EAW AWARD SHOW PROMO III: "ALL FOR THIS!"

The camera opens up to the streets of Chicago Illinois as EAW Wrestler Kelly Hackenschmidt stands in front of a brick wall, wearing a thick leather jacket, jeans and a grey toque over his head. A smile is on his face as he looks to the camera, his hand leaning on a wall invisible to the camera.


“You know, as of late, the thought about me being arrogant and entitled seems to have changed hasn't it? Now, all of a sudden the stigma about me is that I’m too nice of a guy.”


Kelly shrugged.


“I don't know, honestly I'm not complaining about it too much, I mean; I’ll be honest. My last match with Hades taught me not to dive headfirst into a fight without at least some sort of analysis of my opponent. Now, sure, I’ll take the nice guy moniker any day of the week in all honesty. Yet the thing is; the only thing I did that was necessarily nice was going into the battle royal and realizing all my opponent's merits. I realized that once I learn the positives of an opponent; is that the entire game changes, you know what moves to avoid and what moves to do more often. For example;”


Kelly straightens his back and his smile fades down.


“Anthony Leonheart. Now, I’m willing to admit, sure, you're the guy who handed me my very first loss. Yet guess what? While I recognize my opponent's merits, I also recognize their demerits. Such as, although sure, Anthony Leonheart won a match against me; it was the only one we ever had, and even then I feel like I’ve gone through so many changes since then; I’ve re-united myself with Laura Laine, I have gained a clear head after my matches with Lucas Johnson and Hades. And this time, it's a whole different playing field. It's a battle royal. Yet while you seem to recognize that other people are in this match, you seem to sloth and neglect as always. The word of the week is Sloth isn't it? So many people are slothing and thinking that they’ll win only because they recognize the flaws of one person without realizing their own little burdens.”


“I mean, look at me and Finnegan Wakefield. Finnegan seems to have become one of my closest friends in EAW, second to only Laura Laine for obvious reasons that he and I don't take offense to. Now, either way; the Knights of the Dawning are perhaps the three best technical wrestlers in the New Breed division coming together to help this roster realize; that lying and cheating your way to the top only makes you lazy. And yeah, I’m aware of the old saying Good things happen to people who wait and great things happen to people who hustle. Why else would I be doing such much towards this battle royal? Now, back to Finn. If I had to chose which of the three of us was the better Technician, I actually wouldn't say myself or even Laura Laine. Sure, Laura's the one who's the best on the microphone, yet Finnegan is perhaps the most gifted mat wrestler of the bunch. Yet that's okay, because at the same time I’m the one who adds his own little high-flying spin on the normally considered technical style between the three of us. Thus, each of us three have something that makes us unique. Whether it's my high energy style and diversity that I bring, the lovable underdog momentum that Laura Laine has proven herself to have; or the expansion and lack of nonsense that Finn brings to the table. That is why the three of us, we’re more than just some typical Schmidt Kickers who think just because we can make someone tap to perhaps the most basic of a moveset for us. Yet at the end of the day that's what guys like The High Rollerz or Solomon Caine seem to think is all to us. It's because they underestimate us gratefully due to their own sloth and neglect. They seem to look at the negative, yet can't seem to find any merits to their opponent, so the moment they make a mistake in that ring is going to be the moment I take full advantage and show them that you can do many things to Mister Pure Wrestling, yet the one thing you should never do is underestimate him! Whether it be The Imperium, PWC or even Matt Squared, if you end up defending those belts against us, any combination of the three of us; it's going to be something that you don't take lightly, because it’ll bite you in the back and show you that here in EAW, we are the hungriest thing in the New Breed division! Now, whether or not it's Finnegan or I winning this thing is irrelevant. As long as one of us three is New Breed Champion, I will walk out a happy man while the other either teams up with Laura Laine or goes for King of Elite. And there, the world will know that the New Breed division is going to change for the better! That division is going to reach heights unimagined before we came. And anyone who challenges us; is going to learn that no matter if you're black, white, Asian, Latino, straight, gay, big, small, real or fake, the only options you would have against us are; tap or die! Yet in a battle royal situation, I know for a fact that we can't the first of the two happen can't we? So come Friday night at the award Show, expect your bodies going straight over the top rope. Because doubt us for even the slightest moment; then before you realize it. It's all over and done with!”


“You see, Solomon Caine, Laura didn't say money really was your motivation. What Laura and I agreed on is that you are very much a televangelist. Leeching off other people's fears in order to gain their own success! While Moongoose will rely too much on being a bar fighting scraper; you’ll always lie your way to the top. The fact that you want to believe that my purity is a weight is just another schmidt storm waiting to happen. You know why I hate people who cheat? It's because no matter how they justify themselves, they come off as lazy. They always end up losing the war all for one minor fall. Besides, to me there is always some sort of satisfactory to winning a match. It's not like the one I have when I get laid or high, but it truly is one that EAW needs to watch out for. Because there is nothing better than the thrill of the hunt! It's why I do this; it's never been about the money, it's never been about drugs, bullying or trying to make myself seem more like a man to Laura Laine. Its always been about the challenges that life brings us! Now, you can say that I’m some kinda beta, but a beta would imply that I can't hold my own, which quite frankly; nothing could be further from the truth. If you really think that, you're more illusional than Ahren. Because now, times have changed. Now, while EAW shifts into a new generation; it will be thrusted forth by three knights in armor. The three technicians that will make sure that the landscape of EAW evolves at our feet! So don't be like John McAdams who thinks ignoring the problem is going to solve it. But instead, realize that there's something really big on your plate right here and now. Something that if you cut it wrong, you’ll end up like you normally do when you eat schmidtly cut Fugu!”


“Yet that being said, Friday is still a one versus all situation. If you're mind is in the right place like mine has been. Then I know for a fact that out of the fifteen men to enter that ring at EAW’s award show with a shot at the New Breed Title in mind; that I can do this! Because I have taken too many shots for granted in my lifetime! I could have easily been a man working a marketing desk job, but then I left college to tour Mexico and Japan! There are many women who I could have been a proud husband and father with, yet it wasn't until I met Laura Laine that I decided to finally settle. I could have easily been quite the hockey player like I was in high school, yet I got into one little fight with a goalie of the rival school during a tournament over a bad pot deal and got pulled from the team. Like it mattered anyway, Hockey was just a way to make sure I could toughen myself even more!”


“Though in all seriousness, after all the mistakes I’ve made in my twenty five year life, all the mistakes I made, all the bridges I burned and all the crap I’ve dealt with, if I knew eventually that I would end up in EAW: then I would gladly say that I lived my life forgetting the past and looking straight towards becoming the EAW New Breed Champion! I mean, let's look at how many names have been impacted by holding that very belt, shall we? Guys like Brian Daniels, Devan Dubain, and Hurricane Hawk have all held that piece of gold around their waist. And now, each one of them has been undisputed big pieces to the puzzle that is Elite Answers Wrestling and I’m sure that belt is about to do the same for Chris Elite! And yet, all three of them were exactly like me: hungry, eager, looking to make a name for themselves! And even then, to the people who say our generation is terrible; really need to look in a different direction, I mean, look at Nico for example, only a couple of years in and he's EAW National Elite Champion and he did in fact qualify for one of the Extreme Elimination Chamber Matches! So the way I see it, yeah, I am hungrier than most of you; because every single week I have competed here in EAW; I didn't settle for my second best effort! I knew that a win was when I was doing something right and a loss was when I was doing something wrong! For example; my match with Hades, I realized then that I was too stubborn to truly realize that I had myself fallen victim to the same rule I gave every single opponent I ever have, and that is don’t underestimate me. It’s because of my arrogance that I lost that match; and now: with the stakes this high; don't expect me to take a match like this lightly. If anything, it’ll be the last mistake they ever make.”


“Also, to answer the High Rollerz; no. Believe it or not I’m not relying on the New Breed Championship to make my name known here in EAW. It's not a necessity here in EAW; but at the end of the day; it's a start. It's a booster. Yet, let me ask you something; once I’ve won this battle royal and went on to face Ryan Marx for the New Breed title, then what? You go back to the Tag-team division, yet what happens when you guys end up against Matt Squared and end up failing where you stand at the most dire point of your career? And to add insult to injury My Knights of the Dawning Brethren who you guys neglected end up charging into the battlefield and taking the fort that you had failed to do? What happens then? What happens when the Knights of the Dawning stand as the three rising stars of Elite Answers Wrestling? From the way your attitudes are; it seems as though you both are heading there. Same goes for so many New Breed wrestlers thinking that they can deny a man who has fought since he was fifteen years old just to be able to say that he was on top of the ladder! There is no denying my talent in that ring! And while Finnegan Wakefield and Ross Vegas seem to be two of few to recognize the merits of their opponents instead of making it all about their egos; then I’m afraid they're in for perhaps one of the longest climbs up the ladder than you would ever imagine!”


“But I hear you asking, If Kelly doesn't need the New Breed Championship to make himself relevant, then why is he going after it? Well. It's simple; I don't let opportunities go to waste for one, and two: if anything, Ryan Marx seems to be holding onto that belt despite Rex’s foot being stuck on the ropes; yet that doesn't change the fact that the official's decision is final. My goal would be to use The New Breed Championship to insure a new life for the once long lost art of technical wrestling! And what better place than using the title that is meant to recognize the wild and young to do so? Come Friday night. When all fifteen men step into that ring, only one is standing tall! And that man, is standing right in front of you! And just who, is gonna stand in my way?”

[Soothsayer Hamasa]

Does the mortician mourn the loss of the dearly departed?

Does the hungry desert vulture pay it's respects to the dying straggler?

Should a God pity the damned who fling themselves from grace to the seven pronged fork below?

so why should I mourn? I have lost nothing. My God has lost nothing. My Guardian has lost nothing. So again, should I mourn the loss of mortal men who trade away the surety of their own protection and own personal well being - and for what? What is your purpose, foolish mortal man? Have ye not tried God already and witnessed humiliation and despair at the utmost extent!? Why show your face in the same battlefield you were once forced to kneel before a God to, let alone instigate the wrath of the gladiator you hath kneel'd before!?!?

Your purpose, inevitably, was to force the Zen Guardian to disappoint the Lord and God Plord and bring shame unto his name. 

[Methuselah]

But Xavier Williams, you have failed in your pursuit. I have not failed m'Lord of Flies, Plord, I have only forced him to wait a smidgen longer. Albeit Plord does not enjoy waiting. There exists a foulness in the air that passeth through the exterior body and seeps in through the pores to put a chill in the brittle bones of the trembling Lord of Maggots. He screams numbers into time as he trembles forevermore, and only numbers and exaltation of the self can provide him warmth. A prideful little lord who lives within the heart of all Mankind, who brings ambition into the Land, and ambition is the source of light and therefore the source of life in the Land of Elite, Extreme, Merchants, Beasts. It is my ambition to feed the ego even at risk of starving the soul if it means replenishing the health and nourishing the body of the Lord of Flies, Plord.

The body is a temple and the vagina is the shrine I kneel to before I tear apart the portiere and show myself before my witnesses across the world. The world's riches are lined in gold in the form of labial lining, and trimmed in silver until the vagina is as good as hairless. Then, and only then, is the world mine for the Fucking. I prey on my competitors, and pray before the pussy before I soon after consume it. So too do I prey on Scott Oasis who has taken my misfortune as his for the spoils, in the chance it may provide a surge of his own momentum. But in the momentous occasion where Xavier Williams returned from the arrow he hath taken to the knee and decided to wear a brave face and challenge God, you waited by idly like an opportunist to exact your menial form of "revenge" on I. And vengeance, for the night, was yours.

We approach our final chapter of the storied bloody rivalry where we hath sworn only misfortune may befall one another. But you will not have my misfortune handed to you on a dish. You will have my misfortune only in blood. You will pay with a piece of your soul for the reward and the accolade you seek. You will sacrifice a spiritual tendril and give away parts of the psyche and the flesh. Prepare to find thyself disillusioned with thy own self when you are forcibly taught a lesson you constantly reject, on your own abilities, and your own capabilities. You will find that you are not as capable of as much as you believed you once were. You will find, Scott Oasis, in our final battle, in the last chapter of our saga, that you have meddled the entire time with forces you cannot comprehend. And  you will find the very same awakening that has eluded you, may continue to elude you. A lesson will be taught, but there is no guarantee it will be learned. Certainly not by one as dense as you are. It is an experience to be had, a pain to be inflicted, suffering to be felt, anguish you must bear, anguish you WILL bear, whether ye comprehend it or not.

[Soothsayer Hamasa]

A lesson needn't always be learned, only to be taught.

[Methuselah]

A lesson may you learn, for your sake, TEST ME NOT.

Rage against the machine, is the old adaged way. But how this rage has deemed imposed, and overflown, one in which constructs Y2Impact in a manner not set to the casual undertone. Troubled in the panes of reason, The Impact Man's resorted method of throwing stones at glass houses has been taken a step too far. For he has set upon the view that his word is held sacred, deemed absolution in which all to serve. But under the boards in which you, Pact Man, figure the obstructed view, Lannister sees not a complexion in the words he lectures. Perhaps you have become numb to the series of men that set before you, spieling Lannister's-like message. But this is not a murmur's farce, for Lannister's foreshadowing always tends to serve the prophetic message in hindsight. Lannister cannot deny the reason to express in your pretentious tones, for he knows better than any, of the envious portions in tone that comes from the pinnacle of the ascending ladder. But how these trendy fashions can corrupt the fountain of what yet seen. These very assumptions have masked the path set forth, and clouded the truth in which you cling. But how this circumstance proves a reason for a crowd, in which Lannister pulls the curtains down. For beyond this fragile horizon in which you make in vain, lays a deeper coding in which Lannister is not basing himself off blind confidence. For this is a tale once told by Matt Ryder, Tyler Parker, Lioncross, Norman Hellion... and hell, Jacob Senn himself. But Lannister is not those men, and Lannister is sure you have your own entity of a list that mirrors Lannister's perspective. But how these reflections placed, are dressed in that of decay. You deem Lannister is oblivious to any perspective that is not his own, confined to his own reality, but oh, Mr. Pact Man, how you are the design of this own make-shaft operation in which you employ. Lannister tends not to be perplexed by the factors at work, or care to single out the biased nature in which man walks, but when you come to discriminate Lannister amongst his own, why, the taunting fabric becomes too much to let slide.

