Search found 3 matches for NowEra

Bienvenido a Dinastía

The camera cuts inside a nightclub in Saitama, Japan where the Poon Palace has taken over. A large metallic pair of disco balls hangs from the center of the room as dozens of lights shine across the floor in an elaborate colorful light show lighting up the interior. Blue stars cover the pitch black walls as the disco ball slowly turns illuminating the entire club as if one was standing amongst the stars themselves. The camera slowly fades into the VIP section beyond the velvet ropes where TLA is shown sitting on a leather couch surrounded by hot Asian bitches as he signs autographs for Japanese fans. TLA laughs as a fan tells him a joke about the time he went to see one of TLA’s matches on the Japanese independent circuit many years ago. TLA takes a sip of drank as “Shine” by Buddy comes over the speakers.

Alright alrighty well I’m finally on my way
I know I can’t fail if God testing my faith
And if I don’t hurry I might be too late
Even with all of this darkness in my grave
I still can’t help but shine
I can’t help but shine
I still can’t help but shine
And we can’t help but shine

TLA: Awwwwww yeaaaaa it’s yo boi TLA comin’ at y’all live pumpin’ the Poon Palace all up with that electricity bein’ powered by all mah Japanese gringos STRAIGHT OUTTA SAITAMA! This ain’t the bald dude from One Punch Man tho this the city bitches! Yo we be all up all over Japan on this Dynasty tour yo. I be enjoying every last minute of it. I be enjoying my time in Japan so much that I legit just made an anime joke. Drake Jaeger gotta be proud of yo boi now! I got them slanted ass Japanese bitches hangin’ all over La Pantera Sexual and we got some of them realest wrestling fans in the world right here in Japan. Yo I thought them fans back in China and South Korea were cray but y’all be givin’ them a serious run for they money. We all up in the land of puroresu and what else a luchador to do than get high and ain’t nobody higher than everyone up here in this Poon Palace. Yo we expandin’ to every city and every continent. Every motherfuckin’ island gonna get some of this poon but we focusin’ on Japan right now cuz this be that #NowEra. This be the time to rep. Tokyo gave yo boi that warm as pussy welcome. These fans quiet as fuck cuz they be studyin’ that shit you do but lowkey you know they all freakin’. They all can’t help but go wild when Ambitionz az a Ridah hit and it’s time for TLA to do his thang.

TLA: I won’t deny it imma straight ridah you don’t wanna fuck with me. Kelly Hackenschmidt learned that shit on Dynasty. He found out just how hard this vato go and I laid homie out with that Mexican Destroyer. Kelly beat Drake Jaeger via countout and I beat Kelly so fuck yo shit up Drake I be straight provin’ that y’all a fluke ass lucky motherfucker who’s time be limited with that belt. But I ain’t just talkin’ shit and throwin’ shade cuz I be shinin’ too much for that shit. It’s crucial as fuck that real recognize real and Kelly Hackenschmidt straight brought the fire to that ring. He and he boi Finnegan Wakefield gunnin’ for them EAW Tag Team Championships and yo I think they got a shot for real. Kelly showed that he got them pure wrestling skills he got that ground and pound shit on lock and this week Finnegan Wakefield gonna get a chance to do that same. It only a matter of time until they get they shot and bring that gold home to Dynasty. Cuz we bleedin’ red and we Dyin’ for Dynasty cuz they the best fans in the world. The best wrestlers all over the world and eses like Kelly and Finnegan reppin’ for the future. They gonna bring all that glory all over Dynasty and wherever the fuck else they wanna go. Cuz this club def ain’t gonn’ get no higher but Kelly and Finnegan got nowhere to go but up.

