DCW Promos

Subject: DCW Promos August 11th 2015, 12:56 pm

Promo here for DCW. It isn't required but if you promo it will raise your chances of winning.

if this could get a sticky that would be cool.

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 11th 2015, 1:23 pm

The Mexican Samurai walks over to the poster to inspect the talent bolstering on the card.

"Where the fuck am I? Why am I not on your piece of shit card? First, it's not being on Mid-Summer Massacre and the preshow and they couldn't even bother to put me on this?"

Samurai turns around and exposes his bare ass to the card.

"Why don't you just fuck me, if you are going to embarrass me like this!? FUCK ME IN MY FUCKING ASS AND CALL ME SUZY, GODDAMNIT! YOU WANT FUNNY AND CRUDE? I CAN BE FUNNY AND CRUDE!!!!!!"

Samurai sticks a finger in his asshole and starts fidgeting.

"OH....oh.....YOU WANT TO CHECK MY GODDAMN PROSTATE? I'LL JUST DO IT FOR YOU! Ugh....oh god....ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Samurai blows a wad of cum and relaxes.

"Fuck everyone. I want on this card and I'm going to show up regardless.

Samurai pulls up his tights and walks away.

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 11th 2015, 1:57 pm

[HBG and Impact are seen standing face to face and buttnaked and staring at each other's privates, they just finished hardcore fucking, HBG's forehead is busted open and blood drips on her face, while Imp is waiting for his dick to grow back after being chopped off for the 7th time today]

HBG: I am going to beat you at ResERECTion! How will you stand back up after this!

Y2Impact: Yeah, you're going to "beat" me alright!

HBG: No that's not what I meant, u tool!

Y2Impact: My heart once BLED for you, Heart Break Gal. I can't even begin to describe the range of emotions that transitioned me from a lovestruck fool whose blood had been sucked from my cock like a mosquito... To the sad state of affairs I'm currently experiencing today. Don't ever think this won't go unnoticed, because I'm going to exact my revenge in a few short days when I resERECT myself and bloody you so deeply you think your period came early.

HBG: This is kinda hot, to be honest. I just cant believe you're blaming me for your supposed sad state of affairs... i don't even hate you, I simply dislike that you wouldn't let me use the vacuum cleaner creatively in our exploits. Do you know how humiliating that is for me? You can't fault me for hurting your feelings! I just want to have the satisfaction of having foreign objects involved when we make love!

Y2Impact: Oh, we'll see at DCW!

HBG: We'll see indeed!

[HBG and Y2Impact staredown still butt naked. End Scene]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 11th 2015, 3:30 pm

Resurrection Promo:

For every man of courage, there is a man that is a coward.

For every idiot there is a genius.

*Kevin Keller's household. August 11th, 2015*

Kerry: The fuck is all of this?

Keith: it's the DCW ResERECTion card man.

Kerry: am I there?

Keith: if you weren't, I wouldn't have the thing in my fucking hand now would I?

Kerry: who am I fighting?

Keith: some guy named E Landeron

Kerry: is that El Landerson?

Keith: I don't fuckin know

Kerry: *sits down* a match against El Landerson? *laughs hysterically*

Keith: what's funny about that?

Kerry: have you seen the guy? He's an idiot! He's a horrible talker, an even worse wrestler. And I can talk to girls better than he tries to.

Keith: sounds like... Fun!

Kerry: oh, it won't only be fun... It will be...

Keith: *rubs his hands together* Perfect.

*the camera fades out on the two brothers who are now laughing hysterically in sync with each other*

Voltage Posts : 2662 Age : 27

(The camera opens up to Aren and Jaden’s Flat, where it seems there is a party. The people are dancing, and one of Jaden’s DJ friends is at the helm controlling the music. At the counter Jaden and Aren are seen doing shots. Both have down three shots before Jaden goes to vomit.)

Aren: Oh come on now I thought the Irish knew how to handle their drink. We’ve done the same amount of shots and I feel right as rain.

(Jaden continues to vomit in the trash can but speaks with a little echo in between.)