For what is this "even playing field" that remains mutually exclusive to The Impact Man? That question shall remain rhetorical, for there serves no source of answer. There is nothing for Lannister to acknowledge other than the subtle undertones in which the Impact Man tries to subject. Lannister can't fully dive into Y2Impact's history, and the same is true in reverse, for there is simply a grand void in this here scheme. Well, except for one recollection of memory, one path that dared tread the waters. It was in the midst of Y2Impact's days as serving as a corporate puppet, sensing the desire to be Zack Crash's perpetuating puppet. So there is perhaps a bit of expression Lannister should arrange, for in the domain of Voltage, this is a man who exchanged his suit and tie for a championship reign. Lannister is glad to see you no longer hold bare to the strings attached, but do not cast this forged myth that you are somehow immune to entity of being mastered. Not to knock down another notch in your ideals, but Lannister just simply couldn't let you get away with the imaginary threat. Perhaps you should redistribute this venom in which you carelessly spiel towards the direction of the road often fabled, in that of Jacob Heavyweight (Champion) Senn. Perhaps then, this fury could actually pierce the flesh and serve as a reckoning sense of legitimacy. But only then, and only for that certain cause. Because trying to transform the optimal prospect of Lannister's desire, is a fight in which the opposition ceases to cry valor. You are in the right, that Lannister's own reflective view dare not showcase a reverie in the line. Never mind how convenient, but how destructive this reliance on exterior voices can prove to be. Lannister has not heed the call to any but his own, and it seems to have planted the seed for those to tremble in the quake of his own enlightenment. For Lannister need not wage war on the fundamental behalf of the conscience decay, as it is only his voice that is devoted to the one, true cause. This is why Lannister sees the humor in you being plagued by the defection in being misunderstood. You are radiated by those that share not your own common cause. Lannisterexpected much more out of you, as there is no need to rebel from your own state of mind, Pact Man.

For this is the established order, the epitome of elite. To Jacob Senn, he could use a voice that not mirror his own, for he is caught in his own web of misconceptions. But you, on the other hand, are perhaps the most esteemed in this efficient land. Yet you dare mock the ground in which Lannister walks, seeking severance in the psychology of the mind. But you and he, are more alike, than you would care to believe. For in this world of what have you done for me lately, it is The Lion and The Machine that serves as the new found world order. Grand Rampage, Cash in the Vault, and King of Elite - all captured and grasped by these very hands. Jacob Senn is already out of Lannister's picture, for he only has the tone of Dynasty's contrasting quality to amend to. But ruptured in this fact alone, is why this is more than just the means of exhibition. Why this is more than the means of brand warfare, and a battle of champions. Because the champion quality is already to be assumed, the nature in which Lannister and you field. But here, you are, nonetheless, lost in the contraption in which you pull. A coping mechanism, no doubt, a direction in which you pull to not photograph your frame in Lannister's direction. But regardless of the intentions at work, these paths are bound to collide. And regardless of how much you appreciate your ability to never fall short of the line, this proves the false, particular perspective.

Because all the while you pride yourself on towing the line, it is Lannister that pins you to the wheel. A cog, in Lannister's wheel. For it is only he that has set the right narrative, a display of the hunt. And while you wish not to partake in this game, you cannot simply subdue the chain of events. For even you, Impact Man, are not above conforming to the keeper of the reign, crumbling to your knees and stripped of the foundation in which you relish. For the swiftness of prey in which Lannister's own accord serves abundant to, shall place your apprehensive agenda on red alert. While Lannister is a man you must tread lightly, he is a man better to not tread at all. But considering the hand that you have been dealt, like a machine, you must partake. Like a machine, you must obey. And it is Lannister that serves as the mechanist... to this grand design.

Lannister sends you his deepest, sincere regards.

And perhaps... he'll even make an assembly line out of them, in this order on the machine.

It’s about damn time. Ever since I took my talents to EAW, I have dominated. Opponent after opponent, crushed within mere minutes. Yet, time after time, good-for-nothing hacks like ol’ teabagging cockmunching Ryan Marx get handed title shots like crumpets. Whatever those things are. I’m American, I’m proud to be American, I don’t give two flying fucks about the UK and their fruity foods. What’s so Great about Great Britain anyways? I don’t fucking know! You know what is great, though? America. Especially now that Donald Trump has been elected President.

These next four years will be an exciting time, to say the least. You will all witness the resurgence of America as a superpower. And the rise of Cody Marshall as a superpower of his own. It all starts with this joke of a Battle Royal featuring me and fourteen losers and misfits. It’s like a smorgasbord of unsavory characters. Unsavory, ending with a v-o-r-y. No unnecessary “u” added in to overcomplicate things like you Brits love to do. A smorgasbord of unsavory characters is what we got. We got everything from illegals to homosexuals to metrosexuals to grown men who have never seen a naked woman outside of their internet porn.

We got Ahren Fournier, that limp-wristed fruit roll-up who likes to wear all pink and braid his hair like a damn woman. Says he’s a “perfect 10”. Yeah, maybe on the Kinsey Scale. Says he’s all about “sex with females”. Sure you are, fruitcake. This guy’s a riot. He’s always bragging about boning women, but I’m taking one look at him and right off the bat, I get the feeling he’s stepping up to the plate for the other team. Are you gay? Bisexual? Pots and pan sexual? Some other kinda weird bareback shit? I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised. You look and act almost as gay as that other chode-gargling faggot, Jakob DeLion.

They call Jakob DeLion and his tag team “partner” the World’s Most Wanted. I assume they’re referring to how much the gay community loves them. Backpage’s most wanted gay escorts, maybe. I’m not convinced that their partnership is confined to the ring. Just look at this DeLion fag! This man’s as gay as you can get. I hesitate to even call him a man. You’d think a gay man would have better fashion sense, though. That open collar chest-hair-showing shit you do is not only gay as fuck, it also went out of style in 1977. Go do some gay porn or something. EAW ain’t your place. When you arrive to the arena this Friday night, you better change in the bathroom, cause I ain’t letting no cock-muncher in the MEN’S locker room!

I also must contend with a Macho Man who loves flexing his muscles for the ladies more than actually winning matches. In his late 20s and already divorced. A former male stripper. I am referring, of course, to Ross Vegas. The embodiment of big city liberal culture. He’s from Las Vegas, the bastion of sin so Satanic they even call it Sin City. You know who else is from Vegas? Lars Grier. A manchild who is dangerous, not because of his roided-up mirror muscles which lack the real strength that men like me have, but because of his ass-backwards worldview. This manchild says he doesn’t want to get with a woman cause he’ll end up leaving her in the end.

This attitude is all too common these days. It is very dangerous. I have been married to the same wife since I was 19, and we have seven beautiful children. I am doing my part. All you men out there playing the field and not bringing new life into the world, y’all ain’t doing your part! These fucking Muslims are outbreeding us! They are having kids at a massive rate, plopping those babies out, and pretty soon the whole world will be brown! America will become India! Is that the kind of future we want? I think not. We must keep America pure. We must keep America American. We cannot accept all this foreign influence. We must fight! We can’t have our country overrun by those who do not have our best interest at heart. What does some Muslim Sheik from Saudi Arabia know about the American working man’s struggle? Absolutely nothing, that’s what! We need leaders who are representative of our populace. Who govern in a way that WE THE PEOPLE want them to. Leaders like Donald Trump.

Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism! I’m gonna show the world why America is the best country in the world when I utterly dominate the Battle Royal and emerge victorious, as the number one contender to the New Breed Championship. And then I will go on to crush Ryan Marx and become the New Breed Champion, and prove why America won the Revolutionary War. And if you ain’t on board, I got one thing to tell ya:

Thank you, fuck you, bye.

Oh, Heavyweight (Champion) Senn - that was quite the audition... but sadly enough, The Emperium is not taking in new recruits. Or at the very least, that's the impression you left, with the obvious convincing you were trying to portray Lannister's way. But it's going to take more than convincing, it's going to take more than words to find solace in this situation you have found yourself in. Lannisteris not going to blame you for your allegiance - but nonetheless, there is a price to pay for adage in which you you will never innovate. Funny that a man who caters to not one, but two fables, in his head dare claim it is Lannister that lives in a fantasy world. It's either poetic, or simply the sheer example of madness. The audacity you continue to showcase is not the least shocking, but Lannister would take you as a man who has the wherewithal to at least feed your lies in concrete, and not shallow claims. Maybe even, you have force fed yourself these lies that you always entail. Pity - you've swallowed it whole and left yourself without merit. Lannister has come to grips with the fact that your baseless claims will continue to devalue the worth of your character on its own accord. But perhaps he shouldn't have expected it to devalue your integrity, in one swooping motion. But you can't color this lion surprised, not when one takes in consideration the silver lining becoming ever so hard to manufacture. For the pulling of leverage has left Jacob Senn off the rails of his own beaten path.

It appears Jacob, that you have become troubled to the repetition of your own cliches. With just the sheer words in which Lannister speaks, this so-called "Punisher" has become hostile in the sense of trying to ensue and deliver punishment and pain unto the one that rings true. But Lannister is not fazed, after all, these are elementary-level claims. Jacob Senn must see himself as the innovative sort, for claiming that he will deliver this "Debt of Pain, Debt of Death." Lannister didn't expect you to speak in such subtleties, after all, considering the stature in which you represent. But that's okay, Jacob, Lannister understands, Lannister sees why you have to embellish the particles of debris in which you can deliver. Just come to know, that Lannister sees through your very coding, Heavyweight Senn, as this is a mentality that has proven to be a losing trend. Lannister has long since been the singular target for not only slander, but as well this "Punishing" notion in which you aspire. Lannister is the nail that you can't strike, the spear, the striking blow that runs right through. Lannister is the great white, that chomps at the bits when he smells blood in the water. And oh, Heavyweight (Champion) Senn, how you have sailed too far out to sea. Don't freight, don't deny, hell, Lannister won't even expect you to acknowledge it. But just know Lannister sees right through you. Lannister understands you more than any man living, dare Lannister say. For this isn't the first combat in which you strive for supremacy. But how easy it is for man to forget his troubled lonesome roads, for the sake of yearning a greater sentiment. Settle for the cynical, become ever political, and hope the finger doesn't point right back at you. Criticism isn't designed by blueprint, for it only benefits the one behind the pointed finger. It changes by design, and often times, the design is what the architect wants it to be. This is why, and the only reason Lannister needs, to hold no value to any word the Fabled Conqueror says, champion or not.

For Jacob, you continue to bite off more than you can chew. This built-up anger, this aggression has made it quite clear, that Lannister is under the skin of the Punishing Foe, on the second-to-last-eve of this clash. Jacob Senn implies that Lannister is deemed not worthy, but when has Mr. Senn ever become the bearer of the subjective? The Fabled Conqueror turned Fabled Punisher can muster up his alibi, but through all his efforts, it is only his denial that fills the void. Oh, Jacob, how Lannister is glad that you continue to serve up this contradicting bone to Lannister on a silver platter. Lannister will no doubt give you credit, however, for even acknowledging that Jacob Senn took part in the conquest of King of Elite, the inaugural of its form. But how, how mightily your merit falls upon itself, by claiming that you lost not at all. Really, Jacob? When you deem yourself a Conqueror, and fail to strike victory with your conquest, why, that simply is the tale of a losing effort. It just goes to show how weak your sense of judgment is, that all because Devan Dubian took the pin, that you were not conquered at all. You sought to steal Lannister's claim - yet your conquest deems a forgotten chord, if not only for Lannister's chronicle of history in which you are reaped to sew. You are a fragment of Lannister's own legacy now, a legacy in which is not only manufactured by your shortcomings, but developed through your pillars of success. Devan Dubian's, too. For Lannister can quite simply say, he not only conquered Jacob Senn and Devan Dubian, the men, but he has proven that their mountain of accolades deem inferior in luxurious claim. Because after all, it is Lannister that both these men's path succumbed to, in their pledge of allegiance to Lannister's crown by being named Lord Paramounts. Don't think Lannister has since soon forgotten, the mercy in which he displayed in your fallen claim. Lannister hates to dive so deep into the past, but then again, it's you that continues to strike the impression that you are a since changed man. Jacob Senn continues to eat the crow, and Lannister wasn't even the one that stuffed it in his very mouth. It is just funny to Lannister, how a man who can be quick to dismiss the past, but dare tread on Lannister's prominence by the simple mention of Kevin Devastation. How the claims dispute themselves, and the double standard proves to be at work. Jacob Senn must soon confront the burden of this manufactured discourse. Jacob Senn probably thought the mention of Devastation would get underneath the skin, but in reality, it's nothing more but clarification on Lannister's past claims. Lannister never lost his EAW Championship in an official affair, for it took the blindside assault to even dethrone Lannister in his premier. And why, Jacob Senn, the same cannot be said about you, when it comes to the tale in which you are intertwined, with Lannister's primal instinct. Regardless how you spin that fable, Jacob Senn fell to Lannister at King of Elite, and with it, came the esteemed crowning moment for this checkmate on Jacob Senn's square.

