Just creating a thread for a place we can tell/share jokes to make each other laugh. I'll start...

Girlfriend says "sex is better on vacation."

That is not a fun postcard to receive.

One day a nun goes into a strip club.  It's a strange club, where people cheer when the lights go out every five minutes or so, but the nun shows her temperance.  The bartender offers to get her a dance on the house, but the nun says that God is the only man in her life.  The nun orders a drink and kindly ask where the bathroom is.  The bartender points her to the ladies.  When she comes out the place is hooping and hollering.  She gets pats on the back and catcalls as she makes her way back to the bar.  One patron even offers to buy the nun a drink, his treat.  The bartender kindly welcomes her back to her stool and pours her comped seltzer water.  The nun, curious by the change in everyone's demeanor asks 'what's all the fuss about?'.  The bartender exclaims 'well, we know you're one of us now.'  The nun turns her nose up definatly 'well I never!'.  The bartender leans in giggling 'when we first built this place, we put a Statue of David in the ladies bathroom."  The nun still claiming her piety says 'so?'.   The bartender flashes all of his teeth and gives her a knowing glance.  'So? The lights are rigged to go off every time someone lifts the leaf.'

Are those dogs for sale?

American Capitalism is an ethical socioeconomic system

Canada

A guy from Surrey goes to the doctor. The Doc comes in and asks, "What can we do for you today?"
"I would like to get some birth control for my daughter."
"How old is your daughter?"
"She's 14."
"Is she sexually active?"
"No, she just lays there...just like her mother."

Why males took their wifes to vacation ? Because they felt that's long.

Nixon once passed a law saying that anyone with dialysis would be treated under Medicare. It's basically health care, but only for your kidneys.

I guess our kidneys are Canadians.

A man walks into a bar and says "gimmie ten shots of your most expensive whiskey quick!" The bartender pours the drinks, and the man pounds them down one right after another. The bartender says to the man "whoa buddy easy with that stuff." The man replies "hey you'd be drinking them down as fast as I am if you had what I had." The bartender asks "what do you have?"

The man says "75 cents."