Underdog; a competitor thought to have little chance of winning a fight or contest. The underdog is always the individual or team that everyone would least expect or has the least faith in. The Loyola-Chicago Ramblers finished their regular season with a 29-5 record and entered the NCAA Tournament with a half of a percentage chance to make it to the Final Four where they are now. 0.2% of people chose them to be in the finals. 63.9% of people chose Michigan to beat them in the Final Four. You see the point here? The underdogs are Loyola-Chicago and they haven’t stopped. They keep proving the doubters wrong. That’s a team effort right there. As a single person; Buster Douglas. Do you know who that is? Most of you probably don’t even after one of the biggest underdog performances in history. Buster Douglas would face Heavyweight Champion of the World, Mike Tyson, in which Tyson was the 42-1 favorite of winning. Not to mention Mike Tyson was also undefeated. Buster Douglas won by KO to become the Heavyweight Champion of the World and to go down in history as one of the biggest underdog performances to this day. Though his stint as the Champion didn’t last long, Buster Douglas upset the undefeated Mike Tyson to become the Champion and that’s inspirational. To have all that doubt and to persevere. Why is this being brought up right now?

I am the underdog.

All of my career has been with me being the underdog. Against Theron Nikolas, Finnegan Wakefield, Nico Borg… always the underdog. With good reason obviously, these names have all accomplished something; The King of Elite, New Breed Champion, Answers World Champion. All but one of those I lost and the other ended up in a double countout. Now I’ll stand in the ring with twenty-nine other Elitists in the Grand Rampage to determine the new Answers World Champion. All the names I’ve mentioned up until now are names that shouldn’t be looked over. All have been Champions of some sort or won something worthy of noticing. Here I stand with a losing record and nothing to really show for being here besides my leg being on the ropes during a pin against Nico Borg. My point is, I am the ultimate underdog here just like Buster Douglas was and just like Loyola-Chicago currently is. Most of these people don’t even know who I am. The name Maddox Ayres doesn’t mean anything to anyone but about four or five people that have actually faced me before. Here I stand, ready for the challenge. There’s been plenty of underdog stories that have unfolded throughout history, but none quite like the one that’s about to unfold. For the first time ever in Grand Rampage history, the Rampage will be for the Answers World Championship.

AND NEW ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION… MADDOX AYRES!

Here’s the thing, Arselx… you’ve been saying you’re better than ever and we’ll see a new you in the ring, but I’ve never noticed anything different. You’re just this big guy that wants to unleash chaos on everyone and everything and to be honest with you, I don’t think you’ve really done anything. I mean sure you’ve gotten a few wins here and there, but just like me, you haven’t amounted to anything quite yet. You think your size is going to help you here? That makes you a bigger target. The bigger you are, the quicker everyone wants you to fall. It’s just how the cookie crumbles. I’m not holding any grudges or looking at anyone specifically as an enemy here. That will be my downfall. Imagine focusing on someone who’s been causing you so much trouble in your career and you just focus on them, then someone else comes around and just throws you out of the ring. Just like that your chance to make history as been vanquished. Things are different for me now. I feel rejuvenated. I feel new. I am ready to take on this challenge and prove to the world just what I can accomplish through persevering. You’re just another step I’m gonna have to take to make my way to the top. I’m ready to step right over you and move on.

I respect you, Daryl and here’s why; even after injuring you, you’re moving past it and focusing on what’s happening now. It takes a lot for a man to be able to do that and you’re living proof of it right here. I do believe you are pretty delusional if you think you would have beaten me, though. Injury or not, I had your number, I was ready, and I came to prove my doubters wrong. Everyone believed that you were the star and that I was just some punk showing up and wasn’t going to amount to anything. I proved them and you wrong. I proved to myself that I have what it takes. Just like I’m going to prove to the world that this underdog is ready to take on everyone in this match to become the Answers World Champion. I know you want this, just like everyone else. Are you going to show it? Are you going to pay me back for the busted knee? Are you going to put in more effort than me? I can’t wait to see how this unfolds. I have the utmost confidence in myself in taking out anyone that tries to get in my way. Good luck to you and I hope we do see each other in the ring.

I found it pretty rude that you would turn me off in the middle of talking, DEDEDE. You’re probably the most experienced out of everyone in this match, so you have been through it all. You have heard it all. You have seen it all. What makes you think this year is any different than the other years? I don’t know exactly how they played out, but I’m pretty sure that multiple people have talked about everyone in the Rampage, or as many people as they sought fit. I would want to address every single person if I had to to get my point across. I want people to know that doubting me is the worst thing possible for anyone to do. Why don’t you stop your whining about what others are doing and do what you’ve done for years. I guess this year is a little different same you came out of the closet and apart of the Gay Meat Community. Better not let this body distract you from that Championship. I know it’s going to be hard to resist, but I’ll beat your ass down until that Title is around my waist. I respect your veteran status, but respect means nothing when it comes to this. Turn me off again.

Listen to me very closely, Jamie. If you think for a second that I’m nothing more than a fodder or a body to up someone’s eliminations, you’re very mistaken. You saying that is doing nothing but provide even more motivation to make sure that I make it exactly where I want to to prove your cunt ass wrong. Name calling? Yeah, I can do it, too. You bring up Carlos Rosso, but you’re forgetting what he’s truly accomplished here. Two-time Tag Team Champion and two-time Interwire Champion. You’re really discrediting him because he hasn’t won a World Championship? Using your stupidity, you’re saying that anyone that hasn’t won a World Championship, no matter what else they’ve accomplished, isn’t on your level? Let me remind you that you are no longer Champion. You lost to Chris Elite and to be honest, that’s quite embarrassing. Someone like you shouldn’t be losing to someone who isn’t on your level. I think you’re letting your big ass head make you believe you’re something you’re not. I won’t discredit what you’ve accomplished, but you’re portraying yourself to be something a little more than you really are. Face reality, Jamie, your time is up. Someone else will step up and you can chase after them all you want, but that person being me, I won’t let myself fall to someone who’s just not on MY level. Don’t ever doubt someone just based on accomplishments. That’s the worst mistake I know you’re going to make come time for the Rampage to start. I know my place and that’s just where I am. I’m not going to let you spit in my face and use all the vile words under the sun against me without firing back. You obviously don’t know me and that’s fine… you will soon.

With mentioning him previously, Carlos you’re next. I’m only bringing you up to show some respect. You’ve accomplished a lot since joining here and to win the Answers World Championship would just top that off. You have quite the challenge in front of you and you noticed that the second it was announced. I appreciate you thinking that I’m some Abercrombie and Fitch model or American Eagle or whatever you said, but I’m just a competitor till the day I die. The looks just come naturally. Just like everyone else that has mentioned my name, you have me very mistaken. I’m not cocky, I’m confident. There’s an impeccable difference between the two. While I respect you, I don’t quite understand your logic right now. Previously you had said that you think you’re able to do this and you think you have what it takes and you’re going to give what you can to make sure you succeed. That’s doubting yourself and while others can doubt you all day long, doubting yourself is the worst mistake you can make. Initially, that’s what you did. Now it just seems like you’re going to talk shit about everyone until you can’t talk anymore. That’s fine, I guess that’s your way of making up for doubting yourself? Putting everyone else down? I think you’re falling to Jamie’s level now and man he had some words to say about you. Continue to doubt me just like everyone else and we’ll see how the outcome plays out.

As for the rest of you, I’ve heard what you’ve had to say and I’ve taken it in. Some of you are trying to join forces to take out a common enemy, some of you are just focusing on each other, some of you just don’t have much to say. Free speech, you know, that’s fine and all. Here’s some words I have for you. Each and every one of us has the chance to become the Answers World Champion and make history this Grand Rampage. Each and every one of us has the same chance to be eliminated and every hope of making history just crumbles. All it takes is the blink of an eye and it’s all over. I, for one, will not let that happen. Doubt me, call me a fodder, call me a senseless cocky dude, turn my voice off so you can hear it no longer, keep throwing stuff at me and I can promise you that you’ll be surprised of how it plays out during the Grand Rampage. I’ve let opportunity after opportunity slip right through my fingers. This is one opportunity that I will not let slip. You’ve heard what I’ve had to say and I’m not finished just yet. You have heard of my name now. Soon, you will learn my name. You will go back and listen to everything I said and realize that I wasn’t joking around. Jamie, Theron, Carlos, so on and so forth… I have spoken and soon… so will my actions.

To those who are going to be our special guests in this years Grand Rampage, I welcome you and I look forward to seeing who you all are. I also welcome you back or to EAW. I do not welcome you to the Answers World Championship belt. I do not welcome you to take my opportunity out of my hands. Good luck and I look forward to making my name known. I look forward to becoming…

The Answers World Champion.

Remember my name.

I will prevail.