TLA: So SebASStian Monroe wants to disrespect TLA after all the shit I done for him. First off, this puto ain’t even planned to give me this opportunity. He was gonna give it to Scott motherfucking Oasis until Oasis pussed out like everyone with a brain knew he would. But I earned this shit more anyway. Cuz I beat down Scott Oasis’ ass with ease in the King of Elite tournament. But apparently that shit wasn’t enough for Monroe nah I had to compete in another match against Kelly Hackenschmidt. Let me make shit clear tho. I will take on any comers. I really don’t give a fuck. Book me against the entire roster for all I care. I’ll take ‘em all on. Cuz you all on TLA’s list and I be goin’ through all yo asses one by one. So Monroe wants TLA to face Kelly and I agree and imma do my job. I go out and I do my thang beastin’ and feastin’ like I do. I got that win so Monroe wants to come out and have his little bullshit show to make himself look like such a kind and caring motherfucker that he gives opportunities and shit to TLA. Opportunities that unlike most of this roster I straight up earned by working my ass off every damn day for over two years. Hell more than that if we bein’ real about shit.

TLA: See I ain’t never been sure what to think of Monroe. Most of the time weyito seems chill as fuck. But the rest of the time I feel like he just be servin’ he own agenda and don’t give no fucks about his talent. The fact is that TLA is a self made talent and have proved that I can be successful wherever the fuck I go and don’t need no help. I don’t need to be handed instant World Title shots like basically all of Jacob Senn’s challengers since he won the title. My record speaks for itself. I have dominated this brand longer and more consistently than anyone else in this company and have established the fuck outta Dynasty more than anyone else in recent memory. Shit if it wasn’t for me, Monroe prolly wouldn’t even have a fucking Dynasty to run. I was the one who led Monroe’s team at Civil War all them years ago and won him control of this brand in the first place. So Monroe y’all should show yo boi a little more respect sometime cuz if it weren’t for me y’all would still be working for Zack Crash as he personal little whipping bitch.

TLA: The fact is that I been proving for years exactly why I deserve the next shot at the EAW World Heavyweight Championship. Monroe is too much of an idiota to recognize just what he got right under he nose all this time. I ain’t loco like you even be thinkin’ tho Monroe. See I respect Xavier Williams as much as anybody, and he beat me fair and square in the ring. So if he gets a shot first then that’s how shit be. But the facts are that if you watched that match. If you watch TLA vs. Xavier Williams, if you watch TLA vs. Jamie O’Hara, if you watch TLA vs. Scott Oasis who I beat, or if you watch TLA vs. Devan Dubian who I also beat, it is clear as fucking day to everyone. I am ready for my shot. I am next in line. I have earned this. Yet when I point this shit out to Monroe he threatens to fire me. See this shit right here is exactly the problem with Dynasty. Monroe don’t reward hard work. He only rewards asskissers like Lucian Black and Moongoose McQueen who get handed out easy routes to success. All they gotta do is win like one or two matches and y’all act like they the greatest thing y’all had ever seen. Meanwhile, y’all be ignoring this mainstay motherfucker who been bringin’ yo ass results and ratings for years. Monroe can’t handle the truth and he is bringing in his corporate ass henchmen like Black and McQueen to shut people like me and like Jamie O’Hara up because we got the cojones to speak the truth.

TLA: You done started a war you ain’t prepared for Monroe. I gave you power and it’s corrupted the fuck outta you. I been quiet for a long ass time but if you wanna fuck with TLA you gonna find out exactly what that mean. If I gotta go through each and every one of your lame ass suits to get there I will. Starting with Moongoose “Sneak Ass Bitch” McQueen at Reckless Wiring. Moongoose y’all seemed like you weren’t gonna be a fuckboi for once but that’s what I get for assuming shit. Shimmer clearly been teachin’ him some of them tactics cuz the only way he can take me out is by hittin’ my ass hard from behind. You can have yo security drag me outta any arena in the world, cuz I got an entire army of fans ready to shit all over yo business. Did you hear the noise Monroe? Did y’all listen up Moongoose? These people loved you and all they wanted was for you to man up and finally give me what I have earned after all these years. After all these matches, after how far I have fucking come. But y’all didn’t do shit. You sicked yo slave on me and declared war on the TLArmy. I hope you ready Monroe, cuz I ain’t the only one you been pissing off. You want to fuck me over. You want to fuck Jamie O’Hara over and make both of us hop over all yo walls just to get a shot at yo boiz. You ain’t thought this through. You gonna find out just what happens when some pathetic old dude in a suit decides to fuck with a gladiator just like Moongoose found out when he got his ass beat by Jamie in the main event on Dynasty.

