food?

Dubian: Yes I will.

Tarah has a smile on her face when we cut to--

SUBTITLE: 90 MINUTES LATER
We see nothing but a PILE of FOOD AND DRINK on the check-out counter as now seven trollies are filled with food and the security workers are pushing them back to the car.

Check-Out Girl: And with that, that comes down to $525.80.

Dub just throws a stack of bills down.

Dubian: Keep the change.

Check-Out Girl: Wait hang on a second! Miss Nova?

Tarah: Yes?

Check-Out Girl: Congratulations! You've won the promotion and you are our 1,000^th different customer!

Tarah: Oh yay! What do I win?

Check-Out Girl: You win the opportunity to sing a song...with me! Tristan! Play the music!

Tristan storms out of the store pissed off.

Tristan: FUCK YOU KELLY! FUCK YOU DUB!

Suddenly his phone rings.

Tristan: Hello!? Yes my wife...FUCK YOU TOO! AND FUCK ALL THE KIDS!

Tristan hangs up throws his phone to the side and storms out.

Check-Out Girl: Uhhh...someone else? Play the song and give her a microphone!

And Tarah's face lights up when she's given her microphone whilst Dub has a look of grimace on his face. The song “1000 Miles” by Vanessa Carlton begins to play as Dub looks like he's about to cry whilst Tarah gets ready to sing and once again...it's bad...

“MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN
WALKING FASSSHHHT
FACESSSS ARE PASSED
AND I'M HOMEBOUNNNDD”

And the Check-Out Girl looks shocked at Tarah's singing, the people at the store are groaning in horror whilst Dub just sighs and facepalm as Tarah continues...oblivious to what's going on.

CUT TO
TARAH'S BENTLEY | INSIDE

Tarah is driving not happy at all whilst Dub is resting before he turns around and sees.

Dubian: Are you okay?

Tarah: I'm fine.

Dubian: Okay.

Tarah keeps driving whilst Dub stops talking before she speaks again.

Tarah: I'm fine. Fine. Fine fine fine fine fine.

Dubian sighs.

Dubian: Is this about what happened at the supermarket?

Tarah: I can NOT believe that I was booed! I did Vanessa Carlton's song justice!

Dubian: Tarah a four year old girl was crying because she said you were bad at singing, then you threw a cereal box at her dad and he passed out.

Tarah: She wasn't crying because my singing was bad! She was crying because her dad is a pussy!

Dub sighs once again.

Tarah: Anyway I'm hungry so let's meet the others for some tacos!

Dubian: Alrighty then.

Tarah drives off as “1000 Miles” plays again as we--

CUT TO
JOE AND CHACHI'S MEXICAN FOOD

Joe and Chachi's where Xavier, Senn, Lannister, Cerci and Cameron are already seated eating their food.

Lannister: I requested extra rice.

Cerci: Honey it's oka-

Lannister: SOMEONE DID NOT PUT RICE IN THE KING'S TACO!


Lannister gets up and suddenly we see a shop worker FLY ACROSS THE RESTAURANT as he sits back down.

Cerci: So what happened?

Lannister: Oh he told me there was rice on the bottom.

Senn: So why did you throw him?

Lannister: Because he disrespected me! He had the audacity to call me LANNISTER.

Xavier: So isn't that your name?

Lannister looks at Xavier with his eye twitching.

Lannister: What did you say?

Xavier: King Lannister is your name?

Lannister: Better.

The others continue to talk and eat their tacos as Tarah and Dub walk in.

Tarah: Hey guys!

All: TARAH!!!!

Dubian: People.

All: … [Silence]

Xavier: Hey Dub!

The two of them sit down as a waiter comes round.

Cameron: Just get her three spicy chicken tacos and get him...uhhh...uhhh...

Dub smiles before pulling a credit card out of his wallet and handing it to the waiter.

Dubian: Give me everything you got!

Waiter: Okay.

Dubian: Actually everything not pork.

Waiter: Ummm sure.

Dubian: Or beef or fish. Or burrito based.

Waiter: Uhhh...

Dubian: Ah forget it.

Dub takes the credit card.

Dubian: (defeated) Just get me three spicy chicken tacos too...

The waiter nods before leaving as Tarah prepares to speak.

Tarah: So you guys would never believe what happened today! I was at this sup-

Then suddenly through the store system “Wherever, Whenever” by Shakira plays as Tarah gets up in joy.

Tarah: Oh my god...

Dubian: Please no...

Tarah: This...

Cameron: Shit...

Tarah: Is...

Lannister: Oh fuck...

Tarah: My...

Xavier: ASS!

