Empress of Elite Special Promo
#1“Touche”
(The camera opens up to Stephanie Matsuda clapping slowly)
Touche BB-8. Touche. You seem to have a grasp of who I am and surprisingly know everything there is to know about my life, despite being on the roster for only a few months. Has it been that long? Feels like you just came out of the Aria Jaxon doll machine two seconds ago, and already you think you can Bernie Goetz my ass on the proverbial subway ride we call The Empress of Elite tournament. It’s cute how you used to look up to The Formation, but darling I’m no hero, never did I ever claim to be. The thought was nice...for a little while. But, that meant I would have to play company politics and wait in line until it was my time to become a made man- in this case a made woman. Judging from your background, you seem to know a little something like that right? The Land of the Elite is no different than mob life if you think about it. There’s your soldiers aka lower midcarders. Your capos are midcarders, the underbosses are your upper midcarders and then you have bosses...the main eventers who run the roost. See the thing BB is that despite your illustrious background, you’re none of these. You’re just a hanger on, the equivalent to a crow who in biker culture linger around waiting for one of the boys to stick it to ya. This week is Rhyse. Next maybe it’s Nas. Who’s on your ‘Hit-it’ list BB-8? While you think about that with your ‘Ria 2.0 ass, I’ll take my time addressing the other shit you oh so decided to feel bold enough to speak up about.
Love did cost me everything and I looked for it in all the wrong places. Maybe I wanted to feel loved, to retain some semblance of emotion in this cutthroat business we can’t live without. I thought I had that sense of...serenity. Lo and behold that wasn’t the case. My Reality came crashing down, unearthing a cold reminder that nobody can be truly trusted. In a business where only one can hold a world title and reap all its benefits, I was pushed to the back of the line. I tried to ignore the fact and soldier on like the good little Sky Princess I was, but with Haruna nipping at my heels and my ‘friends’ leaving me behind in the dust...something had to give. My former stablemates showed me that they won’t pause for anyone, so I must return the gesture in kind BB-8. You’re new here so I can’t blame you for being such a naive little puppy. You see if I stayed who I was, I’d be stuck on Turbo butting heads against the likes of Veena Adams, La Diva, and BB Vit- oh wait. (laughs) It’s already happening isn’t it? Here I am, stuck in a block with the likes of you, Ruby Cooper, and Autumn Raven. Then there’s Tarah who if it wasn’t for my twit of a partner would have suffered a fate worse than death at my very hands. Then you have Kendra Shaaaamez-ah! (laughs) beating her will be like beating Cleopatra. When you think about it those Vixen hall of famers are just variants of one of another. Products of an institution that has been designed to hold us down...and here you are, literally out of the factory where you find yourself in the fangs of the big bad wolf.
Still thinking about that list of yours? I’ll continue. Am I out for blood? Sure. But...my greatest desire goes beyond beating all of you to a bloody pulp. That’s a consolation prize. What I want my droid companion is to take it there. What do I mean by taking it there? (grins) I’m going to push this division to the limit. I’m going to invade your safe spaces, infect your minds and your souls to the point where you can’t take a fucking step- ONE FUCKING STEP without thinking about me! I will be the shadow of doubt that follows you, the dark cloud that lingers above your head, the proverbial Lucy that’ll pull that damn football away every time you try to kick it. I’m taking it there until each and every one of you know how serious I am, until you realize this isn’t a game...until you see that Cloudy’s no longer fucking around. The only way I can achieve this is through natural reaction...I need to see it in each and every one of your eyes. That look of surprise...followed by realization...and then by fear. Fear because once the cameras show me standing above Claudia’s broken body, her own title draped across her. Then you’ll see me walk away, because
#fucktitles. I just love the idea of me possessing something I no longer care about, something each and every one of you kill yourselves night in and night out to achieve. My ultimate prize is sharing My Reality with you. The Reality that I am the most dominant female wrestler on the planet. Bring your friends ringside, prepare your 3k promos to be memorized and delivered because no matter what you say BB, no matter what you think is going to happen, the result will be the same. I will dominate Cell Block B like the dyke bitch I am and each of you will pay tribute (winks).
Kayfabe can’t save you BB-8. Know it. Understand it.
Just because you did your homework on me doesn’t mean you’ll be able to pass the test. I’ve learned that truth so many times I’ve lost count. While you’re training to fight me, I’m preparing to face off against a more deadly foe. Myself. Each and every night I fight against me, trying to exceed the very limits of my abilities. Like the rest of you tumble over each other, I’m readying myself to pull a Biles on you bitches, in the most vile of ways, a secret I’ve yet to give away. So make way for the War Queen who’s going to make you scream in the middle of the ring. You won’t be the first woman to cry out my name...and you certainly won’t be the last. I have four other vixens to attend to. You’re just a pit stop BB-8. Maybe one day you’ll be the best in your league...but by then I’ll be on my throne of broken bones. There’s a fighter in you, but you’ve yet to become a soldier in my eyes. You’re untested and next week will be the worst possible time to prove me wrong. My mission is greater than your fanatical dreams of winning this tournament. The Vixens need a dose of Reality (cracks knuckles). Seeing the match predictions on EAW.com showed me as much. They want you to win so bad, which doesn’t surprise me. This division will do whatever it takes to push me aside, but I’m going nowhere. Just like the original residents of my neighborhood, no matter how many of you newbies pop out and try to gentrify the division with your sad ass hipster fantasies, here I stand, a product of a real women's wrestling. You claim the Bronx is better than Brooklyn, but here’s what you forgetting. I was born in San Diego and spent my teenage years in Japan. I moved to Brooklyn because I wanted to be trained by the best. There’s no other place in the Tri-state region than the Doghouse Academy. Like my style I’m a product of multiple cultures, multiple identities. I am The Sword of Sanatorium Stephanie “Cloud” Matsuda, the War Queen of EAW. I am the result of several generations of puroresu, and a former JET Champion, a title from a division who may very rival this one. Ask Azumi, she knows the truth.
Speaking of which, you all may have mistaken my silence for weakness and expect me to fail. Nah BB-8, I’ve been biding my time. I’ve been waiting for this moment since the tournament was announced. You will all see me at my best, my most dangerous. Come at me with your witty one liners, special guest appearances, and psychological analysis. Nothing you’ve learned in the EAW Performance Center can prepare you for the wrath I’m about to unleash upon you. You’re no coward so I don’t expect you to stand down. (grins) Good, because the original copy needs to see what’s going to happen to her once I lay waste to her Italian knockoff. Your blood will drip from my knuckles BB-8 and that’s okay. You did nothing wrong but be at the wrong place at the wrong time. It was too soon for you to be here. If you couldn’t get past Haruna what makes you even think you can box with me!? (spits) Keep thinking you’re going to win this choose your own adventure story of yours. Let me do the honor of spoiling the ending for you:
- Spoiler Alert:
YOU CHOSE WRONG BITCH!
Prepare for war BB-8. The Empire just struck back.
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