A dimly lit room reeks of mold spores and burnt Havana tobacco.  Sitting in the center of the floor, apparently meditating, Salot's face is covered by his traditional garment.  Directly in front of two burning black candles, sits a vase encasing 5 long stem red roses; 4 of which have perished...

Salot: There is something about the withering of life that brings a warm feeling...

Salot grabs the lonely, and extremely vibrant remaining living flower and spins it between his fingers...

Salot: My arrival here is ironically very similar to the grief caused by death.  It can be the reason we buckle, crumble...  and it can also be the single reason for strength and purpose....

As the cameras pan, Salot is now on his feet, pacing.  With the  announcement of the 5/9 card of Saturday Night Showdown is fresh off the press, a dark cloud is lingering over the debut of one of the most dangerous men ever bred by Southeast Asia...

Salot: Where I come from, the Gorilla is a symbol of power and grace... but many fall victim to disease.. the hunters, who seek their captivity... and by ignorance of understanding their own strength.  This saturday... May 9th.... I will be the hunter.  The plague will rise in the arena and the mystic fogs of the Voodoo culture shall blind one Bourbon "The Silverback" Lancaster.. My reign of delivering terror and sheer fear to the EAW community have only yet to begin, and once I am in possession of my first soul, I will unleash an plethora of disdain.....

Reaching over to a nearby table, Salot valiantly lifts a small Kachina doll to chest height.  As he lifts it towards his face, he licks it from top to bottom with a guile tongue, black in color.  Using the beforementioned candles, he places the flame to the bottom of the doll...


Salot:  Lancaster... Deliver me your spirit... Papa Legba, open the gate for me, Ago eh...Papa Legba, open the gate for me. Open the gate for me, Papa.  For me to pass, when I return I will thank the most high....

The feed fades in and out, in a perpetual overload of static, bouncing between the dusty confines of the EAW's newest demon, Salot; and the popular commercial advertisement series for the consumer product "Cheerios" before fading into complete darkness....

The Camera shows Triple Z sitting on a bench in a empty locker room

"Last Week before dynasty preshow i promised i would make an impact and i did i won the 4 way elimination that just goes to show that i don't break my promised now ever since i debuted on the preshow people have asked me why do i fight .... well it's simple really iever since i was young i've been beaten i've been bullied i've been abused by my drunk slob of a father." Triple Z seems to take a pause before continuing sadness written on his face "But when i discovered pro wrestling it called out to me and now that i'm here fighting with my heart every week i just love the rush but now the stuff that's followed me around has seemed to have sneaked into the sport i love well I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Triple Z pounds his fist down on the bench next to him "Week In and Week Out i see beat downs i see people thinking they can get away with whatever the hell they want to well IT ENDS NOW i fight with HONOR i fight with PRIDE i fight with RESPECT and that is why i fight i fight becuase i want to bring those 3 things BACK to professional wrestling and as the voice of the fans the voiceless of the voiceless i PROMISE you i will do just that now Mike Harrison, you bring bring your a game this week to the pre show and i sure as hell will bring mine." We see Triple Z stand up and start to walk away before the camera fades to black.

Perfection is something that I think is a near impossible standard to meet. In pro wrestling, unlike boxing, MMA, and so on, we can’t handpick our opponents or circumstances most of the time. We face who we face. I am far from perfect, but that pursuit of such is still a worthy goal. 

GI Styles, you’re not perfect either. I don’t think that there’s a person in the world who should be surprised by now that the Good Doctor speaks for you now. I’m not. But I am annoyed. You don’t stone wall me. For the past 6 years of our lives we have communicated as men. Grown ass men, dude. Even when we had that little scrap at the EAW Awards Show in the Champions vs Champions match, you and I dealt with that like men. We talked about it, we agreed that some of the extracirriculars were in the heat of the moment and moved on. What I find funny is that you can do some of the things that YOU want to do just because you can and I have to abide by some sort of rules. You looked shocked to see me come out to the ring during your match with Lucian? Why? You’re both emerging contenders for the World Heavyweight Championship so I have to keep myself in tune with who’s getting looked at for a potential title shot before or after Pain For Pride. 

You saw what happened when you took your eye off the ball, right?

You got your ass speared through a ringside barricade, Lucian putting his own well being aside just to flatten your mute ass like a Canadian pancake with maple leaf syrup on top.

Just remember from now on since you can do what YOU want, I will do what I WANT because I CAN. 


While I talk about the Dynasty Landscape with you all, doesn’t anybody else think that it’s funny that Tyler Parker ran off to Showdown for a few days so he didn’t have to face me or see any of his other challengers face to face? He’s off making these matches with guys who have nothing to do with his championship, want nothing to do with his championship at all. But alas, he has some match with some other champion and………something about a Team Over, you guys have to forgive me since my EAW history is a bit hazy. Good, that’s wonderful. Tyler, just understand that when you come back, if you ever decide to come back….I will be laying in wait. I have a receipt for you that’s been collecting interest for some time and whether the OTHER people on Dynasty think they can do anything about it or not, I’m going to collect.


But….since I’m going to finally be in action, let me first welcome back my opponent, Hurricane Hawk. 


YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH


LETS ALL GIVE IT UP FOR THE HAWK MAN! 


EAW HALL OF FAMER! 


FORMER CHAMPION! 


ONE OF THE ALL TIME GREATS


AND….Most important of all………CARLOS ROSSO’S DESIGNATED WHIPPING BOY.