The group turn to him.

Xavier: What? I thought we were saying swear words! Hahahahahaha...ass.

Tarah: JAAMMMM!!!!

And Tarah jumps up on the table and prepares to sing before--

Cerci: NO!

Tarah turns to Cerci looking shocked.

Tarah: No?

Cerci: No! Listen...I'm sorry Tarah but...you're...you're not good at singing.

Tarah: Wait...what?

Cerci: You're a great girl and a great person but you're singing...it...

Xavier: Sounds like you're massacring a million puppies in the forest of dreams.

Tarah: Are you guys serious?

Cameron: Honey it...it sounds like a pig being shot in the head.

Senn: Like a kid screaming after his parents have been killed.

Xavier: Batman?

Senn: BATMAN!

Senn and Xavier high-five before everyone continues.

Cerci: You sound like Lannister after he watches an episode of Degrassi.

Lannister: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH!...I don't sound that bad when I watch Degrassi right?

Cerci raises her eyebrow at him as we--

[FLASHBACK]

Lannister sitting on the couch just focused on the television...

Lannister: No Adam...don't die...please...

Doctor: (on TV) Time of death...8:53PM.

Lannister then just breaks down into a sea of warbling mess.

Lannister: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! YOU HAD TO KILL HIM! PLOT DEVELOPMENT MY ASS CANADA, PLOT DEVELOPMENT MY ASS!

[END FLASHBACK]

Back at lunch...

Lannister: That was only the I cried...for the fourth time...that week...

Tarah just looks in shock then suddenly it clicks for her.

Tarah: I...I can't believe this. I WANTED TO EXPRESS MY LOVE AND PASSION THROUGH THE FORM OF SONG!

The waiter walks up.

Waiter: Here are your tacos.

Tarah grabs them and throws them down on the ground before she storms off. The waiter looks confused as Dub just goes...

Dubian: I'll...I'll...pay for them.

The waiter nods before leaving a confused six as we--

CUT TO
COMMERCIAL BREAK

FADE IN
APARTMENT 16 | INSIDE


Inside Lannister, Cerci and Dub's apartment as they're all joined by Cameron, Xavier and Senn as the group of them are currently unsure of what to do.

Xavier: So wow guys...this ice cream is good!

We pan out to see them all eating out of mini tubs of vanilla ice cream.

Cameron: We know it is but that's beside the point. I think Tarah is really upset.

Dubian: (sarcastically) Oh really? I thought her storming out was all part of her daily routine or something.

Senn: But what can we do for her? I mean we're her friends there has to be something.

Then Cerci suddenly has an idea.

Cerci: I have one...

Lannister: No...

Cerci: But Lannister...

Lannister: No I know what you're suggesting.

Cerci: No you don't.

Lannister: An intervention?


Cerci: …Maybe.

Lannister: You don't remember the last time we had one of those?

Cerci: Oh I remember...and it worked.

[FLASHBACK]
SUBTITLE: SIX MONTHS AGO

We see Cerci, Brian Daniels and Tyler Parker all seated in a room where Lannister walks in.

Lannister: What the hell...

Cerci: Honey...sit down.

Lannister: Lannister is very suspicious of what's going on here...


Lannister uneasily sits down.

Cerci: We're all here because we love you okay? But this...this third person thing...

Lannister: Lannister doesn't like where you are going with this...

Cerci: But it's getting kind of old okay? I mean it was cute and funny at first but now...

And that's when Cerci breaks down into tears.

Cerci: (in complete tears) Do you know off-putting it is when we try to have sex!? Then I tell you to “plough me” and then you say “Lannister will plough you!?” I...I...

But she can't do it as she's crying. Lannister however just says...

Lannister: Lannister is sick and tired of all y'all bullshit.

And Lannister just storms out.

[END FLASHBACK]

Back in Cerci and Lannister's new apartment.

Cerci: And look at you now! All improved, a better person and you don't refer to yourself in third person!

Lannister: Lannister misses those times...

Cerci: ...Mostly.

Senn: So hang on. Are we seriously saying that the best way to get to Tarah is...an intervention?

Xavier: I mean think about it. It shows we care about her. It shows that we'll always be there for her and finally it shows that we are willing to talk about the issue she's currently facing and willing to help her through it.

The rest of the group look at Xavier a little shocked and also a little taken back.

Senn: Wow...

Lannister: That was surprisingly profound Xavier. I wasn't expecting that from you.

Xavier: Well sometimes I say stuff like that.

Cerci: Yeah that's incredible. I mean really. I mean someone like you? Yeesh...

Xavier: Okay, I get your point. And..thank you.

