Search found 5 matches for WHERESMYPIZZA

#Battleground

[[FLASHBACK SCENE: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016]]

(EAW's backstage interviewer Eve is displays getting ready to speak with the Heart Break Boy for his up-coming match against ONI and Victor Maero. Eve stands there for a moment with arms folded and the microphone in her hand)

Eve: ..........................

(Eve sighs as there is still no sign of the Heart Break Boy)

Eve: ............... Where the heck is he?

(Eve continues to stand there for two more minutes)

Eve: This is just like our old relationship. He always forgets to come on time! Wow!

(Eve decides to throw the microphone then stomps it on the ground)

Eve: Grr!! He's still breaking hearts, I see! I guess that portion of his life never changes! I'm out of here! EAW doesn't pay me enough to be treated like this.

(Meanwhile HBB is shown in his locker-room alongside Pizza Boy and Barney, with about 40 empty pizza boxes on the table. HBB is holding his stomach as he grabs the "match-card" sheet which was slid under his door.)

HBB(He reads the paper): "Drake & Jones calls out Stand & Deliver" Great! I guess we have no match for this week. We can keep getting filled up on pizzas, boys!

(Barney and Pizza Boy get excited and yell out "YAY!" with pizza in their mouths)

[[APPROXIMATELY FIVE DAYS LATER]]

(Stand & Deliver are still shown in their locker-room getting stuffed on pizza. HBB checks on his sausage pizza box but it turns out empty. He begins to rage as he looks over at Barney and Pizza Boy)

HBB: #WHERESMYPIZZA?!

(They all begin laughing as EAW interviewer, Eve knocks on their door.)

Barney: WHO IS IT?!

HBB: It better be my pizza!

(HBB struggles to get up as he answers the door to see an enraged Eve, who slaps him and points a piece of paper in his face that shows he has a match scheduled for Battleground, tomorrow night.)

HBB: WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! I HAVE A MATCH ON #BACKGROUND! I MEAN #BATTLEGROUND!
PIZZA BOY! BARNEY! WE HAVE A MATCH SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW?! WHAT ARE WE DOING GETTING FAT AND EATING PIZZA ALL DAY!

Barney: I thought you said you didn't have a match?

Pizza Boy: What an old fart... First he can't see that we have a match Monday night then he forgets that I am the Pizza Boy, I have all the sausage pizza in the world!

Barney: HBB, this doesn't show excellence whatsoever!

HBB: Hey! I'm still human, I make some mistakes! We can still compete! I'm the Golden Boy! And he's #NationalPizzaChampion!

Eve: I don't care! I'm just here to warn you that if you EVER! and I mean EVER! Miss another interview again, I'm going to make sure you regret it.

(Eve mean-mugs HBB as he stares at her in the face for a moment then bursts out laughing. Eve turns even more angry as she swiftly leaves the scene.)

Barney: So what are you guys doing to do?

HBB(Shrugs): Well can't do nothing now. (HBB looks into the camera) Maybe next time ONI and Victor.

#NOWGIMMEMYPIZZA!

(HBB slams the door as the scene turns to black)

[[CURRENT DAY]]

(The Heart Break Boy is shown standing with EAW interviewer; Eve)

Eve: Welcome ladies and gents, I am standing here right now with the Golden Boy, the Heart Break Boy! And for this week or should I say, tomorrow night! He will be teaming up with his partner Pizza Boy to take on former EAW Chairman, Zack Crash and his tag team partner, the so-ever talkative JJ Silva. HBB, your thoughts on this up-and-coming match?

HBB: I've honestly took a backseat this week for a little awhile to get some rest from my recent hurdles with guys such as Scott Oasis, Y2Impact, Brian and so on. I guess you can say that it's almost time for the Golden Boy to hang up the boots, which will happen very sooner than later. But this match will be worth it, to show Drake & Jones and the rest of the EAW Universe that the team of Stand and Deliver are amongst the best they have to offer. This is honestly my last push and I'm going to make it worth it. JJ Silva, I've heard him and Zack pretty much talk about how Pizza Boy is nothing without me or how I'm carrying the team or whatnot. What they don't' realize is that I didn't put this team together to make Pizza Boy better inside that ring. He was already talented but I was simply planted over his shoulders to guide his entire mindset, which he has held up completely. Now he is National Elite Champion and he did it without my help. Pizza Boy is the evidence of a rising star, who is destined to be a Hall of Famer. Unlike these haters that are surrounding him, wishing and hoping they have the type of guidance that he has. I can see and spot the jealousy and envy in their hearts because a man who spent half of his life delivering pizzas, is now delivering championship wins under his belt. He is smart, athletic and will take over EAW even after I'm gone. This world is his to take and I'm pretty sure there will be no stopping him. Not a Zack Crash. Not a JJ Silva. Not a Hexa-Gun.