Who the flying fuck do you think you are? What makes you think you can come on TV or the internet or any kinda media outlet talking about I don’t “Impress” you?

TELL ME ONE TIME, ONE, WHERE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BEAT ME! 




You couldn’t get it done digging up Alexander Da Vinci to help you. You couldn’t get it done in an Interwire Championship tournament that we have had. Every time that you bring your washed up, desperate ass out of retirement to wrestle, guess who sends you packing? Guess who send you home with an L? Guess who beats you and keeps chugging along as if your Hall of Fame Career never meant a damn thing to anybody? 




CARLOS ROSSO, MOTHERFUCKER. 


You’ve done stuff that I haven’t done, but there have been things that you haven’t done that I have done too.

World Champion in Two Rival Promotions at the same time, I DID THAT.


Championship Holder in FOUR promotions at the same time, I DID THAT. 


A man who has WON World Championships as a Heavyweight AND a CRUISERWEIGHT….I DID THAT. 


Call me Roy Jones, Jr, because punk ass dudes like you MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN. 


I’ve been a CHAMPION in every promotion I have been in, EAW is no exception. I restored the glory to the Interwire title after some of the people like Drastik and Johnny Ventura ran it’s reputation into the ground. I made that belt relevant again. GI Styles and myself DOMINATED the tag team division, including a match where we beat you, right? 

You have been a giant fish swimming in an aquarium and you wanna throw out shit about about how I’m not on your level? How I have to deal with you going the distance? How GI Styles Carried me? 

I’ve beaten you before, with and without GI’s help and I’m going to do it again. Every time you come back to this company I’m going to be waiting to punch you in the face. I’m going to suplex you until you piss blood. I’m going to put you every submission hold I know until you cry and soil yourself. I am going to put some EXTREME pain on your snobby, arrogant, wanna-be ELITE ASS. 

There are no brass rings for me to grab at, son. I only reach for gold. You don’t think I could find another partner and win the tag titles if I wanted? You think I couldn’t just go win the Interwire, New Breed, or National Elite titles if I REALLY, REALLY wanted them? There is no bottom for me anymore. Bottom was when I was trying to recover from injuries. Bottom for me was when I was fighting through those injuries trying to get title matches even though I was nearly passing out from the pain on the road. There is only UPWARD mobility now, and by upward I mean my foot going so far up your ass you can kiss the heel of my boot in apology for EVER, EVERY fucking saying that I’m beneath you! 

You picked the wrong person to try to talk down to this week, Hawk. You picked the absolute wrong one. I’m not some wide eyed rookie or some midcarder vet who can’t hack it. I’m faster, stronger and more focused than at any time you’ve ever faced me in a ring and even when I was not this good, YOU COULDN’T TOUCH ME.

You can talk about going the distance all you want.


You won’t.

I’m not Floyd Mayweather. This is going to be a first round KO. And this time, I’m going to make sure you the next time you see yourself in an EAW ring is when you go to wherever the EAW Hall of Fame is located, go to whatever wing you’re on and look at yourself posing on the turnbuckle in some poster picture because I swear to God that you will NEVER wrestle again.

The day of reckoning awaits us, but until then I'm still living in my own shadow. I'm living as one of the greatest to ever step into the squared circle but I feel as though I still have a chip on my shoulder. A lot of people have been telling me.. that I haven't done enough. That I haven't accomplished enough or that I don't deserve the Hall of Fame status that I worked so hard for, but it's time to put a cork into all of those people who take the time just to talk about me. For the first time in two years, I've stepped back into an EAW ring at Grand Rampage to make a statement. To show that I've still got it in me and of course.. it doesn't take much to show that. Everyone knows who I am. THEY KNOW.. that I am apart of greatness. No wait. I am greatness. Every obstacle that was placed in front of me I adapted and overcame. And now on Friday Night Dynasty there's a new challenge that awaits me: Carlos Rosso. 

