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(We start this promo off with David arriving backstage at the Spectrum Center in Charlotte. Just look at him. Look at that suit he’s wearing. The thread count must be high as fuck. What a sharp dressed man David is. He looks like a billion bucks and he feels like it too. So here is the 3x Unified Tag Team Champion, rolling his luggage behind him, just minding his own business until Showdown’s security shows up. The same dudes that escorted The High Rollerz out of the building last week. David just keeps walking towards them until they form a wall. David, sporting that usual smug ass look on his face is forced to stop in his tracks, as he scans left to right, looking into the eyes of each and every security guard there.)

Security Douche #1: David, we aren’t here to cause you any harm. Nor are we here to kick you out of the arena. Well, not now at least. This is just a warning towards you and your partner. No funny business this week, alright? If you try to pull anything, you are outta here.

(David, takes a few steps and gets right in the security guard’s face, causing him to take a nervous gulp. David let’s out a huge sigh, knowing he doesn’t want to waste any of his time or energy on this.)

David: …I’ll be on my best behavior. Pinky promise.

Security Douche #8: We mean it, David. Don’t try anything cute.

David: Can you guys like, oh I don’t know, quietly fuck off or something? I literally just got here. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just here to get settled in and then I’ll be out of your hair. Sound good? Good. But before I go, I must know, is Robert here by any chance?

Security Douche #-4: Not until tomorrow. Why?!

David: Just curious. Well gentlemen it’s been a pleasure.

(David grabs his luggage again and rolls it right over one of the guard’s foot, causing him wince in pain. We fast forward a bit to where David is sitting in his locker room, just collecting his thoughts. Being on his best behavior like he promised. Obviously there is a camera in his face, which means he’s most likely going to talk about his upcoming match. That or the camera is there to capture him doing nothing. It could go either way at this point. Oh, what’s he doing? David reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He clears his voice before speaking.)

David: Before I get started, I just wanted to take this time to say something to a very special someone. Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s listening to this, so here it goes. You were my friend then, now almost a stranger! Our friendship appeared once glorious, what happened meantime gives me great anger. Our friendship no longer remains serious, fool you were to be misled by others, who drove a giant wedge ‘midst our friendship. Cut off is our friendship, which me bothers, a nadir has come in our relationship. What years of our happiness have been lost? You’ve been foolish, very much on your part. Our friendship today is just but a ghost, won’t your eyes see the true love in my heart? Dear friend however, you can’t be my foe, I hope that our friendship, blossoms once more. That was for you, Theron, my great friend. I worked really hard on that poem. Blood, sweat, tears … all of which I squeezed into those heartfelt words. Words that I spent a lot of time on. So obviously I didn’t google it. All me. All from the noggin. No need to search it to double check. See, my goal in all of this was to show you that we aren’t giving up on you, Theron. We would never say to hell with it, you aren’t worthy enough to be our ally anyways. Actually, the more I think about it, it’s true. We don’t just view you as an ally that we can later use as a meat shield. We aren’t going to use you, period. So what are you to us? I’ll gladly answer. After giving it some much needed thought, like all of five seconds, you aren’t even our friend. No, that’s an insult to you. That’s an insult to the connection the three of us have! What you are is more than that. You, Theron Nikolas, are our brother. And since you are our brother, we’ll always have your back. So with that said, I ask you once more to join us! Join us in our crusade. Shhhh, don’t even speak! I’m not looking for a yes or no. Just close your eyes and visualize what we could accomplish together. Imagine the chaos we would create. The havoc we would wreak. The bodies we would stack. Think of all the titles we would reap! All the merch we would sell, adding even more money to our overstuffed pockets. Theron, we would rule this brand with an iron fist. Nobody would come close to stopping such a well oiled machine. Not even the iceberg that is Robbie V. But you know what? I’m not here to put you on the spot with some “desperate” pitch. This isn’t some silly attempt to recruit you. I’m not Mike Krzyzewski or John Calipari or Nick Saban. So I’ll leave it there. Besides, I know at the end of the day, when the timing is right, you will make the right decision. This is an opportunity that you can’t afford to pass up and deep down, you know that. Don’t add another regret to your life. That’s all I ask.