Eve: So are you signaling retirement, HBB?

HBB: Yes, I am. I don't care how anybody takes it but these are the last days for the Heart Break Boy and they have been for a while now. It's the reason why I have desperately tried to triumph Brian Daniels for the title one last time. It looks like I will suddenly get another opportunity for another title and I will be sure to try and capitalize on it. Right now, I'm just balling all of my energy back up to begin this last run and chase for another championship. Drake & Jones, a very good team are standing in our way and if they're like their leaders of Hexa-Gun, this challenge will not be an easy one.

Eve: How will you react for what they did to you and Pizza Boy on Dynasty?

HBB: We will see. But most of the time when someone tries to a sneak attack, especially against the Heart Break Boy, justice will be served. They like to play by numbers which I have understood since being in a faction before. And I know how to play these games even on the other side because I'm also used to be jumped by Generation Genesis and TCS. With Pizza Boy by my side, this should be a breeze considering how much respect and chemistry we have inside that ring.

Eve: What message will you send to them with this match against JJ Silva and Zack Crash on Battleground?

HBB: Well if they come along ringside, I can guarantee that it won't be a pretty sight. We will have to send our message to them directly instead of subliminally. I hope they're ready because the team of Stand & Deliver are most certainly ready.

Eve: You heard it hear folks! The Golden Boy has spoken.

(Cameras fade to black)

#Wheresmypizza

The camera opens on the surreal image of Pizza Boy standing in the frame of someone's inner house, holding a trembling delivery pouch in his arms as he stares blankly inside, like a child afraid to look in their closet.

PB: M-mom? Dad?...Hello? I brought the usual Andrew Bo and &Ty special order; Jalapeno and mushrooms on thin crust.

As if remembering it was his own home subconsciously, Pizza Boy liberally walks through the doorway and through the foyer and darts his head around the living room area with a confused look on his face. Panning back, the camera finds the house to be vacant of any furniture and in complete disrepair. Pizza Boy blankly stares down in thought, studying the broken bottles and light bulbs and trash littering the floor.

PB: Oh yeah...we moved out when dad died.

Pizza Boy's confused eyes start to water as he slowly backs against the graffiti tagged wall.

PB: Oh yeah....dad's dead.

The back of his head thuds against the wall as his body slides down it almost in a morbid cartoonish manner as his feet slide out in front of him and the pizza fortuitously lands in his lap. He pulls back the heat pouch's flap and takes out a slice. He takes a thoughtful bite as he continues to cry. He suddenly stops chewing and feels his confused face.

PB: Why am I crying? It's been years since dad died. He didn't leave us with much in the way of the flashy or urbane, but he gave us enough to move out of this neighborhood. I don't even remember crying at his funeral...did I go to his funeral? No...no I had to work.

A coldness crosses Pizza Boy's face as he bends his pizza and takes another bite.

PB: Tig Kelly, you know everything about success. You know how to be cutthroat, you know how to approach your opponents like a heartless, robotic, calculating animal of prey. You know how to turn off your emotions and let technique and instinct take over. Me? I'm different. I've worked hard to get better in the ring, but I still really don't have a set way of wrestling in that ring, other than going 100 miles per hour at my opponent with everything I have. Success and failure hold no gravity for me if I don't come out of a match thinking I put everything on the line and work my fingers to the bone. I've never been handed anything. On the day of my father's funeral I was working to pay off his plot, his burial chamber, his coffin, his funeral. I had to drop out of school to do that, Tig. Do you know why? because I had to. I had to miss holding my mother as she cried over my father's casket trying to give a proper eulogy for her husband since his only living relative wasn't there to do it for him. I didn't get to say goodbye, and it's something that still plagues me. A part time job became a full time commitment, and do you know why? because it had to. A semester at community college turned into one good half-semester unfinished. And do you know why? because it had to. I got pulled into Barney M. Bailey's web of deceit and became a wrestler, and I learned on the fly for half a year until I finally started to actually do something competent in the ring. I've been thrown off, through, and into so many different things, suffered bumps and bruises in places I didn't know could bruise or bump. I've had fractured bones, sprained joints, punctured organs, strained tendons, and flat out busted up facial features all in sacrifice of this sport, to get better, to learn more, and to grow tougher. And do you know why? because I had to. Don't come preaching to me about false deities and blood alters. This sport has been my savior, and I've given more than a pint to it to satiate it's blood lust. And it's getting to the point where my blood's not spilling anymore, Tig. No, the vein's gone dry and now I've sought out new believers to bleed.