Jaden: Hey don’t blame me, my mother was half English, and you know they’re pussies at handling their alcohol.

(Jaden gets his head of the trash and wipes the vomit off his mouth.)

Jaden: Anyway, I’m surprised that you wanted to party tonight, Aren, usually you’re putting me down for doing such a thing.

(Aren drinks one more shot before Jaden sits back with him at the counter.)

Aren: Well you know since I ain’t got nothing to do for EAW, I’m a free bird for the next week. Hell I even know DCW is going to be a breeze for me.

Jaden: What the hell is DCW?

Aren: You know that runt that ganged up on you on Dynasty, I think his friend is the owner or some shit. Anyways, he booked me against you won’t guess who.

Jaden: Who?

Aren: Tarah Freakin’ Nova. Now don’t get me wrong here I respect Tarah, but look at me, I’m the definition of perfection and I am not going to let her prove me wrong here.

Jaden: Ah well good luck I suppose. Anyway enough talk we need to keep this party going like there ain’t no tomorrow.

Aren: Agreed, comrade!

(Aren and Jaden clink shot glasses together and the camera fades out.)

Subject: DCW August 13th 2015, 12:54 am

[El landerson is talking to Maria Gonzales in the hallway while Eve]

Eve: Excuse me Landerson, but can I get a few moments of your time before your match at DCW PPV this Saturday.

Landerson: Qué onda?

Eve: three weeks ago on Voltage you lost your match to Dynamo Go in Kevin Drake in your triple threat match on Voltage in then now this Saturday you will face Kerry Keller in your No.1 contender for the World heavyweight Champion at DCW Reserection PPV So any thoughts Landerson ?

Landerson: Well you see Eve, the reason that I lost my triple threat match three weeks ago was because they rather have Kevin Drake instead of me in Dynamo Go on Voltage so that's why he won that triple threat match on Voltage in then they booked me in a match with Kerry Keller in a No.1 contender's match for Tyler Parker's DCW World heavyweight Champion at DCW Reserection PPV cause once i defeat Kerry Keller this Saturday night then you will be looking at your next DCW World heavyweight Champion on DCW next week in take it back to Voltage where it belongs so that's why I'm taking out Kelly Keller this week on DCW Reserection PPV when i become your new number one contender of the World heavyweight Championship at next week's show of DCW after our Midsummer Massacre PPV this Saturday.

Eve: El Landerson can you even defeat Kelly Keller this Saturday at DCW Reserection PPV.

Landerson: if it depends on hows the match gonna go when I beat him in two days at DCW Reserection PPV because i deserve a No.1 Contender shot of the DCW World heavyweight Champion as soon as I'm through with my Opponent Kelly Keller this Saturday on DCW Reserection PPV then I'll be your new No.1 Contender for the World Championship this week before Midsummer Massacre PPV this Saturday night.

(El laberinto leaves when Eve Continues talking)

Eve: there you have it folks cause in two days on DCW Reserection PPV El landerson will take on Kelly Keller in there No.1 Contender match in the winner faces the World heavyweight Champion at DCW show next week's show.

Eve: So we hope that Landerson can win his match on DCW Reserection PPV this Saturday in there Number one Contender's match of the World heavyweight Champion in two days before the biggest summer of the year Midsummer Massacre PPV.

[Camera fades when El laberinto goes back to his Locker Room before DCW Reserection PPV]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 13th 2015, 3:19 pm

bump. dcw needs it

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 13th 2015, 3:46 pm

Resurrection Promo 2:

You're a fucking IDIOT

Kerry Keller's house: August 13th, 2015

2:54 P.M

Kerry: *walks into the living room* KEITH, STOP WATCHING PORN ON MY LAPTOP!

Keith: I'M READING A WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE YOU ASSFACE *Keith's muffled voice is heard from inside the bathroom*

Kerry: *sits down on the couch, sighing and popping open a beer*

Keith: *exits the bathroom, giving Kerry the laptop*

Kerry: *goes to his documents, looking at what El Landerson said*

*Kerry studies it, laughing every now and then at the stupidity in front of him.*

Keith: what's so funny?