Carlos Rosso, I'm not impressed. I expected something so much bigger but I guess this will have to be satisfactory for now. Carlos it's been a while since I've stepped into a ring with you and of course you know what's about to happen. You see all of this time in this business that you've probably "claimed" that you worked hard and you still have nothing to prove that you did. However, me? My trophy case is quite impressive actually, but when I step into the ring with you that doesn't matter. What matters is my legacy. WHAT MATTERS is my respect, and I don't think I've ever gotten respect from you so the only thing I have left to do is to beat it out of you. I'm going to make you feel worthless like you truly are. You are NOTHING compared to me and you won't ever be able to beat me inside of that ring. You know I came back on such a short notice. It was on a sporadic decision because I still have to prove that I'm still the best at what I do and EAW just loves to make it easy for me when they put elitist like you in front of me. Carlos that chip on my shoulder still bothers me everyday. Everyday I sat watching the TV screen looking at EAW shows knowing that I could still do it and that there was something more than just leaving with what I already have. There's more that I want.. more that I need. I went on a downward spiral for the longest time, trying to claw myself back up until I realized.. the bottom makes you starve. THE BOTTOM makes you feel that hunger. That's why when I get to the top once again and you're under me.. I'm going to work like I'm still at the bottom. It's so sad to see people like you still at the bottom reaching hard trying to grab one of those brass rings, but once someone like me comes around that pushes you further down and I'm going to prove that on Dynasty. I'm going to embarrass you. All of this time that you've been working with GI Styles, trying to put yourselves together as "Dynamite Rain" while he's carried you like baggage. Admit it, without GI Styles you wouldn't be anything. As a matter of fact, without GI Styles you wouldn't have even ACCOMPLISHED anything. Carlos in my eyes.. you're nothing but a failure. And if you want to believe that you can beat me go ahead.. I'll let you have your silly dreams but once Dynasty comes I'm going to bring you back into reality and make you realize.. that nothing is going to stop me this time. No more living in my own shadow. It's time that all of you see that I'm bringing out a new side of me that's much more vicious than usual. I can be a show off.. I can talk like this because every single word I speak is backed up inside of a ring. I'm flashy.. I'm respected.. Hell.. I'm A LEGEND. What are you exactly Carlos? Besides a simple EAW Tag Team Championship.. what can you call yourself? You ARE NO WHERE close to being on the level of prestige that I am on. Face it Carlos, you should be happy that I even allowed this match to happen. I won't need to step down to your level on Dynasty. I'm just going to show the WORLD just how much I have left in me. I'm going for the gold. I'm going for the paychecks thanks to the people who sit out in the crowds filling seats just to come jeer me. It's not rocket science Carlos, once I'm done in the ring with you, you won't have anything left. You'll be in the same ditch that I was in, in the past. You can collect the respect from those people, but all they can do is hate me and vilify me because they can't do what I do. It's the same for you Carlos, and I want to send a message, not just to you but to the rest of the elitist that want to cross paths with me. I'm nobody to mess with. Carlos I'm willing to go the distance.. that extra mile just to beat you and anyone else. There's no mind games Carlos I'm telling you how it is. I'm the crème de la crème and you're nothing but a seed that will fail to sprout and grow. I'm all about me.. I don't need help from anyone else. I don't need anyone's support because I know for a fact that just based off of my skill and talent that I'll be doing big things once again. I'm refreshed.. and you're not even a concern Carlos. Once that bell rings, the only thing you'll be hearing is my theme music while you lay on the canvas trying to figure out where the hell you are. And once everyone sees that I'm dead serious.. they'll be saying, I'm next up and next in line.

The American Dream. The promise of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. The promise of freedom of speech, democracy, free-will, a right to religion, a right to vote, a right to own property and a right to make a living. The idea that those who tread upon your freedom will be punished and met with swift justice.

Do you think that's the world we live in today Cameron? No, I'm sure you don't. I'm sure you're not that oblivious. The aforementioned promises are The American Dream. The belief that those promises will be kept is The American Delusion. It's a shame how many people have fallen for it. But in the back of your irrational female mind you know damned well, goddamned well that nothing in this life is fair my dear. Everything that exists comes at the expense of another. Think about yourself, Cam. Think about your life for a second. Think about your path to power and your upbringing in general. Think about everything that is minuscule and seemingly insignificant, and think about everything that's made you who you are today. I'm asking you to think about this because you seemed to taken what you have for granted. I also think you're taking me for granted, Cam, but I'll save that bit for later. You see you've been afforded opportunities in your life that so many other people won't ever get. With all the times you've been bullied, berated, branded, punished; you've also been glorified, hailed, praised, idolized. And as much as I'd like to credit it all on your hard work, face it, the both of us are lucky to be here. I find it funny... hilarious actually, that you would try to imply that my rise to the top was an elevator ride. You of all people are trying to tell me what I went through in this business. Comical, so comical I won't even combat that. I'll let you think me getting to the level I'm at was some free ride, I don't care nearly enough to debate that with you. But what's even more funny is how you honestly think you're so different from me. Not in the long run, Cam. Face it, we could have came from anywhere else, and knowing the type of people we are we could have survived! But as much as hard work is a factor, it's by also by luck that we made it here. Think about how many little girls who look up to you won't get a chance to actually be like you. Think about all of the people who idolize me but won't ever amount to anything in their lives. They'll never have the life experience I've had, and the reasons as to why are endless. Shitty parents, shitty environment, health problems, outside influences; so many people have a dream that won't be captured yet the two of us get to live ours. Doesn't sound too fair does it? I don't pity them at all, Cam. I don't pity anybody in this world, because no matter where we are we're subject to great amounts of suffering before we leave this world. Some just get a payoff, others don't. Some things aren't in our control, and that leads me right to this discussion of gender. You see you tried making me out to be a chauvinist based off of a few snide comments of mine, but since we're on that subject yeah, you're right, you are below me because of your gender. I guess that makes me a chauvinist. At the end of the day what I just stated was a fact and there's nothing you can do about that fact. I don't care who the fuck you beat, I don't care if you out-wrestle the Archangel Michael or the wanna-be angel Mike Rush, you CAN'T. BEAT. ME. Neither can your partner. The difference is your partner had a shot, but you never had one because you just weren't genetically fortunate enough.

So that begs the question: in a man's world, does a woman truly have a fair chance?

No, because in a man's world, nothing is fair.

