The Promo Feedback Thread

Subject: The Promo Feedback Thread April 5th 2015, 9:29 am

Basically, post your latest promo and the guy below you has to review it, give you tips, then post his own promo.

I may not use this, but I remember there being a thread like this when I was fairly new to EAW like many of you today. That's why I made this, as it may be useful to many of you.

So yeah, have fun.

Showdown Posts : 650

~~i kil the new ministry~~

Looks like Stark will finally get a win this week. That’s great. I don’t really care for the New Ministry. I enjoy harassing them backstage though because they’re just that dumb. I don’t know if they’re self-aware about just how stupid they are, but if they aren’t, then I feel Draven and co. have less business in a wrestling company and more business in whatever mental asylum the freaks came from. Yeah surprisingly, I agree to work with O’Hara and Duncan to get rid of the New Ministry in a hurry. But not just because the New Ministry isn’t worth any of my time, but because I have something to prove. See the New Breed Title, that means a lot more than everyone thinks. It’s the stepping stone to greater things. Look at O’Hara. I hate to agree with the guy, but he’s actually above the title now. I know for sure I wanted him to go face to face with Diamond Cage at Reckless Wiring. But see the thing is, not a lot of other people did. So O’Hara wants to forge his own path now to the top. And he deserves it. He came in last summer and quickly proved himself the best of the new breed at the time. And look at him now. Destined to be a great… but not for long. You want to step up O’Hara? You can’t do that with that title you’re basically implying to be dead weight. So here’s the plan. Grand Rampage, I’m taking that title from you. I’m not even going to worry about Clark Duncan because he doesn’t deserve to be in the match in the first place. I won contendership, he whined and cried till he got in. Between the two of us, it’s clear who should be the new champion. Stark’s rise to the top begins at the Grand Rampage. No one can stop me.
Not the New Ministry for sure. I don’t know who Draven and Keller think they are calling me a troll. It’s laughable how these guys think they can actually be something. But I guess that just goes to shows Voltage’s quality of New Breed Superstars, because on Showdown the so-called ‘new breed’ consists of guys like Zach Genesis, Carlos Cruz, Eclipse Diemos, and Alistair Murray just to name a few, the only competitors the powers-that-be of Voltage could throw at us are the New Ministry. So be it. The more new breed superstars I destroy, the better I build my case that I absolutely deserve to be the New Breed Champion. These goth emo wannabe vampires won’t stop me. Clark Duncan won’t stop me. Jamie O’Hara won’t stop me.

On April 25^th, the New Breed Championship will be mine.

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread April 5th 2015, 12:38 pm

I liked the promo, the insults worked well against us, and it actually made me want to have a singles feud with you, I was kind of overwhelmed when I saw we were facing you, O'Hara and Duncan, but I guess it'll be a fun match, and a lesson for us not to be so lazy. But yeah, you've always been a great promoer IMO

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread April 5th 2015, 1:45 pm

That is some rather helpful feedback Keller.

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread April 5th 2015, 2:04 pm

U wot m8?

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread April 5th 2015, 2:09 pm

Calm down guys.

Guest

We are taken across a beautiful English countryside until we get to a large mansion, undisturbed by anything, secluded and tranquil. We are greeted at the doors by a butler and led through the immensely huge and gorgeous mansion to a spiral staircase and led up the stairs to a large, golden door.

The butler slowly opens the door to a large study. We see a chair with it turned away from everyone, but there is a sense than a great presence is behind the chair.

Butler: Sir. The men from the...ahem...wrestling promotion are here to see you.

Good. Send them in.

Butler: Very well, sir.

The butler gives the cameramen a dirty look but obliges. The chair then slowly turns around to reveal a handsome, stoic man with a tailored suit. He has a cup of tea in his and and he takes a sip of it before putting it down and smiling a curved smile at the camera.

Reginald Dampshaw III: Hello there. My name is Reginald Dampshaw III. You may look at a man like me and wonder what I would ever want with a wrestling promotion. Why a sophisticated, handsome gent such as myself would ever want to subject myself to the barbaric nature of wrestling peasants and ruffians? Well allow me to take you on a short history lesson.

Reginald gets up out of his chair and walks over to his many books in his library. He looks at them for a moment before turning back to the camera.