Kerry: this guy is either mentally deficient, or trying to look like he is. He said that Tyler Parker is the DCW Heavyweight champion!

Keith: *is laughing*

Kerry: he also called me Kelly multiple times *is frowning* my name is Kerry, and this is why El Landerson loses... He doesn't even take the time to learn his opponent's name! What an idiot, to be a wrestler, you have to have a certain level of intelligence don't you?

Keith: well, he is a pro wrestler isn't he? It even surprises me how stupid he is sometimes... Jesus I mean, the guy sounds like he didn't even get an education.

Kerry: let's not worry about that.. El Landerson, I only have one thing to say to you... This Sunday is when you get put down and out... When that face of yours gets pulled into my elbow, and the referee slams his hand on the mat three times. There are no words... To protect you... From being silenced

Keith: do you say that in every promo?

Kerry: generally it's in a different manner. Now comon, let's go get something to drink *Kerry throws the beer that was in his hand against the wall, shattering it*

*the scene fades out*

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 13th 2015, 6:27 pm

Stark...oh Stark. *laughs* You want another piece of me Stark? HUH? STOP TRYING TO BE THE HERO IN THIS WORLD, YOU ARE THE VILLAIN, WAKE UP! Not only am I gonna put you in a body bag this weekend but my Midsummer Massacre present comes early because not only I'm gonna put you in one of body bags but I'm gonna put you in the body bag in my truck and drive it to the nearest cemetery and bury you six feet under. So the cold world will be more bright no more darkness because no more Mr. Nice Guy, no return this story ends with THE FRANCHISE DEMON STANDING TALL AND BURYING YOU ALIVE SIX FEET UNDER!

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 14th 2015, 10:06 pm

[Camera opens when El landerson is in the arena while Max a Million stops him]

Max: Excuse me Landerson, but can I have a few moments of your thoughts before your match tomorrow night at DCW Resurrection PPV tomorrow night.

Landerson: Qué onda?

Max: last year on DCW when you defeated Kerry Keller in your match on DCW in then now this Saturday night you will challenge him in your No.1 Contender's match for TLA's DCW World heavyweight Champion on DCW next Thursday on DCW So any thoughts El Landerson ?

Landerson: Well you see Max, the reason that they booked me up against Kerry Keller is because they didn't have anyone for me to face so that's why they let me stick with Kerry Keller in if Keller calls me in Idiot but that's okay amigo cause tomorrow night at DCW Resurrection PPV because I'm walking out as your new No.1 Contender for TLA DCW World heavyweight Champion on next week's DCW show or on Voltage brand.

Max: Landerson can you actually defeat Kerry Keller this Saturday at DCW Resurrection PPV.

Landerson: if it depends on hows the match gonna be because once i defeat that wanna be Kerry Keller tomorrow night at DCW Resurrection PPV then I'll be your next Number one Contender for the DCW World heavyweight Champion this Saturday night in i will be your new DCW World heavyweight Champion if only TLA excepts my offer on DCW next Thursday on DCW.

(Laberinto leaves when Max a Million Continues talking)

Max: there you have it folks because tomorrow night at DCW Resurrection PPV El laberinto will be in action this Saturday in his No.1 Contender match as the winner faces TLA for his World heavyweight Champion after his match at Midsummer Massacre PPV.

Max: So we hope that Landerson can win his match tomorrow night at DCW Resurrection PPV when he challenges Kerry Keller this Saturday night on DCW.

[Camera fades when El laberinto goes back to his Dressing Room before DCW Resurrection] PPV]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 20th 2015, 8:30 pm

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 20th 2015, 8:32 pm

FD: "Oh Kerry Keller...that cold soul thinks he's so good. Me and Keller go way back to the New Ministry and the fact is that Keller took the group as a joke and that's why I scared him off to Showdown over on EAW. But this is DCW and the story between us is gonna end up how it ended over on Voltage when I took him out and scared him away from the brand. The Welfare qualifier will be mine and I'm going to become champion plain and simple. No wonder why you lost the number one contenders match last week you fucking jobber. The future of this company is here and is ready to take over and the takeover is going to start with beating Keller."