Unfortunately no matter how hard you work, you won't get to measure up to my caliber Cameron. It's just the way things are. Trying to rationalize why that is is like trying to rationalize why a 10 year old Indonesian sweatshop worker will never sell out Wembley Stadium living their dream the way we do. It's not his or her fault, it's just the way the wind blows. Like I said, with your genetics I'm sure if you were born a man you would be the greatest ever. I never said your success had anything to do with your looks, I was simply trying to give you a compliment. But clearly you've got one too many anal beads stuck up your ass to even take so much as a compliment, so never mind. You're not attractive, you shouldn't be a model. You're fucking hideous, you have an over-sized, punchable jaw and I can see why men try to beat your face in all the time because you're so fucking ugly. Is that what you want? Is that what makes you feel equal? When I berate you and insult you like I do every other male opponent? Will you feel equal when I spear you in half or hit you with a conchairto? Will you feel equal when Ryan drops you on your head? What's it gonna take, Cam? What's it gonna take for you to realize no amount of overcompensating you do will ever chance certain facts of life. A fact: you couldn't beat Scott Diamond. You didn't have it in you, and the fact that you couldn't even do it with Kawajai's interference proves just how bad you really needed it. But of course to overcompensate you had to punch Kawajai out--which was hilarious--but was pretty telling as to how insecure you really are. You know if it all wasn't completely futile, I'd be awestruck by your sense of pride. You sure seem to have more pride than many people in the locker room; difference is, your pride is foolish pride, and there's nothing respectable about foolish pride. That's why I didn't care about Tarah Nova entering the Grand Rampage and making the final 4, because I knew she wouldn't win. I didn't care when you entered CITV, because I knew you wouldn't win. Hell, you knew you wouldn't win. You caught lightning in a bottle beating Jaywalker, but this whole notion that Vixens can hang with Elitists or that women can do ANYTHING that a man can do... it's sensationalism at it's finest. It's why FUCKING LOOOOSERS like Lucian Black get the overwhelming support of the crowd, because they're LOSERS, THAT'S WHY. Guys like Lucian actually winning something big in their lives is not only something that gives many people hope, but it's also incredibly sensational. A woman like you beating a 300 pound muscular brolic beast would have been sensational, which is why the people cheered for you more than anything. I don't care how much Zack Crash tries to pussify this place, in the end it's still a blood sport, and you were nothing more than a human sacrifice for the entertainment of the masses. And all of this sensationalist "womens equality in wrestling" talk is all an unrealistic lie.

 I'm not saying you can't do amazing things here, Cam, because you already have. You've done things many men can't do. Many men couldn't beat Jay, many men couldn't handle some of the punishment you've handled. But there's a ceiling you've been born with, and there's this term that goes "breaking the glass ceiling"... but your ceiling isn't made of glass, it's made of reinforced concrete. And this time this isn't an "Eye in the Sky" analogy or a quotable that I end my speech with, this is just the cold hard truth. This ceiling hanging above your head is your gender. This is the curse you were born with, this is the curse bestowed upon you by the Universe, or by Jeebus, or by HBB's God, or by Evolution, or by Aliens, or by Satan, or by whoever decides what happens on this fucking spinning rock floating in the bowels of nothingness and infinity that we call home; but either way, that's just the way it is. That's exactly why as far as the Heart Break Boy is concerned, on Voltage, you are nothing more than a HANDICAP. 

And it's also why your American dream will never come true.

‘SQ is sitting on a chair, reading’

Woah, woah, hold all the presses today. The newspaper just came back and it’s got a big massive headline – ‘Terry Has Quality Competition’. I take back everything I said about you. You’ve clearly got the tools to be a fantastic star, you bulldoze through your competition – I did that also. You have claimed to end careers, broke down careers through your sheer willpower and strength and not many people have done that. Personally, I’ve retired some people but that’s either here or there.

Thing is, we are of similar stature. You’ve got the more muscles but I won’t say you roided, I can clearly say that you earnt those muscles in your thighs, your pecs, your arms and your head, take that anyway you want, it’s no disrespect or anything. You also have clearly done your homework, you know what I’m capable of, you know the effecient competition I bring to any table...... however, I’m getting fed up of guys like yourself and those doubters, haters out there who rile me down and call me washed up, a piece of garbage, a slowed down version of little ol’ me from years ago. Yes, I can safely say I’m a lot slower but with that slowness comes more ruthless in his style, with that stylistic change, I’ve gotten more precise like I know what area of your body to beat down.

Movie star good looks, again, I take what I said before back because you’ve clearly got the look of someone who can carry a decent B-movie to straight-to-DVD sales success, kinda like..... oh, you know that movie Tremors? Great movie, that deserves a remake, you have the screen presence to have believable scenes with those critters underground. Get stuck in. Be prepared. Like what Scar told us in the Lion King.

However, away from the movie scene, away from Hollywood, you mentioned I probably won’t walk out of Voltage without any injury. Have my body so mangled courtesy of your strength, my neck broken, my arms broken, what exactly are you planning? Huh? You claim you are gonna run through me, to be perfectly honest, I don’t see that, mate. What I see is 2 stars claiming to do one thing or the other and only 1 will come out as the victor. As I said to you, I’m not gonna get pinned, I’m not gonna tap out, you betta get some version of a submission that makes me pass out because that’s the only way you’re gonna win. Either that or by a feeble DQ decision or it’s gonna be deemed as a no contest because we keep on tearing each other apart, punching one another, kicking one another until the cops bust in and arrest us both.

 

Thing is, you and I, we couldn’t be more different. You with that body and me with my brawling, technical side of wrestling. It’s the simple power games versus technical prowess and every single time, it’s the grinding side of technical brilliance that wins it every single time and you will bow down to me.

 

Superior by force, quality at it’s very best...