Now this, this is what you need to listen to. This is what you should pay attention to, despite how I feel about the competitors in this match there's no better place I'd want to be a champion than here in EAW, whether it was Elite or Extreme, I adapted and I could never perish. You never see Diamond Cage wanting to chase fantasies in another federation due to my relationships with others, you never see Diamond Cage quitting, but you know what you do see? You see Diamond Cage as the heart and soul of this company. Despite what others force you believe, without the EAW Championship I've been carrying this company on my back, despite my failures and it's evident whenever my music hits it feels like a fucking riot is about to happen. I've earned respect and I've shattered whatever glass ceiling is above my head, yet people lower than me continue to place a glass ceiling above my head. I enter every single match knowing that this could very well be my last, and I perform in a way that most people view as barbaric. I view it as survival, see the landscape of EAW has changed in ways where champions are no longer champions they are just title holders, and in this world of EAW the title holders slip by through the skin of their teeth. The title holders of EAW are placeholder champions like The Heart Break Gal who once she loses the EAW Championship what does she have to offer? Where does here bravado go? She'll fall and form some other stable this time and try to get back her feet until she finds her confidence. Dubian? What if Dubian wins the EAW Championship? If he wins the title it's almost the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen considering Dubian hasn't beaten men of any importance, he hasn't beaten me and despite the controversy the records show that he loss to Rex McAllister. You know I'm fine with getting my ass kicked and knowing that on THAT night whoever was in this ring with me was better than me, but I am not content with someone getting involved in business that isn't there's. I'm not content on some imaginary brass ring speech like I received at Territorial Invasion 2013 and then a year later at the 2014 event from Mr. DEDEDE and Zack Crash, I'm not content on people who have no idea what I've been through to get to this point thinking they are going to take the EAW Championship at the Grand Rampage. I've worked way too hard, for way too long, fighting myself from the depths of hell and being vilified by this company for simply just being myself doing things my way for way too fucking long to allow someone else to take the one thing that I should of never lost. Everyday without the EAW Championship, I grow my angry, I grow pissed off each and every single day especially when I hear about Dubian thinking this is his moment to take the title, or when Rex sees it as his time to finally grab an imaginary brass ring. Or HBG will all her might still trying to convince herself she's a real worlds champion when we both know, and most importantly she knows that she should not be the EAW World Champion today. 

That championship she's holding may very well have the initials EAW replaced with TNT because it is going to blow up in her fucking face, it is going to blow up in Dubian's face and it will surely blow up in Rex's face because the championship belongs to Diamond Cage. So at Grand Rampage, I'm going to fight for my legacy, I'm going to protect my legacy, and my legacy represents going out there balls to the wall and leaving everything I have in that ring because even though I hate this fucking company and everyone in it, I have enough respect for this fucking place not to take my ball and leave it, I have enough respect for EAW not to fucking leave this place. This is who I am, despite my hatred for this place, I am EAW, I am what this company is suppose to be about, and the only way that statement will have substance behind it is if I drop Rex, HBG, Dubian, whoever it is, Mr. DEDEDE, CM Banks, any alleged god floating above, doesn't matter who the fuck it is. I AM GOING TO TAKE THE EAW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP AND NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME! So don't worry EAW, I'll do what I've always done for you, I'll save this fucking company when you motherfuckers behind the scenes don't know what the fuck to do when the people you put your faith in completely bail on you for in they eyes they see as greener pastures. But don't for one second think I'm doing it to be some unsung hero, you'll sing my praises, you'll not only praise me for rescuing this company when everyone is scrambling of what to do when those you put your faith in bail on you. You'll praise me for being what I always knew I was because I prove it every single night, you'll praise Diamond Cage as being better than the best in the world because I am that damn good. You'll praise Diamond Cage as being the indestructible force that you all tried to break but you all needed in the end. You'll praise me as once again the EAW Champion and the king of this company. You'll recognize me as the King of this company, you'll recognize and no longer be blind by your favorites, playing favorites has gotten this company far hasn't it? I mean were having a Grand Rampage for one of the world titles and a match for a vacant world title, your favorites are gone and now it's time to turn the attention to the work horses of this company, the people who keep this ship from sinking. I'm taking back this fucking company, I'm going to be the catalyst of not only a new EAW World's Champion but a new EAW as a hole, no more strange characters and entitled queens and kings in my fucking company, you earn everything you get in this company despite your fucking name value. So place your bets, your predictions on whoever you want cause quite frankly I do not care, when the smoke clears and the dust settles, the man who will be standing is the man who is always left standing, and it is Diamond Cage because if I haven't proved anything to you people in my almost seven years of being in this fucking company is that I am a survivor. I have grown eyes in the back of my head, only thing that can kill me is death and that is the lengths that I am willing to go to take the EAW Championship. This recklessness, the anger, the unbridled intensity and willingness to sacrifice everything will not be the catalyst to my demise but will be the story of my success because there's reason why I am the only man to take the path that I choose to take, because only I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate the buckets of blood spilled, I appreciate the flesh torn, hell I even appreciate the failures. It's my legacy and it has made me what I am today, and that is unstoppable.

Pasadena, California.
Arcadia Blues Club.
Afternoon

(Stephanie “Cloud” Matsuda sits alone in the back of the venue, nursing a glass of bourbon whiskey. Her eyes are lost in thought as live blues music fills her ears, courtesy of her father, accomplished musician Kenji Matsuda. The club is empty, filled with nobody else except for Kenji’s band, a bartender, the Zaibatsu, and Azumi Goto. The Unbreakable Joshi is pointing at her laptop as she’s trying to explain business plans regarding their promotion, Joshi Extreme Takeover, aka JET. Kenji is playing a cover of Gary B.B. Coleman’s “The Sky is Crying”)

Azumi: Cloud-senpai, we still need to book the card for JET’s Alliance event with LAW! Now I’m thinking Haruna and Mizuki could defend their tag titles against - are you even paying attention!?

Stephanie: (takes a sip) Yeah.

(Azumi sighs and shakes her head.)

Azumi: Senpai, I know when you’re lying! If you don’t want me or anyone else  to eliminate you in the Specialist Rampage, you better get out this funk you’re in! I know she was your best friend-

Stephanie: Is.

Azumi: Huh?

(Stephanie glares at Azumi)

Stephanie: She is still my best friend.

Azumi: That may be, but the best way to avenge her is getting back at the Crowe’s Nest!   

Stephanie: Maybe. Then again, she doesn’t want to come back.

Azumi: What!? Why not!?? She needs to get her title back!

(Stephanie simply sighs and takes a sip from her drink)

Azumi: Well, I can see you’re still drowning in your self-pity. We’ll resume this conversation when GR is over. 

(Azumi stands up)

Azumi: You need to stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault, Cloud-senpai.

(Azumi leaves the bar. Cloud takes another sip, and sighs. The Wild Boys are taking turns with the pinball machine, Keelan is flirting with the bartender, and Carlos is sitting by the stage, enjoying the elder Matsuda’s music. Mao is sitting next to him, looking at her phone. Monica walks out from the restroom and sits next to Cloud.)

Monica: Hey babe, are you okay?

(Cloud closes her eyes and sigh)

Stephanie: I don’t know, sweets. I’m just tired, ya know? Sure I’m the Iconic Cup holder - but the woman I wanted to fight isn’t here. Winning that title won’t mean anything if I don’t take it from her.

(Monica nods)

Monica: But isn’t the goal of the Zaibatsu is to achieve prosperity through acquiring accolades and resources? Being champ means more opportunities for the family. 

Stephanie: That is our goal and I plan on making due on that. It just...been a stressful season.

Monica: I understand, mi amor. I’m sure you’ll make the right choice. I believe in you…

(Monica kisses Cloud and walks away. The Iconic War Queen sighs and takes another sip. She sets her phone to record and leans back before speaking her mind…)


“There’s no question that EAW’s Season 11 has been a strange one. Every month there’s been controversy - from losing our brightest star, to the fall of two world title reigns.   
This week won’t be any different; it’s the Road to Pain for Pride, starting with the Grand Rampage. Empire and Dynasty doesn’t have a champion to represent their respective brands, and everyone’s making a mad dash to be the face of that runs the place. I’m concerned less about that, and more about why the three harlots who ended The Queen’s career wasn’t properly punished? Wait, it’s EAW - the bad guys always win. It’s why I went into business for myself and formed the Zaibatsu - which is doing just fine by the way. April Song gets a title shot for being a coward, for an opportunity she knows she wouldn’t have a chance to obtain if it was Aria or myself standing on the other side of that ring. All she’s good for is those Twitter fingers of hers and she knows it. The only thing she can make tap is her career.

I’m in my second Specialist Rampage as one of two women who won an all female version of one of these. Unlike before I’ll be coming in at number two, which will make this a much harder feat to accomplish than before. There’s already several established alliances going into this thing and there’s no question that I’m a marked woman. That’s alright - always had the odds against me, nothing new. People thought Haruna was going to eliminate me back in the first Specialist Rampage - but we all know how that’s going to end, huh? Honestly Zakkii that’s all I really need to say about you. I have several other names I need to attend to.

Chelsea. You certainly enjoy beating me to the punch in everything that I say. The only thing you didn’t stay ahead of was when I made you tap. You never saw that coming, and probably never will I’m more talented than you sweets, just like I’m a better lover than your dear lil Braxton. Unfortunately for you, I’m no longer into blondes - especially those who dye their hair red. For now, I think I’ll stick to Latinas. That aside, let’s talk about these close calls of yours, sweets. We can’t ignore the fact that you couldn’t get the job done. I understand what that must be like for you - I was you not too long ago. So you decided to get yourself some backup and dethrone The Queen herself. The sad thing is that neither of you got anything out of it. The title is vacant, and April’s not guaranteed to beat Consuela. Song took a title from her once; it could happen again. Provided something else doesn’t happen of course. But, regardless of who wins this damn rampage, I’m only concerned about one thing:

I’m going to fucking kill, you Chelsea Crowe. I’m going to kill you, break Jael into tiny pieces, and give April Song the worst kind of pain. I don’t need my faction to help me either - I’m going after you heifers on my own. Stephanie Matsuda has officially declared war on the Crowe’s Nest…

Know It. Understand it. Believe it.