This here marks the inadequacy in which Jacob Senn harbors, with Lannister's reign as King of Elite. But of course Heavyweight Senn will take a microscope and try to fabricate a truth of his own, much like he has in his annexation of the inferior tabled lands of Dynasty. But how Lannister warns, Jacob, don't miss the forest for the trees. For your fate has been sealed in the very shadow, and regardless of the resentment in which you feel, there is no humbling of Lannister that dare strike a convincing narrative. Because while you have proven yourself a reader, by dare referencing and making light of the tale of kings and queens, how this is just yet another cliche that will soon be subjective to Lannister's coup. But this proves that you are not a Punisher, definitely not a Conqueror - and how could you be? Basing these remarks on some light-whimpered attack, showcases that all you are willing to execute, is plagiarize Tiberius Jones, for he too, thought this reference would prove him right on the battled terrain. Kings and Queens may no longer serve as the lone monarchs in today's society, but how many times does Lannister have to tell you? There are no men like Lannister.

There's just... LANNISTER.

This is a man that will walk through age and sound. And you know this better than most.

Just luckily for you, you were able to flock to another nest for the means of survival. Credit to you, Jacob - for even when the dark clouds gather, you seem to find a way to weather the storm. You re-aligned the sky, and had the waves come crashing at your shore, rather than the inverse. But you may have been able to withstand the sand and sea that this roller-coaster wave you've been on since being truly humbled by Lannister himself. So it comes to no surprise you seek the eye for an eye, but how, Jacob, it is common knowledge such ambition leads to the blind. How shortsighted you have become, in your darkening of days. You will just have to succumb to the crown's debt once more, to the point where you even become numbed by it. While Lannister shall normally see the value and currency in having you pay for such falsely acclaimed ambitions, the only price Lannister is interested in however, is the stage of your bended knee. Again. For you see, Jacob, there is no course of action you can prolong now that can undo the damage done. You must consummate Lannister's justice and accord this coming, troubling time. For the search for redemption is OVER. But this road beckons once more, does it not? At least, that's the remission in which Jacob Senn seeks. But how quickly you will come to know, Senn, that certain scars aren't allowed to mend. You are a man troubled by reason - a treacherous pit you are pulling yourself into. Reason is the cancerous currency that all men try to rely upon.

Perhaps this is your fractured design, or fractured intent. Case, whatever it may be, you should have at least left your health without expense. You sold your good intentions long ago, and soon enough Lannister will deem everything else you still possess worthless. For there is no worth in being a champion, when a greater one stands in your stead. So kneel to it, Jacob. Call to this final eulogy and make it your own. Because that is all that you have left to give to this great empire. One way or the other, you will be a servant to Lannister's domain. Through bitter eyes or not - your sacred vow and prior allegiance to Lannister's crown has not been forgotten. And Lannister definitely expects this payment to be paid in full - for... a debt is to be bestowed to the crown. And Lannister's champion of reign.

And while you may rely on the relic that is your self-serving fragment, that you have since transformed upon that day of King of Elite. Just know, time is a subjective term, and change unwinding.

For death created time, just for it to grow the concepts that it would soon kill.

And how much you have grown... "Champ"

...Lannister sends you his deepest sympathy of regards.

(The scene starts with a video playing that is the opening credits of The High Rollerz sitcom. That's a thing? It sure is. “MMMBop” by Hanson is the theme song. It's your typical cheesy sitcom opening like Full House or Family Matters. All the awkward posing and smiles. “Starring David Davidson” text is on the screen with a few pre-recorded shots of David doing random stuff, such as putting a plant on the table in The R.A.D. Betting Agency. He lets out a huge sigh of relief and puts his knuckles on his hips and looks up at the camera with a forced and goofy smile. Next we see Jack also doing pre-recorded stuff such as him putting that one interviewer in a noogie. They both look up and smile at the camera. The words “Jack Ripley” and “and the interviewer” pop up. The opening credits end. The scene starts with the interviewer, whose name shall never be revealed. He knocks on the door. Boos are heard from one of those machines that TV shows use to make it seem like there is a studio audience.)

Interviewer: What is that? Am I getting booed? This depresses me. Brings me back to my middle school days.  

(David opens the door to a thunderous round of applause. David smiles.)

Interviewer: Where is this noi—

David: Shhh, don't try to talk over the crowd. Just let it happen. 

(The machine that is playing the cheers goes on for an awkward 20 seconds. Finally it ends.)

David: You want to come in? 

(A laughing track is played)

Interviewer: Why is there laughter? You didn't even say anything funny. 

David: This is a sitcom. Everything gets laughed at. Watch this. Look at your face, Mr. Interviewer. A face even your mother hates. 

(The laugh track plays again)

David: Now that, is funny! 

(The door opens and a wild Jack Ripley appears. The applause is deafening. Jack walks into the agency and does finger guns.)

Jack: Hey David, just letting you know that I'm going to go yell at some ducks I saw across the street. I'm better than them and they must know it. You wanna join? 

David: Nah. 

Jack: Okay that's fine. Oh and interviewer? 

Interviewer: Yeah? 

Jack: I HATE YOU AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET IT! 

(Another round of applause is played as Jack walks away)

Interviewer: I still don't know where that noise is coming from…Anyways David, I would like to ask you some questions. May I? 

(Then outta nowhere, Showdown’s official backstage interviewer, Eve walks through the door. The artificial crowd let's out a huge gasp like those soap operas. The interviewer is shocked. SHOCKED I TELL YOU!)

Interviewer: DAVID! What is she doing here? 

David: It's not what it looks like! Actually no, why did I say that? It's exactly what it looks like. Listen interviewer, it's not me, it's you. You're just not that good at your job. You see as an interviewer, you are supposed to remain unbiased and professional. You are neither of those things. As a result I wanted a proper interview with a proper interviewer, which is Eve. I hope you understand. 

(The camera zooms in on the bummed out interviewer. “Untitled” by Simple Plan begins to play to make it more dramatic.)

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this hap—

Interviewer: Okay, okay! That's enough. I get it. I guess I'll just leave. 

(The interviewer walks away all sad and looks back over his shoulder, hoping David says something but he doesn't. So this is awkward.)

Eve: Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to be joined by one half of The High Rollerz…DAVID DAVIDSON! 

(David slips Eve a note and she reads it. She looks at David with a “really?” expression on her face. He nods his head.)

Eve: Sorry, I meant to say that I am pleased to be joined by one half of The High Rollerz, David “Aka The Guy Who Saved That Old Woman From a Fire About a Year Ago” Davidson! 

David: Oh hey Eve. Wasn't expecting you to be here. 

Eve: -whispers- But you asked me to be here? Anyways, David I have a few questions for you. Starting with—

David: Yes Eve, the rumors are true. I do enjoy long walks on the beach and candle lit breakfasts. 

Eve: Candle lit breakfasts? Is that even a thing? What I was going to ask you David is that at the 2016 EAW Awards show, you'll be participating in a 15 man Battle Royal, where the winner will become the new number one contender for the New Breed Championship. What are your thoughts heading into this match?

David: Oh wow, look at you! Asking the hard hitting questions! Look Eve, what I'm about to say might confuse some people, or at the very least, rub them the wrong way. Let me start out by saying that the New Breed championship is just…groovy! Yeah I'm going to make that word relevant again. Anyways, the New Breed Championship has prestige. It has a rich history. It's been held by some of the greatest extremists and elitists of all time. Guys like Brian Daniels. Guys like Xavier Williams. And oh yeah, guys like Alexander Da Vinci and CM Banks. Sure, a few duds have also put that championship around their waists over the course of its existence, but all in all, not too shabby. That's the politically correct answer to give, right? But to be fair, everything I just said, I meant. Every last word! But here is where it gets tricky…for a lack of a better term. Ready for my guts to be spilled? To be completely honest, I don't want the New Breed Championship. I don't crave it. I don't need it. I have no desire to be called the New Breed Champion. Not anytime soon, that is. I guess before I continue, let me just say that I've listened to the majority of my opponents talk this week, just for shits and giggles. I'm not even going to address most of them, if at all. Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. I listened to one man in particular and that is Mongoose McQueen. Yes, I just called him that on purpose because I know how annoyed he gets when someone messes up his first name. Don't worry MM, I'm not mentioning you right now because I think you're special or I see you as a cut above the other competitors. The real and only reason why I bring him up Eve is because when he went on and on about this match, he spent most of his time talking about how he believes he's above the New Breed championship. And just moments ago, when I said I have no desire to become New Breed Champion..its not because I think I'm too good for it. Well, actually I kinda am because let's be honest, the NB title is like a dog and the holder is a child. Meaning, it teaches the champion responsibility before they hopefully move onto bigger and better things. As for me personally, the reason why the NB title doesn't appeal to me is because it's a distraction. 

Eve: A distraction? What do you mean by that? 

David: It's simple Eve, I have a goal to achieve. Actually, how selfish of me. WE have a goal to achieve. Let's talk about this goal, shall we? The High Rolllllllerrrrrzzzzzz! That's the name of the next EAW Tag Team Champions. That's the name that'll go down as the most dominate and successful team this world has ever had the pleasure of seeing when it's all said and done. Which will be years from now, if not decades. This goal of ours hasn't changed since the day we got here. In fact, this goal will never go away until we have those championships firmly around our waists or elegantly draped over our shoulders. We’ll decide on that later. The point is we are inspirational. Oh yeah Eve, we are. Because you see, whenever a new hot shot talent makes his way to EAW and picks up a microphone for the first time, they talk about how they'll do this and that. How they'll win the world championship and embarrass the EAW Hall of Famers. To them it's not even a question of if, but when. As their careers progress, there are usually two paths to take. One being they disappear after things don't go their way or two, they settle. They settle for lesser accomplishments. They back track. Their dream of becoming world champion is put on hold because they second guess themselves and their ability to perform in the squared circle. They quickly come to the realization that the New Breed, Interwire, National Elite, or the Hardcore championship is more obtainable. Let's face facts, at the end of the day they just want gold and they don't care what shade it comes in or what's engraved on it. Unlike them, The High Rollerz won't settle. We want the Tag Team championships. Not the New Breed title. Now I'm sure someone will ask me, “why not both?” like that little girl in that taco shell commercial when they are deciding between soft and hard shell tortillas. Well, if you have to ask me that question then clearly you aren't listening to my words closely enough, so maybe I should speak up? WE WANT TAG TEAM GOLD! And why huh? Is it just to beef up our resume? Is it to inflate our egos? Help us break into Hollywood and land movie roles? No, no, and no. What we want is the recognition that comes with those titles. They are symbols. They symbolize who the best tag team in the world is. As of right now that label goes to Matt Squared. 

(David pauses for a few moments and can't believe the words that just came out of his mouth.)

David: Yeah Eve, Matt Squared is the top team in EAW..FOR NOW. What they have in their possession proves it. It's disgusting I know. I mean their grimy fingers have gripped onto those titles and their fingerprints have smeared all over the gold. It makes my skin crawl. But fear not, for those titles will be ripped away from their grasp soon enough. Yeah, now you can rest easy. Put the paper bag away and breathe okay? You know what's funny? Well besides me in general, Eve? It's how people in EAW try to judge us. Just look at a few of our opponents for this week and they prove my case. If I recall correctly one of them gets the impression that we are flat out lazy. They are convinced that we have never had to work hard for anything in our lives because apparently, Jack and I were born with silver spoons in our mouths. The fact is, we don't take many shortcuts. I mean, we have cut a few corners here and there, but so what? Who hasn't? Why not speed up the process? It's just jealously coming from their direction anyways. When I think about it, I would be jealous too because The High Rollerz get opportunities in quick fashion. Think about it Eve, when we were here the first time around, about a year ago I believe, The High Rollerz qualified for a tag team title match at House of Glass, only a few weeks into our professional wrestling careers. Yeah, not just our EAW careers, but our overall wrestling careers. That's right, I'm afraid we haven't busted our asses in front of five people in bingo halls or flea markets for a decade before we got here. That sounds awful to me…depressing too. So yes, we've had a tag team title shot before and I'm sure someone will say something like, “ha you lost, what makes you think you can win them this time around?” Simple, it's because back then, it wasn't just us against the champions, which were Y2Impact and HBG at the time. There were a total of what, four or five teams and in the end an elitist by the name of Mark Michaels blew it and got pinned, ending the match. This time around our fate and destiny will be in our hands. WE WILL CONTROL IT EVE! I don't know why I just yelled, but I did. 

(David looks into the camera for a second and looks disappointed)

David: Eve there is only one camera here. How am I supposed to do my badass camera changes? The viewers won't get the full experience. You just ruined Christmas for everybody. Anyways what was I saying? Oh yes, getting title shots with ease. I recall Jack also getting a shot at the National Elite championship long ago because we managed to get under Tig Kelly’s skin like it was nothing. And now, we have returned, we are 2-0 on Showdown…which reminds me, Ross Vegas, you might be the dumbest person in all of EAW and that's saying a lot. This is coming from the guy that had to endure the torture that is listening to Cody Marshall talk a few weeks ago. Eve, I know I said I wouldn't talk about any of my opponents directly, but he's so bad. He's bad at everything. He talks all this shit without doing research or fact checking. His jokes are also terrible. They make me feel uncomfortable because they are so damn awkward. Getting second hand embarrassment is the worst. But anyways that Ross guy said something like, we get our asses beat every week and our matches always end in a loss? Let me repeat myself, we are 2-0 on Showdown…you absolute muttonhead. You bring nothing to the table, huh? Just like that Leonhart fellow. For starters he preaches about unoriginality. He makes fun of my name. He thinks it's unoriginal? Who else in this world has my name? Huh? I'd be amazed if someone else did because then I would know that I'm not the only person with a terrible father, who gambled away my name rights. You know Leonhart, it's rather funny how much of hypocrite you are because making fun of my name? Every opponent does it. Just like that Ross Vegas guy who is clearly stuck in the 80’s. You sir, are the actual unoriginal prick who will amount to nothing when it is all said and done. Maybe some people have already told you those exact words! Oh no, I'm unoriginal again! But perhaps, it's the truth! Actually take out the word perhaps, because it is most definitely the truth. The reason why I don't think you'll make it far here in EAW is simple. You see, guys like you and Ross and Moongoose, basically all the worthless Dynasty elitists that HRDO threw into this match out of pity, you need this match. You need this win. Because if you don't? Then you go back to doing nothing. You go back to competing in forgettable matches against forgettable elitists. But David, he’ll be in the King of Elite tournament! Oh cool, he'll lose in the first round. Such the accomplishment! See Eve, this is exactly why I didn't want to respond to my opponents. Their think processes and choice of words hurt my brain. They make absolutely zero sense and are most certainly half-assed. So you know what? I'm done. I'm done after this last bit. I'm about to reveal a huge secret! You ready? I would ask you to sit down for this, but there aren't any chairs, my bad. So my secret is Jack and I? We are gamblers. Shocking right? Nobody knew that. Well, the cat is outta the bag. When it comes to our gambling history, many people, including EAW elitists such as Ryan Marx, talk about how it's all luck and it'll eventually run out. Just like many people call us lucky to be in EAW, without much wrestling experience. Lucky, lucky, LUCKY!! I don't see it that way. I see the exact opposite. Just about every elitist that we just faced, or are about to face, or will face are the lucky ones. Let's go down the list shall we? 