The camera opens on The Pizza Boy doing arm curls with an elastic band, pulling up on the neon colored cord trapped under his foot.  Behind him, propping up against the weight training equipment with his head resting lazily on his crossed forearms sits Percy, looking on.  As if feeling self-conscious, the Pizza Boy glances over his shoulder.


PB: Did I do something wrong?

Without speaking, Percy rises from the workout bench and walks off in a huff.  As Pizza Boy begins to call after him, he's cut off by an ominous whistle of disbelief.  Barney walks into frame, PB pays him no mind as he stares off after Percy while continuing his exercise.

PB: What's gotten into him?

BMB: Who knows? He's probably disgusted that you'd talk to a woman the way you did.

PB: ...You mean with respect and fear?

BMB: No, the other stuff.  The insulting stuff.

PB: What're you on about?

BMB: Apparently Tarah's steamed after you called her credentials into question.

PB: Do what now?

BMB: Yeah, saying that she cheated you out of the rumble and used you.

PB: Ummmm, I didn't say that, you said that.

BMB: Don't throw me under the bus with your hate speech kid!

PB: No, you LITERALLY said that.  I think you used the term cuckold?

BMB: She's also pissed that you think just because you're bigger-

PB: Never said that.

BMB: -Stronger-

PB: -Never said that either, not even close to what I said.

BMB: -And more experienced-

PB:-Nope-

BMB:-against men-

PB: -Not even close to what I said-

BMB: -That you think that you're better than her.

PB: None of those things ever came out of my mouth.

BMB: Oh...well she seems to think they did, and hey, don't shoot the messenger, I don't watch your solo promo shtick, I'm just telling you what she thinks you said.

PB: So why's Percy mad?

BMB: Probably because we ditched him at the airport, but who knows?  So, do you think you're ready for this chick?

PB: Please...don't call her a chick.  I feel like that's somehow going to reflect upon my beliefs and opinions, and what I really believe is that she is more than capable of kicking my ass.

BMB: But will she?

PB:...

BMB: Listen, kid, she got one thing right in her little tangent-

PB: Oh, so you listen to her promos, but not mine? That's great...

BMB: You gotta grow a backbone.  It doesn't matter how in shape we get you, kid.  If you still act like that weakling I tricked into signing with me last month, you're going to look like a puss.

PB: Please don't say that.

BMB: What? I mean a scaredy cat.

PB: Good,but that's not what I meant.  I mean please don't pretend like I'm somehow not the guy I was a few weeks ago.  I've burned a little off of the freshman 40 and turned it into muscle, but that doesn't mean I'm some experienced, hulking, monster that can just go up against anyone and win.  I'm still green, Barney.  I'm greener than the money you burn on bad bets.

BMB: If betting on the Bobcats is wrong-

PB: They're not even a team anymore! But that's not the point, the point is that she's right.  I'm not ready to step up to the plate, mentally or otherwise.  

BMB: Kid, I've spent weeks kicking your ass around this gym.  I got tired, Percy took over kicking your ass around this gym.  Percy got lazy, so we've both been-

PB: What's your point?

BMB: My point is; she's 5'4'', what do you have to be afraid of?  You're the kid who threw GI Styles out of the Grand Rampage battle royal, you're the kid who squashed Kerry Keller.  You're the kid who beat Hades not once, but twice!  Even if the streak is a joke, you're on a roll, kid.  Don't let some raven haired broad throw you off of your game by talking the same trash every other wannabe locker room leader has regurgitated when put up against you.  Why does it get to you now?

PB: It's not just getting to me now, it's more like it's building up.

BMB: Why? You keep proving these schmucks wrong!  Debbie Downer is right.  Size, experience, power, these things don't matter.  If anyone's exemplary of that, it's you!

PB: yeah...Yeah....YEAH!  I can do this!  

BMB: Tell'em, kiddo!

PB: I've beaten everything EAW's thrown at me! She's no different from the rest!  Barney, I can do this!

BMB: You're damn straight you can! Step up to the camera and tell'em who can do this!

PB: I can-aucgh!


As the Pizza Boy begins to step into the limelight and give the world a piece of his mind, his foot raises off of the elastic cord, sending it slingshotting right into his genitals, taking him down like a sack of potatoes.  Barney stares down at him in disgust as Percy walks back into frame with a cinnamon bun in hand, searching the facility mutely, before following Bailey's gaze and shaking his head one vigorous time in disappointment.


BMB: He's out...Pick'em up, Perce, and put'em in the showers.  Poor kid doesn't stand a chance.

The camera fades out just as Percy ducks down to scoop PB up.

Mrs. Lancer: A wrestler?? What kind of cockeyed fantasy is that?

:: The echo from my mother’s shrieks fills my hotel room in Sri Lanka. She took a damn flight all the way from the states to read me a riot act. Splendid. I’m not even dressed yet so I’m stuck with covering my privates with a half empty bottle of sea turtle vodka ::

Mrs. Lancer: First there was the poker thing …

Bourbon: … which worked out great for me.

Mrs. Lancer: … which led to you becoming strangely addicted to sea turtle vodka, so you ended up …

Bourbon: … having a wonderful night in my book club.

Mrs. Lancer: … trespassing a military base in Lebanon with a handful of Thai ladyboys.

Bourbon: … rest in peace Chanchai.

Mrs. Lancer: … while the Lebanese flag was hanging off your .. your .. instrument, like a towel on a towel rack.

Bourbon: Technically I was acting as a flag pole so in a way I was paying respect to the Lebanes-ians.