I’m going to invade your safe spaces like Rico Strong invading them guts. Jael’s going to Cloud 9, April’s going to witness a Blasian Sunrise...and I’m taking you on a one-way ticket to Cloud City. If my best friend had a weakness it would be that she a severe case of tunnel vision. She should’ve saw the clapback coming - but she didn’t. She underestimated April’s level of petty. From the moment I laid eyes on that chinky-eyed Buzz Lightyear I knew she couldn’t be trusted. She walked around like some kind of American hero but in reality she’s just a disgrace to her current profession...and her previous one.”

(Cloud stands up)

Cloud: Everyone out. I’m about to go off in here. You too dad.

(Everyone nods and stops what they’re doing)

Carlos: get ‘em Cloudy…

(Cloud pauses until everyone leaves. As Billy Wilde walks by a jukebox, he puts on a song…)



“As I was saying, April can go eat a dick. I know she’s not my opponent, but one simple action can flip that script. Honestly, I can care less about those other hoes - sorry Azumi. Half of roster quit because they couldn’t get their way, lost to me, or both. Let’s see:

I ended Cailin Dillon’s career
I debunked the Sheridan Muller myth
I sent Tarah Nova packing
I made Chelsea Crowe my bitch
I retired Cleopatra
I put the Sanatorium behind bars

What’s to be learned from this? If you fuck with Cloudy, I. Will. Fuck. Back; You can come at me sideways, from behind, face to face, it doesn’t matter. In the end I’ll get my due justice. It’s almost sad because I almost predicted Aria’s fate. I warned her about the rogues gallery that stood between us - but did she listen!? Nope! That hard headed little twit didn’t pay attention to SHIT I’ve said! Fuck!” 

(Cloud kicks a chair across the room)

“You’re probably wondering if I’m mad at my own best friend. You damn right I’m mad at her - and Casper. How DARE they leave me here to hold the legacy of this brand on my own!? It’s funny - so many women came and went. They all claimed how they would rule the Vixens Division/Empire and where are they? Nowhere to be found.

Cailin? Nowhere to be found.
Alexis? Nowhere to be found.
Maddie? Superkicked back into oblivion.
HBG? Ran to Showdown.
Cam? See the above.
Kendra? Poof.

Don’t get me started on the Eris LeCavas, La Divas, Raven Lees, and Ariana Lopezes of the world who would have you FOOLED that they were the next big thing. Where are you!? Huh!? HUH!?

Nowhere. To. Be. Fucking. Found.

Enter Stephanie Matsuda: The Last Girl of Summer. The final girl in a collection of sign-ups who were said to have the potential to change women’s wrestling forever. We kicked out the Vixen from our names and founded a brand of our own. We went on to deliver 5-star matches and even stole the show on occasion during several Big Five FPVs. We had the whole world in our hands…

And you hoes threw it away. For what!? For nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the roster leaves when I’m holding both the Specialist and Women’s World Championships above my head at the end of Grand Rampage.”

(Spits)

“Fucking cowards, the lot of you. As an Empire original I reserve the right to judge whoever I want. And unlike the other brands I don’t allow surprise returns. This is MY Empire now - and no it’ll never EVER be Aria Jaxon’s. Nor Tarah Nova’s. It definitely won’t be Sheridan or Cailin’s…

Stephanie Matsuda is the face of Empire. Know it, understand it, believe it. It’s like I’m running this shit from my computer on some cheeto-dust Efed shit.

Y-you hear that? I think the fourth wall just broke.

Revy can be as witty as she wants. Jael can be the Michelle to Chelsea’s Beyonce, the Chilli to her Left Eye, I don’t care. Andrea can dye her hair blue and buy Kanye shades, Azumi can fall and try again for the 100th time, Zakkii can stay non-existent, Consuela can clean the shit from my shoes, it doesn’t matter. Daisy can retweet whatever SJW hashtag she wants, Di Consentes can keep hiding from me, and April can eat a dick.

You hear me April!? EAT. A. FUCKING. DICK. Next time we cross paths, I’m going to curb stomp you into the ground. Maybe I’ll steal Casper’s finisher and give you a Rude Awakening.

Fourth wall intensifies, fuck it.

In case you hoes are still confused Flannery announced that Megan Raine was #1, I’m #2, and Daisy’s #20. The Storm’s going to turn into a drizzle before the third woman makes herself known. I might just kick you in the cunt before the bell rings and throw you out and flick my clit before the next victim makes herself known. By the way I know I’m getting bleeped or fined for my cursing but I just made a killing off new C9 merch so whatever.

#GetchaMerch

Which reminds me, just heard Laura Winslow won a title in Mexico. Good shit short stuff”.

(takes a sip)

“By know you’re probably thinking ‘damn Cloud sounds bitter.’ That’s because I am bitter. I’m a creature of competition, but I’m also a believer in getting back on your two feet when someone knocks you down. I have to give credit to Azumi - she’s an Empire original hanging in there. #CloudBetter, but it never hurts to try...right? I mean you could be as delusional as Nicolette and or as blindly positive as Sakuya and sail away from all logic, but whatevs (sighs).

Before the season is over, I will own Empire. Zaibatsu will control Empire AND Voltage. You wanted the cheer the hometown girl, you wanted to cheer the good girl, you wanted to cheer the poster girl, the girl the company tried to brainwash you into cheering! And yet the person you least expected, the Aquaman you all underestimated, by her own power, by the grace of GOD is the one that’s actually running this shit.

Who’s the tryhard now Claudia?

You’re wondering why am I attacking every woman on the EAW roster? Because they failed this brand. They failed women’s wrestling as a whole. The irony is that some of these women think they’re going to make their mark somewhere else. Heh, good luck doing that. Empire has and always will be the cream of the crop. While the rest of you run away to find a new home, I’ll be on my throne - WITH BOTH TITLES - running this shit. Don’t like it? I don’t care! Am I making you angry!? DIE MAD! Go find a corner of the world and crawl under the rock of obscurity. The big time isn’t for the weak - it’s for those   who’s willing to put in THE WORK! Don’t want to do the work? You don’t want to hone your craft!? Go to Japan, go out west, go down south - it doesn’t matter. Be it the European scene or Lucha Libre only ONE fact will remain…

I’ll be the best female wrestler in the world. Any legacy any of you hoes will try to create will fail in comparison to the trail I’m blazing for myself. For those of you who remain you can form groups of two, three, who whole five man power ranger squad - IT. DOESN’T MATTER. The Iconic War Queen takes on all challengers with the fist of god. I’m Yamata no Orochi - the eight-headed serpent of Zaibatsu. I’m the Last Girl of Summer - the last of my generation.”

(Cloud closes her eyes)

“I’m saying these things because if things go a certain way, not the way I want it to go if the Crowe’s Nest makes me another victim, this might be the last thing I’ll ever say active in this business. Right now, the Empire I once knew is teetering on the edge of oblivion. None of you may see it, and for that we had it coming. If this keeps up, hope for a future of women’s wrestling is a stillborn dream. I’m not going to sit there and watch you leave this kingdom half-built. Our story - MY story isn’t over yet. With my own hands, I’ll mold this place in my image, into its Land of Elite, separate from the other three brands. Because quite honestly? We’re better than them. We’ve shown time and time again we can go the distance - but none of you believe it. All you care about is this falsehood you’ve conjured. If Crowe’s Nest cared about women’s wrestling, then April would have fought Aria like a grown ass woman. Instead, she did it like the snake she is. At least Megan has some cojones coming in as number one in the Specialist Rampage. Don’t hang on that compliment for too long though - I still think she’s a corporate shill.”

(Cloud opens her eyes, they’re stone cold, reminiscent of her Sword of Sanatorium days)

I’m going to cut through the entire Specialist division and take my rightful place as Women’s World Champion. There’s nothing anyone of you can do about it. This is war, and the Iconic War Queen just declared checkmate.

Time to fly.

You know something, I miss the old days of EAW. I miss Extreme Answers Wrestling. Things were much simpler back then. People with talent were the only ones given a microphone to speak to their opponents and the fans and everyone else. People knew what they were doing and were smart enough to stray from the usual bullshit and nonsense. Today’s generation, I don’t understand it, but this skill of basic common sense seems to be lost on them. Guess what my father used to tell me was true: Common sense isn’t all that common.


Ryan Wilson. I don’t know if you realize this, but I beat you. Badly. I have been trying to let Stephanie and Keelan and the Wild Boys handle you, but you just keep coming back for more. You’re courageous and all that but you aren’t bright. Do you think that the all-star team of pathetic that you are so adamant on assembling even stands a chance? I mean, between you, Rev and Mstislav, Mstislav is the only person of the bunch I view as a general threat. Sure, you have cost me a title with your shenanigans, but I’ve already beaten you up. There is no challenge there for me. Revenant is a loser, has this weird fetish for MMA as he continues to call me a washed-out MMA fighter. I see no threat from him. Even combined, my Right arm is strong enough to break your little dream team apart. I just want to sit back and relax and focus on gaining my first World Championship in EAW and like my…I don’t know, twelfth overall or something, but you continue to try to stand in the way of that. Don’t you get it? The Grand Rampage is a prison yard brawl basically. Anything goes. I can bring that bullrope of mine if I want to fuck you up even more than I did last time. You have been begging, demanding that I make your life a living hell as I promised, and if you want to continue to be a glutton for punishment, so be it.


Why didn’t I beat you up sooner?