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 20th 2015, 9:09 pm

I will beat El Landerson. LOL

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 21st 2015, 5:55 am

I will defeat TLA next Thursday on DCW in become your new first DCW World Champion

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 25th 2015, 8:10 pm

DCW promo:

Listen Franchise Jobber, you're taking this way too seriously for your reputation to allow. We all know that the only way you got into this match is that you let Maxwell Dachs check your prostate without gloves. I mean, I'm sure that is literally where he gets his life force from, Dachslemania baby.

But you? You're fucking stupid. I'm the fucking jobber? You didn't even put up a fight against Stark at Resurrection. Landerson's win over me was an upset and nothing less. Now that that's been said, how about you make like your parents... And lay down.

*Kerry laughs at his own joke before posting it on twitter with #Dachslemania and #FranchiseJobber attached to it*

Bitch.

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 26th 2015, 7:11 pm

Listen here Tarah Nova! Tomorrow on DCW, Dachelamania is going to run wild on you brother!

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 26th 2015, 9:02 pm

[Camera opens when El landerson come out of the curtains while Derek Douglas stops him]

Derek: Excuse me El laberinto, but can I get a few moments before your match this Thursday.

Landerson: Que' onda?

Derek: last Monday on battleground you won your match against Dynamo Go in then tomorrow night on DCW you will challenge TLA's DCW World Championship on DCW this Thursday So any thoughts Landerson ?

landerson: Well you see Derek, the reason that i won against Dynamo Go was because he thought that he was gonna make me tap out last Monday but he didn't even get a chance to make me submit on battleground so that's why I'm going to defeat TLA tomorrow in our DCW World heavyweight Championship match on DCW in walk out with it in take it to my brand on Voltage in that way well have all three Championships on Voltage brand whenever i become your new DCW World champion on DCW this Thursday on DCW.

Derek: Landerson can you even defeat TLA this Thursday on DCW.

Landerson: if it depends on hows the match gonna be because once i beat TLA on DCW tomorrow then you all will see me become your new DCW World Champion this Thursday night cause when i defeat him this week then that Championship is coming home with me tomorrow on DCW in there's not even a asu! that anything could do about it until i win that World Championship this week on DCW.

(laberinto leaves when Derek Douglas Continues talking)

Derek: there you have folks because this Thursday on DCW El landerson will be in another match to take on TLA for his World heavyweight Champion on DCW tomorrow night.

Derek: So we hope that landerson can win his World Championship match this week on DCW tomorrow night on DCW.

[Camera fades when laberinto goes back to his locker Room before DCW begins]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 27th 2015, 8:42 am

[HBG is seen sitting on the couch hugging a body-sized pillow with a cut-out of Y2Impact's face on it. She gets desperate when he's away so secretly she made Y2Pillow. It was wearing his reverse flash t-shirt with multiple cumstains on it. Whose cum? We do not know]

HBG: Oh Y2Impact, you drop dead gorgeous quintessential champion you! I'm sorry that we had a dispute last time leading to DCW! I won our match so I'm going to use the vacuum cleaner whenever the real you comes back.

[HBG hugs Y2Pillow tightly!]

HBG: I never want to be in a match against my team mate again! Mercenary forever!

[HBG circles her finger on the chest of Y2Pillow]

HBG: What's that you say? I have another match? Against who? Who are the unlucky victims!?

[HBG's eyes widened]

HBG: Mexican Samurai and The Third Man? I can beat them.. I mean, I don't have a match in EAW this week.. so I'm free. Who's the Third Man?

[HBG listens on]

HBG: WHAT? Tiberius? My good friend TJ? No no no. I don't want to go against my Hexa-gun colleague. Did I not just 20 seconds ago say I don't want to be in a match against my team mate again? They should just put him out of the match! Replace him! This is lame-o!

[HBG gets startled for a moment because of a comment Y2Pillow apparently made]

HBG: You know just what to say to make me feel better, Y2Impact! Now it's my turn to make you feel better...