Senn: Still if we're going to convince Tarah to attend an intervention, how are we going to do it?

Cameron suddenly looks determined.

Cameron: I think I know exactly how...tonight?

Cerci: Yeah tonight.

Cameron: Yep, I think I got it.

CUT TO
OUTSIDE APARTMENT 12 | NIGHTTIME

It's now nighttime as we see both Tarah and Cameron walk up to their apartment. They're both wearing dresses and are donning make up, obviously after a night downtown.

Tarah: I totally miss going out drinking with you.

Cameron: You had fun right?

Tarah: Hell yeah I had fun! Now Round...TWO!

And Tarah tries to make her way back out before Cameron stops her.

Cameron: Um Tarah...Tarah?

Tarah: What?

Cameron: We can do Round 2 inside!

Tarah: But I wanna go out!

Cameron: We can drink and watch Season 2 of Frasier!

Tarah: Frasier!? FUCK YES! Let's go in!

Cameron opens the door to the apartment as Tarah walks in when she now sees the sight in front of her. She sees a very sombre Lannister, Cerci, Dub, Jacob and Xavier all seated on seats. There's a banner hanging from the roof that reads “Intervention!” when suddenly it all makes sense to her.

Tarah: Hang on a second...I didn't finish my ice cream back at the ice cream place! Also Cameron you lied!

Cameron: Tarah just...just sit down.


Tarah looks a bit suspicious before she calmly sits down.

Tarah: Listen I know why you're having an intervention...however before you guys say something just let me speak first.

Senn: Anything.

Tarah: I haven't touched cocaine for like two years now! I've been clean! Besides the cocaine was like one time at a party! I didn't know!

Senn: None of us are talking about tha-you did crystal meth!?

Tarah: It was a one time thing!

Lannister: Everyone! Just...we'll go round person by person. I'll go first. I'm Lannister, better known to the grand public masses as the one and only King Lannister, and I've been a friend of Tarah Nova's for some time. Tarah...if you ever want to express your emotion and whatever it is your feeling...please...don't express it in song.

Tarah: …

Lannister: Like it makes me want to hit people.

Tarah: …

Lannister: Your singing is so bad you want to make me hit Momma Lannister.

Senn: Alright let me step in. I'm...I'm Jacob Senn. I've also been a friend of Tarah's for some time. Tarah you're an incredible person but...music is not your calling. Wrestling is your calling. Wrestling is how you need to express yourself.

Tarah: Wrestling?

Senn: Yeah..that's...that's your true calling.

Cameron: Tarah...it's me Cameron. Your roommate and despite what's airing on TV right now...your best friend. And this singing thing...is...well if you want to sing get lessons! Like we'll all pay for you to receive lessons it's just...not what you're supposed to do.

Tarah: So I can't express myself is that it?

Cameron: No that's not it...it's just...don't express it in song.

Lannister: Otherwise you make me want to hit both Momma Lannister and Poppa Lannister.

The second Lannister says this Cerci whacks him in the chest as Lannister scowls (softly) in pain.

Lannister: Oww...

Xavier then gets up and prepares to talk.

Xavier: Alright. Hi everyone! My name is Xavier Williams and I'm an alcoholic!

The six of them immediately stare at Xavier in confusion.

Xavier: What? I thought at interventions we have to confess things?

Senn: Just talk man.

Xavier: Right. Anyway I'm Xavier Williams. I'm currently Mister Cash In The Vault as you can see.

And right there Xav holds up a briefcase that has “Cash In The Vault!” written on it in black marker and in very poor handwriting.


Lannister: Nice! You listened to my advice about the markers!

Xavier: Yeah it's great! I mean I had the same problem you had Lannister! I forgot what my title was but now just looking at my briefcase I know I am...

Xavier looks at it but once again enters a bit of confusion.

Xavier: Ca...Ca...

Xavier looks at it and it now seems clear that the handwriting is all mushed together making it hard to read.

Xavier: Cah..I..Thvault? Mr. Cahithvault! YEAH! Must be Greek or something, anyway! I'm the proud owner of this briefcase, and I'm also Tarah Nova's on-again, off-again boyfriend. Anyway I'll just say this.

Xavier puts his briefcase and breathes in before beginning to talk however...he's stuck. Every time Xav tries to open his mouth nothing comes out at all.

Senn: Buddy what's wrong.

Xavier: I'm too scared to say anything...

Senn: Why?

Xavier: To me disappointing and criticising Tarah is like strangling Red Riding Hood with a steel chain...I just can't do it. Fuck it! Do what makes you happy!

Tarah smiles at Xavier's comment.