We just faced the newly crowned New Breed Champion, Ryan Marx. 

I've beaten him and so has Jack. If we really wanted to go after that title, I'm sure we could get it. 

My fellow participants in this battle royal, consider yourselves lucky that Jack and I have our attention and focus elsewhere. We do not need the New Breed title to help us stay out of the unemployment line like the rest of you. 

Then there is Matt Squared. Consider yourselves lucky that the Grand Prix tourney started a few weeks before we crossed our T’s and dotted our I’s next to the X. Consider yourselves lucky that you beat teams that were basically just thrown together or decided to team because they've been friends for a hot minute. Do me a favor and take my advice. Don't enjoy those titles. Don't hold onto them tightly. Don't take pictures with them on Instagram. Don't take them with you when you go do interviews on morning shows, whether be on TV or radio. Don't pose with them when you take pictures with your fans. Yes, all three of them. Don't do any of that because then you will get attached to those titles and when you lose them to us, it'll just make it that much more heartbreaking when you two are forced to watch us hoist those titles in the air and begin the greatness that will be our reign.

Eve: Okay David, thank you for your time. 

David: You bet. I would walk away all tough like, but this is my betting agency. Soooooooooo…

Eve: Oh right.

(Eve walks away as the credits appear, ending the scene) 

(Ahren can be seen just staring out his window, shirtless… JUST KIDDING this time he’s wearing a
 Santa hat, and a Christmas sweater)


God I love Christmas but it’s so hot in this sweater!!!

(takes off sweater)

(Oh nevermind, yeah he’s shirtless again... But who's complaining, ammi right ladies?)


Anthony Leonhardt… Had no idea you were in this match to be honest. WELP Now I know, but really you should’ve just kept quiet. I mean, Mike Showman, and I? The same? Ha.. No no… no no no no… ew.. no. He and I aren’t the same in the least bit, he’s all about money, and making fun of the handicap for some reason. While I am all about fun! And sex with females! And just all around joy. Him and I we are nothing a like, and you saying that well that just shows how little you have got going on upstairs. It’s ok, I mean I know you can barely speak English, so differentiating human beings might be a little tough for you as well. I don’t know how those two things correlate but stick with me. Your oversimplifying of who Ahren Fournier is, is quite a slap to the face. But don’t worry, I’ll give you an even bigger slap to the face, live and in living color, when we meet in that ring Friday. Both figuratively when I throw you over the ropes first, and literally, when I slap the taste out of your mouth. So yeah we’re off to a good start.

Next! Hmm well apparently Kelly knows how my brain operates, which is a great, great help, because I have no idea what’s going on up there. JK LOL I do… And what it’s telling me right now is that you don’t know me in the slightest. You think I cheat to win every time? Umm look back at every single match I’ve ever had, you will see that I have never cheated once, so not sure what you’re talking about. Sure you’re not confusing me with someone like Mike Showman? He needs to cheat to win, but I never do. Before you make idiotic claims like that please…. Get your facts straight, you have a less of a chance to look like an ignoramus like right now. You see I’m one of the good guys, people like me because I’m just like one of them, only much, much better looking. But I am a man of the people, though they don’t know what I’m thinking, or who I really am. No one really does really. I like being aloof, going with the flow, come what may and all that. LIVE IN THE MEOWMENT! See, you thought I was going to say moment didn’t you, but I meow’d in the beginning to keep you on your toes. I switch things up, I entertain myself, I know how to keep this interesting, so me fizzling out? Naw dog, that’s not going to happen. Naw dog…. Nog dog… NOG DOG!!!
(Whistles very loudly, and giant Bernese mountain dog crashes through the window with some Egg Nog in his snoot)
Thanks Nog Dog! I was in the mood for a cup of some holiday cheer, aka NOOOOOGGGGGGG. (bends down and stars petting the nog dog) You see, one day I was traveling through the North Pole looking for Santa Clause, trying to find the work shop. Then when out of nowhere Noggy over here arose from the mountains and came running toward me. Like any rational person I thought it was the abominable snowman, and surely my time on Planet Fournier was coming to an end. But nope, it was good ole Noggy over here. Now whenever I need some Christmas spirit, I whistle and he comes right to me…. Even if it’s July… But I don’t suggest doing that, the egg nog goes bad.. It’s gross. Anyways, thank you Nog Dog.

Nog Dog: WOOF! (He runs and jumps out of the window and back to the North Pole)


Ahren: JENNIPURRRRR! MY COAT, AND PIPE PLEEEAAAASSSSSEEE!!!


(Camera pans to Jennipurr trying to drag the coat, and pipe but struggling because cat)


Ahren: Hurry up Jennipurr, Santa doesn’t like dilly dalliers.


(Jennipurr tries to find the strength within to drag said coat and pipe all the way, but alas still cat)


Ahren: Ok Jennipurr, I’ll do it…. You’re still on santas nice list, (Talks in cat voice) I LOVE YOU YES I DO WHOSUREOIJEF… (He picks up the coat and pipe, and walks over to his comfy as fuck chair that he stole like a month ago from that news station, and sits down. He claps two times, and a fire in the fire place starts roaring, and Christmas tree starts coming up from a hole in the ground. He places his egg nog on the table next to his chair, and takes a drag of his pipe… Which is fake, and bubbles blow out) You see everyone in the spirit of it being the holiday season, I’m going to bring some Christmas cheer to all of you, I will tell you of the story, of what this time of year should be. Everyone is so hostile, angry, for no reason, and well what better way to boost everyones spirits, than to spread some holiday cheer. Who better to do it than the Spirit of Christmas Ahren Fournier? AHEM… And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And that’s what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown. Of course, nowadays in a much less religious sense of Christmas, people forget. But be that as it may, even with Christmas being more about family, and gift giving, you should still hold Christmas near and dear to your hearts. Why? Well it’s simple, it’s about giving to those who are much less fortunate than yourself, and believe me when I say everyone is much less fortunate than myself, so I try to help others as much as I can. Christmas is about just pure joy, and just the belief of magic and something bigger. Santa Clause, St. Nick, Kris Kringle, the big man, he is the poster child of spirit, and jolly. He is who we should all aspire to be. It’s about holding those who you care about near and dear in your heart, and not letting go of that feeling all year round. Isn’t that right Jennipurr (Jennipurr looks up at Ahren meows, and starts nuzzling) It’s hard, in this business especially to stay away from the anger within, to not let it get the best of you, even when people say dumb things they know absolutely nothing about. When you’re looking out for their best interest, but hey it doesn’t matter. Keep Santa in your heart, keep Christmas in your heart, even if you don’t celebrate the holiday, just try treating your fellow man just as that… Your fellow man, because this is a cold hard world, and we must all remember we are all the same…. Kind of…. And we must help everyone, so the world can be a more peaceful place.. (Claps off the fireplace) Anyways… Mike Showman you son of a bitch.. You always do this, you always hire people to do stupid skits, that aren’t funny, that aren’t interesting, and then  you beat them up. How you’re not in jail for assault is beyond me. Not only that you always do it, and don’t even respond to what anyone else says. You just mock what they say, and just totally disregard any of the points they make against you. Why is this? Because you don’t have any idea how to counteract what they say, because you know it’s true. So you go to your “best friend” Jon McAdams, and he tries to help you with a rebuttal, but he’s the one that does most the talking in the end anyways. This whole alliance that you two have going on is so pathetic. Jon acts like he’s your friend, and hasn’t actually backed up anything he says. Even if he does, why would he come out to the ring to help? Mike you can’t win on your own? That’s kind of pathetic if you ask me. Why would he have your back in a match he’s not involved in? No I get it I do, you’re “best friends” so he’ll be there for moral support. But it just kind of makes you look extremely weak Mike. First you have to buy the Hardcore Championship, and you don’t even buy it for yourself, which makes you look stupid as hell. Now in a match to determine a number 1 contender you need your best friend to help you out. Why don’t you just buy a bunch of dudes to throw us out of the ring like you bought the Hardcore Championship? Wouldn’t that make sense? No… You don’t understand things that are practical. And for all this talk about how I’ve never won any of these battle royals before… Um, neither have you. Correct me if I’m wrong but weren’t both of you in the last one? Lets not forget that both of you out there, you could’ve had the upper hand on everyone seeing it’d be 2 vs 1 through the entire match, but you aren’t that smart. And Mike after you lose this one, and I win, the past won’t even matter, because it’ll be 2 failures, to 2 failures, and yes 2 for me because I am winning this match, and that’s just a fact. I am bringing that title to Voltage, I am the one to make that title the top title in the WOOOORRRLLLLLLD OF FOURNIER. You would only devalue it by your lack of talent, and the need of help from others. I’m a lone wolf, I don’t have anyone, I don’t need anyone, I can do it by myself. And I will, this Friday, when I become the number 1 contender for the New Breed Championship.

(Takes a drag of the bubble pipe, blowing it right into the camera, as the screen fades to black)

They say that every journey, no matter how big it is, has its first step and so what is important for me is to make sure that I take the first step in the proper way…you know what? I could go on here talking generic things about debut matches in a wrestling organization and make a truly wonderful opening statement. But fuck it, it’s old and outdated and I loathe outdated things. The thing that you should know is that, I did not come here to pose for magazines, date movie stars or be someone’s eye candy, I came here to kick some ass and now that we are on the topic of ass, nothing is better than a woman’s ass. I came here to win championships because those who come here just for enjoying themselves and entertain the fans can go suck balls. But hey, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like the fans, I love them. They are the ones who buy tickets to watch the show, they are the ones who buy the damn merchandise and so indirectly, their contribution will be added to my pay check at the end of the month. So I say, thank you people, come to watch more show and bring all of your damn family with you. In fact, if you know some fat people then bring them as well because fat people take up the seats of two thin people and so, bring in more fat people so that in the end, I get some more money. But hey, let me make one thing very clear. Just because I like people does not mean that I will jump into dangerous situations just for generating that cheap pop from the fans. I am not a hero and heroes don’t exist so shove it down your throats people. I am no fool and so, I will give it my all whenever I see that I have a situation from where I can carve a path to victory otherwise, I will just pack it in and go home and fight another day. Oh and before I forget, this is for all those internet fans who place their fat asses on the chair and judge people, I don’t give a rat’s ass about your opinions. Your blogs suck, your twitter stinks and your websites all smell of total garbage and so get out of your mother’s basement and go get a real job. Also, if you think you have a problem with what I just said, I welcome you to step in the ring with me so that I can kick your balls so hard that they are forever lost inside your body.

Now this week, I am scheduled to fight in a tag team match but before I go on to that, let me talk about a woman who is possibly the most stupid, retarded bastard on this planet, La Diva. Oh but Manami, she is your partner so why are you talking shit about her? Because she talks like a complete bollocks. First of all, I was never with her anywhere. I would be least interested to spend time with someone who resembles a fruit booty. Even her name sounds like donkey’s dick. But somehow magically she has me talking with her while she was getting interviewed. I mean, what the fuck is this? Is this supposed to be some sort of place where one can be duplicated without someone’s knowledge and be transported? Or has she hired someone to act as me because I fucking don’t know any other reason. You know what else is crazy? The fact that I have to team up with this stupid little bitch against some well-established women wrestlers. I mean, you wanted to stack the odds against me then you would have just put me in a handicap match against the OG Vixens because I think then I would have had a better chance of winning. La Diva, you can go fuck yourselves and trust me, even when you are getting your ass kicked I won’t be helping you. Because I am not here to do some charity, I am here to win.

Speaking about winning, let us all stand up and congratulate the OG Vixens. They have two women who have defined this business to the point that everyone respects them. Kendra, Cameron, I fall under that category of people who respect you and fuck those that do not. In fact, I do not have any wish to fight the both of you because I know that with La Diva, I have better chance of winning the pin the tail on the donkey game than this. Oh and Kendra, please don’t call me China’s Export Sex Doll because firstly, I am not from China, I am from Japan and secondly, I am not a doll. I don’t act and do shit just because someone is telling me to do it, I do whatever I want to. Also Cameron, please don’t call me a time waste because you haven’t seen me wrestle yet. You don’t know what I can do and so, maybe before making comments you both should do your homework? But yes, this is a stupid suggestion of course because you two have seen so much talents that just by looking at someone, you can understand who is who but here is the thing, maybe, just maybe this week you two have a proper look at me and then after that, you can make any comments you want. Like I said before, I know that La Diva will be the reason of my downfall and as I said before, if you two come for her sorry ass, I won’t save her but before destroying her, why don’t we have a contest and then, like I said, you get to say anything you want about me. Because I am confident that after wrestling me, your opinion will change. I am confident that I will go from China’s Export Sex doll to an Ass kicking bitch. What say you, ladies? Are you willing to give me that chance or are you willing to stick to your old opinions and risk losing someone who could potentially turn into your biggest ally in the coming future. The choice is yours.