[HBG clicks a small remote, and cheesy jazz music (the ones they use in porn) started playing in the background. She sits on the lap of Y2Pillow, and started giving him a lapdance.. its getting hot and heavy until...]

Y2Impact: What the hell is going on here!?

[HBG was shocked and falls over onto the floor]

Y2Impact: This is not the first time I walked in on you doing something weird. Is that a body pillow with my face on it? My shirt too?

HBG: Well, you were away and I missed you! I was lonely! Is it my fault to find some kind of substitute?

Y2Impact: I was literally in the other room... But if you want a piece of The Greed Incarnate... I'll let you have it!

HBG: Fair enough. I suppose I should dismantle Y2Pillow now.

[HBG starts to peel off Y2Impact's face picture from Y2Pillow...]

Y2Impact: No no no.. Keep it.

HBG: But.. I thought...

Y2Impact: Keep it. I have plans for it. For a little experiment!

HBG: Understood.

[HBG and Y2Impact keep talking casually while the smooth jazz porno music is still playing in the background. End Scene]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 29th 2015, 1:24 pm

(The camera cuts to a stage with a large number of monitors set up all filming for a variety of television stations. On the stage stands a fat ginger politician mouthing off about securing America’s borders and not backing down from Russia and China.)

Latino Reporter: But how do you think…

Politician: Sit down. Sit the fuck down you weren’t called. Go back to Univision.

Latino Reporter: The fuck you say?

(The reporter storms the stage and drops the politician with a vicious Mexican Destroyer into the podium sending up a commotion of wood shards and fake red hair. The reporter removes his suit jacket to reveal a “STRAIGHT OUTTA DCW” t-shirt as he steps up to the podium.)

TLA: Ladies and gentlemen, bitches and hos I am here today to announce my formal candidacy for President of the United States of Asskicking. This boozy ass bitch won’t be running any races anytime soon, but let’s be honest… he wasn’t running much before I got to him anyway.

(The politician grabs at TLA’s leg trying to get back up but TLA raises up his foot causing him to fall backwards off the stage.)

TLA: Under my presidency we will not tolerate white boi arrogant ass motherfuckers who think they can talk shit ‘bout shit they don’t know. Under my presidency haters will be dealt with not only swiftly but quickly.

Reporter: Mr. TLA don’t those words mean the same thing?

TLA: They sure as fuck do. But I like to give people choices cuz I value freedom. Now as part of my campaign promises, this ese vato promises to make no promises. Cuz fuck do I know about politics? What I do know about is beastin’ and feastin’ and that is what is in store for all of you… my loyal voters when I face El Landerson for my title. That wrestling part is an important part of both DCW and my core values so when I step into the ring against my opponent El Landerson, we are going to put on a five star wrestling classic.

(A group of fat emo lesbians come out to the stage and begin performing for the audience.)

TLA: Oh god this is horrible. Muy… muy horrible. I am gonna have to speak louder to drown them out.

Emo Woman: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I SLIT MY WRISTS IN THE DARK!!!

Emo Boy: OHHHH YEAH I FEEL THE PAIN OF MY EMOTIONS AS I AM KICKED OUT OF MY APARTMENT! PAIN THROUGH MY LEATHER AND HAIRDYE OHHHH NOOOOO!!!

Emo Boy’s Aunt: OHHHHHHHHH YEAH BABY I FEEL YOUR PAIN INSIDE OF ME!

(TLA presses a button on the podium and a screen comes down in front of the emo band hiding them behind it and drowning out the sound.)

TLA: I’m sorry you all had to witness that… but I am strongly opposed to rape culture… and my ears definitely feel raped right now… Now back to the matter at hand.

(TLA gargles some purple drank as he clears his mouth to speak.)