TLA: But that’s Reckless Wiring. That’s where the fans get to choose the shit they want. Reckless Wiring is a show that’s supposed to be all about the fans. A show where we give back to the people who we do this shit for. The people who have made EAW the success that it has been all of these years. We legit couldn’t do it without y’all. Monroe gonna try to use that propaganda and power to tell all y’all what to vote for. Don’t buy that shit. Vote for what you want cuz what you want is what’s best for Dynasty.

TLA: First up tho, I got me a newcomer to welcome. My opponent this week on Dynasty Sheridan Müller… Muuuulerrr am I sayin’ that shit right? I think I got it. I be all on top of that shit cuz I am a cultural animal and am schooled as fuck in the ways of the world. So what do we know about Sheridan? She is apparently an emotionless vegan who has competed on every brand at this point but only really had any success on Empire playing with the other little girls. Then she got fed up with that shit and left for Voltage and finally showed up for work about three weeks ago. Now it looks like they got tired of her ass and shipped her on out to Dynasty cuz she got her ass beat so badly by Ares Vendetta on Showdown that they didn’t want her neither. So the way I look at it, is this is prolly yo last shot yo. Whether it was yo fault or corrupt ass management, which given how Monroe runs shit is just as likely, it don’t matter. I give no fucks about why you here. This yo last shot so let’s start this shit off right.

TLA: Sher making her final appearance tonight on Voltage so imma definitely be tuning into that shit. See I be locked in on my opponents and I study the fuck outta that shit. So when she be steppin’ up to Marco Fedor imma see if she really worth all the hype. Yeah that’s right I have heard all about yo ass and how you was some sort of rookie prodigy on Empire. How you was the last EAW Vixen’s Champion and all that good fun until Cailin Dillon and Aria Jaxon whipped that ass and sent you packin’. Then you did a whole lotta nothing for like two months until Voltage finally booked yo ass against some Elijah Stewart and y’all got yo self some wins over this dude. Now you comin’ on over to Dynasty and I gotta say y’all got some pretty big words you be usin’ for someone who ain’t proven shit to anybody. So far in yo little crusade to make EAW “equal” you have beaten some nobody on Voltage and gotten yo ass fired from two brands in the last few months.

TLA: So you wanna step up onto my turf and start throwin’ around words like “superior” and “revolutionary”? Nah homie y’all gotta earn that shit. See I don’t give a fuck if you got a vagina that is three feet deep. I don’t give a fuck if you got a twelve inch cock that you tuck behind yo synthetic pussy when you put on yo wrestling tights. I’ve faced everything that they have thrown at me and I’ve faced women before so this ain’t my first trip to the charreada chica. I’ve faced men, women, trannies, children, dogs, bears, mosquitos, you name it I prolly done faced it. So while some of the homies backstage in the locker room prolly gonna refuse to fight yo ass. I ain’t gonna be one of them. I won my first Interwire Championship from a woman. You might have heard of her, she’s a Hall of Famer after all. She’s the last woman who tried to go on a crusade of bringing “equality” into EAW by proving that she could beat all of the men. Honestly that shit didn’t work out so well for her but maybe Sheridan will be different. Maybe she will be more efficient!

TLA: I didn’t end Cameron’s Interwire Championship reign because she was a woman and I thought she was somehow inferior. I ended her Interwire Championship reign because she was an opponent and when you wear a championship belt and you step in the ring you best be willing to throw down no matter how big or strong you are. So when Sheridan tries to hype herself up with her superior efficient lifestyle that she lectures everyone on week in and week out since she returned, I gotta question just what kind of equality we even be talking about. Shit sounds less like equality and more like “be more like me”. Gurrrrl that ain’t equality at all yo, that’s that shit I don’t like. That shit smell like supremacy to me. I don’t fucks with that. That ain’t efficient. That ain’t good for society. We ain’t fuckin’ with none of yo skank ass Hitler Nazi shit here on Dynasty Sher. Maybe that shit flew over on Empire and y’all had yo little Ku Klux Klan celebrations when you won yo little girl’s championship but here on Dynasty we respect diversity. I don’t give a fuck about yo traditionalist values, you gonna try to discriminate the fuck outta the good people on this show you gonna get these fists. Cuz we already got enough discrimination comin’ down from the top we don’t need yo ass makin’ the locker room a place for fuckbois too ya heard?