EAW Award show promo #4

Wednesday, 12:24 A.M., location unknown


(The scene opens inside a room of indeterminate size, the walls are jet black, and the only illumination comes from several long candles standing side by side as they burn. From the right side of the screen enters a man, some claim he is a con, or a psychopath, others claim that he is the lone voice of truth in a world that has lost its way. He is the man the world knows, as Solomon Caine. Caine inhales deeply as he murmurs a barely audible word of thanks to his unseen masters.)

Caine (normal voice): "I give myself to you. I see what you wish of me, and I shall carry out the task you have laid before me. And in doing so I will bring forth the sacrifice that you have demanded, I shall place them upon your altar, and at the appointed hour they shall be slaughtered before the eyes of the wwwwoooorrrroooolllllddddd.

Such is your will, and it shall be done.

It shall be done to the cackling hyenas Davidson and Ripely, for they have placed their faith in their scheming minds. They plan to steal away the glory that rightfully belong to you my masters. They are petty thieves who think themselves to be kings. They are but paupers whose posing and preening will never hide the truth about them. The truth of how neither one of them can stand on their own two feet, how neither one has the strength to survive. The truth of how they use one another as a crutch to carry them. They are cripples in their hearts, and such weakness shall not see the aftermath of the glorious reign that my masters are sending. No, they will only experience a lifetime's worth of pain in the split second that they will be eradicated and erased from this world. And the last thing either one of them shall hear, is the pained screams of agony of the other.

it shall be done to Lars Grier, he who claims that he has insight to the truth, but he has been so blinded by pride that he cast off my words as mad ramblings. When will you open your eyes? When will you come to your senses and see that it is the ones who have sent me that have blessed you with all your strength and now you deny their existence like so many other fools who have dared to do so. If you had half the mind you claim you do, you would have learned from there transgressions, instead you will share the same bitter drink that they have swallowed before meeting their doom, just as you shall meet yours. It is a shame that you have sealed you fate in this manner, for such promise to wasted, and such an opportunity squandered.

It shall be done to Ross Vegas. He who has thought little of me, and he may do so, for who am I to be feared? I am but the servant, the Hand that does their bidding. But my masters, they will not be disregarded by any man or woman or child that walks upon this earth. Especially not one who is so weak that he had failed to even provide for himself. One who was so pathetic that not even he can find a purpose to claim for himself. Your ineptness is your undoing Ross Vegas, it has condemned you to wander the face of the earth wallowing in it until the end of ages. Then at that glorious hour, YOU WILL BURN!!!"

(Caine takes several, long deep breaths as he clutches his head in his hands. His fingers grasp at his hair as he rocks his head back and forth.)
Caine: " It shall be done Moongoose McQueen, for though he sees thru the deceptions of this world, he cannot see past himself. That is why he prostitutes himself to any heathen who would offer him but a single coin of silver or gold. But that which he sells himself for is fouls good, for when the glorious reign falls upon kingdoms of the earth, all that he turned away from my masters for, will vanish and in its place shall be nothing more than ash that will blister his hands.

It shall be done to Mike Showman, for though he thinks that all I speak is an theater for the simple minded, he will soon realize that there is no illusion in all that I do and say. No the illusion lies within himself, for in his mind his money has made itself a fortress that cannot be impregnated by even the ones who have sent me, but in truth he is not more than a child playing in wet cardboard. The money that is the pride of you and your wretched ancestors, it will not save you. You cannot buy favor with my masters with it, nor can you hope to persuade the one whom they have sent. Oh how I long for the day their wrath shall be fall you, for the day when the silver and gold that has been your pride, your legacy, and your name, the day when it made worthless, oh what a joyous day that shall be. How I will rejoice, when you and that wretch McAdams weep over all that you lost before you could even possess it.


Be not joyful Kelly Hackenschmidt, for you will find no fate better than those I have spoken of. I speak to you of what is coming to prepare yourself for what must be done i wish not to do, but I must to ensure my own salvation, for as long I obey, then I shall be spared. AND YOU SPEAK TO ME OF MONEY?!?! SILVER AND GOLD ARE NOT MY MASTERS, IT IS NOT WHAt I SEEK FOR SOONER THAN YOU REALIZE IT WILL BE AS WORTHLESS AS YOUR RANCID WORDS! I HAVE TOLD YOU OF WHAT MUST BE DONE, FOR THE ONES WHO HAVE SENT ME ARE COMING, AND IF IT BE THEIR WILL THAT I REACH INTO YOH MOUTH AND RIP OUT YOUR LYING TOUNGE THEN SO BE IT!!! you are a deceiver for though you have claim to have the strength needed to bring prosperity in the world to come, you lack that which is necessary to be counted amongst those who will find salvation. You do not the strength to tear away the fat from the flesh, to rid the world of the disease of the weak, the sick, and the vain. That is why you and Wakefield dress yourselves in a cloak of purity, because inside all of you beats the heart of a cowardly heathen, and that is a truth your pride will not let you face. On the day of fire, you will be exposed, right before you are eviscerated!

And if Jakob DeLion, where is your boisterous tongue? Have you come to your senses finally and realized how it will only ever add to your suffering? How for all the blasphemous poison that seeps out from it, the only one it will ever hinder is yourself? Why not go and warn the two degenerates of what misery, and woe befalls those who speak against the ones who have sent me? For the pain that Knoxx has felt is not even a sliver of the power the wield, and of the two of you, you have been the more wretched. So the calamity, and horror that shall fall upon your head, I dare not even think of what it may be.



Mortimer Gotch, how can scum such as yourself exist, you poison the minds of the ignorant masses, you cloud their minds and fool them into believing that the standard you hold yourself to will grant salvation. Nothing could be further from the truth. Words like kind and gentle, they are ones that pervert the nature of man, and have condemned the world to burn in a flood of fire from which none shall be able to hide from. You Gotch, you are an evil that I will relish ripping to shreds with my bare hands. When the time for your sacrifice comes, it will be carried out without remorse, or honor. Your flesh shall be crushed and your body scattered to the wind, that is what you deserve for the evil you perpetrate and perpetuated.

Anthony Leonhart, Cody Marshall, I beg you to turn away from the pride that has blinded you, to cast of the kingdoms you proclaim, instead turn your eyes to the ones who are sending me, for they will uproot the empires of this earth and lay to waste the foundations upon which they were built and not even all of their armies may resist them on the appointed hour. Spare yourselves from the destruction that will befall the earth, for those who are found worthy and have served will be spared. Do this while you may, do not stir up their wrath against you, for those who have turned away from the call, they shall be made an example of, when the ones who have sent me demonstrate their power in full measure, without mercy.

Listen to these words well, Ahren Fournier, for all that I have spoken to the others, I speak of you. You, who still knows not the horrid deeds he has committed, you who stands himself to be counted amongst two men who have deceived nations with their venomous words. You count yourself amongst men whom my masters silenced long before you were born, ones who paid for their wickedness with their lives. This is what you crave Ahren, TO BE DESTROYED?!? And for what? That your ego may be stroked by the filth that chant your name? For the vanity of glory that evaporates as soon as it is acquired? What good will it do you when your blood is spilt and runs over into the streets? Or when your bones are trampled under the feet of my masters? OR WHEN THE FIRE THAT WILL TEAR THIS WORLD APART PIECE BY GODDAMN PIECE, EATS YOU AND EVERYONE YOU HOLD DEAR ALIVE?!?! When your flesh is turned to cinders, and your skin has been scattered by a gentle breezzzzeeeeeeeee, what good will the praise of heathens profit you? Your strength, your skill, they will do you no good on that mighty day when the door is opened and they purify all that lays upon this earth. For none can even hope to stand against them, and their will, cannot be denied. For with the sweetest whispers they have told me, they have shown me, I've heard the screams, I've smelled the smoke, I'VE SEEN THE UNENDING LIST OF TERRORS HAPPENING BEFORE MY VERY EYES!!!

I know what is coming, I can't stop seeing it. I DONT WANT TO BURRRRNNNNN!!!!"

(A pained expression paints Caine's face as he tries to regain his composure.)

Caine: These thing they have told me, and they must be soooooooooo hahahahahaha, hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

(Caine continues to laugh maniacally as the camera fades out.)

The end.

ACT 1 

LOCATION: GRANT PARK, CHICAGO ILLINOIS 
DATE: 12-20-2016
TIME: 11.00 AM

(Inside the Grant Park in Chicago, we see many people enjoying the sun on a rather cold day. After some time, a van comes to a halt some distance away from the people. The back of the van opens to reveal a camera crew with all the required equipment. We shift the focus to the front of the van and we see Mike Showman who is driving the van and alongside him, none other than the popular Ahren Fournier…or someone dressed as Ahren Fournier. You all know where this is going and so sit back and enjoy)

Mike: Here we are, the Grant Park in Chicago, Illinois. Would you take a look at that? 
(Points to the people) so many people have come here and they are in luck because they are going to witness their favourite wrestling hero, Ahren Fournier. Why so scared man? C’mon cheer up

“Ahren Fournier”: I don’t know man. I heard that the last time when you paid people to do something like this, you kicked their asses after all was done. 

Mike: C’mon man, those are just stupid rumours. Also you can rest easy because I won’t be following you out there and so, you are on your own and no threat from me. Now, enough talking, get out and do what you are told. 

(Mike literally kicks that guy out and as the guy moves towards the people, Mike starts talking to the people in the back)

Mike: Hey guys, what’s the nearest hospital from here? 

Guy #1: According to Google, it is St. Joseph’s Hospital. Eight minutes from here. 

Mike: Hmm. Alright, you guys record this shit carefully alright? 

Guys (together): Yes Sir. 

(The camera focuses on the guy dressed as Ahren as he makes his way to a bunch of people sitting on a bench. The guy sits on a bench opposite to them and then after some time, starts talking to himself loudly)

“Ahren”: This is not fair…I am the most retarded wrestler in the world and so I deserve a direct shot at the Hall of Fame championship….even if I get beaten and humiliated by someone, I still am better than him and I will use the same boring and repetitive words to force this fact down people’s throats….

One of the guys on the opposite bench: Hello? Are you facing some sort of trouble?

“Ahren” (surprised): You have been here the whole time? 

Guy on the bench: Yeah, we were sitting here. You clearly saw us when you came and sat here so I don’t think there is any room for surprise here…..

“Ahren” (loudly): Let me tell you something…you are insignificant but I will still ask you a question anyways because I want to be the centre of attention badly….do you think it’s fair? 

Guy on bench: Excuse me? 

“Ahren”: The fact that I am the best trill fairy in this world and that instead of challenging the Emperor for the control of Mordor….I am in the Grand Rampage match with orcs, elves and stormtroopers…

Guy #1 on bench: That does not make any sense…..

Guy #2 on bench: I don’t even like Fantasy things…..

“Ahren”: You know what else doesn’t make sense? This (hands a $69 ticket to one of the guys). Yeah that’s right, you have just violated a totally legit law known as the ‘Retard Law’. Now pay up $69 now.

Guy #3 on bench: You know what? This is crazy. I am calling the cops (takes out his phone) 

“Ahren”: Hold on, you cannot do that. I mean that would be totally realistic and logical and when I am around, people somehow lose any sense of logic…c’mon you people lose your logic as well. LOGIC LOSE BEAM

(“Ahren” extends his hands just like Goku when he is about to give a Kamehamha. Suddenly, Mike comes in from outta nowhere) 

Mike: Gentlemen, is there a problem? 

Guy #1 on the bench: This guy is fucking crazy. He was speaking absolutely shit and then from outta nowhere slapped a $69 fine on us…

Mike (looks at “Ahren” and is furious): You, I know you! You are the famous retard who is loved by everyone! Even though you do amazing heroic shit in fake and staged situations, in real life you get your ass kicked by someone time and time again. (Turns to the guys on the bench) Don’t worry boys, I got this.

(Mike gives a swift kick to the back of “Ahren” as “Ahren” looks on in shock and pain. He gives another kick and caches him by his throat and drags him to the van) 

Mike (after they reach the van): Get inside quickly, we have more work to do and I don’t want the crowd to follow us. 

“Ahren”: You kicked me! You said you weren’t going to do something like that. 

Mike: Then maybe I should have just let them call the cops and have you arrested? I saved you from them and so maybe instead of bitching and moaning, you can say thank you. Now, get in the van

(“Ahren enters the van and soon Mike enters as well. After that, they drive off) 

ACT 2 

LOCATION: A BAR IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 
DATE: 12-20-2016
TIME: 11.43 AM

(The van is seen outside a bar. Inside we see Mike Showman seated with the creepy Solomon Caine…or someone dressed as Solomon Caine. Here we go again)

Mike: Look, the last time you hit some bumps but this time, nothing would go wrong. This is one of the worst dive bars in this nation and is usually empty and so the chances of getting your ass kicked is very less. You know what you have to do right?

“Caine”: Yeah, I got this.

Mike: Awesome. Now go and good luck. 

(“Caine” enters the bar wearing dark outfit with the words ‘Special Effects Enhanced’ written boldly on the top. However on the back the words, ‘Also I am still a virgin’ is written but “Caine” does not know that. There are some people inside who laughs at the words. He walks slowly and sits at the far corner of the bar. After sometime, the bartender approaches him)


Bartender: What can I get for you?

(“Caine” remains silent) 

Bartender: Can I get you something? 

(“Caine” still remains silent)

Bartender: Look, if you ain’t gonna order something, why are you here? 