I’m busy. I mean, just this past week I wrestled the New Breed Champion in a classic match that was heralded as one of the greatest in the history of Voltage by critics. I was planning my Grand Rampage scheme. You really want me to make time out of my busy schedule to bring you the pain? Listen, I know you’re trying to make a name for yourself in EAW and want to use me to that end and to be fair you’ve been successful. People know who you are. People kinda like you out there in the crowd. But you know what they see when they see you?


I mean, when people see me, they think “Carlos Rosso, the man who saved both the Interwire and Unified Tag Team Championships from complete obscurity and irrelevance, a man who has been double champion, a man who has been a viable World Championship contender for the better part of a decade.” That’s what they see. They can love or hate, but those are facts. You know what they see when they see you? “Ryan Wilson, NEVER DREW A FUCKING DIME, WROTE 6000 TWEETS BUT IN HIS LITTLE HICK BRAIN HE THOUGHT HE WAS THE MAN. Oh, he also lost to Stephanie AND Carlos and now stalks them on social media. Fucking creeper, possible sex offender.” That is what people think when they see you, Ryan. You want to talk about Reality Check? The reality check is that you and your little friends are not going to be strong enough to stand in the way of the Zaibatsu claiming a championship. I don’t know who it is. It may be me or Keelan walking out as the Answers World Champion, it could be Stephanie walking out of the battle royal as Specialists Champion, hell it could be somebody in that four-way throwing up “ZAIBATSU, ICHIBAAAAAAAAAN” and joining us and bringing the EAW Championship in the fold, but we’re walking out of that fucking Rose Bowl with something. You, least of all, will not stop us from achieving our aims. You don’t have to worry about stopping me or sacrificing your aspirations. I have a very special gift for you. A first-class ticket out of Pasadena and the Grand Rampage, a one-way ticket over the top rope on the Lariat Airlines! Remember, no seat belts and plenty of fucking turbulence awaits you.
 
Shane.


What the fuck? Read my promo? What the fuck do you think this is, an efed? This is legitimate professional wrestling. Did you order a transcript of my promo because you couldn’t get the audio to work on your cheap ass headphones? I don’t know. Oh, and if you had brain damage, you wanna know one way I could tell really quick? WHEN YOU WERE WATCHING A FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE ON YOUTUBE AND DIDN’T SEE WORDS ON THE SCREEN AND GOT CONFUSED. This isn’t some promotion in Japan. I’m not speaking a foreign language and I know you shouldn’t need subtitles to digest what I’m saying. If you’re watching something on TV and having a problem understanding it, then maybe you’re just a bigger fucking idiot than I thought.


My outbursts are ass? Well, I’m sad that the opinion of a fucking toddler in this sport, someone who is as helpless as a diaper shitting baby, is against what I have to say. What have you done in EAW? Didn’t you just get here? Instead of being a dickhead, you should be groveling at my feet, begging me to teach you how to be a better wrestler and a better promo because, son, you’re doing both damn wrong. I mean, there is always room in the Zaibatsu for young emerging talent but frankly I think we could do a lot better than you. If Revenant would stop being a dickhead, he’s a good fit. That Maddox kid who looks like he models American Eagle stuff on the side, good wrestler and a halfway competent speaker, even if he is a little bit of a bore. You…you just suck. You’re just a senselessly cocky dude who does moves and speaks in jumbled, incoherent syntax. That’s it. There are a dime a dozen of you and you’re not even worth that much.


So here is what I want you to do.


GO TO YOUTUBE SETTINGS. TURN ON CLOSED CAPTIONING. CHOOSE ENGLISH. IF YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING STILL, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Where are the rest of these dickheads, huh? Where’s Mstislav? Where’s Ryan Adams? Where’s Jamie O Hara? Where’s Theron? Did all of you Einstein motherfuckers run out of material since you know I haven’t held a World Championship yet? I’m getting bored of hyping up this event by myself. I have been in Pasadena all week trying to get this shit over and all of you are sitting around making jokes or being nuisances on twitter or Facebook. I mean, at least some of you guys in the upper echelon I can have a talk with and not be bored to tears. I want competition not just in the ring, but on the hype side of things because, honest with all of you, I’m winning the hype battle. There is no doubt about it. The people are electric in Pasadena. Every day, some kid or some woman is stopping me, asking me “Carlos…is it finally time? Are you going to do it?” I say absofuckinglutely.


And you know why I’m a big deal in this match? You know why I know that I have a good chance to pull this shit off? ALL THE BIG GUNS, ALL THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER HAVE MENTIONED ME BY NAME. They know what I’m about. And while they all have their little nonsense going about how the big one has eluded me, that’s fine. I’m used to hearing it. In fact, when Theron brought it up, he became the 8,859^th person to mention it when speaking to me. Props for originality. Oh, and sorry that I disappointed you when you were a fan. I know you were a Rossomaniac back in the day, brother. I did everything I could not to let you down….


Not to go on a tangent, but what is it with fans of mine coming to EAW? Didn’t some Gabe Reno dude drop by and do the same stuff before I lariated his head off and he was never heard from again?


Anyway, if you people are going to just keep bringing up all the past fuck-ups I have, feel free. Because each time you do, I hit the gym a little harder. I trained with people like you all saying the same shit as I rehabbed my injuries. Your ridicule does nothing to me but provide motivation to prove your all wrong. Please, keep calling me a failure. A glorified midcarder, a failed construction worker, whatever. Just keep doing it. Because when I walk into that ring in the Rose Bowl, I’m not leaving until I’ve won the whole thing. And when the confetti falls and I’m standing there, holding the Answers World Championship and Celebrating with the Zaibatsu, all of you are going to be thinking “Oh Shit…what am I gonna be able to say to Carlos now? He’s now a Triple Crown Champion in EAW! He’s the NEW, UNDISPUTED ANSWERS WORLD CHAMPION!”


What ya gonna do, brothers?


Then, the last bit of arsenal against me you have will be gone. Not one but TWO glaring holes on my resume will be completed, as I will have finally conquered the Grand Rampage as well after coming so close to winning it before. There will be no betrayals to stop me, no future champions to stop me. This is my time to claim what has always been my birthright: the spot on the throne as the most powerful man in the world of Professional Wrestling.


Oh, just a quick side note to the…. six, I think it is, “mystery participants”, I don’t care if you’re some NEO Call up, washed up has been or someone from another place trying to make your name, you’re not gonna make it in the Rose Bowl. You’re not going to make it at my expense. Why? Because the Strongest Arm in EAW doesn’t care if you’re as gay as Ryan Adams, as hopelessly asexual as Ryan Wilson, as big as Arselex or as stupid as Shane Gates…you’ll all feel the power.


SOUTHERN
FUCKING
LARIATO!

 
 
{In a small but very crowded ballroom there was a demonstration set up for Carlos Rosso to show his readiness and engage in feats of strength to impress the wrestling journalists on hand. Instead we get an angry, annoyed Carlos dressed in an all-black Armani suit taking a seat at a table instead, the expression of pure annoyance wretched on his face.}

For my entire career, I have given proper respect to people who I feel deserve it and all I ask is that I'm given proper respect in return. That’s all I ask, right? I’m not an egomaniac that you the media and many wrestling fans put me out to be, alright? But, for fuck’s sake…. HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE?! If it’s not people rehashing the same shit repeatedly, it’s these bland dickheads with absolutely nothing to say that are just pissing me off. For example, what is this kid’s name….


Wo…wo…woogieman? WHAT THE FUCK IS A WOOGIE MAN!? And who wears shirts like this moron does in 2018? I thought silk shirts with no undershirt went out of style in 2000. AND WHAT THE HELL IS THE BIG BHRIS...BHRAMPINONSHIP? I don’t understand. Really, I don’t. People made fun of me brining a title from a proper, legitimate federation to EAW. People made fun of Maxwell Dachs, I think it was, for being the Intergalactic Championship? At least MY belt was at least at one point a real thing, not some made up title that meatheads with no brain power to speak of to fight over. At least Maxwell was entertaining. This is just rubbish. Did you hear this man talk?




“The Grand Rampage is one of the most popular events in EAW. I will give my all to win the Grand Rampage”


I’m just fucking sick of it at this point. Woogie, you’re a great athlete and one day you will be a fine champion, and no that plastic garbage you’re holding as the Big Bhris Bhrampion doesn’t count! But you’re not built for this, young buck. Not yet.
And Daryl Kinkade I think his name is……like…. what is up with that stance he does up on the stage, standing with his arms behind his back and his legs spread? It’s like he’s doing some sort of weird military stance thing to stand at attention. I don’t know. He’s got momentum, but guess what, who fucking cares who has momentum?


THIS IS GRAND RAMPAGE!
THIRTY MEN!
ONE WINNER!


You can have all the momentum in the world, but it doesn’t mean diddly shit. All you have to do is go over that top rope, your feet touch the floor, you’re finished. There is no mulligan, no second chance, you’re done. I’ve been in there, I’ve lived it. You are not built for this. Hell, you got your knee busted up by that Maddox dude, who I’m sure must be an Abercrombie and Fitch model on the side. Seriously, have you all seen that guy? But in any event, take it from me, there is only one strategy that matters in a Grand Rampage: Don’t get fucking eliminated. That’s all you have to concern yourself about. I appreciate the fact that you’re ready to take initiative and all and I know you want to give winning a title the old college try, but in the end, you’re not going to have what it takes to stand in there at the end. People give me crap for thinking of myself a bit too highly, but no one in this company can deny the eye I have for talent. I knew Stephanie Matsuda would be a big deal as soon as I faced her in the ring. I trained Alex Anderson, yeah, he’s a little bitch but I trained em. I saw Chris Elite, Jamie O’Hara, Pizza Boy, even that weird guy who got himself fired a few months ago. I saw them all, I know talent when I see it and I know that you’re not where you need to be to survive in a match like this.


