El Landerson finds the title again!

New Champ: El Landerson

Hardcore Heavymetalweight Championship History (updated):

Azumi Goto - 1
Keelan Cetinich - 1 (won via rollup after offering Azumi a hug)
The Pizza Boy - 1 (won via forefit as Keelan thoughtlessly signed a receipt after ordering a pizza)
Chris Elite - 1 (won via forefit as Pizza Boy signed a document to hand the title over)
Chris' Stove - 1 (won via submission as Chris Elite tapped out after burning his hand on the stove)
Keelan Cetinich - 2 (won via pinfall after pinning the stove)
Big Mike - 1 (won via knockout after hitting Keelan across the face with a pan)
Azumi Goto - 2 (won via forefit after trading a Sony Music record deal to Big Mike for the title)
Iron Chef Morimito - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning a sleeping Azumi in a stove)
Cara Delevingne - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Morimoto at a Victoria Secret Fashion Show)
Zack Crash - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Cara)
Lemmy Killmeister - 1 (won via pinfall after Pizza Boy pinned Crash, but dedicated his victory to Lemmy)
Senor Gonzalez - 1 (won via pinfall after hitting Pizza Boy with a shovel)
Keelan Cetinich/Cara Delevingne - 3/2 (won via pinfall after hitting Senor with a shovel and both pinning)
Nobi - 1 (won via pinfall after hitting a double lariat and pinning both Cara and Keelan)
Bicycle - 1 (won via pinfall as the bicycle landed on top of Nobi)
Harambe - 1 (won via pinfall after taming the bicycle)
Keelan Cetinich - 4 (won via death after Keelan killed Harambe with a shotgun)
Cara Delevingne - 3 (won via pinfall after hitting Keelan with a chair)
Doink the Clown - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Cara)
Big Makayla - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Nobi)
DDD's Chin - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Makayla)
Kelly Hackenschmidt - 1 (won via submission after forcing DDD's chin to somehow tap out)
Pizza Pie - 1 (won via submission after forcing Kelly to tap out after the pizza pie was stuck to his face)
Petra Chan - 1 (won via forefit after the dog ate the cheese off the pizza)
Nasir Capitani - 1 (won via pinfall after sending Petra to the kennel and pinning the cage)
Azumi Goto - 3 (won via pinfall after rolling up Nas)
Tony Rolland - 1 (won via pinfall after kidnapping Azumi and pinning her in a van)
EAW Hardcore Heavymetalweight Championship - 1 (won via pinfall after laying on Tony while he slept)
Tony Rolland - 2 (won via pinfall after rolling over in his sleep and pinning the title)
Kelly Hackenschmidt - 2 (won via forefit after trading the belt for a bag of weed)
Bird Shit - 1 (won via pinfall after Kelly tripped over and a bird shat on his chest)
Kelly's Towel - 1 (won via forefit after Kelly cleaned the shit off his chest with a towel)
Keelan Cetinich - 5 (won in a ladder match after climbing a ladder and retrieving the title and the towel after Kelly went to take a shower)
Ladder - 1 (won after Keelan slips off the ladder and falls to the ground. The ladder falls on Keelan and pins)
The title becomes vacated after the ladder snaps in half. 
Filthy Frank - 1 (picks up title)
Cailin Dillon - 1 (won via knockout after throwing Frank off a bridge)
The Vixens Championship - 1 (won via pinfall after Cailin falls asleep with the title around her waist)
Cailin Stalker - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Cailin while she slept)
Security Guard - 1 (won via forefit after the stalker gave up the title for his freedom)
Alberto the Chihuahua - 1 (won via pinfall after guard slips and falls and the dog jumps on him)
Petra Chan - 2 (won via forefit as Petra got into a fight with Alberto and Alberto fled)
Azumi Goto - 4 (won via submission after Petra taps her paw on Azumi making her the champ)
El Landerson - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Azumi)
Niki Khan - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Landerson)
Keelan Cetinich - 6 (won in a first blood match after giving Niki Khan a papercut)
Mak - 1 (won via forefit after penetrating Keelan with his dick)
The title becomes vacated after Mak is arrested for sexual assault.
El Landerson - 2 (won via finding the title)

Donald Trump creates a new law that makes Landerson give up the title to him.