Reginald Dampshaw III: My ancestors were soldiers...knights throughout history. My great-great grandfather Alistair Dampshaw was a cricket champion for years. My great Aunty Mabel was the first woman bridge champion in the county. What do these things have in common? The Dampshaws have always dominated anything we have been a part of. We have been warriors and we have been sportsmen. So now..I, Reginald the III, will be the first Dampshaw to combine the two, when I dominate the wrestling world. And it starts in some ridiculous three way match on Voltage.

Reginald takes a quick drink of wine from his goblet and slams it down before rubbing his chin quickly.

Reginald Dampshaw III: Which reminds me, what imbecile booked me in a match with two other men...on the pre-show no less?!? What an absolute and utter disgrace it is for a Dampshaw to be relegated to be perform for merely the audience. I demand to be on television and I demand a better match. But, I understand if the powers that be are too scared that I will destroy all of their so called champions so...allow me to rescind my demands. I shall save my destruction for Mr. Gott and Mr. Angelus. But, until then....Good day.

Reginald looks to his butler and signals for him to let the film crew out. The butler swiftly does so and the large doors of the main room are closed.

Posts : 9

First promo I've done in ages so be gentle x'D

As the video comes to an end... all goes black as you suddenly hear a voice coming from somewhere.

Mysterious Voice: "Things are coming... things are about to happen that will make every head in the arena turn and look and BEG to look away. My name is Alexander Trent Scorpio... You may refer to me as Scorpio. I am the nightmare that every man and woman dreams about. THINGS are about to change around here. You may doubt my words... But my actions speak even louder... I am coming... I am coming... [A loud sound of somebodies last gasp of air being stolen from their lungs was heard as the video suddenly showed a fire start and a man standing with his back turned to the camera decked out in demonic body paint.] I... Am... Here..."

Suddenly the arena began to flicker between different dark shades of red, blue, green, and purple among others as "The Scorpion" by Megadeth filled the arena. The Scorpion had arrived... Scorpio came slowly walking out from the back painted up like a demon as he looked out at the crowd which the majority of them were booing him by knowing who he is and what he is capable of doing. He is dressed ready to compete and looks ready for action as he walked with a meaning towards the ring with a serious scowl on his face striking fear into those in the audience. Scorpio walked up the steel steps and over to the other side fo the ring to demand a microphone from the ring announcer. Scorpio returned to the center of the ring as the lights went up and his theme music came to a close. Scorpio stared out in front of him at the booing fans and those not giving him a reaction and showed now emotion towards them as he raised the microphone to his lips.

Scorpio: "They say some men are simply born evil... I like to think that was not me. I like to tell myself that I become the man I am today by my own choice but that is simply not the case. The craving for power, the craving for punishment, the craving for more... it is a sickening habit to get may I tell you. Let me let you in a little bit about who I am... I am the first and only son of Walter John Scorpio... the millionaire owner of Las Vegas's very own Scorpio Casino. The company that I was born to take over but that was not my calling. I never wanted to be under my fathers shadow, I never wanted to use my fathers money because I am can fend for myself. That is why I made a fortune for myself and told my father I no longer needed him or his casino. I turned 18 and knowing the works, I became a millionaire as well soon enough... but that was never enough. I went into business with my best friend and gained more power and more money... [Scorpio grew slightly quiet as he paused for a moment as if to show he had emotion.] And that cost me my best friend.... Rest his soul... Now... now I am here for what I thrive for now... punishment and glory... And that is EXACTLY what I am here for. I will punish all who oppose me... they will fall like every man that has ever stepped before me! I will achieve my ultimate glory and there isn't a damn thing that any man in this company can do about it and if I was you [Scorpio had an sadistic grin come across his face.] I wouldn't even try... For your own personal safety."

The crowd had decided their feelings about the debuting Scorpio as the entire place had begun to boo coming to grasp with the fact that Scorpio was not a good guy. Scorpio only wore the same sadistic grin on his face which was enough to give a grown man chills down his spine. Scorpio was not a man of many emotions... he was a man who enjoyed to play mind games and cause pain. He was a man that loved to achieve glory and rule a company... and he was a man that liked to let his future victims know exactly what was going to happen to them to give them the chance to safe themselves. If they choose to not believe Scorpio's words... well The Scorpion will have to strike. Scorpio raised the microphone back to his lips ignoring the crowd letting them clearly know that they would not be affecting him in any way.