(“Caine” suddenly snatches the bartender by the collar, and yanks him halfway over the bar. The bartender yells for help and all the guys get up and start beating “Caine”. In defense, “Caine” tries to give them the ice cold look of doom but fails utterly. After getting his ass handed to him, he gets up and tells them to stop)


“Caine”: Stop! Stop! You have no idea what you are doing. I am Solomon Caine and I have tricks that can completely dismantle all of you. Tricks that I have got because I answer to a higher power who is totally not fake and made up. You don’t believe me? Then here you go….MAGIC DUST OF DISAPPEARANCE (“Caine” throws some power as the men are confused). Okay, that did not work but how about…SMOKE OF CONFUSION…. (Brings out two incense sticks and waves those at the crowd but nothing happens)….nothing? Well then it seems I have to bring out my ultimate weapon, the POWER OF PREACHING. 

(“Caine” clears his throat and starts to preach)

“Caine”: Hear my words for they are the only hope you have to save yourselves. These are the same words that I will use against my opponents and hope that they eliminate themselves in the Battle Royal because apart from that, I do not have any considerable skill to win that thing. Even though I say a lot of things about my opponents, I end up getting my ass kicked and as a result I have no considerable achievements thus far. So listen to me…………..

(The other guy gang up on “Caine” and start to beat him up badly. After sometime, Mike Showman enters the bar)

Mike: Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down there people. Why are you beating this poor man? 

Guy #1: He fucking attacked the bartender. He was ordering nothing and so when the bartender asked him to leave, he simply yanked him halfway over the bar. And now, he was speaking something that made absolutely no sense. 

Mike: I see. Guys, don’t worry because I will be taking over from here. Not to worry because I will ensure that he get the proper punishment for this.

(Mike looks at “Caine” and slaps him in front of everyone. Before he can fall down, Mike catches him and starts to carry him back to the van. However before leaving…)

Mike (to the bartender): Sorry about whatever happened here. Here is $100 for you. Why don’t you take it and forget that anything like this ever happened? 

(The bartender, confused, takes the money and nods and Mike drags “Caine” back to the van and asks him to get inside. “Caine” however refuses)

“Caine”: I want no part of this. In fact, I should have never agreed to this. Twice I did what you asked and twice I was on the receiving end of something negative. I am done. Find someone else to do this. 

(“Caine” starts to take off his costume as Mike stops him)

Mike: I fully understand and respect your decision. You have every right to quit but before you go, you might as well have a look at the reward you were supposed to get at the end of this.

(Mike signals one of his men and he arrives with a big bag. Mike opens the bag and we see that it is stacked with dollars. The eyes of “Caine” go big on seeing so much money. Mike then closes the bag and hands it to back to the man who brought it)

Mike: Well, thank you for your time…….


“Caine”: Well even though I took some hits, you clearly saved me from ugly situations. If I back away now, that would be no proper way to say thank you. Let us do this.

(“Caine” quickly enters the van as Mike gives a wicked smile and then he too gets in)

ACT 3 

LOCATION: A ROOM LOCATED SOMEWHERE IN CHICAGO
TIME: 12.59 PM
DATE: 12-20-2016

(We see a dark room where all the curtains are drawn. Inside, we see Mike and his filming crew talking about something. Suddenly, Moongoose…or someone dressed as…ah fuck it, you know where this is going. “Moongoose” is wearing a white shirt with the letters ‘Mongoose Queen’ printed on the top in black. “Moongoose” dances around a bit and then settles down in his chair….and then the chair breaks and he falls down on the floor. He continues to sit on the floor as he starts talking)

“Moongoose” (in a typical Moongoose accent): I am the Queen of Mongoose, Mongoose Queen and I am here to say I AM BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. EVEN THOUGH I JOINED A COMPANY JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO, I ALREADY DESERVE A WORLD TITLE SHOT AND YOU KNOW WHY? JUST BECAUSE ONE TIME I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO BEAT HADES THE HELLRAISER. EVEN THOUGH I AM SURE THAT MANY PEOPLE BEAT HIM WHEN HE WAS RELEVANT BUT WHO CARES, HE MENTIONED ME IN HIS HALL OF FAME SPEECH…… along with a bunch of other people maybe BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. BEATING A HALL OF FAMER IS CLEARLY EQUIVALENT TO ATTAINING NIRVANA AND SO, I DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE A GOD. 

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, I ALSO BEAT THE OLD MAN KEVIN DEVASTATION, A MAN WHOSE GLORY DAYS ARE LONG GONE BY. EVEN THOUGH I AM CONFIDENT THAT MOST OF THE CURRENT ROSTER HAS BEATEN HIM OR WOULD HAVE BEATEN HIM…BUT FUCK IT, I AM THE BEST 

MONGOOSE QUEEN IS MY NAME

TALKING SHIT IS MY GAME

ALTHOUGH ALMOST EVERYTHING I SPEAK IS LAME

AND TO BE HONEST, I HAVE NO SHAME

I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE BIG GAME

BUT WHEN I LOSE, I WILL FUCKING FIND PEOPLE TO BLAME

TRUST ME BECAUSE MONGOOSE QUEEN IS MY NAME

(“Moongoose” gets up and starts dancing awkwardly as Mike Showman bursts into laughter. After a few seconds, he gets a grip of himself and asks “Moongoose” to stop)

Mike: Dude, what amazing performance. 

“Moongoose”: Thanks. I made the dancing part up all by myself. You know, thought it would be more entertaining. 

Mike: You man are amazing. Alright, I think our work is done here. You know what, why don’t you follow me to the roof of the building? We will get some fresh air and also, I can pay you.

“Moongoose”: But, what about the other guys you have? Lars, Kelly, Anthony….

Mike (cutting him): You don’t need to worry about them. The main work is done and they are the side courses. Come up man, let us have some sun. 

(They both go up slowly to the roof as Mike orders the camera crew to keep on filming. After sometime, they reach the top and Mike asks the “Moongoose” guy to wait. He moves around the roof for a while. After sometime…)

Mike: Hey man, I am here. 

(The guy turns around and is hit by a steel pipe. The guy falls down holding his face as Mike continues to assault him viciously with the pipe. Finally, he throws the pipe down and picks him up to give him a piledriver. He then sits cross legged in front of him as the man is withers in pain)

Mike: Oh you poor man, you poor stupid man. You thought that I was going to pay you money for portraying the people I hate? You know what, the very presence of these guys burns me from the inside. In the past few days, I have heard their words and the fact that even some of the new guys have the guts to speak crap about the man who is revolutionizing EAW makes me sick. But it matters not because come that day, they will have nothing but sadness accompanying them. 

(Mike takes bag of money and opens it. He then takes the notes, unbinds them and starts dropping them one by one on the fallen man)

Mike: Most people of this generation believe in fantasy and things that are irrational. It is because of the fact that they are losers in the real world, they want to escape to a fantasy world and that helps them feel relevant again. That is the reason why men like Ahren Fournier thrive so much with those illogical things, that is the reason why men like Solomon Caine try so hard to portray himself as some sort of supernatural force. You see kids, in the real world, things do not happen like they show you. You all have been living in a false world because in the real world, there are no happy endings for men like Ahren or Caine. In fact, there are no happy endings even for men like McQueen who try to live off their past glory and always bring out past events in response to something that requires knowledge of the present. This is a world of realists and of course, men with class and money and so, it’s not a coincidence that all my endeavours including my group People with Class is so successful. We have the Hardcore Championship and very soon we will have the New Breed Title in our grasp. Because you all don’t have what it takes to be successful but I do.
 
(The bag of money is empty and the fallen guy is covered with notes. Mike gets up and smirks on seeing that. He then takes the bag and turns to the camera once again)

Mike: Oh and before the others complain about why they were not in my video, let me just say that the three guys I have portrayed in the video represent an entire class of people. All the guys in the battle royal fall under one class or the other. That and also the fact that you guys are simply not relevant enough to be portrayed in a video package assembled by me. You all have big mouths but in the end, you all are little kids trying to claw you way into the big game but you know what, I have already experienced it, moulded it and very soon, any game you play will be in my rules. (Mike proceeds to exit but stops) Wait, I forgot one more thing. 

(Mike takes out his cell phone and dials 911)

Dispatch: 911 emergency.

Mike: Ah, yes this is Mike calling from Lakewood Avenue, Chicago, IL.

Dispatch: Uh-huh.

Mike: I'm right now next to um, a guy who has been beaten up. He is at the roof of a 
building and it appears he has suffered a concussion…..

Award Show Promo II - "Proving You're The Best.... AROUND!"

(OOC: Special thanks to Laura Laine for approving her part in the promo)

The scene opens up to a small gym as EAW Wrestler Kelly Hackenschmidt stands up by a mirror, his body sweating his 100% Certified Schmidthead t-shirt, gym shorts and running shoes. He looked directly to himself in the mirror.


“Kelly. The time has come. Time to prove to the world that you’re the best wrestler of this new generation!”


Kelly says before walking over to a CD player which starts blasting out his entrance theme; (”One Man Army” by Ensiferum) as he walks towards a Hack squat machine, he attaches a barbel and clips some weights to it. He takes his place sitting on the arch of the Hack Squat machine and continues his workout routine. Counting the reps to himself.


“1!”


“2!”


“3!”


“4!”


“5!"


Just as Kelly was continuing to count his reps. Laura Laine walked into the training room. She wore a black cut up Alexisonfire t-shirt and a set of grey yoga pants. She approached Mr. Pure Wrestling as he continued his Hack Squats


“6!”


“7!”




“8!”


“9!”


“10!”


Kelly straightens his back, placing it away from the usual back rest of the hack squat machine.


[colo“The Hack Squat seems to always stay in your workout routines doesn't it?”


Laura asked as she looked down at Kelly.


“Of course.”


Said Kelly as he stepped up from his machine.


“After all it was my ancestor who invented the exercise and made it such a staple in modern exercise routines. No matter how I spice up my regular workout routine, the Hack Squat will always remain a major part of my routine. I always saw it as paying homage to where I, my grandparents and my dad came from of course. My ancestry is not something I am inducted into but rather born with, I must always maintain its state. I do not want to let my ancestors down.”


Kelly stood up, walked over to a bench where a black towel and a filled up water bottle with ice cubes inside waited for him. He took the water bottle, give it a big sip of the drink.


“Is that why you have been so focused on the New Breed Championship battle royal?”


Laura asked, standing back up and looking towards Kelly while lowering the volume on the CD player.


“Of course.”


Kelly said before closing his water bottle.


“If I am to prove to the world that I am worth a damn and the guy to bring the New Breed Championship to Friday Nights, this may be the hardest I have to work in a single match in my entire life. Think about it, EAW’s roster is massive! People come and people go nearly weekly. Yet some say somehow after five matches with EAW, I still made the cut and managed to prove that I could handle being part of their roster. You and I both actually. Though there still seems to be that stigma that I’m arrogant or entitled. I mean they put up with Ahren so honestly I’m surprised.”


Kelly walks across the gym towards a stationary bicycle. He placed his feet onto the pedals and twirled them in a pattern with the exercise routine.


Kelly: “Eventually people like him get lazy and start to forget what happens when you wrestle someone who is always on the approach, you have to be able to out maneuver him and lie and cheat your way to victory. Yet when those tactics can easily backfire, in more ways than one if you’re not careful. So people who ask me why I don't cheat in matches should know that's why I don't do it. Sometimes a dirty trick can be just as big a risk as going up to the top rope for a moonsault.”


Laura shook her head.


Laura: “Really now?”


Kelly: “Of course I’m serious. I’ve seen it happen before. I mean, look at Jakob DeLion. That guy used to be great; yet now all he does is slack and complain about his losses.”


Kelly sped up his footwork.


Laura: “I imagine Solomon Caine and Ahren Fournier are on the same road?”


Asked Laura.


Kelly: “Of course. You know, come to think of it; Solomon Caine reminds me a load of a TV Preacher from back in the day.”


Laura: “Oh.”


Laura chuckled.


Kelly: “You mean the type who would pop up on your television screen telling you judgement day was upon us asking for money in return for salvation?”


Kelly returns the laugh.


Laura: “Oh of course. I was thinking that. Yet if you know me. We all know greed really is what motivates them. Quote the Bible all they want: it would just be green dollar bills that they want.”


Laura: “Does that mean Moongoose and Cody are on the same route?”


Kelly: “Well, technically Moongoose actually quoted an old poem. Hermes of course being a reference to the Greek God of mischief. Though I will admit, I did think Greed would be his downfall. Looks like I was wrong; greed won't be. But sloth will. In fact, watch, he’ll sleaze his way to the top. As for Cody, nah. Sure, he seems like a devoted Abrahamic follower of some sort. Him quoting the testament is him more or less following his own beliefs. Not much him leaching for money by America’s strange political views. Yet his fall will be his stubborn and stern attitude. It's why Lars Grier already broke one of Sung Tzu’s greatest quotes. Yet I will not interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake.”


Laura: “Right.”


Laura sat back down on another bench.


Kelly: “As for Finnegan. Well. He seems very focused. Yet I feel like he forgets that I am one of the many people working just as hard as him.”


Laura puts her hand up at her finger.


Laura: “Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't recall you spending this much time training. It makes me kinda feel like tonight should be date night for us.”


Kelly laughed.


Kelly: “Oh, baby, trust me. I haven't forgotten. Especially after that first RTR date. I had a feeling that's why Finnegan didn't want to chill out here for the event.”


Laura: “Nah, he wanted to spend some time with his family in England. Honestly I don't blame him.”


Kelly: “Remind me to book us a tour of The UK next time we’re in Europe.”


Laura: “Yeah, it always sounds lovely. Especially all the old buildings from back when William conquered the territory.”


Kelly: “The wall by Scotland”


Laura: “Stonehenge.”


