“Bumps”
The first lesson I teach my students is how to take a so-called 'bump.' In fact, I completely forbid them from performing any moves the first week of class. Before I can teach them anything, they must first learn to mitigate the pain their opponents will put them through. Even in a ‘shoot’ sport like EAW, we have to learn how to take a hit. And sometimes when you lose that tie-up or a foe is quicker on the draw with a strike than you are, you’re going to learn to take whatever they can dish. Because landing the wrong way or not having your face where it’s supposed to be, can be the difference between sustaining minor damage or serious injury. That’s much like life, isn’t it? The universe hits us and how we take that hit can mean the beginning or the end. I should have never walked out of that Terminus match on my own two feet, but I did. That was the worst the universe threw at me and here I am.
You’re in the wrong business Sheridan. Seriously - you make for a better salesperson than you do a wrestler. If Empire were a Volkswagen dealership, you would be Employee of the Month 24/7, 365! Nobody sells the way you do! That elegant accent of yours can weave a tale like no other! People gather around from all over the world just to hear the German bard address her propaganda of German Efficiency to the masses! You talk about how you did this, and how you did what, and whose ass you kick, and all I can do is look at the ratings and shake my head in shame. Your words mean squat to the EAW universe. In fact, The short time you was Vixens Champion, the product was in a rating slump then. I didn’t take a look at this before, but now I realized why Empire struggled:
You offer nothing to this brand.
It’s real sweets, damn real. Hell, you didn’t want to be apart of this brand! You left us, Sher! Just like Claudia, just like Cam, you left us to fend for ourselves. Regardless of how we all felt about each other, Empire was supposed to usher in a new generation of women's wrestling. But these days, I don’t know. All I see is my ex at my best friend’s throat - someone who is going through something personal at this very moment. I want to comfort her, tell her everything is going to be okay, but I can’t. So I’m sitting here, staring at this punching bag several feet away and all I can think about is how much I want to replace it with your face. So I can punch it. Not that one and done throwing a hook bull crap, but a flurry of lefts and rights till that Hitler youth poster child face of yours no longer exists in my universe. I thought something in you changed Sher, but all I’m getting is another sad love song. It’s racking my brain like crazy, and I’m feeling torn up. Be it fast or slow-
Wait, why am I reciting Toni Braxton lyrics? See!? This is what happens when you speak Ms. Muller-whose-name-I’m-pronouncing-like-an-American-on-purpose! You cause people to drift off into LaLa Land, Ryan Gosling not included. Whatevs, Moonlight was a better flick anyway. Joking aside sweets, I don’t care how lost you felt these past eight months. You could have stayed, got back the title and carried this division to the next level. But you didn’t, just like everyone else who claimed this roster would thrive under their reign. All I see is a new season, but the same old story. This is not just about you. Most roster members - myself included has fallen off. Not so much in talent and ability, but drive. The scene now is so much different than before. We have more new faces than ever before, and I could count on both hands the active girls who were here since the Vixen days. I didn’t use to think about these things, but running a school has opened my eyes to concerns that your average wrestler wouldn’t reflect on during their career.
Women’s wrestling in the western world depends on the success of EAW’s Empire roster. When we do good, everybody eats. Our ratings go down? So does fan support all over. I know this because I’m at Brooklyn indy shows every weekend, showing my students what it’s like to be out there. When I’m at the arena, I see the bags under Tarah’s eyes as she works hard to make us great. I used to think her ego was inflated when she called herself ‘The Leader of the Vixens’. Now I see that she gives a damn about us. If she wants to be the leader, she needs a champion. Someone who can hold both the title and the crown and help her reignite our revolution. You’re not fit to do as such - you’re too blinded by your self-adulation. You were claiming that you destroyed the Shamez clan. Been there, done that. Kendra was on my block in the last Empress of Elite, where I never was pinned or submitted. I dominated that block but was screwed by a count out win. Another bump in the road for me. We all have our bumps along our wrestling journey. It’s not about how far we fall, but how quickly we can get back up swinging. The beauty of the Stephanie Matsuda story is that I never stay down for long sweets. This year will be my year. I will fight every single one of you to get to where I need to be: The Empress of Elite finals.
I’m driven by something you will never understand Sheridan. You can stay in the past, giving speeches about days gone by, and just sit in the past. I’ll be marching down victory road to establish a legacy I started on March 13, 2016. A year and a half later, two of three Formation members were Empresses of Elite - The ONLY two mind you! Here we are at EOE III with the third member of Formation: me. That’s why I can’t let you win Sheridan. And as much as I want to Cloud City the soul out of your body, all I need is three seconds for your dreams to shatter into pieces. You on your back, lying on that mat. I'll be positioned in a lateral press - holding both your legs by the way - for three seconds. With you out the way, I can relax for a month without your accent splitting my ears yapping about German Efficiency like you want to sell me a vacuum cleaner.
(laughs)
It’s going to be a death of a salesman on Thursday night sweets. Take off your kid gloves and get your head out of your ass because it’s Cloud O’Clock and your time is up. And my time is-
(pauses)
No. I’m not going to finish that sentence. (yawns) This is what I get for watching the EAW Network with Aria all night. It would be a shame for the crown to be wasted on that beautiful little head of yours, Sheridan. There’s no way in hell you can beat the Women’s World Champion. If the woman who dethroned you is having a hard time, imagine how much of a joke you’ll look out there. There’s only one woman from the Vixens generation she’s never beaten. And that’s the woman who’s going to be standing across from you in Thursday night’s main event. You can stand there in front of the camera and act as dominating and condescending as you want sweets. Go ahead, sell me another Volkswagen Beetle. I’m privy to your snake oil schemes about being the best in the world. Voltage and Dynasty say otherwise. HBG and Cam may have high-tailed it out of town, but at least they’re putting in work. But alas, that’s no concern of mine. What is my business though, is preventing you from advancing any further. Call me Gandalf bitch, because you shall not pass. You’ll recover from this bump eventually. But by then, it’ll already be too late.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Omae wa mou shindeiru
#StayWoke