PB reaches into the pizza box and pulls out a crimson covered pizza cutter.

PB: That ain't pizza sauce, Tig. That's Hexagun blood. I took it from them after I was left to fend for myself in a match I shouldn't have survived to the end of, much less be sole survivor of my team in. You're no better than them. Your blood isn't too good to bleed, which means you're also no better than me, because as stated prior, I've done my fair share of bloodletting. Don't look at me like some head bobbing in the water that you can step on to get to shore. I'm not your stepping stone to anywhere. If anything, I'm the dead end for that title reign of yours, and the ego that goes with it.

PB clutches his head and bugs out his eyes as he runs his greasy, cheesy, fingers through his hair.

PB: HEHEHEHEHEHE! You think I'm RATTLED by some BELT SHOT!?! You think your little cheap shotting shortcuts are going to somehow make me believe in you over God?...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Y-you must be crazy. I WAS THROWN OFF OF A FUCKING CELL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man you're dumb!

PB starts crawling forward on his hands and knees, swiping the pizza cutter in front of him with each insane lurch forward

PB: You think you're too good to bleed? HA! You think I'm a chapter in the memoirs of your meteoric rise? PPPPFHAHA! I'm the end of everything you worship as a god. I'm the reckoning of your reality. I'm the goddamn Pizza Boy, and I don't clock out until I finish my route, and I'm taking a shortcut through your FUCKING back yard! Now get that fucking camera out of my face before I

???: Andy!?

The camera pans up to find Barney and Tony in the doorway. The camera pans back to Pizza Boy to find him seizing and flopping on the ground as foam forms around his lips and his eyes dilate to complete black. Barney and Tony rush into frame, Tony stuffs his wallet into PB's mouth as Barney pushes the camera man away. Cut to black

Barney's Voice: Call a damn ambulance!

Tony Rolland: I think I just heard 3 drive down the street. Man, this neighborhood's rough.

To Be Continued.....

#wheresmypizza?

The camera opens inside the EAW promo booth. Barney Bailey and Tony Rolland come into frame from both sides of the camera and convene under the giant EAW logo on the backdrop. Barney looks particularly impatient and worried as Tony fiddles with his smart phone, almost completely out in his own little world.

BMB: I'm glad you met me here, Tony. I don't know what to do about the kid.

TR: Uh huh...

BMB: I called his parents, I called Percy, I called Heart Break Boy, and none of them have seen the kid since he left the hospital.

TR: Uh huh.

BMB: What're you doing?

TR: ...Oh don't worry, I'm listening...

BMB: Well I'm glad someone is around here. I even accosted that idiot camera man after the nurses had their way with him. I tell ya, they got a sissy soundin' job, but male nurses ain't nothin' to f-

TR: Yeah! I hear ya boss!

Barney, now visibly fuming as he darts his eyes from Tony's smart phone and back up to Tony. Tony, finally noticing the pause in conversation looks up at the livid Bailey and shrugs his shoulder's innocently.

TR: What?

BMB: THIS IS SERIOUS!

TR: I know.

BMB: I'M GOIN' NUTS OVER HERE, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS PLAY WITH YOUR...WITH YOUR...

TR: It's a smart phone.

BMB: WELL IT AIN'T HELPIN' YOU ANY!

TR: Chillax old timer. You're about to literally flip your wig. I'm actually cuing up a tracking device I put on good ol' Pizza Face when I was training him.