TLA: I can sympathize with being fucked over by the man. In fact I think it’s admirable that women like Sheridan are stepping up and taking on Dynasty’s finest Elitists. I been shit on my entire career too. I was blacklisted from this business for five years, but I fought and I clawed my way back up. That fight ain’t over but I have finally made a name for myself in EAW and on Dynasty, whether or not Monroe wants to recognize it or not. The fact is that I have become the most successful luchador in EAW history and that is something that nobody can take away. Sher wants to prove that pure efficient wrestling is the way to go. I say no better place than right here in Japan mami! This the land of puroresu the country that pretty much defined pure efficient wrestling. You want to prove that you the purest most efficient wrestler alive? I see no better judges no better eyes out there than the eyes of the Japanese audience who will be tuning in en masse for Dynasty this week. I say bring the fuck on all of the women who want a shot at me. I will beat they asses cuz I got this opportunity to lay hands that normally I’d get arrested for. I be polishin’ up my pimp hand real strong. Don’t got no Hall of Fame ring yet Sher y’all lucked out but if you still around once I grab one, you in real trouble. Bring on all of them bad ass bitches from Empire here on Dynasty I give no fucks I will take all y’all on and prove just why I am the Mexican Mutilation Machine and why you just don’t fuck with TLA, you gotta fight with TLA. You fuck with La Pantera Sexual!

TLA: But when it comes to efficiency I am the most efficient luchador y’all gonna ever meet. I got my shit on lock. I run my Poon Palace with precision. I run them corners with cojones. I pump that iron with insanity cuz I be in that gym all hours of the night fuckin’ shit up. Yet despite all of her talk about efficiency and all that other supremacy garbage she be spittin’. Sheridan don’t even know who TLA be! Now I don’t know about y’all but if you be claiming to be the most efficient and superior person on the EAW roster I would think y’all might’ve freed up a little time to watch Dynasty at some point over the last three years. I mean damn girl that ain’t efficient at all. You just comin’ into Dynasty blind as fuck and hopin’ for the best? You gonna be turned out worse than Lucas Johnson was when he first showed up here. And then between all them big ass words that I’d have to borrow Ventura’s thesaurus to understand y’all be sayin’ some confusing shit. Like you talkin’ about how you mad cuz Voltage be treatin’ yo ass like a terrorist not an athlete. Then you be all like yo I ain’t an athlete I’m someone who is gonna justify every choice I’ve made! Someone who fights to justify their shitty choices cuz they can’t admit they out of touch with reality… sounds a lot like terrorism to me. Are you trying to blow up Dynasty Sher? If so can you leave a bomb in Monroe’s office?

TLA: Still, I don’t give a damn if you kiss ass or if you decide to start some sort of one woman jihad here on Dynasty. As far as I’m concerned dissent is patriotism and the more people we got tellin’ Monroe and the corrupt ass white male EAW suits on the Board of Directors how big of fuckbois they are the better. So if you wanna retaliate against Lance Hart and whoever else you feel fucked you over on Voltage that shit ain’t my problem and adios amiga I wish you the best of luck. But that ain’t gonna stop me from rainin’ down fire on yo ass in the ring. I prolly got some feminist fans out there who would rather have TLA just lay down so that a woman can come onto the Dynasty scene and act like she all superior to everyone else around her. Nah ese if you want that privilege you gonna have to earn it. I’ll treat yo ass like every other rookie ass noob who steps through them curtains and tries to make a name for they self up against the Dynasty Franchise. I don’t give a damn if history remembers you as some sort of hero who broke barriers for women in wrestling or if history remembers you as some moronic idiot who threw away her Rookie of the Year momentum by stepping off into a world that she just couldn’t handle. Cuz it don’t matter who you are or what yo goals are or how much of an uppity German supremacist cunt you are…

When you get in the ring with Mexican Efficiency… yo I just can’t help but shine!