New Champ, Donald Trump

Pizza Boy runs over Trump with a pizza delivery car.  The ref counts while The Donald is pinned under the car.

Winner: Pizza Delivery Car (1)

Pizza Boy's delivery car breaks down and is forced to vacate the title because of injury. Pizza Boy accepts the title on the car's behalf.

New Champ: Pizza Boy

Terry finger pokes Pizza Boy and covers.

Terry (1)

Terry's son lies on Terry while he's sleeping for a three count.

New Champ: Terry's son

The kid meets Stevie Wonder and ends up highfiving him only for the kid to be declared tapping out.

Terry sees his kid crying for losing the title and squashes Stevie

New Champ Terry

Terry and PB run into one another backstage.


PB: Is that the Heavymetalweight Title?

Terry: Yeah.  Is that a meat lover's pizza?

PB: Yeah...

Pizza Boy wins (3) Traded for a pizza

Terry sees a slice taken out and takes the title back (3)

Cleopatra flashes Terry her tits and he collapses to the floor for a ten count. Cleopatra wins under last man standing rules.

New Champ: Cleopatra

HBB returns to read all of the bible to Cleo... causing her to fall asleep and he pins her

New Champ: HBB

HBB celebrates by standing on top of a table. Keelan Cetinich comes along and delivers a back body drop through it. Keelan wins in a tables match!

Keelan gets a splinter on his index finger which is soon being sucked by Brody Sparks. She tells him all the horrible things she plans to do to his body later. Keelan taps out to make it stop.

New Champ: Brody Sparks

Brody is playing with herself with the title is over top of her. She taps after climaxing


New Champ: The Championship Belt

El Landerson pins the belt.

OOOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE......

......TTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

.............TTHHHHHHHHHHHRRREEEE-

THE BELT KICKS OUT!! The belt retains!

DDD's favorite sex doll falls on the title and wins

New Champ: DDD's Sex doll

Terry takes the title and smashes it with a hammer and the hammer lays on top of it and wins.

Hardcore Heavymetalweight Championship History (updated):