Kelly: “The London Eye.”


Laura: “Oh it sounds like a dream vacation.”


Kelly: “Of course. I mean hey as long as I’m spending it with the right person, I really don't mind.”


Laura's cheeks turned purple.


Laura: “Oh, Kelly. Hard to believe after two years here you are acting you're still trying to pick me up.”


Kelly: “Well of course. You know, they say that this whole Nice Guy mentality is meant to be a weakness. But I’m going to be honest; I don't see it as one. If anything; it's not my attitude that brought me to where I am. It's my ability. We have the three of us who all talented wrestlers in their own rights. I mean, the High Rollerz don't seem to want anything to do with us, yet I think it's about time they learned a little lesson: that just because I’m a nice guy; doesn't mean that I’m not hungry or eager. In fact the opposite. I was told to always keep my eye on the prize, and right now; here we are. Both you and Finn being praised as top prospects and me and him on our way to seeing one of us as New Breed Champion. I’ll need honest. No matter the outcome of that match; Finn and I will always remain friends. Sure, the High Rollerz may have known each other for much longer; yet the three of us? Well, we are still just as much a unit. Sure, we only have known Finnegan for a couple of weeks; but we still get along like bread and butter. So now our goal remains the same.”


Laura: “You are actually spot on. I mean, I doubt the High Rollerz will be as close together as you and I are. I mean, two years and so much drama here we are. Just waiting for the other to finally pop the question and call us by the other’s last name.”


Kelly: “So that's what you want isn't it?”


Laura shook her head and wrapped one leg over the other.


Laura: “Nah, not yet. First I’m focused on getting my hair grown back out. Cutting it really was a mistake.”


Kelly shrugged his shoulders.


Kelly: “Meh, you're still the same girl to me, eh.”


Laura blushed.


Laura: “Once again, thank you. You have always been quite the flatterer.”


Kelly: “Oh, please. I’m no Ross Vegas.”


Laura: “How would that be a Ross Vegas comparison?”


Kelly: “The guy practically admitted that Finnigan and I both know more holds than him. Yet he thinks that muscle really is what's going to define who wins? Nah, battle royals are very much about strategy. Yet sometimes you gotta lose small battles to win the war.”


Laura: “Believe me baby. I hope you're right. I don't want to see your training go to waste.”


Kelly stops the stationary bike and steps back up to take a seat right next to Laura.


Kelly: “It won't,”


Kelly started to pant.


Kelly: “Especially since I have no plans of stopping any time soon. Believe me, Laura. Things are only going up for the three of us!”


Laura: “Actually, speaking of upstairs?”


She giggled and nudges her head into Kelly's chest.


Laura: “Want to head back upstairs and watch a couple movies?”


Kelly smiles, placing his hand around Laura's shoulder.


Kelly: “Oh of course. I’ll get the popcorn maker out.”


Laura stands up.


Laura: “Let's hope there's still beer in the mini-fridge.”


Kelly nods and gives Laura a playful smack to the behind before standing back up. Laura gasped and turned around, shaking her head with a sarcastic frown.


Laura: “Two years and you still do that outta nowhere.”


Kelly shrugged.


Kelly: “Eh, nothing's stopping me.”


Laura grabbed Kelly's arm and pushed him up to his feet for a brief kiss on the lips.


Laura: “Let's just go upstairs.”


Kelly: “If you say so.”


The camera fades away as they turn away from the camera towards the stairs, the camera fading to black as it zooms in on their hands being held together.

Lannister once more proves, with just a little push, the floodgates deem opened. Pride is a lust in which every man holds sacred, and how this proves tenfold over in the minds of Y2impact and Jacob Senn. But at least with Y2Impact, he has reason to believe there is no cause for alarm, when a man as esteemed as he, dare mark upon another challenger. But Jacob Senn knows the force that Lannister reckons, yet he holds onto this thread in which he is the man pulling the strings. There's a vision laid out in your own mind, Jacob, on how this ordeal is going to play itself out, but how that is nothing more than a fiddle in your own misconceiving mind. For the world spins on its axis only to come full circle, and this story shall tell no different than once told before. But your defensive coping mechanism roars not a sound of truth, and it up to Lannister to heed the "warning" and put it on full blast. This is just what happens when you tread on the lion. You end up with the claws, and they sure do leave a mark. Just like Lannister has left a mark on your legacy - altered it off course - and your words are only trying to play damage control. Persist if you must, but that would just lead to an array of wounds for you to obtain. You wouldn't want to go around burning bridges now, would you? Because after all, you're only burning it in selfish gain. Jacob Senn should have listened to Lannister long ago, when he told you that some mistakes you never stop paying for. It's just a shame you're not worth your own weight in gold. Prideful negligence is to blame, but considering Lannister's history, that serves not as an ounce of surprise. Heavyweight (Champion) Senn is only the lasting resort, one that trembles when squared upon those that share even a sequence of strength. Jacob Senn once called himself a Fabled Conqueror, in which he never conquered? So please excuse Lannister as he brushes off his new critical acclaims, and serves himself up in convenient proclamations, for slandering Lannister and propping himself up to be "The Punisher" is to no doubt fall under dense pretenses. Jacob Senn stirred the pot, proclaiming that conquerors are doomed to fall - but how that is only because your story of conquering was pathetic, one that entailed false hope and a broken crown with no authority. So save the rest of us from this fable that you like to call your own, and write a story that's actually worth delving into in this coming adventure. Because on this path in which you rue, Jacob Senn surely won't be entertaining any of the audience as a Punisher, either. Jacob Senn believes himself to be the force to reckon, no doubt Y2Impact as well, but how perception is ever so devious.

Power resides only where men believe it resides. Where would you have your power reside, gentlemen? Would you have power reside in that of a piece of bread - something small, yet something so enticing, something so glorified in the eyes of two peasants? The Pizza Boy and Tiberius Jones no doubt fit this sort of bill - but what about for the esteemed? Impact Man and Heavyweight Senn, where does your power reside? Does it reside at a clench of a hand, holding up five fingers? Powerful indeed - five fingers, representing all different types of allied forces, men who are willing to wave their banner in your honor. But what if Lannister were to tell you, that is the sort of power that cannot be stabilized - a crack and fault in your aspirations. For it is the enclosed fist, symbolizing one, where the true power resides. And that is no other than the reign in which Lannister he, himself, represents. Do not fill your heart with content by referencing your throne, your championship gold, for Lannister himself is not content with the hierarchy of his status. For there is no content in just having the lion's share, no content in depriving your ever-evolving lust. And Lannister sees Jacob Senn and Y2Impact as nothing more than a two-sided coin currently out of currency.

On contrast, Lannister is the disciple of war, molded by its shade. It churns the blood within, restoring the balance of all that declares itself immortal. A chapter opening and closing, the end versus the beginning. Consumed by it all, in-fact. Lannister has waged war and conquered just about any foe that dare oppose him, including you Jacob, and it is the only building block that a man can have at his disposal to forge the world as he sees fit. While you all play your part, dawning the facade that is the masquerade, this is where Lannister can shine his true colors. The brute reality of it all, where power can only be defined as, well... power. And when Lannister looks around, observes the scene laid out before him, he looks across the battlefield and sees a tale of two men who color themselves in different forms. Power only resides where men allows it to reside, and Lannister lets it reside in his brute force.

And at the EAW Awards Show, Lannister unleashes just another flood. Another storm, that has swept on by and taken what it can from you. Even if it isn't much to Y2Impact, it's something. For Lannister is the only esteemed conqueror to ever grace the EAW lands. Jacob Senn will forever be a fabled one, and Y2Impact - the manufactured one. Because why, Lannister has never seen such a confusing mindset from the opposition. A man who sees not the cause in wielding his sword, but will do so out of self-repetition regardless. Oh, Y2Impact, how nice it is to finally greet your presence. But Lannister is afraid that your depths have been compromised from the outlier in which you speak. Because it has become ever so apparent, that this is a man with a gunshot mind frame, but a stench of a victim. Lannister has never seen such a false hope, decorated with a prettier disguise. It is quite alarming in fact - seeing the Impact Man rave taunt to his foes. He raves, believes everything he ever told them. But he's in for a rude awakening on the battle field if he believes to be the sole threat. You can sit there, lie there even, believing the voices that tune into a symphony, but that is all you have to mark on. Words, feeble ones at that. But go ahead, and arise to this challenge set before you. Lannister would like to see you rue the day that you thought you could actually tempt Lannister's might.

But see as you see fit, and look through depths of it all. No doubt you will deny Lannister's claims, consider them baseless, and instead look for solitude in your own perspective. You will find peace in your inner battle of the mind. But these are the words that you won't find - as closure is not to come. War has a way to torture your mind, and you will find your sense to crave a new design. But you will never come to peace with this evolution of the mind, and that is where Lannister serves as the guide. For this a man whose presence always seems to catch the eye.

Y2Impact is caught in a battle of the unknown, waging war on substance he cannot win. For Lannister is of the opinion that feelings are born to fade, and Y2Impact - how this blurring of the lines will prove to be your greatest misconception. You may come to believe, perhaps even treat it as gospel - that you are misunderstood. But Lannister understands you quite well, for this debt of gratitude in which you continuously seek, is all you've ever feasted upon. Yet in lies the contradiction, your vault of security, just in case these here manners do not align with your words. With nothing but bragging rights on the line, an undisputed claim that only the valor in the victory can muster, you have decided to align with a cop out of the fullest degree. Lannister dare not blame you, for simply put, the mathematical landmines are traps to any that dare guarantee. But Lannister believes it's ridden well beyond that, for the reality lies behind the one that rings true. Lannister. So you can downplay, hell - you can even deny the intangible that embeds itself in this very tale, but how that just makes you yet another man, to mistake the burden of your own decree. You see this through the echoes of time, men driven by their faith, only to be the mascot of their failures. So Lannister, nonetheless, sees the value in your pity mindset. But dare not treat it as respect, because how you are just proving to sport the loser's mindset. The defensive walls are high and mighty, but Lannister can see right through them, and see you've dug yourself in quite deep in the trenches.

And within this barrier you perceive as your safety net, you stand down the barrel of a man rising from his own state of ruins, with burning flames meant to reflect on those from his own desire. War now serves as his revival, and how the cretins can no longer come calling. For the void in which Lannister left, regards substance no more. But let the Champion of Champions encounter serve as the coronation of a new kingdom rising, a new beckoning of light that shall serve well beyond the means. The will of Lannister shall transfigure through the veil of mire of all that dare impose as a breach to the systematic order. While you might be considered the greatest of all time, and that you set upon this land of Lannister's to "invade". But how you have it all wrong, for it's not Lannister that holds the home front, that would be the most established - the entity of seven championship reigns. For there is a mountain to climb, a path yet walked, but oh, how Lannister tends to have his here way. And the monarch is coming to claim the territory that once served as his very own promised land. Not as King, but not as a soldier either. He comes as the bearer and keeper of the reign, the brute force that serves up a conquest to the portion of his own framed-design. So if anybody is being invaded, it would be you. As Lannister has already conquered the intangible lands that EAW set before him - Now, now comes the names. And it just so happens that Lannister has built a reputation on collecting debts and paying, preying the names.

Lannister is bound to his status by blood and conquest of those that fell before him. Lannister's quest to embark is a history lesson, one that will soon write Y2Impact into the chronicles of his history, a footnote of the pedigree in which Lannister reigns. Jacob Senn shall join him for a second time, once more paying a debt to the crown. Lannister thanks you both for your service, and the gratitude in which your stature speaks. But this marquee of a match was bred to be the footnote in which you hold, in Lannister's name.

But how many times does Lannister have to say it? There surely, is a price to be paid... to the Lannister crown, and the Lannister name. And it just so happens, with the Answers World Championship on Lannister's shoulders, that the price, more than ever, is owed. 

And that is all in which Lannister tends to pursue. The Impact Man and Heavyweight (Champion) Senn can keep their gold. But when the force awakens, there is no man like Lannister...

In this Power to Be Dare.

(Flannery is standing in front of Ahren Fournier’s dressing room)
Flannery: With the big 15 man battle royal to determine the new number 1 contender for the New Breed Championship, I wanted to get a word with one of, if not the front runner to win the battle royal, Ahren Fournier. Let’s go in shall we

 

(Flannery opens the door and walks right in. Ahren is standing there in only a towel)

Flannery: OH god I’m sorry Ahren, I didn’t know you were occupied. I’m sorry I’ll come back later

Ahren: How foolish of you Flannery, you know that I’m always………………….

Flannery: Always…?

Ahren: HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME!

Flannery: Oh I thought you were done with the sentence  

Ahren: Oh is that what you thought? Did that sound like a complete sentence to you? I was pausing for dramatic effect obviously

Flannery: That was a very long pause

Ahren: Ugh, don’t make me say it

Flannery: Say what?

Ahren: It

Flannery: Is it a sexual joke about how your genitalia is long?

Ahren: Well.. I mean… Yes, and no… It was a joke, but a joke that’s based on reality

Flannery: What?

Ahren: It’s long

Flannery: Oh…. Ok… Anyways, I wanted to ask you about your upc….

Ahren: Flannery, Flannery, Flannery… May I call you Flannery

Flannery: I mean… It’s my name, so

Ahren: Ok “Flannery”, do you see the attire I am wearing at the moment?

Flannery: Uh Yes?

Ahren: What am I wearing?

Flannery: A towel

Ahren: Yes… A towel, indicating what?

Flannery: You’re about to shower, or already showered

Ahren: Am I you? Do I look wet?

Flannery: Well… No… Wait what?