Yet.


And while you may want to assert yourself in this match, don’t get in my way, or you will catch an all-expense first class flight out of the ring courtesy of the Lariat fucking Airways, NO SEAT BELTS, LOTS OF TURBULENCE FOR THAT ASS!


Arselex. First, that name. What ARE you? A shitty brand of athletic wear? The state of your name. And you’re big. So, fucking what? People a lot bigger and stronger than you have had their dreams crushed in the Grand Rampage. What’s going to make you so different, huh? Plus, no disrespect dude but you look a bit chubby there. What’s a fatass like you going to do if you draw #1 or something like that? All a smart person would have to do is run away from you for a minute, get some back up in with the next entrant and push your tubby-tubby ass over the ropes and onto the floor while praying your fat ass doesn’t trigger The Big One. And I haven’t seen anything like you before? Uh, YEAH, I have. Dark Emperor, Hades the Hell Raiser, Terry Chambers…. wait…. you’re right. All those guys have better physiques than you. Okay, so maybe I haven’t seen anything exactly like you, but I’ve seen enough similar shit to know that in the end you won’t be sticking around for too long in a match like this. You keep on building up that hype train buddy, I’m sure it’s gonna work out just fine.


Shane Gates.


What is it with EAW these days? The people with half a personality either turn out to be criminals or fucking leave and then people come in looking like idiots like this guy. “THIS IS MY FUCKING TIME TO SHINE! YEAH! GONNA WIN IT ALL!”


No, it’s not, and no you ain’t.


You’ve trained hard for this match and honestly, I’m happy for you. This your first foray into the spotlight, your first taste of the main event, the first opportunity you have to be great. But guess what, you’re going to get your ass tossed over the ropes to. And while you’re down there, contemplate how you’re going to be less of an annoying, boring chore of a watch on television. I mean, you have decent moves and all that but there is nothing there else to care about. Nothing.


Mstislav, you were once a great champion. I remember a couple of Pain for Prides ago you were on top of the world, clean shaven, not looking like some bum from Europe, with a pretty ass girl on your arm after you nearly ended my career and took the one Championship belt that really meant something to me from me. It was a sickening feeling. You sit around talking about how prepared you are to make your mark and all this other generic nonsense that I’m used to hearing from you. I’m just trying to figure out where the fire is. One of the last matches I cared to watch of your career was when you were going against TLA, whoops, silly me mentioning someone who got fired. But you begged him to spare your life, you QUIT. You said that you didn’t have the heart for this anymore. You come back, and you say that you’re here to do whatever but all I see is a shell of a man that I lost to before. And before you talk about what you did to me at Pain for Pride, remember that moment. I knew what was about to happen…and I fucking DARED you to do it anyway. I’m a man, not some emo bitch who likes to sit Indian style in the ring and rant. I always have had fighting spirit, and if you get in my way, you’re gonna get another taste of it. You remember how our encounters have gone…there is no gulf there. You know we’re on level playing fields.


And then…there’s the gay guy. The man who turned DDD out and brought him back to Voltage as a spokesperson for homosexuality. The man who beat Jacob Senn into retirement. Am I fucking supposed to be impressed Armani? Or was it Amani? Whatever. I think you took what I said a little bit too personal. You run around throwing out these insults and this talk about who is going to do what and how I’m not your superior. That’s fine. I never claimed to be your superior. I know I probably am, but that’s not the point of the Grand Rampage. The Grand Rampage is designed to see who is the luckiest and the most resilient motherfucker on the roster at a given time. That’s it. Winning it doesn’t make you the best wrestler, but it speaks to how tough and or lucky you are.


And you want to compare me to some college student who can’t write? Fine, but English isn’t my major. Whooping niggas asses in these EAW streets is my Major, and I do it well. You not impressed with the resume? Go fuck yourself. I don’t need to repeat it to you, go look that shit up on Wikipedia and compare it to what you’ve done. All you’ve done is fuck Ryan Adams up the ass and retire Jacob Senn, who I already beat like 400 times. Playing that shit on some highlight like that’s supposed to intimidate or impress anybody. I’ve beaten more people in the EAW Hall of Fame than matches you’ve had in your whole career you fucking bum.


It’s funny that people like you think they can walk into a company that I helped make what it is today and say that I’m a glorified midcarder. GO READ A WRESTLING MAGAZINE YOU BUM! YOU KNOW WHO THEY HAVE AS THE FAVORITE TO WIN THIS SHIT!? ME! BECAUSE I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO DO IT AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT ONE LARIAT FROM ME ENDS ANY CHANCE OF DOING SHIT! You want a diatribe, you want long-winded? I’m gonna be talking a lot while me and Keelan are stomping the shit out of you, keeping you around until you’re one of the last 3 or 4 people left. You’re gonna be able to tell Dedede’s adopted child from Guatemala that “Daddy #2 Got tossed out of the Grand Rampage in 2018 by Carlos Rosso! It was a wonderful moment and so many people were around to see him fail, but you should be proud of him anyway!” DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? YOU SEE THIS ARM!? IM GOING TO TEACH YOU MANNERS WITH THIS ARM, YOU JACKED UP LITTLE SHIT! AND YOU ARE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER HAD A CROSS WORD WITH ME!


There are other people to talk about, but they aren’t worthy of mention right now, I just wanted to talk about the stupid motherfuckers who are either too generic, too stupid, or too fucking annoying to keep my mouth shut about. That’s fucking all.


Oh.


CARLOS ROSSO….
ICHIBAN!


And by the way, Revenant, you can go fuck yourself too! Do you think I’m scared of any idle threats you throw out there, or how determined you are to stop me and my friend, my good brother, MI HERMANO Keelan from emerging victorious? After having been in the ring with you, I know that you’re just an easy mark waiting to get picked off. That’s it. You have no ring skills at all. You can’t brawl, you can’t trade strikes with someone like me, you can’t wrestle on the mat, you can’t even do kicky flippy lucha shit like me. I CAN DO A MOONSAULT! WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU DO! I’m amazed that you can even lace up your boots properly to compete. You’re not going to win the match, I know it, you know it, everyone in the field knows it, these fuckheads at the press conference know it, the people across the wrestling landscape know it.


But, I’m going to give you the greatest consolation prize a loser like you could hope for. I will give you the most honorable way to exit this Grand Rampage. You may not be the first, you may not be the last, but you will definitely feel the full force of the Strongest Arm In EAW.


SOUTHERN
FUCKING
LARIATO!

 
 
The wrestling world was treated to a bizarre press conference earlier today as Carlos Rosso, one of the members of the Elite Answers Wrestling promotion, took to the podium in Los Angeles for a press conference promoting the Grand Rampage event in Pasadena this weekend and a dojo that he was planning to oversee personally on a part time basis for aspiring wrestlers. When asked about his chances of winning the show’s namesake event, Carlos went on a bizarre rant complete with crying, awkward pauses and confusing jokes.


“I haven’t the slightest chance of winning the Grand Rampage. Just ask the competition involved. I mean, everyone has such valid points when they talk about my career. Think about it. My time in EAW has been, to wit, a flop. Theron knows it, Amari knows it, Jamie knows it, Dedede knows it, everyone involved knows that I have underachieved to the expectations that I gave myself and that many in the wrestling world have. I mean, everyone will be trying so hard to be victorious! Arselex or whatever his name is one of the biggest men ever to compete in the match. There are so many young, hungry, talented men involved that an old, broken down obsolete mule like myself should just drift away and let someone else take the glory, I shouldn’t even try.”


The press conference took an even more bizarre turn when asked about whom he feared the most going into the match. The answer wasn’t the usual Carlos Rosso bold proclamations or a thoughtful calculated analysis of someone like Jamie O’Hara or Mstislav, two of his long-time nemesis. The answer given left a few reporters baffled.


The Woogieman. He has brought tremendous credibility to the Big Bhris Bhrampionship. He’s an amazing competitor and I look forward to meeting him face to face finally. Seriously, that kid has a hell of a future in this sport…. DONT YOU PEOPLE IN THE BACK-ROW LAUGH AT ME!


At this point an irritated Rosso, either in fits of insanity or an incredible display of performance art, pounded the podium with his fist as he continued with his tirade.


The Woogieman is one of the greatest young athletes in our great sport today! You look me in the eyes and tell me he doesn’t belong in the same vein as Dedede or Jamie O’Hara! The Woogieman Is one of my picks to win this whole thing, he’s that talented!


Reporters on hand insisted on him answering comments of his opposition but Carlos continued to opine on his own career and on some of his shortcomings in the EAW main event scene. Until someone brought up his time in Japan.


…. No. (When asked about if he and GI Styles had a sexual relationship.) Hell no. (Is asked further about comments made by Dedede). THIS IS WHY I WON’T WIN THE GRAND RAMPAGE! I GET INFURIATED BY STUPID CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS AND LOSE FOCUS ON MY TRAINING! I went to a very honorable, very prestigious Dojo, and if Dedede got fucked by the trainer, that’s more sexual activity than what I saw there. I was dedicated to my craft, not some old perverts. He lives in the past, MY past as it were. He can make a mockery of my career, hell everyone does. That’s fine. But the final straw is that he keeps insisting that I am gay or that “gay life” or whatever he is trying to promote will get me to the top! I am a proud heterosexual man, I like VAGINA! DOES DDD HAVE A VAGINA!? HE DOES NOT! So, no…he can continue this weird trip he’s on, but my focus is on preparing for the Grand Rampage. It may be my last one at my old age and my best to win a title that will validate my career. I’m trying my hardest to focus on it, but he keeps bringing up my sexuality and his. It doesn’t matter in the end.