TLA takes a sip of drank as the laser lights shining around the club are solidified through the cloud of weed smoke hovering just above the nightclub floor. TLA throws some cash up onto the table as a stripper appears wearing a “Fuck Monroe” t-shirt that she quickly removes along with everything else she got on.

And I close my eyes sometimes and dive in a pool of my dreams
And I been searchin far and high and wide until I found my wings
You gotta be crazy if you say you fly as high as I do
As soon as I make it to the pearly gates I’m prayin that they gonna open up
I still can’t help but shine...

(The camera cuts to TLA feeding a plate of tacos to Steroid Dawg.)

TLA: This mah dawg. Have y’all seen mah dawg? Mah dawg this tho. She a good ass dawg. Mah dawg that. Mah dawg confused why she ain’t had no matches on Empire yet. Vixens roster be discriminatin’ against her kind. She gonna beast and feast on all them bad bitches unless they be lettin’ her up inside. Can’t keep her out tho she comin’ whether you wants it or not. Steroid Dawg gonna be unleashed like never before on yo asses just like TLA gonna is gonna be unleashed like never before all over Tig Kelly’s ass at House of Glass.

Imma reintroduce him to both of these fists as I light him up like fire and leave him to burn worse than he you do after a night with La Diva.

Y’all gonna have to do a lot better than build a wall holmes. I been breakin’ down walls since i stepped foot in this company. Ain’t no barrier I won’t break. Ain’t no line I won’t cross. Cuz I rolls like that and if imma cruise into the ring imma do it with a glass fucking sledgehammer and break the shit outta that glass wall. Cuz the glass ceiling already broken and it’s rainin’ down shards on our asses. It’s tryin’ to fuckin’ kill us but only we can live thru the storm. Nobody gives a fuck about Lucian Black or Jacob Senn. This the match that really matters. They just ain’t realized it yet.

They can try and hide us down here with the Interwire title but we just gonna make them look like dumbasses as we steal the whole damn show.

I ain’t even about that life but my abuelita wants me to put the beat down on one of my tightest homies and I is all about puttin’ that respect to my elder bitches. Tig thinks he can be grabbin’ on my title without permission but that is assault and I won’t hesitate to press charges. I been pressin’ weight in the gym all week long beastin’ and feastin’ like mah dawg do gettin’ ready to attack. Tig Kelly is facing a beast unlike any he has faced before except for that time we faced last year at this exact same PPV. But he needs to understand that it is a whole new level of competition back up in this bitch. I do shit realer than the realest vatos reppin’ the Hottest Brand Out in the Hottest Title Match Out on the Hottest PPV Out.

This PPV gonna be so hot the glass gonna be meltin’ all around us.

Straight husTLA style throwin’ down and makin’ history. One year in the makin’ but the Aztec gods had this shit planned out millenia ago dawg. We just fulfillin’ that destiny but we ain’t never livin in no past. We livin’ in that #NowEra doin’ shit for the present cuz we ain’t got no time to wait around no more. I’m cleanin’ out all the trash but this week imma clean out un campeon. Tig Kelly looking to end his Great Irish Famine of titlelessness as he tries to jack one from the big dawg. But La Pantera Sexual ain’t fuckin’ ‘round…. El jefe gonna burn all them potatoes to the ground and leave yo ass starvin’ desperate to fill yoself up with some tequila on sale now at the Poon Palace!!!

You ain’t never fucked with the Mexican Mutilation Machine like this.