So switching gears, lets talk about what awaits me this week. In case you didn’t know, I once again have a singles match on Showdown. Yep, that’s how the most clueless GM of all time, Robbie V books the greatest tag team that EAW has ever seen … in singles action. Makes sense. But I get it. I get what he’s doing. He’s teasing us. Making us face Di Consentes again, only this time individually, while they hold our titles, knowing we can’t do anything about it since Robbie thought it was in HIS … or as he would say, the brand’s “best interest”, to rip our rematch clause to shreds. Great going! No seriously, well done. Because of your stubbornness, and you just overall being caught up in your feelings, we have the current tag team champions facing teams like The Dragon Slayers! If that doesn’t put asses in seats then I don’t know what will! Move over Black Panther, Di Consentes vs The Dragon Slayers is the true global box office draw! Yes, that’s sarcasm. I felt like I had to point that out since so many of you are incapable of connecting the dots. Or better yet, because you’ve never had an actual conversation with another person before so you don’t know when someone is being sarcastic, all because the sun and human interaction scares you, but I digress. So with all that said, allow me to step up on this soap box here and proclaim how this is bullshit. All of it. All of this bullshit. No matter how you dice it, or what perspective you try to bring … it’s bullshit. It’s like the saying goes, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. Cameron and Claudia? They are living proof of that. Speaking of which, I don’t want to face you, Cameron. Not this week. It’s not because I’m afraid of you or because I think you’re better than me, oh no. It’s because I have a lot on my plate. Bigger fish to fry, you know? Yeah you know because it seems to be the story of your career. Being second fiddle. You aren’t even the most important thing to your partner. At best, you’re number three behind her husband and her world title. Same goes for your soon to be husband. It’s obvious he values his world title more than you. Wipe the eye crust away and open your eyes! It’s obv— oh how could I forget, he lost his championship to Elite of all people last weekend. Aka the guy that was a part of the Iconomy, seeing as how you randomly brought them up. But wow, such an anticlimactic end to such a storied and historic reign. He must feel bad. Probably crying rivers right now and stuffing his face with pastries, all just to help him cope. And when he needs you the most, here you are, wasting your breath on me. Shouldn’t you be there for him or something? Shouldn’t you lend your shoulder for him to cry on? Or to offer a hand to hold? To cook him up some chicken noodle soup and read him a bedtime story? Meh, it is what it is. I’m sure the dozens of groupies that wait outside his hotel room every weekend are offering a helping hand. Nothing to worry about. He’ll be fine. But do you know who isn’t fine? Me! Yep, gonna make this about me again because why the hell not?

You know what I’m sick of Cameron? No, I’m not talking about Robbie for once, even though yes, he very much annoys me. You, Cameron. I’m sick of you! I’m sick of seeing your face everywhere. I’m sick of watching you get five matches at every fucking EAW free-per-view. But I’m sure you don’t mind. You’re getting more exposure. You’re also getting double the paycheck. So obviously you aren’t going to pass up on these “money fights.” You would be foolish to do so. So I’m by no means knocking the hustle. You’re enjoying the ride with those two titles of yours, I can tell. But I hope you realize that when it comes to the long term, it’s going to be a nightmare for you. Since you’re getting two matches at every single FPV now, that means your body is taking even more of a pounding. There’s a cheap sex joke to be made there, but I will refrain myself. All those bumps and bruises are going to take its toll. Now I’m sure you’ll respond by saying how you’re a big girl, that you can handle it! Yay, girl power! All I’m saying is eventually, you’re going to hate yourself. Your mind is going to hate you for having to listen to multiple opponents each week, as they dish out a bunch of codswallop. It’s going to make you go crazy. And like I said, your body is going to hate you for taking risks that you never had to take in the first place. It’s all good for the time being. You’re still young. You’re in your prime! You don’t have to worry about any of this now. But one day, you’ll wake up. You’ll yawn, you’ll sit up and stretch your arms, then you’ll step out of bed and you’ll immediately fall to the floor. Your body will give out. And you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Which just so happens to be the same exact words you said about me regarding our match at Reasonable Doubt. I’m the one to blame for losing our titles at Reasonable Doubt, as you put it. Yeah, it’s my fault! Pile it all on me! Let’s completely ignore the fact that Brian should have never given you a rematch in the first place. Let’s turn a blind eye at the fact the referee completely fucked us over! That’s right Cam, I pulled him out of the ring in the nick of time. Wish your father had my timing. Then you wouldn’t be here. But the important thing is, the ref never counted to three. His hand fell down all clumsy like because I was dragging him away. Long story short, you shouldn’t be tag team champions right now and deep down, you know it. I mean don’t you remember our talks leading up to that match? I asked you over and over again as to why you never took advantage of Drake’s help the month prior, and you told me you didn’t want any doubt. You didn’t want any sort of controversy surrounding your win. AND NOW LOOK AT YA! You never meant any of that. You were just too busy trying to sound politically correct. It’s pathetic! What a fitting name Reasonable Doubt is because there’s a heaping amount of doubt as to the legitimacy of your title reign. And of course, we won’t get a rematch, which I’m sure brings you pure joy because you know that when we lose those tag titles, we get them right back. In fact they would probably be around our waists right now. But no, the white knight of a GM had to step in to help protect his lover! HAHAHA SO MUCH BIAS IT FUCKING HURTS! That’s why we have a bone to pick with authority, Cameron. I get it, a lot of elitists in the past would try to fabricate some BS story so they could feud with their boss. And the mindless sheep that is the audience would eat it up because they too wish they could throw a punch or two at their boss’ face. No, unlike them we aren’t doing this to be cool. We aren’t looking to be labeled as the rebels who stand up the authority for no real reason like a Diamond Cage. That’s been beat to death since like 2011 or 12. This is legit. This is about our GM, whether it was Brian or now Robbie, trying to deny us from greatness by wrongfully taking opportunities away from us. So no, we aren’t just going to sit in a corner patiently while we twiddle our thumbs and bite our tongues. We are going to take action! But perhaps you’re right, Cam. Yes, you’re right about one single thing. Don’t flatter yourself because even a broken clock is right twice a day. Perhaps giving Robbie the Brian treatment wouldn’t solve anything. Knowing our luck, Lannister would replace him as acting GM. Or better yet, you! Because they sure do love shoving your appearances down our throats. Hurting Robbie physically? Been there, done that. But hurting the one he loves the most in this world …in the worst way possible? Ding, ding, ding.