The outbursts continued when asked about his relationship with Keelan and if the dynamics of their battle plan had changed since the match had been announced for the Answers World Heavyweight Championship.


No! The plans that we have are still the same as before. I trust Keelan and he trusts me. Everything is fine…. I SAID EVERYTHING IS FINE! We are best friends now. You want to know how I know? I made him chicken for lunch. YES, CHICKEN. I went to the market…. I BOUGHT IT! ME! I BOUGHT THE CHICKEN, I PREPARED IT…. I FRIED IT! And then I realized that he preferred baked chicken and I felt bad, BUT I MADE HIM CHICKEN! DO YOU KNOW HOW SIGNIFICANT THAT IS FOR A BLACK PERSON TO MAKE CHICKEN FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN’T BLACK AND THEY DON’T WORK IN FAST FOOD! REAL HOMEMADE CHICKEN IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL! I trust him all the way, no doubt about it. He may be quiet, but I have the utmost confidence that in the ring his actions will speak for themselves. I may not leave World Champion, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he does. Because that’s what friends do. We look out for one another. And make chicken.


The press conference seemed to go on as normal for a little while, the person directing it allowing a few more questions that didn’t seem to inspire anything more than a few generic responses form the former Interwire and Tag Team Champion. Then…. Ryan Wilson was mentioned.


Fuck him. Fuck the Revenant too. All those people are trying to make life for the Zaibatsu hard on Voltage. Nathan Fiora too. You can cast them all into that lot. There are so many people now trying to mock us, put us down. That’s fine, because at the Grand Rampage, I’ll show what I can still do. I may not be good enough to win the Rampage anymore, I mean, just ask the locker room, I have no chance of winning whatsoever. I’m a non-issue. But one thing that is going to happen, I’m going to get my hands-on Ryan Wilson. I hate that Young Boy so much. I’m going to make it a mission of my day to make sure he is eliminated and then injured. He cost me a title, you know? I was going to have an EAW record. I was going to be the Dollar General version of #7Reignz! I was going to be a three-time Interwire Champion, a feat unprecedented in the annals of Elite Answers Wrestling. But that little loser took it from me. So, since I’ve already taken his blood, I’m going to take his mask, his integrity, his manhood and whatever’s left! Because in the end…Carlos Rosso ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN…. wait…. that sounds kind of gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, I have gay friends and a gay chairman that I respect when he’s not accusing me of getting fucked or fucking old Japanese dudes to advance my career. Anyway, I’ll just say I have more than enough in my skillset to destroy him and any of his allies.


The press conference ended with an almost wistful bit of rambling from the former CWF Chairman and World champion as he contemplated his chances.


Well, they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, repeating it, and expecting different results. This will be my sixth time in the Rampage, and yet somehow…. I’m hoping for a different result. Is it insanity? Is it me just being silly? I don’t know. I do know that I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to have a chance. There are so many good, good wrestlers in this match. Man…. I really don’t have a chance, do I? Do you think that I have a good chance? (The reporter responds with a “Yes”) You do? Then you’re crazier than I am. I mean, look at all these people saying it can’t be done! All these guys who have been World Champion, King of Elite…hell one guy who hasn’t done shit is saying that I can’t do it! But…. I’m going to try anyway, I guess. What do I have to lose? Honestly. What do I have to lose at this point? People already think I’m not threatening. People already say my career is overrated. People already think I’m a joke. What is it going to hurt to give it one more try to prove them wrong, huh?


I know I can win this match. I know that honestly, I really need to. If I don’t, I’m going to be stuck in another one of those ridiculous mutliman matches that the General Manager of Voltage apparently jacks off to because he is a lazy booker who doesn’t want to set up a clear, concise path to challenging for a World Title. I don’t dare want to try to compete at the Cash in the Vault match again. And the 24/7 Battle Royal with 50 people in them with random bitches coming out and cutting promos mid-match is out of the question.


Nah, I’m going to put my full effort into this match. I know that there are a lot of my peers who think that the task is impossible, but if I told you a year ago that Moongoose McQueen would be a champion, Chris Elite would be a WORLD Champion and that Heart Break Gal would hold a belt originally designated for men, you would have laughed me out of the room, right? Strange shit happens. This is EAW. I’m well aware of the task at hand, but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for it.

As all the distant and silent chatter has been awoken by the constant badgering, minus that of the champion, it's become abundantly clear that there's no one here with a clear sense of why they truly belong here. But even in bringing such a fact to light, this moment of words spoken, they will have a sense of meaning and relevance only after the final result has been tallied. You argue all week how validated you may believe you are, and it still will not validate a victory in a match that's yet to take place...that is, until you've been properly enlightened. 

You see, there's this rare truth, one that's quite unfamiliar, it's sometimes very difficult to accept without the use of something tangible to offer up as direct representation and validation to etch it into the minds of others, except perhaps a rare few that it was recondited to. Then there's others that would rather try to lie more convincingly than tell the truth. Of course the consequences in trying to do so is, that they can't believe the words spoken to them by anyone else. You shouldn't look to hide well founded truths just to selfishly push your own little narrative, Devan. If you believe you're already a well fixed up and finished product that's been through every conditional obligation that's showed you what is next, then why are you waiting around in the middle of the crossfire hinging your expectations on being able to withstand an onslaught without a reliable defense or offense in return? It's not a concern anymore when someone tries to present some false standard of measurement - to seek power, success, and prestige for themselves while admiring it from afar, underestimating the true value of what makes this elitist an obstacle you can't just overtake with pure embellishment. You claim that when looking at my career timeline by comparison to yours, it matches up well - and this is going purely by your take that I've picked up from our many exchanges. It's only now though, through thorough analysis I'm assuming - since that's what Amazing Emir's do, they assume the great gospel is a textbook they've memorized by heart. That I've been able to almost break this, what you've regarded as this status quo? Tell me, Devan. How many times did your frail fragile confidence reach such lows that it caused you to bow out before things got too difficult for your state of conscience to accept? Two? Three times? Maybe more? And you wish to stand at the top, go to Pain For Pride knowing you did it without having anything more than a sense of entitlement with no proper claims to one of the most prestigious titles without having a single CURRENT run of excellence to support? Face it, that's a real status quo if there ever was one that would be broken in that moment if it were to take place. For once you're not viewed in a positive light, and the best you can muster up in all of this is that you've proven to have the qualifications but no longer feel the need to provide the very evidence you spoke to me about in the first weeks of the season, and that being positive results. 

You're going down a very dark road, one that for once you may never fully come back from.

But maybe that's where you eventually take it upon yourself to silently bow out once again.

Conflicting the times, that is all I can see that you've done, Diamond Cage. It's no longer the corrupted system it was from years past that wished for your doom, placing you in every single predicamate conceivable to ensure your failure, and yet to you the names change but their appearance and visage transform into physical manifestations of what you battled years ago. This season, you've created many of the problems, and made some of them worse simply by association. Do you think it was just some coincidence that the Triumvirant conspired together to try and run this brand? The Triumvirant only came to be, and more importantly made you one of it's main targets because of you. Your betrayal of your mentor last season at Pain For Pride put you in more hot water than you'd seen in some time, and the amazing part out of all that wasn't that you enjoyed it all. It wasn't that you finally played a very small role in putting an end to them. It was that you had the gall to still operate on impulse with this 'me against the world' victim mentality, and you still do. You speak of this season, well, that's been your season in a nutshell. You have purpose if you can point the finger at another that's not yourself. You know why you do that, Diamond Cage? You do it because you know you have flaws, you accept them as they are without question even, but instead of improving upon them you carry them like some badge of honor to represent what Diamond Cage is at his core. You deflect them when openly confronted, however, and in doing so you try to onto others, and that represnts a source of insecurity. If I'm the filler in this match, one I shouldn't belong in by opinion, then what are you getting so worked up for? This should be another day at the office for you, Diamond Cage. You claimed at one point not to have a problem with me, even accepting the idea that you'll have to fight with all you've got to earn that pot of gold at the bottom of the rainbow. But then proceed later to dismiss me saying that I'm mentally and phyiscally not capable of overcoming your chao theory. This company, this business has done everything for me, you're right about that. And I've done my part in return. I've never left, never quit when the going got tough! Even now in this period of a few months where I've heard rather exaggerated beliefs that my time had come and gone like wind passing, and yet here I stand in a position that you are determined to put a halt to, but this freight train is one that just keeps coming and coming. You see, I'm not someone who wishes to take you by surprise after a long grueling affair, after you're completely spent to take what you believe is yours. I'm the type of person who will walk straight up to you in that ring, look you in the eyes - no words, no sideshow, no tomfoolery, and just get's right down to business. I'm no theif in the night. I'm no filler here. Your worst possible fear that, as of now, resides in the back of your mind is what one mistake, one slip up could lead to, you overlook me any further.

That's a fear that will soon take the lone center stage of your every conscious thought when you are left with no answers for it.