Mrs. Lancer: The International Court of Justice didn’t think so! You had your mug plastered all over TMZ and every other scum sucking media platform!

Bourbon: … and a lot of young scum sucking journalists made honest money. WHAT IS YOUR POINT MOTHER?

Mrs. Lancer: My point is that any career you ever tried excelling at has ended up in huge humiliation for you.

Bourbon: For me or for you?

Mrs. Lancer: For ALL of-…

Bourbon: … I love my sea turtle vodka.

Mrs. Lancer: … for all of US! But a wrestler? You could get hurt!

Bourbon: … are you seriously worried about my health, mother?

Mrs. Lancer: No you dimwit, who’s going to do all the press for the Silverback line! If you get hurt and no one’s out there to promote it, I’ll throw myself off a bridge!

Bourbon: Yeah that would be horrible.

Mrs. Lancer: Wait … what is this? The thought of me taking my own life gives you an erection?

Bourbon: Only half of one! The other half would’ve really missed you.

Mrs. Lancer: Well … if you’re going to do something, at least do it right. Here – all you need to know about this Tyrell thing.

Bourbon: Oh, wonderful. Just in case I don’t read it …

:: I say as I purposely drop the stack of files on the floor ::

Bourbon: … what do I need to know about him?

Mrs. Lancer: He wants to kill you.

Bourbon: He should get in line. Does he like Steven Seagal?

Mrs. Lancer: No, I don’t think he does, Bourbon.

Bourbon: He drinks sea turtle vodka, right?

Mrs. Lancer: No, Bourbon, you’re the only human being on the planet that does that.

Bourbon: You’ve never been to Chong Boon, have you?

Mrs. Lancer: No, Bour-…

Bourbon: Has he been to Chong Boon?

Mrs. Lancer: I gave birth to an imbecile.

Bourbon: I HAVE A BROTHER?!

:: As mother steps out of my room I finally get a chance to get my crap together. I grab the nearest bottle of sea turtle vodka and place my naked butt on the bed. I look deep into the bottle, marveling at all the dead baby sea turtles in it, just floating about. ::

Bourbon: You guys know why I’ll be good at this, right? First of all, look at me. I mean LOOK … at me. I’m built like a brick wall. Covered in more bricks. Covered in titanium. Covered in glitter. On top of that I … I …

Well that’s just about it, ain’t it Rafael? No one’s ever seen me throw a punch, I got bodyguards for that. No one’s ever seen me in a ring, I have boxers for that. No one’s ever seen me wrestle, I’ve got …. wait. PADDINGTON!

:: As if on cue my scrawny skeleton-esque butler creeps his miserable British sack of bones into my room ::

Paddington: Y-yes sir?

Bourbon: Can you wrestle?

Paddington: I’m 71 years old, sir.

Bourbon: Can you … WRESTLE?

Paddington: N-no sir …

Bourbon: Congratulations, you have crossed the line into being absolutely useless. You realize you’ll have to eat a bowl spider webs, right?

Paddington: Again, sir?

Bourbon: Go buy bowls. And spiders.

Paddington: Yes, sir.

Bourbon: Who am I kidding? Why am I worried? I am Bourbon Lancer! I survived two gallons of vodka, a severe smoking habit, enough cocaine to throw North Virginia into a coma and three abortions. And that’s all while I was in my mother’s belly oven! I don’t need training, I don’t need assistance. I’ll just go in that ring and be Bourbon Lancer. That always does the trick.

:: I take a deep breath and walk up to the huge curtains covering the beautiful view from my hotel. I take a swig from the sea turtle vodka and in one swift motion rip them off to reveal … ::

Bourbon: Oh fuck me …

:: A couple of red dots tremble across my forehead. I raise my hands in the air ::

(Maxwell Dachs is sitting on a bench down by Lake Superior in his home town of Duluth, Minnesota.)

Maxwell Dachs: Five seconds. Some people may claim that I am a loser, by stating that I only lasted five seconds in the Grand Rampage match. They are wrong. As the holder of the Intergalactic Championship I am entitled to a second chance inside the match. And I would like the referee who doesn’t know this basic rules of this company to reprimanded for not allowing me to get back into the ring and continue in the match as I am entitled by holding this here championship. So that means, since both those jabronis who actually claim to have actually won the Grand Rampage match, they are both wrong. And seeing as how I never got my second chance as I should, I am the true winner of the Grand Rampage match.

(Dachs’ face turns to one of anger and resentment, as he looks down.)

Dachs: But the EAW General Managers and owners refuse to recognize this. They are keep trying to cover up the truth and they continue to try to stop me from letting out the truth. This is evident in what has occurred to me in the past couple of weeks, since I have become enlightened on the truth of this corrupt, corrupt company.

(He stands up puts his Intergalactic Championship belt on his shoulder and starts walking down the beach.)

Dachs: I first found out when I was shafted at Reckless Wiring. When I was in the championship scramble match and they refused to let me win the match. There was no reason for me to not win that match. I am the best wrestler in this company! How could I have lost? And since I did, that only meant one thing. That there was some sort of conspiracy against me! I don’t know how but one of those assholes in that match, the wrestlers or those corrupt refs, SHAFTED ME! And I found out and I tried talking to the general manager of Dynasty. And he refused to comment on this very serious issue! Then about an hour or so later I was approached and by the general managers and they awarded me my championship! They’re trying to keep me quiet by giving me this championship gold!