Xavier: And if that means singing like someone is raping a fish, by all means go for it.

Tarah's smile fades a bit as Xavier just sits down.

Cerci: Okay...time to get this done.

Lannister: Oh shit.

Cerci: Time for Cerci's tough love.

Lannister: Oh cocksucking shit balls!

Cerci gets up and immediately walks over to Tarah.

Cerci: YOU STOP SINGING! YOU STOP HUMMING! YOU STOP DOING ANYTHING THAT'S MUSIC RELATED!

Tarah gets up.

Tarah: Excuse me!?

Cerci: You can't sing for shit! My deaf aunt can sing better than you!

Xavier: BURRNNNNN!!!!!

Everyone just stares at Xavier whilst Xavier has no expression on his face and quietly fist bumps Jacob.

Cerci: You need to realise that the problem isn't that you can't sing bad!

Xavier: BUUUUUUU--

Cerci: The problem isn't that you don't even know half the lyrics to the 259 songs that you claim are all “your jams!”

Xavier: UUUUURRRRRR---

Cerci: BUT THE PROBLEM IS you can't seem to take a hint!

Xavier: RRRRRRRRRNNNNNN---

Cerci: Xavier shut up or else I will slap you back to Michigan!

Xav suddenly shuts his mouth before he says silently.

Xavier: …Burn.

Jacob and Lannister nod in respect of Xavier's comment whilst Dub just sighs and Cameron rolls her eyes.

Tarah: Are you done?

Cerci: Yes.

Tarah: Great.

Suddenly Tarah LEAPS UP AND TACKLES CERCI TO THE GROUND! The guys all crowd around whilst Cameron just sighs at the scene.

Lannister: CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! Someone better be recording this!

Dub already has his phone out.

Dubian: Way ahead of you my man.

Xavier: Kick her in the balls!

Senn: Girls don't have balls man.

Xavier: Oh whoops that's right! KICK HER IN THE...NOSE! YEAH!

The two get up and then continue their cat fight before falling into a series of cardboard boxes. There is a pause between everyone before.

Xavier: ...WHAT EXACTLY WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?

Cerci and Tarah both get back up continuing their brawl as Cameron dives in to seperate them.

Cameron: Alright you two! That's enough!


Senn: NNNNNOOOOO!!!

The other six stare at him.

Senn: YOU NEVER BREAK UP A CAT FIGHT! EVER! DAMN IT!

Senn pissed, drops back to the couch as Tarah and Cerci calm themselves down.

Cameron: Now yes Cerci was being harsh but she has a point...everybody has their breaking point Tarah, you know that.

“Signs” by Bloc Party begins to play as Tarah nods.

Cameron: So yeah we're all your friends...except for Xavier, you two have some weird, kinky, unfinished shit going on...but we're all here because we care about you. We want to make sure that you understand that...but sometimes well...we all can crack.

Tarah nods before smiling at everyone.

Tarah: I'm sorry guys.

Lannister: That's okay we're so-sorrrr-SORRR-SORRRREEHHH. Sorry! We're sorry too! Man that still doesn't get any easier to say.

Cerci: I'm sorry for being harsh and being a bitch at times.

Tarah: Sorry for causing all of this mess.

Senn: Sorry for being blunt I guess.

Xavier: Sorry for everything I've done and I ever will do.

Cameron: Sorry for smashing our radio this morning.

Dubian: Sorry for breaking your car radio this morning.

The group turn to Lannister who just goes...

Lannister: What? I have nothing to say.

The group just smirk and laugh to themselves.

Cerci: Do we want to have a group hug again?

They all look at each other and nod before the group of seven come together. Eventually they all let go except for Xavier and Tarah who are still hugging each other finally letting go after a bit of time.

Lannister: Did we all want to go outside and grab a late night snack?

Senn: Sounds good to me.

The group all get their gear and prepare to head out.

Tarah: Oh yeah by the way, I think I found my new love in this world outside of wrestling!

Xavier: Oh yeah? What is it?

Tarah: THE ART OF INTERPRETITIVE DANCE!

The group pause as Tarah has a big smile on her face and is throwing one of her thumb's up before...

Dubian: Well it could be worse. You could have said go back to singing or say liking Alex Anderson is one of your new hobbies.

The group walk out of the apartment as they leave one by one except for Lannister who's the last one to leave. He holds onto the door as he looks outside before he smiles at his, Dub's and Cerci's new home.

Lannister: ...Welcome home...

He closes the door as the song fades out as we also...

FADE TO BLACK


CUT TO

CLOSING CREDITS

The song “Big Lost” by Diplo plays during the closing credits.