The truth is, nobody really knows what the future of this company will be like. The constant changing of the guard of late seems to indicate that it will surely take on a new outlook, with the idea of evolving as a whole. You can pretend to be knowledgeable of what's best for the future, but it will only be fate that is dicated by everything we do, how we think and react. Possibly within in seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months, or in a number of years, what you do now effects that. Fate controls us all. The evolution of EAW can't be realized without moving forward. You move forward by tearing down the old building blocks and replacing them with the new, leaving only the foundation by which it survives and thrives off. I've put in the time to be in this position. The growing pains have made me the force that I've shown that I can be, and would be as a World's champion in this company. From the start of this season more and more doors have been forced open, ones that I won't allow to be closed ever again. Ones that open up and inspire the imaginations of those that are now being judged and cheaply labeled, and predicted to be abject failures that have not a single prayer of doing something significant in this company. Holding up a championship that's been thought to be nothing more than a pipe dream as suggested by some, and not realistic by most everyone. If I win, I'll be the top of the food chain. I'll be the standard. 

I'm the unfamiliar truth, the one you'd rather dismiss.

The one, that after this, you'll have no choice but to accept.

See you soon.

(The camera opens on a shot of Daisy seated in a booth at an IHOP.)

If. Such a simple word at first glance, but at a time like this it carries a whole lot of meaning. If is the word that will define this entire match for me. Like I said on Empire, I lucked out into getting the best position possible for this thing. Number 20, the very last woman going in. Now if I wasn’t so experienced, I would say something like “Oh, this will be easy! I’m gonna be the freshest woman in this match, all I have to do is swoop in and toss out what remains of all my fellow competitors!” But I like to think I’m smarter than that. I know the kind of people that are gonna be in the Rampage. People that are determined as hell. People who have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Aaaand people who love to put on incredibly slow snore-fests to try and “conserve their energy.” Not to mention plenty of them think I don’t have a chance and that I’ll just lose like I usually do. But, guys, Aria Jaxon is gone and the Women’s Championship is up for grabs. Veterans have been dropping from the company like flies. At this point absolutely anything can happen. No one can take their place in the rankings for granted. Nothing is guaranteed anymore. Well, except for a few things. One, that Chelsea Crowe will never shut the fuck up. Two, that Revy will always be a drunken idiot. And three, I’m not gonna back down from any of you. I don’t care what kind of matches you’ve had in the past. I don’t care what titles you have or haven’t held. All you are to me are obstacles I need to blast past in order to win. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not entitled to the championship. Pro wrestling doesn’t owe me anything. It kept me going, kept me alive, during some of the darkest days of my life. All I can hope to do now is pay back what all it gave me. Now what would be a nice way to start? Oh, I know! I can make sure that the title doesn’t end up on someone who’s got no respect for this business. Or someone who’s got no respect for their fellow competitors. Or someone who can’t even respect the belt itself. Sure, I’m not the one with all the sponsors and shiny accolades. I never really cared about things like branding and image. But you know who else didn’t really care for those things? All the women in the 90s who taught themselves to play rock music and formed riot grrl bands. The “mainstream” music industry would do nothing but crap all over their songs and call these women untalented. But that sure as hell didn’t stop them from playing. Because they knew that their music meant so much to all the women who were denied their voice. And now, everyone can credit people like Kathleen Hanna for helping advance feminism to what it is today. I may not be a musician, but I am one heck of a wrestler. I don’t have all the pretty polish of my more conventional opponents. What I do have is an ability to recognize the big picture and the passion and desire to fight for a business that I love. I refuse to let anyone destroy it. You’ll have to hit me with a nuclear bomb before any of you disrespectful, bratty little girls walk out with the championship this weekend.

Seems like a lot of folks have had something to say about me. Since you all decided, or deigned, to mention me, I guess it’s only fair to address each one of you. Who to start with? Oh, how ‘bout Chelsea? The one that thinks everyone is as enamored with the sound of her voice as she is. I didn’t promo quickly enough? Oh I’m sooo sorry. Some of us like to think about what we want to say and not just fill the void with endless word vomit about how they’re so awesome and scary and shit. Well first of all, thank you soooo much for putting me so high on your little bullshit hierarchy. You know, the one that you conveniently made a category for yourself in that put you above everyone else. Even your little stooge Jael. And you still think she’ll be 100% loyal to you during the match? For someone who claims time and time again that she’s super smart, you can be really dumb. After all the things you’ve said about only being in this for yourself and all the insults you’ve slung at your little clique, you might as well be begging for Jael to betray you. I’ve seen this kind of thing happen all the time. Some group thinks they’re on top of the world, the leader gets too big for her britches, then the group unceremoniously fall apart. That’s why I’m not much of a joiner. But hey, I’m no psychic. Maybe you two will somehow miraculously fight together the whole time. You might even make it to the final three together. But even then I’m not too worried. I mean, at least with you two against me it’ll be a fair fight. I know what you’re thinking. “Haha, this chick really thinks that she’s so tough that I can’t beat her on my own.” I don’t just think that though, I know it. Because I never rest on my laurels no matter how well I’m doing. And I have the courage to keep fighting for what’s right and what’s best for me no matter what you or anyone else thinks. I could be all dark like you, but that would make things too easy. The harder path, the one of integrity, that’s the one for me. If I get scratched by every bramble on my way to the end, I’m fine with that. Every wound is a learning opportunity. One day, even you might be brave enough to try it. Lookie there, your peon threw out my name too. I can get how someone like you might not be able to comprehend compassion, Sister Christian. By helping others, I elevate myself. I know that not being a completely selfish git I become a better person. You should try it sometime. But you probably won’t. Oh well. After your selfish ass betrays Chelsea and you still lose, you can run off to confessional and tell Father So-and-so about how you fucked up. Sound good?

I’ll admit I was surprised a bit by who’s got me on the brain. But you surprised me the most, Azumi. I mean, you could have mentioned anyone as some of your opponents. And I ended up being one of them. You and I are very similar, Azumi. Almost mirror images of each other. We both have a had a somewhat rough going on Empire. We’re both ready to shut down our critics and prove that we belong. Which is why you mentioning my name is a touch concerning to me. Because I know it means you see me as a threat, unlike a lot of these other ladies. It means if you’re still in the ring when I get there, you’re not gonna ignore me. You’re gonna lay into me just like you would anyone else. Unfortunately, that means that I’m gonna be dishing what you give back harder. And I won’t apologize for tossing you out. I also got a not-so-special mention from Revy. I think the only thing we can agree upon is that we should never be shipped together. Anyone writing those kind of fics are probably the same ones that ship Reylo. That’s Rey and Kylo Ren from Star Wars, for those of you not in the know. Tell you what, Revy. If you’re still in this match when I enter, I’ll gladly take your stunner challenge. In fact, I hope I can. That way I can pay you back for what you did to me at the Iconic Cup. And then there’s Nicorette. Now there’s an unfortunate name. Who would name their daughter after a nicotine patch? Oh wait, it’s Nicolette isn’t it? My bad. It’s not my fault she’s so forgettable. She’s just another one of those girls who think the world revolves around them just because their daddy has lots of money. At least Daddy can pay to fix her broken tailbone after she gets thrown out on her ass.

Last but not least, we have Megan. Did you really think I had forgotten about you? No way, you’re arguably one of the most important people in this match.

(Daisy is interrupted by a server.

Server: Here’s your pancakes, ma’am.

Daisy: Yes, thank you!

The server places down the pancakes and a can of whipped cream. Daisy heavily applies the whipped cream on the cakes.)

So you want me to pluck that title off your dead body? Ok, challenge accepted. You’ll be almost dead once I get out there anyway. All I’ll need to do is finish the job. With you being first and me being last, your storm will be nothing more than a trickle. Hell, I could already call you a trickle before we even have this match. With the wind of DDD out of your sails, all you’ve got left is bluster. You’re yelling at all of us to get over our insecurities while you’ve got all of yours out on display. Yeah, you’re not fooling anybody. You wouldn’t have to screech so much if you weren’t so afraid of other people’s opinions. Projecting, much? The only one I see around here with a high-school mentality is you.

(Daisy drowns her pancakes in strawberry syrup, dyeing them a deep red.)

You remind me of those self-absorbed popular girls. The ones that cared about nothing more than their Coach bags and keeping their nails from breaking. The ones who didn’t give a shit about who they hurt as long as they stayed atop the food chain. Just like them, you don’t bother with paying attention to someone like me. If you did, you would know that my insecurities no longer rule over me. You would know that I pulled myself out of stagnancy by running through Hinata Shinoda in one of the shortest matches on record. Meanwhile, what’ve you been doing? Coasting your way through a boring reign with your meme-tastic finisher. Oh, but don’t worry. I can make things a lot more exciting. By beating you up so bad your own mother won’t be able to recognize you. Gonna break a lot more than your nails. Might as well kiss your modeling career goodbye. Oh no, was that too mean? Hell no, you deserve it. Not because you were a side chick, but because you’re nothing more than a racist, homophobic bitch. So don’t give me that “boohoo, I’m such a victim!” crap. Every day you wear that belt it gets more and more tainted. After all, the wrestler defines the championship, right? You with that belt on is an injustice. Not only will I be taking that title from you, I’m going to elevate it back to the dignified championship that it once was. I’ll even do you one better. I’ll take the Specialist’s Championship all the way to Pain For Pride. That’s a promise, Little Miss Flapjack.

Alright, enough yammering. Time for breakfast!

(Daisy takes a gigantic, vicious bite out of her pancakes. Camera fades to black.)

(Moongoose McQueen is standing in the hall alone with the EAW Interwire Championship on his shoulders. He looks towards the camera and is about to speak, but he pulls back, and places his finger on his lips as he thinks. He is about to speak again, only to hold back, and lose his composure)

Sorry, I gotta ask.