Ahren: Look Flannery, I’m about to go in the shower, I need to wash all the sex stank off. Now you’re allowed to stay, but I’m just letting you know what’s about to happen

Flannery: Ok, Well just let me know when you…

(Ahren drops the towel, a hard thud can be heard, as Flannerys eyes widen)

Flannery: Oh… My god….. it’s so…. *ahem* What are you up to later? Ermm…. Nevermind

Ahren: Pick your jaw off the floor… My eyes are up here, try not to get lost in them like you’ve managed to get lost in my penis

Flannery: Hmm? What? Did you say something?

Ahren: Great

(Ahren walks away to take a shower to get the sex stank off. Flannery follows, her eyes following the goods, because she just can’t help herself. Ahren walks into the shower, and Flannery tries to join him. Ahren pulls the curtain back, as she’s forced on the outside, only to wonder what sights she’s missing out on. He turns the water on, and steam starts to fill the room)

Ahren: So Flannery you said you had questions or something for me?

Flannery: Oh yes yes, so your big battle royal match to determine the number one contender for the New Breed title is coming up. Some of your opponents have made some claims towards you, would you like to hear?

Ahren: Hit me babe

Flannery: So basically Solomon Caine said that his masters haven’t forgotten about you, and your day of reckoning will come. Your punishment for your atrocities that you committed are coming. What do you say to this?

Ahren: Well Flannery, you know, he keeps saying I’ve done all these atrocious things, but has never actually said what I’ve done. Other than being a people person. I love to please people, so therefore I must burn in hell. I think that’s the message he’s trying to convey. But if that’s the case, Jesus Christ should burn in hell right? He was a people pleaser, and a people person. Ghandi, Marin Luther King, you see what I’m getting at Flan dog?

Flannery: I think so.

Ahren: Ok cool

Flannery: You don’t want to expand?

Ahren: Hold on girl, don’t you want to turn those cameras off before I …. Expand?

(Ahren slowly peaks his head from behind the curtain smirking at her)

Flannery: Oh gosh (blushes) Ahren you know what I mean

Ahren: Right (Gives her those imma fuck you eyes and slowly very slowly brings his head back into the shower, all while staring right into her soul. Like their souls were 69’ing in heaven at this moment in time. Flannery is quivering, she wants it, but knows she shouldn’t. Ahren is the bad boy her parents warned her about, Ahr…. Wait why am I narrating Flannery’s life, no one cares, back to Ahren!) Anyways Flannery, what I’m saying is because people like me, and I make people happy I’m going to be burning in hell according to Mr. Caine. You look at those men I mentioned before, and they’re highly revered as men of dignity, world class men that people should aspire to be. Are they in hell? My guess would be no. Am I putting myself on the same pedestal as them? No… I’m better, because I’m Ahren Fournier damn it.

Flannery: Valid point Ahren, (says under her breath) except for the last part…

Ahren: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!! (He angrily pops his head back out) ARE YOU SAYING I’M NOT THE GREATEST MAN OF ALL TIME???!

Flannery: how did you even hear that?

Ahren: My sonar bat powers duh… You seem to forget about my superpowers on he daily. Now apologize.

Flannery: Sorry Ahren…

Ahren: It’s ok.. I think I’ve wasted enough time on Solomon. NEXT!

Flannery: Ok, next would be Lars Grier.

Ahren: What did good ole Lars say?

Flannery: He said you’re a real piece of shit. A spoon-fed, home-grown, narcissistic asshole, you really are the manifestation of a pile of shit.

(Just the sound of running water can be heard for a few seconds as Ahren collects his thoughts)

Ahren: Hey Flannery? You remember when I said Good Ole Lars? Strike that from the record books, I rescind that part. Now… What were his reasons for saying such angry things towards me?

Flannery: He asked you how many women you’ve been in a relationship with.

Ahren: Umm… Like I said.. None. Is he dumb? Like I literally said I don’t get in relationships because I know I’ll cheat. What more does he want?

Flannery: He also said you’ve left kids fatherless

Ahren: Oh god, the Johnny Appleseed of EAW was just a joke, I finish in girls faces every time. Come on, I’m not that big of an asshole. I don’t have kids. I wear condoms… (Pops out head again and looks at the camera) remember kids, be safe, wear a condom. This has been a message from your friendly neighborhood Trill Fairy. (goes back in)

Flannery: Say this has been a long shower

Ahren: Don’t judge me because I like being clean. I need to exfoliate my pores, shave all the hair, tease the brows…. Soap, shampoo, conditioner… IT’S A PROCESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS… A process that I’m done with. (Turns off shower, and flings open the curtain, a large shadow cast upon the wall)

Flannery: Oh jesus… Aren’t you gonna put on a towel?

Ahren: Ha… No no, I air dry. Much healthier for the skin… Anyways what else did Lars say?

Flannery: He said that he refuses to be with women because he’d just leave them

Ahren: Sooooo he said pretty much what I said

Flannery: yeah

Ahren: Not a very bright kid is he? All muscles no brain, that’s normally how it works. I don’t really understand what the hell he’s talking about to be honest. First he’s talking about how I’m asshole for having sex with a ton of girls. Then he says he doesn’t get with girls because he’ll leave them… Which only means one thing.. WE’VE GOT A VIRGIN!!!! LARS  LARS, man let me throw you a party man. A cherry popping party, we’re going to get rid of that V card you got buddy. I know it’s embarrassing you don’t know what a female looks like naked, but it’s ok. You’ve admitted it, and admitting it was the first step. I got you buddy, I can help you. We don’t want another 40 year old virgin on our hands. My guess is that you’re just so negative, girls stay away from you. Lets work on that attitude, and with a little positivity, girls might actually find you fun to be around! Anyways, who else talked?

Flannery: Umm Jack Ripley talked, but didn’t say anything about you.

Ahren: Cool cool, must be a puss

Flannery: And finally Ross Vegas talked, and doesn’t seem to know much about you. All he said was that Tomato cans. Ham N Eggers. Enhancement talent. Put in this match as easy targets to steamroll. To fill up some fucking space. To make the real attractions like me look good. Gotta make Vegas look strong, cause I’m headed back to the top… 

Ahren: Wow he sounds like a complete and utter rip off… And moron. The only person in this match who’s up for an award at this next show is enhancement talent? Yeah ok, you must really have done your research huh? I am the best wrestler in this match, I am the best wrestler in this company… HELL ON THIS PLANET… IN THIS UNIVERSE! You try to step up to me, I’m throwing you over those ropes, out of the match, out of my life. You are nothing, go back to the 80’s with Moongoose where you two belong. This world is no longer for you. It’s funny that you make all these assumptions about who I am, but the fact of the matter is, I don’t even know who you are. What have you even done? You teamed with Kevin Devastation and got knocked out of the first round of the tag team tournament, wow very impressive. Of course you blame Kevin because why wouldn’t you, you want yourself to look superior. That’s just the coward way out, a real man would just own up to his failures, and call it a day, and try to get better, but you don’t. You blame everyone but yourself, and that’s why you will never progress, you’ll never get better. Overlook me if you want, I don’t know how you could seeing hat I’m the most proven elitist in this match, but go ahead. But you know what pot? I’m calling you pot because pot calling kettle black or whatever the saying is… You’re nothing but a footnote on this match, no… you’re just a footnote on this thing we call life. Keep managing to not impress anyone, and blame everyone else for your own faults, as I rise to superstardom. As I become the new New Breed Champion… YOU HEAR THAT RYAN??? Philosophisize that!

Flannery: Philosophisize?

Ahren: Yeah….

Flannery: Oh… so…. You wanna…. No no… I should go


(Flanery runs out of the room)


Ahren: Oh.. Um this is awkward… Me and just the camera man… With my dick out. I’m not ashamed, don’t make it weird…. I’ve said all I needed to say though, so you can fade out now.


(camera fades to black)


Ahren: There we go

(Cameras open up to a blank screen as an audio recording begins playing from recent big event, Road to Redemption X. The screen finally lifts up the replay of the altercation between Heart Break Boy and Jacob Senn inside the Dynasty's Extreme Elimination Chamber for the EAW World Heavyweight Championship.)

"WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL THREE MEN IN THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!"


(Cameras then show the Heart Break Boy's eyes, eager and fix upon taking Jacob's Senn head for Goldprinted elimination)

"HBB stands on his feet as he starts to stomp on the canvas HOPING TO PUT HIM AWAY WITH THE GOLDPRINT!"


(Jacob Senn turns wobbling across the canvas as the Heart Break Boy turns him in half until Senn drops down for a low blow)

"LOW BLOW! JACOB DROPS DOWN TO A KNEE AND NAILS HIM WITH A SHOT TO THE GROIN AS HBB COLLAPSES TO THE HIS KNEES AS HE HOLDS HIS CROTCH!"


(HBB is now showing signs of disbelief from a slick move. Moments later Jacob taunts the Heart Break Boy before putting him away with Gravity Falls.)

"Jacob stands up and looks down on HBB as he points down for the gun taunt RUSHING BACK TO THE ROPES BEFORE HE RETURNS TO PUT HIM OUT WITH GRAVITY FALLS! THE CURB STOMP DROPS HBB STRAIGHT INTO THE CANVAS AS HE ROLLS HBB ON HIS SHOULDER FOR THE PIN!"


(Cameras completely cut then resume while showing a very calm and emotionless Heart Break Boy standing right in front of the camera)

Don't think I'm going to come up with sanctimony stories like Jamie loved to use so much. Don't believe the hype surrounding around Heart Break Boy's emotions after this match. Don't dare to accuse that the Heart Break Boy still doesn't think he can win the big one anymore. I want you all to concentrate on the war, not the battle. You've all saw a broken warrior, climbing out of the sea gates to give a damn about his career. With many of the battles lost in such a huge war, the only outcome to remain will become victory for the Heart Break Boy. But I do have to clap my hands for the man that put me down in such a savvy expression during that match then going off to remain our E...A...W... WORLD...HEAVYWEIGHT...CHAMPION! MR....JACOB....SENN! A round of applause please for his wonderful performance! A double dose of chardonnay and liquor for our incredible champion! Let's even pour water over EAW's Management's low-class brains in order to witness this horrendous defeat. To be honest, I was wrong about Jacob. He did earn to become champion but not by the night with the man that I toasted with tons of a golden favored kicks at Road to Redemption, Lucian Black. But he earned it by pinning me! He earned it by once again stopping the era of the Golden Boy to be revived. This isn't the end though. This isn't even near the damn end. This is only the beginning and it will flip once I've strapped the heads of these so called competitors and become EAW World Heavyweight Champion. It's only right to see a guy like me, the true rightful holder of that accomplishment. I don't acknowledge to share my proceedings with any poorly tainted Elitist on Dynasty. No one can hold the leverages that I created since day one. Many people want to talk about the past. They even throw in my religion into the mix but maybe because I'm dedicated to someone more worthy than this whole industry. They all wanted to challenge my mindset and understand a thing or two but many of them are misguided of this world. They have no boundary to plant on and for nothing to create an Empire. I can hold Jacob to this win. He can carry it for this day but its still just inches away from his win restructuring itself to a fatality. Round 1 was accomplished but Round 2 will be the end of it. Maybe there will be a Round 3, 4, 5, or 6 but I just know it won't make it to ten. Because come on, how long do you think Jacob Senn can break out of the spirits that's trapping him?

He will never break out and he won't even explain the story where he fell and finally confessed that the Heart Break Boy was always right all along. I'm not the one to make excuses about our match at Road to Redemption. You won fairly and "cleanly." Next time, spare us the embarrassment of your tales with Brody Sparks. And don't try to have me be like you using someone else's sperm to make babies. I mean, that was a smart move and maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserved that due to myself kicking your head week-by-week up until that event. Now let me tell you something else that I deserve. I deserve to become Dynasty's true leader. I deserve to be the face of this industry and I want justice. With 8 months gone, who is still the only one people can think about? Look at your awards show, I'm nominated and most likely the successor of a King of Elite bout with Brian Daniels. I have Pizza Boy winning world championships now. I have people eyeing the marquee of my value to this company. I know, I know... No one said it I didn't and no one can deny that I'm legend but winning titles, matches or even awards aren't really impressive to me. What you stand for and live by is the main impression. I've lived by my own thoughts and mindset. Of course, I have some influences, not going to name any names because people seem confused judging by their mouths. Just look up and see. Look up and see the Heart Break Boy as the most alive ever in this industry. I have put up with a lot, went through a lot, gave a lot and shared a lot but this time, I'm going to WIN a lot. One measly loss won't stop me. It never did and many can attest to that. They know that the Heart Break Boy never dies. So who can really end him? Nobody except one. Nobody in this industry can end me. They can put a stop to Project E.G.O. They can throw darts at Cleopatra. They can stomp a mud-hole into the Heart Break Band. But no one... and I mean absolutely NO ONE! NO ONE CAN STOP SOMETHING THAT'S ALIVE. You're all dead to me, like bricks in the wall. You've all been grown from county areas, graduated high-school and maybe even got college degrees thanks to your successors. You haven't been through what I've been through. You may say that you didn't need to. But someone needs to be great and show them the harder you fall, the faster you crawl. I'm ready for this new vacation trip and I'm not talking about retirement. You have heard the last of that. I have learned it's too much seeds to grab on the ground. I need to perfect my voice to reclaim another exciting era in our EAW History. Right now, only part of our union are doing the better. Meanwhile, Dynasty has been bleached with monotonous champions. Put a fork in it! I will slice that assumption in half and if not by the power of God but by the natural born gifts that I use to hurt people. My heart is trembled. My face is doomed. In 2017, the Heart Break Boy will take over this industry once again -- coming near you. And you don't need to even care. You don't need to give a damn about. Just know this, EAW... This will be the last time that you've ever seen this.

(Cameras show Jacob Senn pinning the Heart Break Boy against the ground...)

"ONNNEEE!!!… TWWWOOO!!!… THHHRRREEE!!!" echoes.



The Heart Break Boy turns his back against the camera and walks out of the room.)