BMB:...you put a tracking device on Pizza Boy?

TR: Sh'yeah. I put tracking devices on everyone I love.

Barney sighs in relief,before fully understanding the gravity of Tony's statement and starts emptying his pockets nervously.

BMB: Everybody?

TR: Uh huh.

Barney cuts his eyes to the camera in a 'do you believe this guy?' wide eyed expression, and suddenly starts to unbuckle his suspenders and going at fighting to unbutton his shirt as the oblivious Tony continues to swipe at his phone with his finger.

BMB: And by chance where do you plant these tracking devices?

TR: Oh you don't even want to know, Barn.

As Barney tosses off his hair piece suspiciously and begins fidgeting with his button fly, Tony happens to look up, double takes, and holds hands up, backing away from the half-naked carny manager.

TR: WHOA!

BMB: [still fighting his pants] You ain't gonna bug me, Rolland! That's how they got Nixon!

TR: Keep your pants on! And again, I'm being literal when I say that. A. Nixon bugged himself. and 2, I said I bugged the ones I love. I don't love you, Barney.I barely tolerate your existence.

BMB: Oh....HEY!

TR: Shhh! The app just picked up something.

They both stare into the screen of Tony's phone. Awe struck from what they're reading, they look up at one another with their jaws to the ground.

BMB: It says he's....making pizza.

TR: Maybe I put it on the Domino's app by accident.

BMB: No. I think I know what's going on. I gotta make a phone call. Handle this, uh, PR work.

TR: [eyes wide and still glued to the screen] That's the worst idea anyone's ever had.

Barney pulls up his pants, blushing a little bit as he does so, and slings his toupee back on his bald head and walks out of the booth, shirtless with one suspender strap snapped over his right shoulder, acting as one of the only things keeping his pants up. Tony continues staring dumbfounded at his phone screen, and only realizes he's alone when the booth door closes behind Barney. Tony's head pops up and faces the camera. He stares into it's lens like a deer in headlights, before sliding the phone in his back pocket and staring past the camera.

TR: We rolling?

Guys in the AV Booth: *crack* Yeah, you're rolling. *crack*

TR: Hehe...that means Barney's on film pantsless. Okay...um...Tig Kelly, is it? I'm not going to pretend to know who you are, what you're about, or why you gave my protege a title shot. I don't think even he understands that one...but I do get that ol' Pizza Face really wants your gold. I haven't known the kid that long. I mean, it's been like a year, and we barely talk anymore, but I understand one thing about the kid; he usually gets what he wants. I don't say that in the spoiled brat context that a guy named 'Tig' would probably understand. I mean he works for what he wants until he earns it, and he wont stop working for it until he does. When I first met him, he didn't want to be a wrestler, so he didn't learn. A few weeks later, it was all he wanted and now he's regarded as one of the top prospects in EAW because he put the work in. He showed up to train, he busted his ass, he kept going through busted eye sockets, broken bones, and punctured lungs. I've seen him barely alive in an oxygen tent one day, and then up and doing cardio the next. You can't kill his spirit, and that means you can't break his will. Sure, you can knock him down, throw him off a really tall cage, and even sandwich him between ladders until his anatomy pops. You can powerbomb him into barricades, slam his face into a urinal, and even throw him down a flight of stairs, but he'll keep getting back up and plowing forward. And now he's brain damaged? Do you know what lengths brain damaged people go to in this business? Ask me how many times I've thrown my own body at someone just to make sure they didn't get back up. Go 'head, ask. I've jumped off of the heights Pizza Boy's been thrown from, I've inflicted the type of pain other people have put him through and put my well being on the line with only the promise of maybe hurting them more than I hurt myself. And I still don't have the heart or determination of this kid. This was a kid who came to me looking only to survive in that ring, and now that gold's on the line and he's got a one track mind, that survival instinct's gone out the window. You're in a no-win situation now, Tig. You're in a match with a kid with nothing to lose and everything to gain, which means regardless to if you somehow pull out the victory, it's going to be a long time before you're capable of defending that title of yours ever again, and as soon as you gain enough of a bearings to get back in that ring, PB's going to be on top of you like a hound dog in heat, because just like a blue tick hound in heat,he doesn't stop until he gets what he wants....was that good?