Scorpio: "You will soon learn that your opinions mean nothing to me. I do exactly what I want and do it whenever I please. Do you know why I have that right? I have that right because there is NOBODY who is going to stop me from doing so. Whoever steps up to The Scorpion will be stung and will be forced to face their early demise. I am a man who loves to enforce pain and steal your every dream. I am here to make everybody look and see that they will never be me. I am here to make everybody see they can't beat me! My main goal here is to become the World Champion and stand on the top of MY company because nobody will be able to knock me off my throne! Many men have been brave enough to try and they all found themselves at my feet begging for mercy. You will not survive the sting... I named my finisher Luck's Over because that is exactly what it is whenever you step into the ring with me! Your LUCK... IS OVER! I was born the luckiest man to ever live with the talent to back it up. I was BORN to be the greatest and I dare anybody to stand up and try to exterminate me. I will rip your spirit from you, suck your soul away like a dementor, and take your life like the Grim Reaper..."

The smile had certainly left Scorpio's face as he turned his head with a cold sadistic glare to look at the audience member that continued to boo him to no prevail. Scorpio lowered his head to stare at the mat below his feet and squatted down before raising the microphone to continue what he had left to say.

Scorpio: "You will all suffer a similar fate... your blood will be spilled in this very ring. Tonight I am to make a statement... to let everybody know that Scorpio has arrived and may God have mercy on each and every soul... Tonight... Troy Ace and Marcus Creed... you have been chosen to be made into a statement. I guess you can say it was just your luck... that you have been placed into the ring with a man like me. Let me warn you since I am new and you may not know how this all works... You come out here and I will put an end to you. I will leave you bloodied and battered in the center of the ring like many men before you both! I will leave you begging for misery and I will not give up a inch! I am relentless... I am ruthless... I am The Scorpion and I have no compassion for any man who dares face me. [Scorpio slightly smirked before going right back to his serious angry glare as he suddenly screamed out making some fans jump.] DOUBT ME! Don't take my words seriously... that is fine by me. Doubt me and you will face the consequences. This is an open warning to all of Dynasty... This is MY Dynasty... Don't stand in my way or you will feel the venom steal your life away. Fear The Scorpion..."

Scorpio tossed the microphone to the side as the lights to the arena went off and "The Scorpion" by Megadeth played once more. As the lights came back up, the ring was empty expect for the microphone beside the silhouette of a Scorpion.

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread September 3rd 2015, 12:41 am

Battleground Promo - 9/7/15

The scene starts with The Franchise Demon back at his home in Houston, Texas looking at himself in the mirror in his bathroom as he looks annoyed

FD: Biggest match.....BIGGEST MATCH...BIGGEST MATCH IN MY FUCKING EAW CAREER AND MY NERVES GOT TO ME? I COULD HAVE BEATEN DARK DEMON, I COULD HAVE BECOME A HALL OF FAME CHAMPION SOME TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE! PSYCHO BRODY WILL LEARN THE DEFINITION OF PAIN ON BATTLEGROUND!

Moments later The Franchise Demon kicks his foot at the mirror and breaks the mirror as you can see there is a crack in the mirror. The Franchise Demon walks out of his bathroom and sees that a UPS man just dropped off a package at his front door so Franchise Demon walks downstairs and opens the door and brings the package inside his house. Franchise sees the package came from his original house address on Long Island, he opens the package and see's there is an urn inside with a note attached to it and decides to read the note out-loud

FD: Hello Mr. Franchise Demon, you're probably wondering why the hell did I get sent a urn? I'll tell you why...when we moved into your house when you sold it a few years ago, we found out just a little while ago you kept a safe in your attic and just opened the safe up after getting help with a lock smith. There was some kind of necklace in the urn and had your name on it so I thought it was real special to you and you forgot to bring it with you when you moved. Anyway I hope you appreciate it and good luck with the whole wrestling gig at EAW!

The Franchise Demon takes the necklace out of the urn and has a flashback to when his parents were alive when Franchise's father purchased him a necklace and said that Franchise would be so good at any sport he would participate in with this lucky necklace. Since then Franchise has kept the necklace through foster care and took his mind of things with playing football....wrestling...and other sports and also being real good at it.