You can draw your own conclusions there. But like I said to you earlier, Cameron … I’m unable to give you my full undivided attention like I did during Reasonable Doubt week. I know, I’m sure you’re really taken back by all of this. You might need a moment or two to recover from such heartbreaking news. Take all the time you need sweetheart. But I have bigger problems then trying to beat you in singles competition on a random episode of Showdown that will be forgotten about a week or two later. I have a Robbie problem. I have the whole trying to convince Theron to join our side thing. And oh yeah, I have to mentally prepare myself for my match against my best friend next week at whatever that super show is called. So yeah, you’re the least of my worries. But I’ll tell you what, for a minute or two, I can make you feel real special. I’ll give you the attention that your ego desires so it can live on. So let’s get started, shall we? First off, you’re probably expecting me to talk so much shit about you, yeah? Expecting me to attempt to besmirch everything you’ve done within this company. But I’m not going to do it. For instance, I know I have my work cut out for me this week. I’ve told you time and time again, that you’re a gifted singles competitor. Still not buying into Di Consentes as a legit team, with titles and all, but I’ve never once questioned your abilities when it’s just you and you only out there. No matter how hard I try, I can’t argue with results. More times than not, especially as of late, you get the job done. Just look at Reasonable Doubt as a reference. You go through an absolute bloodbath of a match against us, then we beat the shit out of you afterwards and you still manage to beat Keelan later that night. Or look back at Reckless Wiring. You had a nice little match against the Dragon Slayers and then you go on to beat the 300 hundred plus pound behemoth in Scott Oasis that same night. So again, I wish I could talk so much shit about you as I let out a derisive laugh at your misfortunes, but I can’t. You’ve been red hot. And now it’s up to me to knock you the fuck out and drag you back to a place called reality. It’s gonna be easier said than done, sure. After all, I’m still learning as singles wrestler myself. I know I have adjustments to make. For example, towards the end of my match against DC, I got a bit winded and unlike my tag matches, I was unable to tag in a fresh Jack Ripley. So sure, I have to work on my stamina. I have no shame in admitting that, especially since I’m looking to put you away early when the bell rings. So perhaps pizza and beer isn’t the best diet for this business. Just like waking up at 2 PM instead of getting an early morning run in isn’t the wisest decision to make. Oh well, shoot me. No please, shoot me so I never have to see your face or listen to you speak ever again. But while I am still breathing and with you holding our titles, let’s just say that we are going to make your life a living hell, spooky I know … just shaking in your boots. But the same goes for HBG and of course, her husband. Reasonable Doubt wasn't the end and you need to get that through that thick skull of yours. This isn’t some sprint, Cameron. This is a motherfucking marathon! So to think this is the downfall of The High Rollerz? Hahahaha, no you dumb sket, THIS IS THE RISE!

(David smirks, camera fades to black.)