AV Booth: *click* Perfect. It got a little rapey at the end, but I think it'll do, Tony. *click*

TR: Nice! It's good to lay down some tape again, even if it's for someone else's match.

AV Booth: *click* Actually, we use computer software these days. *click*

TR: COOL! Look at me, soundin' out of touch like Barney...say, do you think it's still flammable?

AV Booth: *click* Ummmm what? *click*

TR: I mean, film was back in the day. Celluloid would go up like napalm. Let me just take a look at this baby..

AV Booth: *click* Please don't touch that *click*

The camera cuts to outside as Tony giddily starts walking toward the camera. Outside the booth, the still half dressed Bailey holds his brick of a cell phone up to his head.

BMB: Whaddaya mean he's in New York?!

Bo: [over the immense receiver] I don't know what to tell you, Mr. Bailey. He just showed up at 3 AM this morning and started making pizza. Ty and I didn't think much of it. We figured he'd just quit wrestling and we'd gotten our best employee back.

BMB: Is he still there?

Bo: No, actually.

BMB: Did he say anything?

Bo: Actually, now that you mention it,he didn't say anything all day. He just kept making pizzas that looked like the face plate of the EAW National Title. It was very popular, even if he used anchovies for the lettering, not to mention the fact he was wearing a backless robe under his apron. We had to have sold hundreds.

BMB: When'd he leave?

Bo: I don't know. It was all kind of abrupt. Ty turned on Winnie the Poo for our adopted daughter to watch. Andy came out and put one of his pizzas on a customer's table. And then he just...stopped, sat down with Lilly, and started watching Poo. It was kind of sweet. I went in the back to get Ty to see this, and when we came into the lobby he was gone.

BMB: Huh...remember anything in particular about the episode?

Bo: Gee, I don't know. I kind of found it annoying. It was kind of Tigger heavy.

BMB: Tigger, huh?

Bo: I'm sorry I can't remember more, Barney. I hope he's OK.

BMB: No, I think you've given me enough input. Thanks.

Barney abruptly hangs up his cell phone and turns to find Tony peering over his shoulder. Nearly jumping out of his shoes in surprise, Barney slaps Tony's arm and takes in a deep breath of relief.

TR: Ow! Learn anything?

BMB: He went back to Bo and Ty's.

TR: He's in New York?!

BMB: Who knows.

TR: Do you think he'll go back there?

BMB: I don't know. Maybe. Say, what does your phone-a-majig say now?

TR: It says he's en route to deliver a pizza.

BMB: That doesn't really help, Tony. I need a location.

TR: Sorry, this is a McGuffin brand phone. It isn't that specific. We'd be in better shape if I still had my Deus Ex Machina brand flip phone, but it kept having continuity errors. Had to send it back.

BMB: I don't understand tech talk, dumb it down a bit for me.

TR: Well it means our trail's cold.

BMB: Not exactly. Let's head to New York and see if we can sniff something out.

TR: Good, as long as we leave here right now.

BMB: Okay...

TR: did you know microchips explode? Man, I sure didn't.

BMB: Huh?

Tony wraps his arm around Bailey's neck and leads him away as the promo booth behind them suddenly goes up into flames as the camera fades to black.

#WheresMyPizza?

The camera opens up on a close up of Pizza Boy's bruised and purple forehead.

PB: Do you see it?

Camera Man: No...oh, wait. Pull your hair back a little.

PB: Now?

Camera Man: Woooow. He really did plaster you hard enough to dent EAW National Title backwards on your forehead. I thought you were kidding, man.

PB: I don't kid. Not anymore.

Camera Man: So how do you feel?

PB brushes his hair back over his eviscerated forehead and stares off for a moment in thought.

PB: I feel good.

Camera Man: Really?

PB: Okay, what'd we learn from Dynasty this week?

Camera Man: That Tig Kelly can't aim when he's spitting?

PB: No!...well, besides that. We learned that I can take a big golden buckle to the head and still pin Y2Impact and the Mercenaries, which means S&D are on their way.

Camera Man: True, true.

PB: I've learned that Tig Kelly can be beaten. If only I were as vicious and big as Lucian Black...

Camera Man: Don't sell yourself short, bro.

PB: Thanks. I learned that Tig Kelly doesn't view me as a threat. I mean, why would he accept my challenge as early as Rising Tide if he did?

