Why did the chicken cross the roads?

Spoiler:

Who's Hillary Clinton's favorite rap group? 

Run DNC

A Rabbi, a Priest and a Mormon all walk into a bar...

You think one of em would've had the sense to duck.

The fact that Chris Benoit is currently the longest reigning EAW Hardcore Heavy-metalweight Champion

My jokes are horrible. Not bad joke horrible, but "you're going to hell for laughing" horrible. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!! With that in mind...

What's the worst part about having sex with a 3 year old...getting the blood off the clown suit....what's the best part...when you get the pictures back your cock looks huge!

What's 30ft long and smells like urine...line dancing at the old folks home.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza...a pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

Too bad or you guys want more?

Why are there no Walmart's in Afghanistan? There's Targets on every corner.

A guy is playing a round of golf by himself, and he is having the worst game of his life. Cuts to the right and left, hitting bunkers, missed putts. The whole nine of shit.

He makes it to the 8th hole and again hits a horrible drive. Straight into the pond. Plop.

The man trudges over to the pond, where lo and behold, a FROG hops out with the golf ball in its mouth. The frog spits the ball out, and just as the man is about to pick it up, the frog speaks!

"Nine Iron" the frog says. The man just stares. "Nine Iron" the frog repeats.

The man, having no reason to NOT listen to the frog, grabs his Nine Iron, lines up for a shot, and WHACK! Perfect swing, perfect contact...the ball lands and rolls right into the hole. Beautiful shot. 

The man is speechless, and quickly scoops up the frog, placing him on the top of the bag.

"Now what, Frog?" The Man asks.

"3 Wood. Aim to the left." The Frog responds. 

So the man gets the three wood, lines up the shot to the left, and WHACK. 

Hole. In. One.

The man is beyond excited! Again, he scoops up the frog, and for the back nine, he is hitting for below par or better! He can't believe it! It's the best game of his life, and it's all thanks to a frog!

"How can I repay you, Frog?! That was the best game I've ever played!"

"Marriott." The frog croaks.

So the man shrugs, packs up his clubs, grabs the frog, and heads off to the local Marriott. The man and frog enter through the big double doors. 

"Now what, Frog?"

"Room 419."

So the man rents Room 419 for the day and heads up. The man and the frog enter, and the man sets the frog down on the bed.

"Ok...now what? Marriott, Room 419."

"Kiss me." Croaks the frog.

So the man shrugs, leans in, and kisses the frog on the lips...

Just then, it transforms into the most BEAUTIFUL Sixteen year old Girl you've ever seen!

And that, your honor, is how she got in my hotel room...

There's this farmer with 3 beautiful daughters, all of whom are going out on their first dates on the same night. Worried about the dates his daughters have chosen he decides to meet each date at the door with his shotgun in hand.

The first date arrives and he answers the door. The boy says "Hi my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?" Farmer thinks the boy is ok and sends them off on their way.

An hour later there's another knock on the door. The farmer answers and this boy says "Hi I'm Eddy. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" Farmer thinks this boy is ok too and off the kids go.

Hours go by and no third date. Finally there is a knock on the door and the farmer answers. This boy says "Hi my name is Chuck."

And the farmer shoots him!

Men deserve to make more money than women, regardless if you're in the position as us and doing a better job than us at it.

Why?

Because for some fucked up reason, if we're in a titanic like situation, you and your children get to be saved first.

Black people may get to say the "N" word, but one thing black people never get to say is this...

...Father, you came back!

What's the best part about a gypsy on her period? 

If you finger her you get your fortune read for free

When someone rips off the rip daddy's thread

Jack Ripley wrote:

When someone rips off the rip daddy's thread

if you are the rip daddy, the one who rips this thread is the rip son.

...

...

...

...

...

can I please get a laugh?

坂崎ハルナ wrote:

Jack Ripley wrote:

When someone rips off the rip daddy's thread

if you are the rip daddy, the one who rips this thread is the rip son.

...

...

...

...

...

can I please get a laugh?

Idk if what I posted can be seen... but it is a laughing ostrich

You cant tune a piano but you CAN tuna fish

Finnegan Wakefield wrote:

Men deserve to make more money than women, regardless if you're in the position as us and doing a better job than us at it.

Why?

Because for some fucked up reason, if we're in a titanic like situation, you and your children get to be saved first.

That aint a joke dawg its true >.>

What's the deal with airline food?

CM Punk Chants

Just saw a sign that made me shit myself…
It said “Bathroom closed”.

A man comes home from work early and hears noises coming from the bedroom. He goes to investigate and finds his wife naked in bed panting and sweating.
"What's going on?" he asks
"I think I'm having a heartattack" she replies.
The man then goes downstairs to dial 911. Then his son walks by and says...
"Hey dad, Uncle Joe is here and he's hiding in your closet naked."
The man hangs up the phone, goes back upstairs, opens the closet door, and sure enough there's his brother cowering naked in the closet. The man looks at him angrily and yells...
"You asshole! My wife is having a heartattack and all you can do is hide in closets and run around naked scaring the kids!"

Mr. DEDEDE wrote:

You cant tune a piano but you CAN tuna fish

This made me laugh so hard, idk why

How much does a Hipster weigh.....?
..... An Instagram

Zach Crash's inductors into the Hall of Fame

My EAW Career