(Dachs smirks and pats his championship belt.)

Dachs: They were trying to cover up the truth! Trying to hide the conspiracy! By giving me hush championships! I didn’t say no, however. Because I truly deserve this championship belt.

(Dachs smiles proudly then sighs.)

Dachs: And then they tried to shut me up again a couple weeks later! They sent GI Styles out to attack me for no reason! They sent a glorified hitman out to hurt me! Luckily being the much better athlete that I am compared to GI Styles, I managed to escape uninjured! And they forced me into a match with that mad-man even though I didn’t want to be! AND I STILL BEAT HIM BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT DAMN GOOD! I AM THE MAN THAT BEAT GI STYLES AND THE TRUE GRAND RAMPAGE WINNER!

(Dachs calms down and regains composure and walks off the beach and up towards his house.)

Dachs: And that brings me up the most recent act of disrespect against me. The Grand Rampage match. Where they used that shill ref to not allow me to use my second chance! HOW DARE THEY! They won’t let me main event Pain For Pride because they know that I’ll win and be the champion. And they don’t want me to be a dual champion because that mean I’ll have a lot of power and that includes the ability to show the EAW Universe the truth about how this company is run.

(Dachs sits down in a chair on his deck.)

Dachs: And that is why this week I am holding an open challenge for my Intergalactic Title. And I mean open. Any wrestler, man, woman, or child and walk into that ring and challenge me for my title. Because much like the EAW I’m not afraid of a challenge, I’m not afraid of anything. And I’m allowing anyone! And I mean anyone! Because I don’t want to hold anyone back like EAW does. I’m going to give everybody a chance! From the nobodies, like Kerry Keller and Carlos Rosso, to the bigger names, like Lannister and Devan Dubian! Anyone who thinks that they can beat me can come down to the ring and try to do so! I’m not gonna let them be held back by the conspiracy that runs this company. These dark magicians who think that they can pick and choose who they want and try to cover up the truth! No! I’m going to release the truth because that is my mission. I have to save the universe from assholes like them.

(Dachs stands up.)

Dachs: I am Maxwell Dachs, I am the EAW Intergalactic Champion and the man that beat GI Styles and the true winner of the Grand Rampage match. And I fight for the truth.

(Dachs walks into his house. Feed cuts to black.)

The Camera shows Triple Z standing in the middle of a desert holding what looks like a pistol gun with 3 life sized human cut-outs about 3 feet away from him 

"Tomorrow night on the pre show of dynasty i debut in a four way elimination match everyone is most likely wondering why i'm standing in this desert with a pistol but i have a reason to be here to show the impact i plan to make when i walk down and step into the ring you see in a elimination match it takes endurance." Triple Z pauses as he shoots a bullseye in the head of one of the cutouts "Strike one, friday night i plan to be a warrior who walks in to battle with no regrets no fears and no dirty tactics and if my opponents think they can pull one over me using a dirty underhanded tactic well." Triple Z paused to take aim and fire once again landing the bullet right in the same spot as the first shot. "Strike Two you see i don't put up with the bullshit that goes on these days i'm more down with the old ways of wrestling two warriors one ring all pride all respect for honor and i aim to bring honor back to professional wrestling and as the voice of the voiceless the fighter for the fans and if you think i'll fail then...." Triple paused to shoot a shot into the standing cut out for the 3rd time in a row getting in square in the head "...Strike Three" With one last smirk triple turned his back and started to walk away from the camera as the screen went to black.

I believe a congratulations are in order, Stark. So congrats… well done at Grand Rampage. You had the biggest moment of your career thus far, winning the New Breed Championship. Maybe you’ll follow in the footsteps of past New Breed champions and be a world champion someday. Let me say that again, SOMEDAY. Today, I am the world champion. Today, this is my day. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, but I am the shining star you see before you. I’ve got this belt for a reason. I successfully defended it last Saturday for a reason. I’ve beaten kids like you over and over again, for years and years. I am the standard you compare yourself against. I am the one that set the bar way above your head. This match isn’t about gaining anyone’s respect. It isn’t about seeing where you stand up against a real main eventer. It’s about showing the world why I am the world champion. Showing the world why I am the only wrestler alive that is worthy of representing the United States. From city to city, country to country, I am the most elite wrestler in the world. EAW is touring the world, but I’m about to begin my tour of the EAW roster. You’ll just be another victim, Stark. Just like Brody was a victim. I beat that “monster” so bad that his manager had to come in and save him. I showed the world that the mad beast was nothing but a mad phony. A liar. Psycho Brody wasn’t who he said he was. He said he was going to defeat me. He said he was going to get revenge for what I did to his doctor, yet it was his doctor who had to come in and save him from tapping out like the BITCH I told him he was. You are much, much worse than the bitch I made you out to be. You could have at least admitted that you were defeated, you could have said the words “I quit” and walked out with a little dignity. But a DQ finish? BUT A DQ FINISH CAUSED BY YOUR BITCH MANAGER? I shouldn’t have been surprised. I should have killed Vance when I had the chance. Oh well. Label me weak. Label me whatever you want. I don’t care. I’ve been celebrating since Saturday. I’ll be celebrating all the way until I step back on U.S. soil with the Answers World Championship, and then the real party begins. One by one I will defeat this roster. Time after time I will defend this title. I don’t care what country we are in. I don’t care who I am defending this title against. Bring them on. BRING IT ON STARK! I’ve made so many people tap out in my career that I’ve lost count. I can’t even remember all the names. That’s all you’ll be after this match is over, Stark. Another name on the list of those to tap out to me. A long list of forgotten names that only stand as a testament to my greatness. Congrats again on your title win, but the party is over. Your celebration is coming to an end while mine is only just beginning. By the end of Saturday night you’ll be a beaten down, defeated New Breed champion. Good luck, Stark, you’ll need it.