Camera Man: But he did bean you with a belt soon after giving you the shot.

PB: Right. I forgot about that.

Camera Man: ...we were just talking about that.

PB: Were we? Oh, sorry. I got smacked in the head with a title tonight. Brain's a little fuzzy.

Camera Man: I've noticed...say, maybe we should go see a doct-

PB: Maybe this is all part of my destiny. Maybe that's why Tig accepted. It wasn't his voice speaking to me. It was the divine hand pulling him into a serendipitous situation that benefits me.

Camera Man: You're talking crazy. I'm going to call an ambulance.

PB: Why?

Camera Man: Umm, you're obviously concussed?

PB keeps ignoring the camera man as he starts to prattle on with the logistics of his upcoming match. Suddenly he stops gabbing and rubs the heel of his palm into his eye. He shakes his head, like someone waking from a bad dream.

PB: He wants to embarrass me. He made that much clear.

Camera Man: PB, I really think you should-

PB: Has he met me? I'm pretty much immune of embarrassment at this point in my career. I've wrestled fans, I've wrestled Tarah in a way that I'm still not sure if it was sexist or not for me to refuse to hit her...gah, why does my head hurt so much?

PB looks up, nearly jumping at the sight of the camera. He smiles and waves.

PB: Oh hey! You guys are here. I guess I should cut my promo for Tising Ride...Tising...Riding Tide...?

Camera Man:...PB?

PB: I think I need to lie down. I got a big match tomorrow with HBB against the Merc's.

Film Crew in Unison: NO! DON'TDON'TDON'TDON'T!...

PB's eyes roll into the back of his head, and he falls backwards into bed. The boom mic drops as it's operator runs into frame. The camera falls sideways as EAW AV surround the unconscious Pizza Boy. The camera cuts to black, only to cut back on and reveal Pizza Boy in a hospital gown sitting on the edge of an examination table as a man in a lab coat flashes a light into his eye.

Doctor: Okay, state your name.

PB: hnh...hehehehe...

Doctor: What's the problem?

Camera Man: Um...that one was kind of complicating for him when he wasn't concussed.

Doctor: I don't understand.

PB: That's 14.50 with tip, doc.

Doctor: Okay, Andrew. Why don't you lay back and get some rest.

PB: But doc, I gotta face Tarah Nova on Showdown. She's pretty...and mean...I scared.

Camera Man: Jesus Christ, he's been knocked into last year.

Doctor: How many concussions has this man had?

Camera Man: I don't know...13?

Doctor: Dear lord. How long has he been a wrestler?

Camera Man: Like...13 months?

Doctor: This isn't healthy.

Camera Man: Not much about this kid is.

Doctor: Nurse! Get in here and make sure this kid doesn't fall asleep.

The nurse goes over to PB's bedside and gently shakes him awake.

Nurse: Hey buddy.

PB: Hhhhhi.

Nurse: Wanna watch a movie?

PB: S-s-sure!

Nurse: Okay. We've got Pretty In Pink, Young Einstein. Wow, I think we've got all of Yahoo Serious's movies. We've even got Reckless Kelly.

PB:...Kelly?

Nurse: You've...seen it?

PB shoots bolt upright out of bed, grabbing the nurse by the scrubs.

PB: KELLY?!

Nurse: I mean, the movie was pretty bad, but there's no reason to-

PB: RECKLESS KELLY!?!

Nurse: Let go of me!

Camera Man: PB?

Pizza Boy jumps out of bed, knocking the nurse down in the process. He darts out of the room, letting his open robe and bare ass flow in the wind. The camera man pans over to the bewildered doctor.

Doctor: Don't just stand there! Put down the camera and go get him!

The camera rises slightly, as if the person holding it were shrugging their shoulders.

Camera Man: Not my problem, pallie.

Doctor: What? You think just because you hold a camera, you're somehow Peter Parker?

A nurse bursts into the room covered in blood and puke

Nurse: Doctor, the bone saw is ready.

Camera Man: HAH!

Doctor: Get this camera holding idiot out of here! And go find Andrew Sanders!

Suddenly,the nurses start to close in on the camera man. There's a brief scuffle,before the camera goes to black, and giant white letters appear on the screen.

#WHERESMYPIZZA?