TLA: El Landerson… you are like un soplo de aire fresco patron. I am honestly impressed. I’ve had to deal with people tearing me down and making idiotic claims about their losses for weeks now. Aurora Rose still doesn’t get it and I’m sure she will continue to pay until that changes. But you… it only took one loss. You only had to eat your words one time and recognized your mistakes. Now you are adapting. That was fast… almost too fast… but I’m going to put my paranoia aside today and believe in you. You’re a good man Landerson. Un hombre menor would have taken out his frustration on some poor interviewer, or the fans. But you realize that the fact you lost, that you do not have a perfect record does not mean the end of the world. I’ve lost many matches myself, and each loss has taught me a valuable lesson. Each time I’ve gotten better. From Christopher Corrupt, I learned to be ruthless. From Montell Smooth, I learned respect. From The Iconomy I learned… well nothing really… Okay maybe I learned something. I learned that no matter how large the numbers, you can overcome. Being the minority means nothing if your will is strong enough.

(TLA pounds his chest in pride as he points to the DCW logo on the front.)

TLA: I don’t want to be perfect. That’s the difference between me and you Landerson. You have an end goal in mind. You see your potential and you will do anything and everything it takes to reach it. I don’t care about the future. I focus on the present and I focus on improving myself as I am no matter what. I’ve been improving myself for years and years and along the way I realized something. There is no limit. There is no peak. There is no prime. Your body ages, your mind ages, but your skills… there is always room for more improvement. I will never be perfect, and so I don’t try to be. I don’t want to be perfect. Perfect is boring. What’s left once you reach it? Nothing. You made it. It’s done. You won. It’s over. For TLA… it ain’t never over. Imma live wild, free, and running with chaos as my brother. I don’t know what’s coming. I don’t know if I’m going to win my next fifty matches, or lose my next hundred. But that’s what makes it fun.

(TLA raises his head and stares directly into the camera with a wild wide-eyed expression on his face.)

TLA: Me agradas Landerson... I admire your goals even if I don’t share them. So in our match I will help you to achieve them. You will be more perfect after our match together. Whether it is by defeating me, or me beating the perfection into you blow by blow… you will be a better man by the time you leave that ring. If things go my way you won’t leave with a broken dream, but a broken body, but one that will heal. Your mind, will not heal, and you won’t want it to because you will have learned much. If you overcome La Pantera Sexual… then I will have failed you… but succeeded in myself and it will be me who leaves with the valuable lesson. See there is no dishonor in defeat, there is only dishonor in giving up… in cowardice. So come at me Landerson. COME AS HARD AS YOU CAN MOTHERFUCKER! I ain’t holdin’ back… and neither will you. You wanna be perfect Landerson? I don’t believe perfection exists… so SHOW ME WHAT IT MEANS TO BE PERFECTION!

(TLA presses the button on the podium and walks away as the emo band continues to sing.)

Emo Aunt: OHHHH NOOO YOU DIDN’T SPEND THAT MONEY ON A T-SHIRT! NOOOO YOU SPENT IT TEARING MY WRISTS IN TWOOOOOO!!!

Emo Nephew: OHHH BUT WHEN MY WRISTS TORE I KNEW IT WAS MY MONEY THAT MUST BE SPENT… I SAW THE SHIRT… I SAID I MUST HAVE YOUUUUUUUU!!!

Emo Aunt: OHHHH YEAH AND IN MY DARKEST NIGHTS I STILL WEAR THAT T-SHIRT STAINED WITH BLOOD AND TEARS… WHERE HAVE YOU GONE OHHHHHH MY LOST APARTMENT!!! OHHH MY LOST APARTMENT!!!!

Subject: Re: DCW Promos August 30th 2015, 9:40 pm

[Samurai is seen sitting on the couch hugging a body-sized pillow with a cut-out of Y2Impact's face on it. He gets desperate when he's away so secretly he made a Y2Pillow. It was wearing his reverse flash t-shirt with multiple cumstains on it. Whose cum? We do not know]

The Mexican Samurai: Oh Y2Impact, you drop dead gorgeous quintessential champion you! I'm sorry that we had a dispute last time leading to DCW! I won our match so I'm going to use the vacuum cleaner whenever the real you comes back.

[TMS hugs Y2Pillow tightly!]

The Mexican Samurai: I never want to be in a match against my team mate again! Master Blaster forever!

[TMS circles his finger on the chest of Y2Pillow]

Samurai: What's that you say? I have another match? Against who? Who are the unlucky victims!?