Azumi Goto - 1
Keelan Cetinich - 1 (won via rollup after offering Azumi a hug)
The Pizza Boy - 1 (won via forefit as Keelan thoughtlessly signed a receipt after ordering a pizza)
Chris Elite - 1 (won via forefit as Pizza Boy signed a document to hand the title over)
Chris' Stove - 1 (won via submission as Chris Elite tapped out after burning his hand on the stove)
Keelan Cetinich - 2 (won via pinfall after pinning the stove)
Big Mike - 1 (won via knockout after hitting Keelan across the face with a pan)
Azumi Goto - 2 (won via forefit after trading a Sony Music record deal to Big Mike for the title)
Iron Chef Morimito - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning a sleeping Azumi in a stove)
Cara Delevingne - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Morimoto at a Victoria Secret Fashion Show)
Zack Crash - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Cara)
Lemmy Killmeister - 1 (won via pinfall after Pizza Boy pinned Crash, but dedicated his victory to Lemmy)
Senor Gonzalez - 1 (won via pinfall after hitting Pizza Boy with a shovel)
Keelan Cetinich/Cara Delevingne - 3/2 (won via pinfall after hitting Senor with a shovel and both pinning)
Nobi - 1 (won via pinfall after hitting a double lariat and pinning both Cara and Keelan)
Bicycle - 1 (won via pinfall as the bicycle landed on top of Nobi)
Harambe - 1 (won via pinfall after taming the bicycle)
Keelan Cetinich - 4 (won via death after Keelan killed Harambe with a shotgun)
Cara Delevingne - 3 (won via pinfall after hitting Keelan with a chair)
Doink the Clown - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Cara)
Big Makayla - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Nobi)
DDD's Chin - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Makayla)
Kelly Hackenschmidt - 1 (won via submission after forcing DDD's chin to somehow tap out)
Pizza Pie - 1 (won via submission after forcing Kelly to tap out after the pizza pie was stuck to his face)
Petra Chan - 1 (won via forefit after the dog ate the cheese off the pizza)
Nasir Capitani - 1 (won via pinfall after sending Petra to the kennel and pinning the cage)
Azumi Goto - 3 (won via pinfall after rolling up Nas)
Tony Rolland - 1 (won via pinfall after kidnapping Azumi and pinning her in a van)
EAW Hardcore Heavymetalweight Championship - 1 (won via pinfall after laying on Tony while he slept)
Tony Rolland - 2 (won via pinfall after rolling over in his sleep and pinning the title)
Kelly Hackenschmidt - 2 (won via forefit after trading the belt for a bag of weed)
Bird Shit - 1 (won via pinfall after Kelly tripped over and a bird shat on his chest)
Kelly's Towel - 1 (won via forefit after Kelly cleaned the shit off his chest with a towel)
Keelan Cetinich - 5 (won in a ladder match after climbing a ladder and retrieving the title and the towel after Kelly went to take a shower)
Ladder - 1 (won after Keelan slips off the ladder and falls to the ground. The ladder falls on Keelan and pins)
The title becomes vacated after the ladder snaps in half. 
Filthy Frank - 1 (picks up title)
Cailin Dillon - 1 (won via knockout after throwing Frank off a bridge)
The Vixens Championship - 1 (won via pinfall after Cailin falls asleep with the title around her waist)
Cailin Stalker - 1 (won via pinfall after pinning Cailin while she slept)
Security Guard - 1 (won via forefit after the stalker gave up the title for his freedom)
Alberto the Chihuahua - 1 (won via pinfall after guard slips and falls and the dog jumps on him)
Petra Chan - 2 (won via forefit as Petra got into a fight with Alberto and Alberto fled)
Azumi Goto - 4 (won via submission after Petra taps her paw on Azumi making her the champ)
El Landerson - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Azumi)
Niki Khan - 1 (won via pinfall after rolling up Landerson)
Keelan Cetinich - 6 (won in a first blood match after giving Niki Khan a papercut)
Mak - 1 (won via forefit after penetrating Keelan with his dick)
The title becomes vacated after Mak is arrested for sexual assault.
El Landerson - 2 (won via finding the title)
Donald Trump - 1 (won via enforcing a new law. Everytime Landerson wins the title, Trump becomes champion)
Pizza Delivery Car - 1 (won via pinfall after Donald Trump gets stuck under the car and the ref counted the fall)
Pizza Boy - 2 (won via forefit after the delivery car breaks down)
Terry Chambers - 1 (won via pinfall after poking Pizza Boy)
Terry's Son - 1 (won via pinfall after lying on Terry)
Stevie Wonder - 1 (won via submission after high fiving Terry's son, which somehow was a tap out victory)
Terry Chambers - 2 (won via pinfall after squashing Stevie)
Pizza Boy - 3 (won via forfeit after Terry Chambers traded the title for a Meatlovers Pizza)
Terry Chambers - 3 (won via ... i don't even know. he took the title back because there was a slice missing in his pizza smh)
Cleopatra - 1 (won in a Last Man Standing match after flashing Terry her tits and Terry fainting, and not answering the 10 count)
HBB - 1 (won via pinfall after making Cleopatra fall asleep by reading the bible to her)
Keelan Cetinich - 7 (won in a tables match after back body dropping HBB through a table)
Brody Sparks - 1 (won via submission after Brody started sucking Keelan's finger and told him all the horrible things she was going to do to him later)
EAW Hardcore Heavymetalweight Championship - 2 (won via submission after Brody tapped out while masturbating)
DDD's Sex Doll - 1 (won via pinfall after falling on the title)

Matt Miles uses the hammer to put a nail in the wall. This counts as tapping out.

New Champ: Matt Miles

Finnegan Wakefield challenges Matt Miles to a game of YuGiOh
Finnegan draws all 5 pieces of Exodia by being a drawing cards slut

New Champion: Finnegan Wakefield.

Victor King jizzes all over the title and destroys it with a light tube.

Pins Victor King in his very odd dream.

Retained: Finnegan Wakefield

Lars Grier sees Finnegan Wakefield, pours a stove of British tea. Wakefield is too busy drinking the tea and Lars wins the title from him.

New Champion: Lars Grier.