FD: Redemption starts now! I feel like my mind is straight once again and Psycho Brody will be the first person to really feel my wrath..I am the new king of Battleground and I shall take my throne this week after I take out this loser. I'm better then you Brody....plain and simple. When we teamed together a few weeks ago against Marshall and Stark, who got the pin fall victory in that match? Who defeated a former New Breed Champion? Who almost sent that former New Breed Champion to the hospital that night on Voltage? OH YEAH THIS PERSON RIGHT HERE! Get ready to take your last breath in this world because after Battleground your just going to end up like all the others.....straight to the graveyard and sent down to hell with all these people that they call themselves 'heroes.' The dark clouds are forming, get ready to be haunted because demons are meant to stay!

Posts : 288 Age : 34

if i had the power i would lock this thread because I'm pretty sure we already have one like this

Guest

Scorpio wrote:: First promo I've done in ages so be gentle x'D

As the video comes to an end... all goes black as you suddenly hear a voice coming from somewhere.

Mysterious Voice: "Things are coming... things are about to happen that will make every head in the arena turn and look and BEG to look away. My name is Alexander Trent Scorpio... You may refer to me as Scorpio. I am the nightmare that every man and woman dreams about. THINGS are about to change around here. You may doubt my words... But my actions speak even louder... I am coming... I am coming... [A loud sound of somebodies last gasp of air being stolen from their lungs was heard as the video suddenly showed a fire start and a man standing with his back turned to the camera decked out in demonic body paint.] I... Am... Here..."

Suddenly the arena began to flicker between different dark shades of red, blue, green, and purple among others as "The Scorpion" by Megadeth filled the arena. The Scorpion had arrived... Scorpio came slowly walking out from the back painted up like a demon as he looked out at the crowd which the majority of them were booing him by knowing who he is and what he is capable of doing. He is dressed ready to compete and looks ready for action as he walked with a meaning towards the ring with a serious scowl on his face striking fear into those in the audience. Scorpio walked up the steel steps and over to the other side fo the ring to demand a microphone from the ring announcer. Scorpio returned to the center of the ring as the lights went up and his theme music came to a close. Scorpio stared out in front of him at the booing fans and those not giving him a reaction and showed now emotion towards them as he raised the microphone to his lips.

Scorpio: "They say some men are simply born evil... I like to think that was not me. I like to tell myself that I become the man I am today by my own choice but that is simply not the case. The craving for power, the craving for punishment, the craving for more... it is a sickening habit to get may I tell you. Let me let you in a little bit about who I am... I am the first and only son of Walter John Scorpio... the millionaire owner of Las Vegas's very own Scorpio Casino. The company that I was born to take over but that was not my calling. I never wanted to be under my fathers shadow, I never wanted to use my fathers money because I am can fend for myself. That is why I made a fortune for myself and told my father I no longer needed him or his casino. I turned 18 and knowing the works, I became a millionaire as well soon enough... but that was never enough. I went into business with my best friend and gained more power and more money... [Scorpio grew slightly quiet as he paused for a moment as if to show he had emotion.] And that cost me my best friend.... Rest his soul... Now... now I am here for what I thrive for now... punishment and glory... And that is EXACTLY what I am here for. I will punish all who oppose me... they will fall like every man that has ever stepped before me! I will achieve my ultimate glory and there isn't a damn thing that any man in this company can do about it and if I was you [Scorpio had an sadistic grin come across his face.] I wouldn't even try... For your own personal safety."

The crowd had decided their feelings about the debuting Scorpio as the entire place had begun to boo coming to grasp with the fact that Scorpio was not a good guy. Scorpio only wore the same sadistic grin on his face which was enough to give a grown man chills down his spine. Scorpio was not a man of many emotions... he was a man who enjoyed to play mind games and cause pain. He was a man that loved to achieve glory and rule a company... and he was a man that liked to let his future victims know exactly what was going to happen to them to give them the chance to safe themselves. If they choose to not believe Scorpio's words... well The Scorpion will have to strike. Scorpio raised the microphone back to his lips ignoring the crowd letting them clearly know that they would not be affecting him in any way.