[Samurai's eyes widened]

TMS: Heart Break Girl and The Third Man? I can beat them.. I mean, I don't have a match in EAW this week.. so I'm free. Who's the Third Man?

[Mexi listens on]

TMS: WHAT? Tiberius? My good friend TJ? No no no. I don't want to go against that shitty Hexa-Gun shit stain. Did I not just 20 seconds ago say I don't want to be in a match against my team mate again? They should just put him out of the match! Replace him! This is lame-o!

[TMS gets startled for a moment because of a comment Y2Pillow apparently made]

Samurai: You know just what to say to make me feel better, Y2Impact! Now it's my turn to make you feel better...

[TMS clicks a small remote, and cheesy jazz music (the ones they use in porn; let me reiterate: THE ONES THEY USE IN PORN GET IT LOLZ) started playing in the background. He sits on the lap of Y2Pillow, and started giving him a lapdance.. its getting hot and heavy until...]

Y2Impact: What the hell is going on here!?

[TMS was shocked and falls over onto the floor]

Y2Impact: This is not the first time I walked in on you doing something weird. Is that a body pillow with my face on it? My shirt too?

TMS: Well, you were away and I missed you! I was lonely! Is it my fault to find some kind of substitute?

Y2Impact: I was literally in the other room... But if you want a piece of The Greed Incarnate... I'll let you have it!

Samurai: Fair enough. I suppose I should dismantle Y2Pillow now.

[TMS starts to peel off Y2Impact's face picture from Y2Pillow...]

Y2Impact: No no no.. Keep it.

Samurai: But.. I thought...

Y2Impact: Keep it. I have plans for it. For a little experiment!

Samurai: Understood.

[TMS and Y2Impact keep talking casually while the smooth jazz porno music is still playing in the background. End Scene]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos September 12th 2015, 12:50 am

bump incase people want to promo for dcw.

Subject: Re: DCW Promos September 12th 2015, 2:32 am

[The Mexican Samurai sits in a toilet at the local taco bell.]

Samurai: Urgh...orale, vato! Mi culo es un rio de sangre! Mi caca duele and now I'm flat fucking broke because I decided that it was a good idea to buy three Cunchwrap Supremes sponsored by Taco Bell© (Feed The Beast!).

[Braaappp!!!!! A loud fart rings through the bathroom as Samurai pulls out a fresh can of glade and starts spraying the air.]

Samurai: Now I'm broke as fuck and starting a gofundme page in order to make sure that I have enough money to travel to Minnesota for a card that I don't give a fuck about. Wait...welfare??? I'm in a Welfare in the Bank ladder match? That's the money of my people! To think that I would get another opportunity at being unemployed and living successfully off of other people's taxes! Si, mi amigo.

[A big fucking log passes through Samurai's colon as it drops into the toilet water.]

Samurai: I'm more Mexican than anyone on the roster and I will show TLA that I'm more Mexican than him. TLA, I'm cummings for ya, nigga and we gonna have a enchilada eat off at the next EAW PPV.

Also, fuck Landerson. Why? Because fuck him.

[Samurai farts]

Samurai: Also, I'm not writing shit (get it, lol cuz I'm shitting on the toilet, OMG LOLZ) for you Kimbo.

[Promo End]

Subject: Re: DCW Promos September 14th 2015, 2:05 pm

Subject: Re: DCW Promos September 14th 2015, 3:20 pm

I don't even know my partner and I am going against The Mercenaries? Y2Impact and little slut of his is gonna learn a listen on DCW. They are going to learn a lesson on what it's like to step in each others shoes. I maybe on the losing end but after DCW I'm going to be a winner, a winner with class....a winner that's going to put you two six feet under! I am going to advance to the Tag Title Ladder Match at Welfare in the Bank. There is no one going to stop me, no matter who my partner is we are going to win plain and simple. If they have a problem with me....then he will end like the other souls that looked into the eyes of the dragon and that is buried six feet under...

Subject: Re: DCW Promos October 9th 2015, 5:43 pm

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DCW Promos

DCW Promos

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