Who is Vic Vendetta? Dead serious. I don’t know who that is? I feel like I would remember facing a guy that would have such a stupid sounding name. I mean, really? Vic Vendetta? What comic book did they pull that from? Don’t, it’s obvious which one. I mean, I’m sure that I could go on and on about who this guy is. I can babble on and make questions and assumptions, like is that the brother of Ares Vendetta, which by the way, stupid name too. He’s a Hall of Famer? Am I suppose to know who this guy is? Am I suppose to know how many titles he has had and how many people have beaten him? Am I suppose to know of him like he is some cautionary tale for you to use as a means of how forgetful these so called “world champions” and legends are. And I suppose you are right. Because who the fucks wants to be Vic Vendetta when you can be Moongoose McQueen? I mean, my greatest achievement, believe it or not, has and always has been simply how well I’ve maintain myself in terms of relevance, where here, you are going to drop names and expect me to know who the hell they are, when in truth, I’m very selfish. I’m very egotistical. I only look out for me, myself, and Moongoose.
 
And now you can’t really expect to believe that you dragging my name through the mud as a means to explain to DEDEDE what is wrong with Voltage , and that I wasn’t going to respond? Bitch, this was about you and DEDEDE, and you had to name drop me and hope that I wasn’t going to notice, but how would you feel if I was to just say “Ahren Fournier is the reason the holocaust happened.” Or “Ahren Fournier is the reason Donald Trump is President.” Or even “Ahren Fournier is the reason pineapple was put on pizza.” Gasp! Baseless accusations to ignore the facts that you were there and you let it happen. You aren’t happy with the current state of Voltage, well guess what son? I wasn’t happy with it either. And I did something about it, and well, I must be doing something right if you think I’m responsible for so much that is wrong with it. I mean, “Look at your EAW Interwire Champion, he’s a guy in sequin cats suits wearing a cape, and running around with boys!” And guess what, people tune in for the hype, and what they see, it’s nothing short of spectacular. Where if I were to say, “hey guys, tune in on the Trill Fairy.” Well, little girls and gay men were just disappointed. Because, Ahren, you were targeting the wrong demographics. Even then, I’m even more disappointed in you if that wasn’t simply being yourself, but nothing more than to exploit the heart of little girls. You disgust me! You should be ashamed.
 
But in truth, I’m not as great a person as I make myself to be. After all, if there is one consistent thing that I’ve done well over my career, I’ve been known to really know how to market myself. I mean, these merch don’t sell themselves, unless you put this face and this name on it. And Ahren, sometimes, money speaks. Even Kenny Drake knows by now that I can draw. This man once believed in Carlos Rosso, and now, well, I beat him, and I can’t honestly say he has sent anyone to come after me, after all, at this point, it’s almost as if he’s either picking names from a hat, or just waiting for the first guy to walks into his office, and be like “I want a match.” I mean, you and I both know he just comes up with shit on the spots and never thinks ahead. But hey, whatever. Keeps me entertained. And I gotta say, Ahren, you are entertaining, though not as much before you shed the fairy thing, but I’m amazing, I can make anyone look good. Like what can I say, Ahren, you lucked out, because at the end of the day, no one walks away from a fight with Moongoose McQueen with nothing, win or lose, it’s never the same again. You misunderstand, its not about the people I beat that I’m proud of. It’s about the people that I help elevate by bringing the best out of them. It’s about the fact that I am fearless, full of ambition, and even in the face of great odds, I don’t hesitate one bit. You say I’m the worse thing to have happened to Voltage, I disagree. I’m the best thing to have happened on Voltage, because when I bring it, other people bring it too.
 
My pride in myself is that I raise a high standard for myself and others, and these jokes I make, it’s all part of a plan. It’s all the same as merely taking a red clothe and raising it in front of a raging bull. It’s all a mind game, because no matter what, despite all the moronic things I say, the moronic things I do, in the ring, you can never shake off that presence of a true warrior, a combatant, a personification of the fighting spirit. I’m more than just a “man.” I’m larger than life. I’m beyond the boundary of my limitations, and you keep calling me a moron, but in truth, Ahren, you just can’t keep up with how ahead of the game I am than you.  What you call the greatest prize in EAW history, I will deem as nothing more than a distraction from a greater goal and a greater picture. And the sad truth is, I don’t need this EAW Interwire Championship to get there. In fact, in this master plan of it all, holding titles were never a criteria of mine. Hell, winning this Interwire Championship, was simply a means to piss off Carlos and Kenny Drake. And if you insist that Kenny Drake doesn’t want this belt on me, well, guess what Ahren, if you think I didn’t want to beat you before, well, now, there is no chance in hell, I’m giving you that belt, and I’m sure you can blame it on Kenny and his “ideal” Voltage, where one way or another, I’m going to be there as some greater influence. Hell, if you are really lucky, even when you lose, people might actually give you a second chance at the world title, because for whatever reason, Kenny insists that I keep out of that title scene, and I’m like, “Eh, whatever, don’t care. Just doing my thing and winning on Voltage my way.” Because after all, what is winning the world title really going to do for me? “Ooh, I’m up there with Vic Vendetta.” Once again, no clue who that is, and I’m not striving for that.
 
In case you don’t know why I’m here, Ahren, I’ve said it day one when I came to EAW. Deep down, I know for a fact that I’m better than most of the people here. And I am here for only one real purpose. It make sure people know my name. Moongoose McQueen. And whether you want to believe it or not, it’s already set in stone. I mean for you to talk about Voltage and bring my name up, you can’t deny my presences. You can’t deny what I’ve done to get here. Whether it’s because of my talent or because you think I’m annoying like a gnat, I’ve left my mark. I’ve left my impression, and I’m going to continue to. Because you simply can’t stop what is already happening. You can’t stop the unstoppable force that is me. People have tried to knock me down, I spring back up like a spry chicken and I ask for more. And you think, maybe he just hates himself. Nah, bitch, it’s because I love myself. I love myself enough to tell myself, I don’t need the Grand Rampage. I don’t need the Answers World Championship. I don’t need some shortcut to be the top contender on Dynasty. I’ve settled for doing things my way because I’m confident in myself and my abilities to get to where I need to be and having fun doing it. And that pisses you off, doesn’t it? Knowing that I can get away with such a mindset and run around Voltage like it’s a frickin playground, well, bitch, come and knock me off my swing. I dare you! I’ll drop kick you in the face, pick you up, and send your head straight into the ground and make you eat dirt. See this swing (points to the EAW Interwire Championship), it has my name on it. And if you want your turn, well then, you’re going to have to push me off and take it from me. But until then, I’m having too much of a damn good time, and I’m not quite bored of it yet. Maybe sooner or later, I’ll go for the slide or find a partner and go for the see saw, but the swing, it has a nice view from down here and up there, though only momentary, doesn’t change the fact that at any moment, when I want to, I can either go up or go down. I can sing high or I can swing low. Choices, as they call it.
 
I love this EAW Interwire Championship.Not only does it go well with most of my outfits, I enjoy the attention it has gotten for me. I suppose you can consider that a perk, but if it means assclowns like you want to run their mouth and talk shit about me, well, nothing is perfect. In conclusion, Ahren, I don’t really know what more you want me to say to you. I suppose it was one of those moments where you once held me in high esteem, but then when you really got to know me and really listen, you start to think, “Ok, he’s crazy!” But results speaks for themselves. I’m here, I’m crazy, I’m the champion. Funny how things work that way, but maybe, just maybe, behind the boys, the sparkles, and feathers, he isn’t as crazy or stupid as he comes off. But if you want the truth, I’ve already said it multiple times in my career. It’s because I’m fearless. Perhaps Bravery and Stupidity go hand in hand. Yes, but people want to pay to see shit go down, I mean, if no one is willing to step up and go do something stupid, you wouldn’t even have a job right now, because no one wants to see any version of Ahren Fournier, Trill Fairy, and whatever grown up adult phase you are going through. I mean, how boring is that, an adult being a champion. Ugh, it’s been over done. But the best champions, are the one capable of standing out, and bitch, I don’t just stand out, I shine. I sparkle, I can take a spotlight off you by simply walking in. People don’t like me, because I take their Thunder, but when you are the one speaking the loudest and making the most impact, can you blame me? No, it comes back to what I said before. It’s your own damn fault because you let it happen. You had a problem, you ignored it, and now it won’t go away. And if you even think that beating me for my title at Grand Rampage will make it all disappear and fix everything, think twice, no trice, because one, you aren’t beating me, and two, I ain’t going anywhere for a long time. And I want to thank you, and everyone else in the locker room, because you all put up with my moronic antics and let me be me, and y’all too pussy to do a damn thing to make it stop.
 
But at the same time, y’all need to thank me, because all of this, it’s not selfish. What I have is a gift. A gift to draw and appeal to other. And it’s because of me, people like you get to caught within the view of those watching for me, and with that, I say “You’re Welcome.” You are noticed, because people are tuning in on Sunday Night Voltage for the so called “Freak Show” where the Disaster Artist, Moongoose McQueen is working on his next greatest creation. And now, March 31, 2018, the artist has taken himself away from the Grand Rampage to focus on his greatest master piece yet. An ode to Shakespeare, for which I dub, “A Midsummers Night’s Massacre.” That’s right, Moongoose McQueen is bringing it back, in which I, EAW’s residential Party Peacock and Interwire Championship, beats the living daylights out of Ahren Fournier  and show him exactly where he belongs on the Voltage roster. Always the challenger, never the champion.