Scorpio: "You will soon learn that your opinions mean nothing to me. I do exactly what I want and do it whenever I please. Do you know why I have that right? I have that right because there is NOBODY who is going to stop me from doing so. Whoever steps up to The Scorpion will be stung and will be forced to face their early demise. I am a man who loves to enforce pain and steal your every dream. I am here to make everybody look and see that they will never be me. I am here to make everybody see they can't beat me! My main goal here is to become the World Champion and stand on the top of MY company because nobody will be able to knock me off my throne! Many men have been brave enough to try and they all found themselves at my feet begging for mercy. You will not survive the sting... I named my finisher Luck's Over because that is exactly what it is whenever you step into the ring with me! Your LUCK... IS OVER! I was born the luckiest man to ever live with the talent to back it up. I was BORN to be the greatest and I dare anybody to stand up and try to exterminate me. I will rip your spirit from you, suck your soul away like a dementor, and take your life like the Grim Reaper..."

The smile had certainly left Scorpio's face as he turned his head with a cold sadistic glare to look at the audience member that continued to boo him to no prevail. Scorpio lowered his head to stare at the mat below his feet and squatted down before raising the microphone to continue what he had left to say.

Scorpio: "You will all suffer a similar fate... your blood will be spilled in this very ring. Tonight I am to make a statement... to let everybody know that Scorpio has arrived and may God have mercy on each and every soul... Tonight... Troy Ace and Marcus Creed... you have been chosen to be made into a statement. I guess you can say it was just your luck... that you have been placed into the ring with a man like me. Let me warn you since I am new and you may not know how this all works... You come out here and I will put an end to you. I will leave you bloodied and battered in the center of the ring like many men before you both! I will leave you begging for misery and I will not give up a inch! I am relentless... I am ruthless... I am The Scorpion and I have no compassion for any man who dares face me. [Scorpio slightly smirked before going right back to his serious angry glare as he suddenly screamed out making some fans jump.] DOUBT ME! Don't take my words seriously... that is fine by me. Doubt me and you will face the consequences. This is an open warning to all of Dynasty... This is MY Dynasty... Don't stand in my way or you will feel the venom steal your life away. Fear The Scorpion..."

Scorpio tossed the microphone to the side as the lights to the arena went off and "The Scorpion" by Megadeth played once more. As the lights came back up, the ring was empty expect for the microphone beside the silhouette of a Scorpion.

This is solid without being overly good, I feel like you had something good going there with the becoming a millionaire by yourself and then ''losing'' your best friend because of greed or whatever, that really hooked in me and I was interested but it kind of felt generic with 'nobody can match me', it's not bad but it's just generic. Like I said, it's not bad but I wasn't as hooked in to the rest of the promo as I was there, I'd probably focus more on that aspect in your future promos because it looks good but it's a solid debut promo.

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread September 4th 2015, 11:29 am

I would like some feedback on the promo I posted if some of you guys have a chance to read it, thanks Very Happy

Subject: Re: The Promo Feedback Thread November 18th 2015, 4:01 pm

So Jay Omen made me the lamest proposition in the world and he asked me to join forces with him and his imaginary friends "The Omen Family". The Delusion is real, Jay, it really is. I chuckle at your pathetic pursuit of me and I see nothing happening with me and you in the future but you laying down beaten and broken for the count of three. I don't know how vulnerable you thought I was or whatever but not in this lifetime would you, or anyone else for that matter convince me to be belittle myself that much. Jay Omen, you know that you are not being real with yourself. I mean, how can your call yourself "Father" of anything when you're only claim to fame is beaten a vulnerable Alex Anderson? Infact I don't even remember you ever being in a match that was relevant besides that one. You see, Jay Omen, I am going to let you in on a little secret: Trent Yoder is the real Father. And not the father of just Battleground, no. I am the father of EAW. I'm hereby taking that title from you, and there's nothing you can do about it.

You claim to be the veteran in this match. Well I beg to differ. I have been busting my ass for 7 years now and beating guys like you up on a basis. I've had my experiences with guys like you. The one who are overrated, but only by themselves. No one else thinks highly of you at all! I know how bad you would love to get a victory over me Jay Omen... hell you should be the one expected to win seeing that you've been in the grounds of EAW longer than I have. But you see, I have one thing you don't have: Pure skill. Ability. In other words, I can wrestle. But you see there's my problem. This isn't going to be a wrestling match my friend.

This is going to be a fight for survival. Yours to be exact. I am a relentless son of a bitch and I know I am. I see your vulnerabilities already, Jay. I don't think I'm not going to capitialize on them the first chance I get. If you suffer a broken neck or a something that will put a smile on my face. I will show you, Jay Omen, how twisted I can be. But before you even think to blink just know it can be over... Just. Like. That. BOOM!

You've been warned, Omen, you've been warned.

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