Pendejos gettin’ dropped left and right. Hall of Famers gettin’ dropped left and right. Alex Wilder gettin’ punked out so bad y’all ain’t even see his ass no more. Now all that trash been cleared out finally we got a man worthy to step to TLA with the respeck and I be poundin’ away with that respeck and grabbin’ the shit outta that brass ring like Donald Trump be grabbin’ that pussy. Cuz I ain’t got no time for no pussy pendejos, there ain’t no line I ain’t gonna cross to fucks with y’all. I done took on Voltage’s finest at Territorial Invasion and I been the only man who took any of them motherfuckers out. But y’all know who I is already. I just be hypin’ this shit up. I braggin’ and shit but y’all gonna have to put my arrogant ass in my place if you wanna shut me up. Cuz imma be spittin’ shit for life unless you duckin’ and weavin’ round them missiles I be shootin’ out past my teeth.

I spit that truth like a bomb on 9/11 and I launch the confusion to mix y’all up more than my kale salad.

King Kale motherfuckers don’t you ever forget! Never slip. Ain’t no time for slippin’ cuz when we on that glass it’s gonna straight cut you the fuck up. I don’t give a damn what Glass Rules are… I’m more interested in finding out whether or not Tig Kelly has a glass jaw after he takes a Very Mexican Uppercut from the Franchise.

(TLA uppercuts the camera shattering the glass before it fades to black.)

IT’S RAINING SENN! HALLELUJAH! IT’S RAINING SENN!

Music by the Weather Girls plays as the camera cuts to TLA’s Canadian hotel room which has been decorated to serve as the mobile Poon Palace. Hot Canadian naked bitches are shown dancing on poles as they pour hot maple syrup down their bodies.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAHHHH it’s yo boi TLA comin’ at y’all live fixin’ to do this shit

Una

Vez

Mas

Comin’ at y’all live with the furious intensity and electricity of three million strong STRAIGHT OUTTA CANADA! And we up in Canada fixin’ to show all them Australians and Americans and wherever the fuck Nathan Fiora is froms. We here to rep Dynasty hard and rep Dynasty like a motherfucker cuz if we don’t who will. We got my ese Jacob Senn up out here spittin’ and slayin’ all them Voltage motherfuckers who dare cross he path. Then we got yo boi, and y’all all do know who I is. I be that Mexican Mutilation Machine droppin’ panties and uppin’ the antes. Pourin’ one out and sippin’ that alcohol. And teachin’ them haters that no man fucks with La Pantera Sexual!

Damn right y’all know who I am.

I am the MVP of Team Dynasty, last year’s coach they took me outta retirement and put me back on the field cuz they need that Franchise playa yo. I am that Realest Revolutionary and we revoltin’ up in here against the Voltage fuckboiz. I got my crew rollin’ beside me, I got that Disappointment himself Alex Wilder reppin’ for all the emo Dynasty fans out there. Y’all may be cuttin’ yo selves in the corner but know that Alex Wilder ain’t forgotten about you. He’s up in here for all of y’all down to rep that suicide life. He ain’t very talkative these days which is why me and Senn been doin’ all of it. He might start cryin’ and shit cuz of that depression but make no mistake about it. He is beastin’ and feastin’ in the gym somethin’ fierce lookin’ to show that the Mexican Samurai still livin’ inside him somewhere. Gonna show that Latino pride fo sho and fuck up them Aussies and them white boiz.

We got Devan Dubian that Hall of Fame motherfucker.

He ain’t even need to say shit cuz of how prestigious he is. Y’all all know how good he is and how badly he gonna fuck you up. Diamond Cage too. He so good he can stay silent all week because y’all know he is hittin’ that gym and lookin’ to prove himself the best in the world and the next World Champ! So y’all may think Team Dynasty lookin’ a little quieter or think that we ain’t on the same page but y’all best believe that we all rollin’ in our own style. Not everybody can be TLA not everybody can run they mouth off like it ain’t no thang. I came up on the street when I was just a lil vato all I had was this tongue and I gotta learn to use it like a weapon. Jacob Senn prolly done the same damn thang in his trailer park or wherever the fuck that redneck ass white boi grew up.