Dynasty Promo 2

Did you or did you not intervene? Was that not you grabbing a steel chair and trying to hurt Stan? Was that not you destroying the chances of Brody making history? You're the crutch, you're the enabler. You don't help Brody, you hurt him. Brody looked pathetic in that ring against Starr. He was going to tap out and you made the save. That's the truth, there's no avoiding it. However that all being said: he ain't championship material. How can this "monster" be feared if there's no dominating presence?? All Brody did was make me laugh and believe he can't get it done. He needed his doctor to do his dirty deeds. Leave the definition of my name, it is not necessary. Perhaps you are what makes the definition Vance. But your theories, ideas and speculations are one thing and one thing only: bullshit. You want to validate yourself like you've done the right thing with Brody but you're just a quack who needs to be taught a lesson. Step inside the ring with me and I'll show just exactly what happens to pieces of garbage like yourself. The good doctor is about to get a taste of his own medicine. You aren't wanted here and you'd be better off watching this match on the screens then coming down to ringside. It's up to you, but I wouldn't want to mess with me at all. You can knock my appearance and physical stature. The mighty big always fall. Remember David and Goliath? There is no fear but pity for Brody. He's capable of achieving a lot, but not against me or with you in toe barking orders behind the scenes like a bitch. I grow tired of your reasons Brody is big and bad. He sure didn't prove anything that stood out. We don't give out gold stars, pats on the back or words of encouragement for losing. You either learn or get lost in the struggle. Your client or patient is losing his touch. Stan is hell of a competitor and he made you all look bad. If you hadn't grabbed a weapon and caused interference, Brody still would have tapped. Your client is a human like everyone else. He's no different. You honestly think there's a way he can knock me off a path of recovery and enlightenment? You see, yes, I lost at Grand Rampage. I didn't give my all. But nor did Brody. You can say that shit about him able to hold his head high, but I know a loser when I see one and ol' Brody fits the bill. 

Dominating a match must be done throughout, not getting in an ankle lock right at the end and showing despair and weakness. The Agents of Extreme have your numbers it appears and I couldn't be happier. You two assholes have a lot of "talking" to do. Time for some therapy sessions between you too. I'll get the ball rolling...how does that make you feel? My respect was not gained after that match between Stan and Brody. And as for the reputation...being a coward is something Brody plays well. And with you doing what you do, you make him look like a right dependent bastard. I got no fear going up against YOUR puppet. Or looking at the puppet master, that being you as I strike your client with chop after chop and making him suffer at the hands of The Evolution of Wrestling. You are actually right about Evolution - it's a process and one I've mastered. I am what's talked about in history, in science, everywhere. I make this company better and I am not intimidated by enforcers or loose cannons. I am on a new path and you or your punk bitch client ain't wrecking it. I am out to prove I can rise above and it's not just for championships or riding glory, it's because I can. I am in a new state of mind. If you aren't here to win it, get the fuck out. Pushing one self to the limits is what I want to do and who better then to face your patient. If I can defeat him, I can do anything and make you two tools look like idiots. Fight or flight time boys...don't let the anxiety get you down.

You might have him set a social point and I respect anyone battling anything as they can do great things. But, YOU are the one labeling and stereotyping. And I never called Brody a psycho or weirdo or freak. We're all those things from time to time. This does not define you. It can make you stronger and better but you two haven't grasped that concept. Maybe it will come with time. Or maybe you two will be in a vicious cycle. I say Brody, let yourself free. 

Because if you stay in the clutches of Vance...it will be your downfall. Everything you've accomplished is shit next to what I can do. You were a tag team champion but again relies on others. Part of a stable - again - relies on others. By all means, tag partners makes sense from time to time but you have too many dependents. Fuck you weren't even in the damn promo! Speak up for yourself!! Let's see what you are made of come tomorrow night at Dynasty. 

Let's see if you can truly stand up to me without your doctor. Somehow I doubt it. 

And Vance? Session is up. Time to apply what you two assholes learned.

Before I get to my match this Saturday, I just want to address one thing.


Troy Archello. You might not think it, be we have unfinished business between us. That business would have been settled at Grand Rampage, had Damien Shadow not gotten to me first. That's right Troy, I was going to go in there and eliminate your cocky, loud-mouthed, arrogant ass. And boy, was it ever going to be sweet. But unfortunately, our esteemed General Manager got me to stop, offering me something else instead. Not that it matters now though, since you got eliminated anyway by Zach Crash. Zach, I hope it felt good to get that smarmy douche bag to fall over the top ropes like that.


I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you Troy, you and I will meet again, I guarantee you that pal.


Moving on, this Saturday, my opponent is Jacob Steele.


Jacob, I really don't know much about you. You and I haven't had any interactions since I've debuted. What I do know is that you seem to be trying to put the past behind you, after everything that happened when you were on Voltage. And that's good, I admire that. Since you haven't spoken at all since our match was announced, I don't really know what else to say, so I'll just end it with me wishing you good luck in our match.