#NowEra

So let’s talk some shit homies! First up we got that big boss, we got Team Yella’s coach Mr. Y2Impact callin’ he self the Machine. See Y2Impact is a machine but lately he ain’t been sayin’ or wrestlin’ much. And when a machine ain’t gettin’ used it gets rusted out. So we got old man Impact out there comin’ to the ring on his crutches lookin’ to re-live his glory days by takin’ on the future of EAW. For shame Imp, like my sista Condoleeeza Rice said to Dick Cheney in leaked emails “he should concentrate on quality time with his grandkids and let it go”. Nah nah for real tho, I got mad respect for yo ass muchacho. Y’all one of the best in the business, one of the best there ever was and this week imma be in the ring with y’all.

I got even more respect for y’all after you kicked that bitch ass poser Blaise Hunter off yo team.

See if imma even participate in this shit I want Voltage to bring they best. I want Voltage to bring the best collection of talent they got and let it rain down all over me. Imma beast and feast up in that rain and show the storm just who it’s fuckin’ with. I take on all comers and while we got vatos over here and vatos over there all dreamin’ about usin’ this shit to launch off to some World Title or some shit, I ain’t even all ‘bout that. Sure imma go all out to get it. That title that’s the goal yo. But the dream nah that ain’t why I’m here. I’m here for what really gets my blood runnin’ hot. That shit that keeps me alive yo. That combat…

Yo I just needs to be in a ring to feel alive!

Ain’t got no shame about it. Maybe it ain’t a grand goal. Maybe I ain’t high enough altho Sebastian Monroe’s drug screenings would say somethin’ else. Speakin’ of somethin’ else we got them Aussie boiz we got Jamie O’Hara and Xavier Williams two best buddies. Or maybe not. I ain’t even sure if anyone ‘round here is best buddies no more and this is a company that has a Tag Team Championship. But Jamie got that intense beef with Senn. He can’t even think about nothin’ else. It’s rainin’ Senn down so hard that O’Hara can’t even see clearly up in that storm. He don’t even realize the other motherfuckers sneakin’ up on him. O’Hara gonna be so focused on whippin’ Senn’s ass that he ain’t even gonna see Alex Wilder sneakin’ up and slashin’ he wrists like them emo disappointment eses do. O’Hara even beefin’ with Nathan Fiora he own partner!

But don’t worry Jamie I ain’t had no idea who Nathan Fiora was before this shit went down neither.

As for Xavier Williams he be throwin’ down that respeck onto my name and I ain’t no man if I don’t respond in kind. Xav is so real that he recognizes the realness of TLA. Weyito be recognizin’ that yo boi be a dangerous motherfucker who ain’t nothin’ to fuck with up in that ring. Respect. Yo I got mad respect for Xavier Williams too. Just like Y2Impact, if not more so cuz let’s keep it real EAW keeps gettin’ better and better with time. Y2Impact been beastin’ through the easy eras and the hard eras but Xavier Williams been goin’ even stronger through this modern era which goes harder than anyone ever even dreamed of goin’ back in 2009. Reppin’ #NowEra Xavier Williams be reppin’ the Now on Voltage. Jacob Senn can throw all the shade he want onto how Xav did it. Maybe he been handed everything maybe he didn’t. Maybe he done lied, cheated, and stole all that gold for himself. But don’t matter how he did it cuz he did it and while doin’ shit fair and proving you the best with no strings attached is worthy of more respect, in this cut throat ass business just doin’ it at all is some shit to jizz some massively erect respeck all over.

But now it’s TLA’s turn to show up and prove just why every time EAW done thrown me an opportunity… I knocked that shit straight outta the park.

Every damn time. But this right here is a match where I don’t gotta hype my accomplishments. I don’t gotta brag about the titles I’ve won. I don’t gotta brag about how many Pain for Pride matches I’ve won. Shit I ain’t even gotta brag about how many Territorial Invasion matches I’ve won. Cuz we all done that shit. We got lil hoppas out there on Voltage who done won World Titles, we got lil hoppas right here on Dynasty who done won Divide and Conquer matches.

Ain’t matter none.

Cuz this ain’t about another accolade or trophy up on that shelf. Selfish motherfuckers might think so. The winners of this match gonna brag about it for years to come no doubt. Over time they gonna slowly and slowly and slower make it all about they selves. Soon it’s gonna be “yo remember that time I single handedly won for Team Dynasty back in 2016. I’m so fucking badass!”. They gonna forget they had a whole team backin’ they ass up. Y’all gotta carry yo weight but if y’all in this to impress. If y’all in this to show why you deserve that World title then you ain’t understood the match. We down to fight as a team we best be down to win as a team. This shit is called Divide and Conquer but recognize that if we divided then we gonna fall faster than Heart Break Gal’s panties.

Xavier Williams y’all wanna find out if TLA can hang? You gonna find all that and more holmes!

Cuz I wanna know too. Imma be throwin’ myself like I said straight into this nest of World Champs and we gonna find out if TLA got what it takes to swim with them sharks. If I get ate imma get ate, but y’all best know by now… imma fight my way up out and you gonna see me again. Then we got someone who I ain’t sure if imma see again… someone who I ain’t never seen before… Nathan Fiora.

Someone needs to fill me in on what I missed. When did EAW get a Hardcore Championship again?

Damn Voltage must be on such an obscure network for me to have missed that and also missed this guys entire career. I mean he has clearly been around for so long cuz he acts like he is a 10 year veteran who has done it all, yet not even his partner Jamie O’Hara seems to have any idea who this mystery dawg be. Imma have to go into detective TLA mode again and investigate this mysterious Nathan Fioria Firora… Fiyoriea… fuck it you ain’t fire… Fire is what I spit every damn time I open my mouth.

Cuz imma dragon like that. Hear me roar motherfucker.

Nathan Fiora you fucking bitch boi you wanna come at TLA? You wanna disrespect? I ain’t playin’ no more dawg I will bring the knives and cut you the fuck up. You don’t want none of this. You ain’t ready to take in all of La Pantera Sexual! See I give no fucks about yo white boi grammar lessons or your insults to my fans. Luckily for you those guys I beat up prolly weren’t your fans. I did a lot of digging trying to find out who you are and couldn’t find one person who knew holmes. All I know is that you have got to be the most miserable hijo de puta in this entire match! Matt Miles started this whole thing off hyping up Team Voltage as this cohesive and unified unit, and then Xavier Williams and Jamie O’Hara and Y2Impact stepped in and I almost started to believe it.

And then yo ass showed up.

DAYUUUUUUUM! I ain’t seen a worse team player since Kobe Bryant. I guess that means you unstoppable in hotels then too don’t it carnal? Well I be right up here in my hotel in the Canuck Cathedral where we got them hot as fuck Canadian bitches for miles. That pussy flowin’ faster than maple syrup on a hot Canadian summer day. Yo Nathan you say I am a scary Canadian and if that’s what it’s gotta take them imma be Canadian as all fuck. Imma get my Drake on, imma go get me some of that free health care, cuz you know I gotta get checked out on the regular.

Imma get out yo face tho Nathan cuz I’m sure you got plenty more dicks up inside it than mine to worry about.

You know I said that this whole thing is about winning as a team or losing as a team, but when it comes to the court of public opinion all that bullshit gets called off. See we fightin’ to impress and we definitely gonna leave an impression on that publics’ mind. So when Nathan Fiora inevitably fucks everything up for his team, them fatass Voltage fanboys ain’t never gonna forget. You gonna be vilified for life cuz ain’t many chances to rep yo brand, and this is one of ‘em. This is like takin’ yo team to the championship, and then walkin’ off the field before the final play. You ain’t gonna prove nothin’ but what we already done suspect.

Yo I may have no idea who you is, but we gonna righteously find out amigo.

Anytime. Anywhere. Anyone. The motto. Read it. Write it. Live it. Be it. Yo if the rest of Team Dynasty ain’t gonna say shit. Then imma say it for them. If Jacob Senn need a mouthpiece cuz he team ain’t gonna do it, then I’m yo man. Cuz I’m down to rep, I’m down for Dynasty, and I’m down to put every Voltage fuckboi I see… DOWN.

One of the sexy Canadian bitches dumps a bucket of hot maple syrup over TLA as they giggle and bounce they sexy titties. The camera cuts to Steroid Dawg repeatedly trying to lick the roof of her mouth after trying to eat maple syrup.